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Newest Member: 10yearsafter (43139)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bad News.........OW lost her job and now H wants to put OC on his health insurance. He's talked to her relatives and they mentioned that OW is thinking about getting health insurance for OC through the state. She hasn't asked him to do this and she doesn't bother us. H is trying to avoid CS court. Looks like OW got a dose of KARMA. She was making more than my H. This sucks for me though. I wish he did't have to do it.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she goes thorugh the state they will go after him not just for the insurance, but also cash support as well as make him pay all or part of daycare costs while she works or job hunts. In my case of FWH they also made him carry life insurance with the kids as beneficieries..(cannot spell that word).


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lonely, I would not let her go the route of the State, Beajus is right. Find out how much it is to add OC to H insurance. I had to put the OC on my health insurance effective Jan.

If you haven't already and you can afford a lawyer get one to protect your interest because the State will come after your H (in CS court) if there is proof he is the father for reimbursement of any benefits the OC gets.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't cost him anything to add OC to his Health Insurance and he slready bought life insurance of OC and additional one for COM. I'm deet in debt and I can't leave the marriage or afford a lawyer at this point. I have no idea if she is going to be applying for food stamps or other state add, but if she does he's screwed. I have a relative receiving state aid and the father of her child does not pay court ordered child support. I think alot of it has to do with what the OW tells the state. Her C is 5 years old. The funny part is that he used to say that OW's family has money and that money is not an issue. SEEMS LIKE MONEY IS AN ISSUE if she lost her job 3 months ago and already looking for to the state for help. But like I told him when he told me she told him she tried to abort the pregnancy but it didn't work. SHE'S A LIAR. She lied to you as much as you lied to her. STUPID! I also reminded him of the fact that the odds of her only screwing him when she got knocked up where slim. STUPID! BUT HE IS THE FATHER.

[This message edited by lonely&depressed at 5:41 PM, December 9th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone mind sharing how much CS their H is paying monthly?(Court Ordered)

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
hellokitty
♀ Member
Member # 12566
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

$540.00 a month plus, insurance copay.


I feel empty of love.
WH has 2 OC by the same woman. Sees her everyday to see his kids. We have one son who is 2, he has a 17 yo, 1 yo, and 4 mo old.
Trying to R, not much luck even with MC.

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: kansas
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lonely...The others are right, if OW goes for state aid of ANY kind they will come after your H for support.

As far as how much my H pays, we have gotten lucky that OW has never asked for CS to be reassessed(knock on wood),CS was set back in 1997 and my H was making $13.50 an hour and we had 2 COM and my H pays $272 a month. But that was a while ago and he makes a significant amount more than that now, so she would probably get more if she asked. H also has to have OC on his health insurance and pay 65% of all medical bills not covered by insurance.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Evil  Posted: 7:07 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering do any of the OW in your situration hast other children. OW in my mess has 4 other children that's she gets no CS for and get state aid for all 4. I was wondering would that have any effect on H CS.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW in our situation has 1 other daughter. What made it hard for us when CS was set was the fact that OW was on welfare. Whether or not OW daughter not from my H was receiving CS from her father had no bearing on my H CS amount. What made me angry was they didn't care about COM, we got a whopping $14 a month discount when my 1st son was born , so we didn't even bother when our 2nd son was born. They figure each child has a right to the same amount no matter the circumstances of thier conception


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
monkeybiz
♀ Member
Member # 15072
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

would it be selfish if I don't tell our kids about OC's existence? we are getting a D, and will be living in different states. the only possibility of our kids seeing OC is if stbx scheduled OC's visitation on the same weekends as our COM.

DD is 2.5, DS 8 mos, and OC 16 months, all very very young. I plan on telling them when they are older, just not sure when.


me, BW - 38yr old former sahm
WH - 38 year old deadbead dad
married May 05
DD born July 06
DS born March 08
left him Dec 07
filed for D Oct 08

OW since Dec? 04
D-day May 07
OC borm July 07


Posts: 134 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: N Cal
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWH pays $700/mo for five kids. Carries insurance on them and splits other med costs 50/50 and did the life insurance thing i talked about earlier as well. I could have also gotten him for 50% of daycare costs, but I didn't because they aren't in daycare very often.

One thing to ask for though is that daycare be provided by only a licensed daycare provider.. pretty much anyone can become a registered daycare provider.. but a LICENSED daycare provider won't be the OW's friend, sister mother etc..

HTH


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't tell your COM since they will rarely if ever see the OC. If they do happen to be there.. let your husband explain it. They are still really little anyway


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ohh and yeah OW has a 14 yr old daughter but OW's rights were terminated to that child by CPS due to neglect and her mother adopted the child.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, December 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH pays $191/mo. OW has another C that she does not received CS for but that had no bearing on what my H pays. His portion of her health ins is included in that amount as well as daycare. He pays 50% of medical too. But we have 3 kids and that brought it down quite a bit from the original amount plus we let her claim her on her taxes every year so that dropped it $100 a month.

Things have been ok for us. OW hasn't been bothering us too much. I now travel to her town for work once a month or so and she wants us to get together and "be friends". Right - like I'm EVER going to want to be friends with her.

{{{HUGS}}} to everyone. Welcome to those that are new - sorry that you find yourself here.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, December 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone know if the H has to pay more CS if the OW isn't working? Does he have to pay her share of CS if she's not working and not recieving state aid?

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, December 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't beleive men are willing to endure all this drama for a piece of ass. I mean really! Living in the moment of instant gradification instead of thinking longtime turns out to be ALOT og money in CS.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, December 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In our case we were told flat out by our lawyer that if OW had been working, my H would have had to pay less CS OW was on welfare at the time.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, December 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here in Iowa it doesn't matter.. But i cannot see how she's surviving if she's not working and not getting assitance


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, December 10th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's collecting Unemployment now. But that won't last forever. I think she's in school of some sort plus she doesn't have to pay a sitter. H said her rent was dirt cheap.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
monkeybiz
♀ Member
Member # 15072
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, December 11th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW called me today to confirm where I was living (out of state), and if WH and I were in fact getting a divorce. the reason... because he went crawling back to her once it was clear I didn't want him.

is she stupid? he had been lying to both of us for 4+ years. I told her I didn't want him so she can have him. she also asked if he ever said anything to me about her, so I told her the truth - that he said he would never marry (OW) because she is uneducated and not good enough for him.

funny thing, it wasn't too long ago when I told him he should go plead OW to take him back, because noone else will want to be with a guy with 2 divorce, 3 kids (1 from affair), and 1 widowed mom to support.. I guess he took it to heart.

[This message edited by monkeybiz at 4:30 AM, December 11th (Thursday)]


me, BW - 38yr old former sahm
WH - 38 year old deadbead dad
married May 05
DD born July 06
DS born March 08
left him Dec 07
filed for D Oct 08

OW since Dec? 04
D-day May 07
OC borm July 07


Posts: 134 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: N Cal
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