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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the OC was born in March and you're still waiting for a paternity test??!! The OC in our case was born in May, and I'm going insane. We haven't heard anything STILL. Not that I really want to, he's opted for NC, but if she is going to file, I don't want child support to back up for years. If there is going to be silence forever, GREAT!! I have a feeling like the other shoe will drop heavily...I just can't stand the constant waiting, like my life will never move forward.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

About CS...I know each state is different, but in MO this is how it's done. If one parent is unemployed it's either based on their earning potential, or on min wage (this is if they've never held a decent job). The earnings of each parent are considered, the cost of raising the child based on those 2 combined incomes is tallied. If one parent makes 20% more than the other, they are responsible for 20% more of the child rearing costs (aka CS). Since OW didn't work, and DH was making min wage (intentionally at this time to get a lower CS amount), he was said to be responsible for 55% of the child rearing costs and she 45%. He makes over twice as much now, she's too dumb to have the amount modified.

When I found out OW was pregnant and DH and I hadn't R'ed at the time I ran out and got a child support order on him for our 3 children. IN MO you don't have to be legally seperated or divorced for this (atleast in 2002). I got my order in before she did, so my children were entiled to more. Dh was between jobs at the time..he and OW thought they could live off her CD's that her mother had bought her as a child. He ended up only paying me right around $500 a month for 3 children. Because my order when thru before hers (and we are now considered his 2nd family since he supports our children by living with us, not thru CS) he only pays $150 a month on DSD. In MO they can take up to 60% of your income if you are not supporting a 2nd family. I think it's 45% if you have a 2nd family.


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WantToHelp, a NC letter is one that outlines absolutely no contact between the OW and the couple except through a lawyer (or perhaps a mediator). NO contact at all. Honestly, that's all I know for sure, but I'm sure you'll be able to find examples in the library section of this site... And it sucks to have your stepkids turn on you like that. I've been there, and it's a cruel knife. My stepdaughter lived with us for 5 years and when she turned 18 thought she knew it all, moved out (and that didn't work out so she's sponging off different people), and told my SIL that she "never had a mother figure". (Her own mother walked out 9 1/2 years ago and hasn't contacted her kids since). So I was what, an ATM?

1234, I had to get out a calendar....Okay, when it comes to irregular periods, just be aware that I was one of those women who only got mine every other month for the longest time, so I hate to tell you that. Just when did the A end? 'Cause this is what I've got figured: If the August 2nd date says she's 7 weeks, that would put conception around June 14th. So she would have been 4 weeks pregnant around July 9th, if that's when she took her pregnancy test. But for her to tell you that she was two months on July 17th when she was only 5 weeks pregnant is a lot of baloney. So just when did the A end? Just so you know, in our case it ended up that our OW was two weeks pregnant (but didn't know it) when the A started. She tried everything to claim it as my husband's, even faking dates to match it up the the duration of the A. I think the not-knowing is the worst feeling in the world.

[This message edited by redvixen at 8:22 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to mention in the space of our converstation her story went from "I was on the pill the whole time!"(Wf says she even faked taking a Plan B after sex) to "I wasn't TRYING, but I wasn't trying NOT to" to finally "He (Wf) loved HIS girls so much I nevdr thought he'd leave me if I got pregnant!". Well, you thought wrong bitch. She also went from 10, to 14, to 16 weeks preg in the space of our phone conversation. She claimed to have just eound nut that day she was preg. I asked how many periods you have to miss to realize you are preg, and she told me that was none of my business (although she volunteered the info that she "never uses condoms with ANYONE"-gross!). Got CS paper work in June. She filed a paper saying there was no reason for a DNA test. Wf filed saying "yes there is!" and we haven't heard anything yet. Waiting for the other shoe to fall...


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1956 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did anyone else have the problem of OW giving OC your H's last name before a DNA test? If it's not his can you petition to have the name changed? She also put a announcement in the paper with her & Wf's name saying they are from the same town (we live a couple towns away from her & it has a place for EACH parents residence-petty). Can she even do that without his signature? They have been NC since she announced she was pregnant... Its not as though he was at the hospital... Anyone have any advice? (Or maybe just some words of comfort? >sigh<)...


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1956 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2help,

My advice, seek legal advice immediately! He needs to know legally what he can do and in the state that you live in. It is amazing how different states can be.

From what I have heard on here and other places, the mother can name the child anything they want, don't know if it is true or not, that's why you need legal advice.

I am so sorry for your situation and I hope that things work out for you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2Help,
A mother can give her child any last name she choses. I think it's crap.

In my case OW and H were briefly married, she kept his last name so that she and OC would have the same last name, Ok, I understand that, although I don't like it. The she got pg with another MM's child. This child ALSO got my husbands last name. I was irrate! We live in a small town, not tiny, about 7,000 people, and she was going as far as claiming that H was the father (he wasn't doing what SHE wanted, so this was her retailation). H had to keep me from going to the hospital and personally kicking her ass. I'm, still ticked about the situation over 4 months later.

[This message edited by green_eyed_devil at 10:56 AM, August 10th (Sunday)]


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2help, In Idaho where FWH PA took place and all of our OC issues occured the OW was not allowed to give OC any last name but hers and could not put my H on birth certificate without his signature until a paternity test was done through the courts.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thankfully ow did not give her son my h's last name. I think that was her choice though. I don't like that her son is named after my h's name, well technically its his middle name but he goes by that name.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a terrible weekend. Last night I had a huge fight I had a huge fight with my H. I have been trying to tell him that he has not been doing enough to make our relationship work. He had the nerve to tell me that I if all things I've have said to him since D-day are true and if the roles were reverse 9 times out of 10 he wouln't stay with he would leave. WTF! Excuse me! He said that he would handle the situation alot differently than I have. He said if it as painful as I say It is and if I have experienced all the things I say I have then if it were him he probably wouldn't stay. When I found out about OC he was out of the country. He actually told me that He deserves credit for getting on the plane and coming home. I was furious. I had cooked him dinner yesterday. After all his bullshit I threw it in the garbage. I think my decision is clear now. Unfortunatley, I'm not in an financial position to leave him now. I've given myself a goal to work towards. Get out of debt asap, save money and then make my exit.

[This message edited by lonely&depressed at 8:20 AM, August 11th (Monday)]


Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lonely&depressed))))


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Sorry Lonely))


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now the waiting game!

I hate this, I know I shouldn't be complaining, I am getting exactly what I want with OC being adopted. But now that I know it is going to happen I want it to be over and done with already! OW said they have an appointment with thier lawyer at the end of the week, I am hopeing that the lawyer will send the papers for my H to sign by the end of next week. Come on time hurry up!!!!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H and I had a REALLY long talk this weekend. He allowed to to play detective, pick his brain, and help both of us make sense of everything that happened. Well lo and behold the idiot totally let it slip his mind that OW went on a little trip to California with her ex-fiance' (who by they they both cheated on eachother and he hit her) for 9 days in June. Hmmmm what the he@# did he think they were doing on this trip??? So now there really is a distinct chance this child isnt H's. He said he asked her if she did anything with him on this trip and she said no. Um any woman that would sleep with a married man and in her car to boot really couldn't be trusted dont you think? God I really detest her and I feel really sorry for that child. I wonder if that is why she said she was further along at first because she knows it can possibly be the other guys and H would figure that out. I think she thought he was going to leave me once he found out she was pg.


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1234, I will keep my fingers crossed for you that your H isn't the father.

I think it is comical that they would think the person they are cheating with would be faithful to them

That's one thing I do have to say for my H, he knew as soon as he was served with paternity papers that there was a very good chance the baby wasn't his. He wasn't stupid enough to think he was the only person OW was whoring around with.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1234, READ MY STORY!!! Our Ow tried the same things; lying about dates and trying to match them to the A. So funny and so pathetic of them to scramble around like this. And if my H had still been in the fog and left to go be with her, he probably would never have thought the baby wasn't his. Ha! Good luck, though. The uncertainty is the worst.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1234, here is to praying that the outcome is what you want.

AuntCis, look at the big prize!! We will have to meet up and have an adoption party once it is final. OKAY!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H checked at work when exactly she was gone. She was gone from May 30 until June 10. He is such an idiot if he thinks he was the only one she was messing around with.


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC, When the adoption is final you name the time and place and I will be ready to celebrate!!!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1234, I will hope & hope & hope for you. We are going through the same thing! OW showed up @ our work preg, claiming to had just found out. She & I spoke over the phone and during our 20min or so conversation she went from 10, to 14, then finally 16wks. Upon calculations, that would have put her conception within 2wks of meeting and screwing my fiance (she had just been dumped by her own fiance). We are waiting to take the DNA test also... & Auntcis, let us all know when it goes through! I will buy a bottle of champagne and toast to you!


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1956 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
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