Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, September 12th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lonely&depressed, I'm with you on this one! I wish there was some sort of automatic legal ramifications for adultery! Like the OW gets boiled in oil and your WH has to buy you diamonds for the rest of your life

((((fallingapart))))

I'm sorry you find yourself here, but glad that you found us. This is a really good place for advice and to just blow off steam or share your fears, we all know where you are coming from. We didn't get much of a break for our COM either, the state cut the CS payment by a whopping $14 a month when our 1st son was born so we didn't even bother when our 2nd son was born(our daughter was born before OC). Is there some sort of free counseling offered in your state? Lots of states offer it, you just may need to do a little digging to find out where. Suggest to your H that he could get a second job, and if he bitches about having to work too much tell him it's his mistake now he has to find out how to pay for it. Also, has he had a DNA test done or did he just take OW word for it that he was the father? If he hasn't had a test done he should. Keep coming back here, it may be a little while before someone responds to your post but one of us comes around eventually. Good luck


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, September 23rd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, I'm so glad SI is back. I hope you have all been alright


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, September 23rd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto! It is funny that you and I were just talking about that this morning and now SI is back! YEAH


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, September 24th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank god

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, September 24th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen to that!

I missed you all very much


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, September 24th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I finally broke down and sent OW a letter via snailmail today since my attempts to contact her through email have gone on being ignored. I just asked for an update on the adoption situation so my H could keep his CS caseworker here abreast of what is going on so we don't pay more than we have to. I can't help the unesy feeling I keep having that her new H has changed his mind Now I just get to wait some more and hopefully I will get a response from her this time


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, September 24th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the waiting around is killer...hang in there. You know better than most how slow the legal system is about all of this. OC in our case is 18 weeks old tomorrow and we still have received no paternity or CS paper work yet.

Is there any way to have your caseworker contact their attorney/caseworker for a status update? They should provide a way for you or your H to check where the case is?


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, September 25th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the only way we could get an update is if we had a lawyer contact her lawyer. I don't think her lawyer is allowed to tell a CS case worker anything.

I just get really frustrated cause I feel like this is just another thing that she can keep hanging over me. For the past 11 years I have been worrying about a CS increase or a huge medical bill or something. Now I have to sit and wonder and wait on her to tell me anything about the adoption. I just get tired of feeling like she has and has had for a while, the upper hand. I wish this was over!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, September 25th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Auntcis.... She doesn't have the upper hand. If she did your H would b with her and not you. Don't forget that. You have what she wants or wanted. Relax don't be impatient. You've waited this long. Don't forget your H DOES have a financial obligation to OC,if the adoption never happens. Being physically involved is one thing but finanacially is another. OC didn;t ask to be here. As much as we would like to put all the blame on OW, or H's played all role in all this. Our biggest problems are with the vow breakers not the OW. Don't worry, the adoption will take place it just takes time.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, September 26th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks lonely, and you are right. I am just one of those I want everything done yesterday type of people


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 26th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AuntCis,

As hard as the silence is and believe me I know because I am going thru it, the end result is either they will be out of your lives fro good, or worse case scenerio things stay the way they are.

I am hoping for the first one. Keep your head up!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, September 26th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are right, I guess worse case senario thing's stay the way they are now, which when I hear about what you and some of the other ladies here are dealing with, thing's for us aren't so bad I will just continue to pray that the adoption happens.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
usedtobloved
♀ Member
Member # 10967
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 28th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I havent get passed accepting this, even accepting that the A itself did happen, this is a daily struggle, I love my H, but I cannot deal with this. I want my family.


"Love is a fire.
But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house,
you can never tell."

DDAY 01/06 - "BitchSlapMe"


Posts: 3821 | Registered: Jun 2006
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, September 29th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((usedtobloved))))

I am so sorry you are hurting. This is such a difficult situation to deal with. Not only do we know that our H cheated, but with the OC we have a daily reminder of the A which makes it all the more difficult to get past it. Have you thought about possibly going to IC? It really can help

Sending you strength and prayers.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(UTBL)

I am sorry that you are hurting and I definately know how you feel. The pain is still fresh for me as well, I wonder how my H could have so little regard fro me and our children to do this. Everytime that I have to look at the OC, it is a constant reminder of what he has done.

Keep your head up and I think alot of what you are going thru is not knowing the truth and what is going on. I hope you get that soon.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
woundedgirl
♀ Member
Member # 6846
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all. Havent been here in awhile. It's been a loooong time and I usually post over in D/S or NB.

My XH had 2 OC with 2 different women. We are now divorced because of it. My XH pays me child support for our DD and the 2nd OW has now filed for CS as well.

he is currently living with the 1st OW and helping to raise her children.

Im hanging in there. I have been dating someone for a year now and am moving on and finding peace. G-d knows that living with an affair is hard enough but when theres an OC in the mix its pretty close to insanity.

I hope we all find peace somehow with this situation.


ME- BS 28 HIM- XH 29
8 Y.O. DD Married for over 4 years
1st D-Day 1/1/05- WS & OW#1
1st OC Born 11/12/05 (with OW#1)
2nd OC born in 07/06 (with OW#2)
3rd C born in 06/09 (with OW#2)
Divorced- 4/2008
Engaged to SO- 2/14/2010
Married SO -2/28/1

Posts: 1433 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Pennsylvania
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It totally sucks that we all have to be here. It's been almost nine months since D-Day. I am so far detached from my husband that I consider him my roommate. I have no desire to have any more children with him. Lately, I have realized that I really don't love him the way I used to. I think it would be foolish of me to even try. Had he generally made a mistake I believe I could. But screwing someone else for a whole year is not a mistake. I have yet to forgive him to don't think I ever will. Financially, I need him right now and that sucks. I can't ever and won't give 100% of my heart to him again. I built a wall. To much damage has been done. I feel like an outsider in what was supposed to be my own family. He has yet to call OW in front of me and I don't ask. All he did was send her a text saying he wanted to go through a third party to see OC and not her. He says it was better that way. He claims that he called her when he left the house but to me that doesn't count. Through this whole ordeal he has done what makes him comfortable and what is convenient for him. I have had enough and don't care as much as I used to anymore. Now, I go out with my friends weekly and have a life of my own. I don't ask for him to spend time with me or take me any place. He makes smart comments about my going out but I dont care. I'm going to keep it up. I can't sit around wasting my life waiting for him to get a clue. Sometimes it too little, too late. Sometimes I wish I felt differently but I don't think I will. My Bday just passed all I got was $. Not even a card or a ballon or dinner. See how much thought he put in to it. I claims that He knew I had plans thats why he didn't make plans. That's pure bullshit. What a loser!

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well my H wants a divorce because I won't do everything HIS way. He is still in a fog and thinks that the OW was just a confused girl and not a threat to my girls. She works with him, knew about my brand new baby, yet went and got a tattoo of his and her zodiac sign before the affair started. He is playing games though. Doesnt want the divorce until we have the funds he says. I have news for him that is not going to happen with all his court crap thats going to pop up. Also, he doesnt want to get divorced now because he knows everything is mine and he will be left with nothing, not even a place to live. After he pays me and then her CS he will be po. Won't even have enough money to finish the word poor! He has seen my girls twice in almost 2 1/2 weeks and of course that is my fault. My 9 month old was throwing up all night saturdady. He waited til 2 pm on Sunday to check on her. I am really hating him now!!!!!!


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lonely&depressed))))

(((((1234)))))

I'm sorry you are both having to deal with H that still seem to think the world revolves around them and they don't have to be accountable for what they have done and that you should just deal with it


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I am sooooo glad this sight is back up. Missed being able to be a lookey lew as I always seem to do, but post occassionally.

Well H and I got the paternity papers done, sent them certified mail to OW she got them on the 29th. Now she is pissed, OH WELL !!! But I think the babies are now starting to not look my H at all. Hope this all goes well.. She posted on my space today the "I'm done plying your games, You need to let go of what you dont want" WTF. I know she is doing this get my goat. Not working, my gut is not telling me anything, and hasen't in awhile. Got court papers that the CS hearing is set for end of Nov. right before my B-day. Why does everyhting with this have to effect something personal for me. But it's just life the way the cookie crumbles I guess.

I just can't figure why she would be so pissed off about paternity testing, If you have nothing to hide than you hide nothing, unless my suspecions are right and she was a real total whore. Not just with my H.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.