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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OOOPs meant to add that, I hope to tell my children in a way that, they wont' say anything mean to the OC as they and the OC get older. I don't want the OC to have any reason to feel bad. I dont' want my chldren to think anything badly of the OC.



me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yah, the OW is a piece of work, her mother has emailed me, telling me that she hopes FWH rots in you know where. I let my FWH read all the emails between us. So today with H approval (kinda hesitatnt) but I sent a final email to her mother called final say. And let her have it on just how perfect her daughter is

But in no way increminated myself or my husband, but did let her know that I had evidence in regards to her daughters intentions have been for the last 2 years. And that if I seen fit that I could drag her throught the courts on what I have. And about her taking fertility pills. They think bashing in my H is ok. well bashing the OW should be just as ok. But IT FELT GOOD.

My FWH and I had a long conversation on Saturday, A related and he finally gave me a real conversation in regards to it. Boy what I had in my mind was soooo much worse, it really helped me to see it in a different way, but there is still some issues he needs to work on, there are things he has blacked out, and he can't figure out whay and what he actually has blocked from his memory. mostly on how it kept starting back up. And what he was seeking out in all this. What wasn't enough of me for him, to quit.

But either way OW is trying to prove me unmotionally stable, and crazy to keep me from having a relationship with OC, along my H side. I think it really is all her just not wanting to face my H & I together. We still have not had our face 2 face.
I have nothing to be ashamed of, unlike her..


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to share a pic of my beautiful sons. I pray they turn out nothing like their father.

[This message edited by beajus at 4:49 PM, November 3rd (Monday)]


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They are too cute!!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, How cute, they look like such a hand full at times. That is sweet, thanks for sharing.. Made me smile today : )


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

finally, the court-ordered DNA test is Wednesday, and we have a meeting w/a lawyer, who if he has any experience dealing w/this stuff, we will hire immediately. With any luck, this can be resolved as it's going to be by the end of the year. Not exactly Merry Christmas, maybe, but at least done with holding by breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am fully prepared for the positive test result, even though I have since learned about the unreliability of the prenatal test we had done. The timetable is right on schedule, but she was sleeping w/2 other men at the time. Hey, I can dream, right? Anyway, just a bit of wrong-footed good news there. We don't have to see her for the DNA test, that won't happen until the hearing. Thanks everyone for being so supportive through all this. I don't post often, but I lurk, and you guys have given me some hope I would not have thought possible a year ago.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, November 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I met with a lawyer today to discuss separation to start child support for my 2 girls. Well somehow it turned into a divorce. It just felt like the right thing. Because of H's behavior of not letting me know where he is and coming and going, visiting the girls only when convenient to him...... I will have absolutely no problem getting FULLLLLLL custody of my girls. And they are going to mandate him to take parenting classes. He will have to set up monitored visitation. He is NOT allowed to take the girls anywhere because we have no proof of where he is living, which could be with her, the psycho. Its not what I wanted for my life but because he is forever tied to a psycho I need to protect my girls. I wish you all well and hope to never have to deal with the OW and her child again.


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, November 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well just found out today the CS hearing has been rescheduled for middle of Feb. now, cause the courts changed their minds and decided to grant the paternity test order now.

This now gona make things a little smoother for getting the paternity done.

On another note, out of curiousity I asked FWH if he would agree to take a lie detector test now, and he said sure when do you have it scheduled for, I told him that I didn't was just curiouse if I wanted one would he do it. I think it was great the way he answered the ?. I think that was proof enough for me, without going through the hassel, see I was waiting for court in the middle of this month to see for myself, how they interacted with each other, cause @ the first of the yr. I told myself I would give us a yr. & court, but now court isn't till feb. and I know things can drag out for awhile, and I didn't want to put my life on hold any longer, haping what I feel is true, cause he is being sooo much more open, about visits and everything about OW now, that I think it's OW still wanting to tear us apart, by all the stuff she is still trying to pull, about him lieing to me. And him seeing her, but come on, 3 to 5 min. here and there to visit the kids, is him wanting her, Please. If she really thinks that is a relationship she is sadder than I thought.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, November 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((1234))))

I'm sorry thing's have turned out this way, but glad that you seem to be at peace with your decision.

((((dreamer))))

That is great that the courts are asking for a test, it does make the whole process so much easier when it is court ordered I'm glad to hear that you and your H seemed to have turned a corner. It is so much better when you can attack the issue at hand as a united front


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
kwash
Member
Member # 13957
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, November 8th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. Sorry that you are here, but glad to have some empathetic people to ask about this. My H recently found out he is the father of an almost 16 year old. This was a BIG surprise, he has not had contact with the mom in over 16 years - it was a short lived fling and he had no idea he had gotten her pregnant. DNA has been confirmed via court order and a hearing has been set for January. He does have a lawyer and the lawyer has asked him to get financial information toegether in advance of the January hearing. We think the hearing will be to establish how much child support he ahs to pay.

So here is my question - my H thinks he should get the child set up on his health care plan right away. He doesn't see the point in waiting to do this as he will surely be ordered to by the court and his thinking is that by doing it now it might gain him some nice guy points in the decision about how much child support he has to pay. He is military and he has good benefits for dependents. Also, he thinks it's just the right thing to do. I think he should wait until the court orders him to do it, as with everything else. His lawyer said it would be fine to do it in advance if H wants to.

FWIW H has decided to have NC with the mom or the child at this point and likely for good.

Can setting up the health care now actually help him in the support determination? Can you see any reason why he shouldn't wait for the hearing to decide this?

Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer.

K


Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2007
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, November 9th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think regardless he'll be ordered to provide insurance and also CS. They use a state standard scale in determining child support, so just because he gets the insurance set-up early there really is no way for the judge to "take it easy on him" or anything like that.

Don't forget he may be ordered to pay back child support (even though he was unaware of the childs existence), so he could be paying out the rear for a long time to come. Sorry your family has found themselves in this position. it sucks!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
kwash
Member
Member # 13957
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, November 9th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, beaujus. The lawyer has told us that H will not be asked to pay back support, that he will be assessed only since the time she filed a petition naming him the putative father. It doesn't even look like she filed willingly - rather that she had to seek government assistance at some point and the state required her to file so they could be reimbursed. You're right - it sucks, but it is what it is.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2007
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, November 9th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kwash, I would go ahead and let him put her on his insurance, cause although it won't get him any nice guy points it could end up helping in the end. My H didn't put OC on his insurance until ordered and OC ended up needing some medical attention befor she was on insurance and my H ended up having to pay the doctor bill. So since your H will most likely have to cover her anyway it wouldn't hurt to just go ahead and do it now.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, November 10th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bitch is crazy!!!

Seriously.......

I logge donto to FWh laptop last night in order to do some stuff to his myspace page (he knows nothing about how it works LOL) and he said you better log in on yahoo IM invisible or else SHE will try to talk to you. So i logged in but not invisible and seriously within 2 seconds she was messaging saying why won't you talk to me, you're an asshole you're ignoring me and your baby... etc etc.. so i pretended to be him and told her if she had anything to say, say it to my attorney and gave her the name of his attorney and stuff and she REALLY FREAKED and just kept saying i NEED to know this and that and then she really flipped when i said the baby will be added to my insurance as soon as a DNA test confirms the baby is mine.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he's been good about NC and he's been firm with her about not talking to him at work too unless it's life or death about the baby, but still She persists... and claimes it IS about the baby when clearly it's not..

I hate HER!!!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, November 10th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be weary. My wh's ow text me once saying she needed to talk to him "pertaining our baby". I said cant u just text it. She said no I need to talk about it. Well all she said was "I talked to a lawyer and he said not to talk to you" Moron! Then why are you talking to him????? They are all insecure desperate whores. Beware! I also got an anonymous text riht after her gender ultrasound that said "tell (WH) that Jacob cant wait to meet him" Apparently she's having a boy and naming him what my 10 month old daughters name would have been had she been a boy. Sick sick sick!


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, November 10th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Beajus)) & ((1234))

I don't know what is worse, dealing with this crazy OW while they are pregnant or raising their children when they can't. I think it is a toss up.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, November 10th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks

She has always loved the name Isaac and says if it's a boy she's naming him isaac.. problem being.. WE ALREADY HAVE AN ISAAC! That is one of my 6 yr old twins' names. Bitch is crazy i'm telling you. Ohhhh and if it's a girl it's Lyric.. *GAG*
The child will be given a nickname and that is what will be used when they are over here if she sticks to those names!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, November 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

beajus,

OW in our situation didn't name her daughter(OC) the same name as ours, but she got as close as she could without actually using the same name


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
SadMommie
♀ Member
Member # 17718
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, November 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello girls,

Well, my H and I started MC again (with a new person). This is my last ditch effort. I am over all this drama but want to say that I did everything that I could. So here we go....

During the session, we bickered and fought - nothing that unusual. The counselor decided that we needed a starting point. I would stop yelling and name calling and he would reduce the communication with the OW to twice a week via phone with me present. I can keep my end of the bargain - can he???? When the counselor asked him how many times he speaks to the OW, he responded by saying 4 or 5 times a week!!! I couldn't believe my ears. He has been telling me - 2 or 3 times a week. A lie - yet another lie.

Then we went on the touchy subject of the OC birthday which is coming up in December. I feel that he should not go without me, he feels that I should not be present b/c it is too soon and will make everyone uncomfortable. I can be an adult. Can the OW????? Why shouldn't I be there - he is my H, not her happy little family. I began to sob in the office. The counselor told him to lok at me and that this is black and white. If he choses to go without me, he will be chosing the OW over me.

I left the office very upset. He tried to put his arm around me and I walked away.

How can someone be hateful????

[This message edited by SadMommie at 7:55 AM, November 11th (Tuesday)]


Me - 36
H - 35
Kids - D-6years, S-3year
OC - 2 year old
OW - POS crazy 25 year old
D-Day - April 10, 2007

"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey

"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu


Posts: 91 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Virginia
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, November 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow,

Sadmommie, I think that if he does this without you, he is making it very clear what he chooses. The same thing happened to me when we thought the twins were my H's. The OW had a birthday party for them at her home and I was invited, but there was no way in hell I was going and I told my H if it went without me, then he might as well pack a bag and stay there.

Needless to say, he did not go, we sent presents and we had a birthday party for them ourselves the next week. This is the OC 1st birthday right? I see no reason for him to be there, unless he goes with you and you feel comfortable or he has something else. Divorced parents do it all the time, they have seperate arrangements sometimes.


I am glad that you seem to have a good MC who can look at this objectively and offer some good support. This is the test, can he commit to the reduction of contact (which if OW mother is raising child, I don't understand why he needs to speak to her at all), will he compromise on the birthday party issue.

Things to really think about, as always you are in my thoughts. HUGS


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
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