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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think people should think about what NC means and choose what is right for their situation. Is it going to be right for all parties? Maybe not, but I think that NC is a valid choice for someone who had no say and no intention to bring an OC into the world.

Well said


(((((dreamer))))

The waiting game does suck! I would contact your lawyer about results. My H lawyer called us several weeks before our court date with the test results.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am usually the last person to say NC but in my case I knew it had to be that way. H didnt agree and left. My COM were 2 and 6 months when I found out. I make the money in the family and we were just making it as it was. OW was texting me things like "it's not fair that your kids will have a full time dad and mine wont", "Your kids WILL know everything", and "ask him how I was outside your house while your children were sleeping". She used to have really dark hair ad dyed it brown with red highlights, like mine. Then got her haircut like mine. She also got a tattoo of H zodiac sign and hers intertwined on her upper thigh before the affair started, when my baby was literally just a few weeks old. The lawyer and both his and my therapist suggested an order of protection. H felt she was just young and confused. She is also naming him what my baby would have been named had she been a boy. I have 2 little girls that DO NOT need this. While i feel for that baby, I do think adoption would be better. The dumb broad registered for tons of stuff, over 100 things and got 8. Mostly blankets. You know she will be asking H. My fear is when it gets rough she will come knocking. She is only 22, has 80k in school loans, a car payment on a new car, and is the receptionist. I just cant live the rest of my life watching my back.


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are doing all this ourselves, as money is very tight, but am handeling everything thru a parallegal, and thru courts, so, I'm not sure if we just have to wait for results from the court, which is what I guess we just sit and wait.


On the topic with NC I fully agree with you all, my FWH found out 5 years ago that he had another OC, daughter, was before we were married from actually back in high school, once the mother got pregnant moved away, we did not know tell she was 21, when she contacted us, her step-dad adopted her, not tell she had children did she find out the whole truth, that was very hard for my H, but we welcomed her with open arms, so he is really scared the same will happen with these twins, he is afraid he wont get a very good share of parental rights, and visitation, OW is being difficult in regards to me being around them, so that is why this can be very frustrating...

I believe NC is a choice that all parties envolved should agree and be able to live with... It is not something you can replace, if you change your mind, you will miss out on alot of things, but it is an individual preference, but I agree with the other as well, that I would not aprove if my husband chose to have NC, for no reason other than not wanting to deal with what has happened, but if it is difficult for OC or OW is difficult, or you just had no idea of their exsistence than those are different circumstances, which are other considerations, but I fully support my husband for him wanting to be part of their lives, it is not there fault who there parents are, like any of us..

I just hope that I can give the OC guidance of what a really happy couple is like, and that bad dicisions do not define who you are, its how you deal with them, that defines you.. So at least they will have some kind of stable sibling in their lives.

I read this other day and made so much sence. I wanted to share

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.

Sending you all best wishes, and I will let you all know as soon as I find out, the outcome of the paternity, I will probably need some support if they are his, cause I'm clinging on to the one small piece of HOPE...


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone! I been doing a lot of overtime at work so it's been a while since I last post. Welcome all the new members.You all have been added to my prayer list!
BMCO415 congradulation!!!!!
FWH and I are still R. OW is still trying to start a lot of problems. FWH thinking about going nc because of the drama so I do understand the nc. After the blood test prove the OC(2months old)was indeed my H child. We started to see OW real side. OW is still homeless moving from one friend to another!


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Angry  Posted: 11:45 AM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I get an email from OW today telling me that there may be a snag with the adoption because we live in 2 different states and a lot of judges are reluctant to sign termination of rights from other states So now my H has to go in front of a judge with the papers that her lawyer draws up and try to get them to sign the papers absolving him of his rights. Our only issue is we are having a hard time finding out if H has to pay support up until adoption is final or just until his rights are terminated!?

She also said that she is sending H another paper that she wants him to sign allowing the church to perform the religious ceremony that she needs the adoption for in the first place before the adoption is final H and I both agree that there is no way he is signing that paper until we find out when he is no longer obligated to pay CS. Cause if he has to pay until adoption is final and he has already given the church permission to perform the ceremony before the adoption then the OW won't have any incentive to finalize the adoption. She would have already gotten what she wanted, the ceremony and my H money!

It's days like today that I would love to strangle my H for getting us into this mess in the first place!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn auntcis,

I am so sorry, it seems like it just nevers ends!

How can you find out about the CS? Everytime you think something is cut and dry, there is always a snag. Here is to hoping that things work out.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer1, we had the DNA test done Sept 12th (the day after I found out I was pregnant).

We got the results by mail Dec 20th (Merry Christmas). They had already established the support amount without even contacting or consulting my H, which we now have to fight, as never bothered to get his wages at his new job, which are literally 33% less than what he made a year ago!

It took a while to get the results, but we didn't have to go to court, we got them in the mail.

[This message edited by Want2help at 6:23 PM, February 2nd (Monday)]


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I called the family courts in NY and they say it falls under the jurisdiction of the state where OW/OC live and that my H should only have to go before a notary to sign the papers. So now I don't know if OW is trying to pull something or if she is just stupid! Now we are waiting to hear from my H CS case worker to see if she can give us any information as to when the CS obligation is over! I hate this, I hate having to count on other people to do things! UUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!


The worst part is that now so I don't have to try and explain everything to her in an email and have her misunderstand something, I actually have to call and speak to her!

[This message edited by auntcis at 11:42 AM, February 2nd (Monday)]


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Luck Auntcis!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EEEEW on the talking to her AuntCis
My prayers are with you!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am begining to think she is trying to jerk us around

I called OW yesterday and got her voicemail, I left a message telling her that I had spoken to the family courts here in NY and there was a couple of thing's I needed to talk to her about and to please send me an email letting me know a better time to reach her. Still no email from her, she probably didn't expect me to check into it more myself and now she is freaking out. God, I hate her!!!!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Auntics, I'm sooo sorry for what you are being put through, it's never easy any of this, especially sence we did not want, ask or expect any of this in our lives.

Well got the news today the DNA proves the twins are my H. I kind of expected it, but just didn't want to believe it I guess, Holding out for that glimmer of hope.
It just put me into a rollercoaster of emotions today...

I went and sat in on a couple of CS & custody hearings yesterday, so I would have a better understanding of what the judge will expect of us, and so we will be better prepared, we are do everything pro-bono. except for a little advice from a paralegal.

I'm just very nervouse about the court date in 14 days, being in the court room with OW, seeing her face to face for the first time.. Just hoping I can keep the emotions in check.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry
(((dreamer)))

I know that even if we know in our hearts OC is our DH's, we still hold on to that hope... I was just there in December.

How smart of you to sit in on other CS proceedings! That is very proactive. We wish you the absolute best, and keep us updated.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((dreamer))))

Sorry the test came back as his

Good call sitting in at court though, now you kind of know what to expect.

Good luck with your own court date, I will be thinking of you.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just have emotions all over the place, FWH texted me love you, I texted back Ditto, just wishing you always had, I guess. So he texted back that always have. then of couse I texted back OK. WTF. How can he say he has always loved me when I just find out that OW had his OC.. like he loved me while fu***** her.. I know fantacy, still don't get that..

I just want her to hurt as bad as she hurt us.. Thats not wrong, but unrealistic I know..

Is it because I just found out the results, that I'm questioning things all over again, I'm having mixed emotions.

I found out the results from OW myspace account, I know, no 2x4's ok, I have been off her space for quit awhile, but took a look today, and wham... Her mood is giggly
and her post says DNA proven **** & **** are FWH's sons, like there was a question.

So I put on mine that Our family keeps growing... Loven it...

So what do you guys think of this, I have pictures of the twins, and I was thinking about putting one up as my default picture... I know its me wanting to get at her, but wouldn't it feel good, and justified...

I just want to do something, and not sure what, or if it will pass... I'm frightened about court, and that now I'm starting over with kids again, and after all this work, will he do this down the road again, It's his first offence. He said he learned his lesson, HOPE SO after all this shit...


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer, I too am sorry that it turned out this way, but now you know what you are dealing with. Now is the time for you and your H to be a united front, just because the tests came back positive does not mean that OW gets her way completely. Now he is known as the legal father and she can't legally with hold visitation and have visitation only on her terms.

Be prepared that you might not even be allowed in the courtroom doing CS hearing. Depends on your state. I just don't want you to be surprised if you get there and you find out you won't be able to go in.

While the myspace thing is tempting, I find the best revenge is to live better. If she that this little revelation has not rattled you, if takes some of the fun out of it for her. I am thinking about you and your family because the next couple of months are going to be difficult, you can always talk to us if you need to.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 7:04 PM, February 4th (Wednesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... I know how you feel about the "myspace" thing, but please don't respond! Our OW uses her myspace status to try to get at us, and it was actually my "birthday resolution" not to look (I missed New Years,). I am sure she is looking at yours to look for signs that it has affected your life... please don't give her the satisfaction.

And, I believe if she got the DNA results in her hands already, you should also, so I wouldn't even necessarily believe her stupid myspace.

I am totally with you on "questioning everything all over again", but believe me, in my opinion, these women hurt in a different way, but just as much as us. She is raising not one child, but twins ALONE! Your H may visit, but that's still not a "family". And that has to be one of the most painful things in the world, to look at your child and be reminded of the father that didn't want you...

...PM me anytime if you want to chat. My "DNA result" wounds are still fresh as well.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our family court system is open to all. Thats how I got to go and sit in on a couple. You guys are always right, well most of the time

I wont let her see she has the upper hand on me, FWH has been trying to be so caring today, he even said to give myself a hugg for him, cause he knows that is what I always ask him to do, when I am down.

I'm just soooo glad that court is only 14 days away now, then we will know where we stand with this whole mess.

We have a women judge, so I'm hoping she will see right through OW, and not let her belittle me, she really wants to keep those kids from being around me. And using my FWH as a career choice, she should of thought about me not being envolved before she got envolved with my H

Thank you for all of your support, this is never fun, for any of us, and I understand that oh so real..

Sometimes I just sit and wonder, WTF happened, 20+ years, finally got our dream home 6 years ago, having grandchildren over, taking vacations alone, us time.. And now we start all over from ground zero, because of some selfish OW and FWH.. It's all just soooo sad...


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

want2help, you are so right, she has those twins, plus 2 other boys from her first marriage to do all by herself.. And your last statement made my day, that she will look at those boys everyday and see that their father did not choose her, over such a bad marriage, Ha Ha Ha, guess she was not that special after all, and the marriage was not so bad after all.

Thanks for making me see that again..Was having a BW moment

I know I'm, we are gona be ok, and thats what FWH keeps telling me..


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer1, I repeat that statement to myself everyday!

I am pregnant myself, and cannot imagine the pain if the show was on the other foot.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
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