I think this will help you a little with this very difficult situation if you know that she has lost some of the control and can not contact your H directly. I will be thinking of you and hoping this goes the best way that it can for your family.
I cannot believe the state can be so stupid. They did not order him to pay until the paternity was confirmed, now they have him on record as having racked up $2500+ in back CS, and they are going of his old income at his former job where he made 33% more an hour.
And all of this because he couldn't just use an effing condom
Has anyone else had to deal with anything like this while going through paternity testing? Can't we dispute the amount?
My suggestion, he get down to the office that handles this and get it straightened out immediately. If he gets his license suspended behind this it is a mess to get straightened out. Do they give him a deadline to resolved the situation or talk to someone?
Do you have a copy of the paternity test to show the date on it? I am so sorry, this just nevers ends!
What makes this even harder is H is working in a different part of the state, staying out of town, and has class for the next couple of weekends, and he just got an email yesterday letting him know that if he misses one class he will "no longer be employed with the company" (it's an apprenticeship).
They gave no date at which time his license would be suspended. Just a "Courtesy Notice". I just want to
I'm so sorry hon!
We got screwed like that too. OW didn't tell H that she was pregnant so we didn't even find out about OC until she was 4 months old and OW applied for welfare! We got slammed with having to reimburse the state for OC birth cause OW was on state aid and she had a c-section, we had to repay the DNA testing since OC was proven to be my H and OC was born 4/1997 and we didn't get done with the court proceedings until 1/1998 so he was 9 months in arrears in CS right off the bat! We ended up owing almost $10,000! My H fought to have the amount reduced since he didn't even know that OW was pregnant and the courts didn't want to hear it, they just wanted the money . H ended up paying an extra $100 a month on top of his normal CS and they took our tax returns each year until the amount was paid up H ended up having to drive without a drivers license for a year, thank God he never got caught.
I would try calling someone to have your H CS reduced because his income has changed, but unfortunatly anything that is in arrears will be in the amount they set for his old income most likely
H simply cannot lose his license. He will be unemployed, and then he will really be racking up the CS! He called a few weeks ago when he was home to have his income changed on the support amount, and his case worker's secretary told him "Sir, we don't modify the order just because you want to! It doesn't work like that..." I told him not to speak with her, to leave his caseworker a VM, and he did, several, and the caseworker still hasn't called back!
I guess we will just have to do a sit in, but he won't even be home for a couple weeks...
For those of you who are NC, and have an older OC, does it get better, or does it keep on like this? I honestly feel like I have "shell shock". My nervous system cannot handle anymore adrenaline. I am big and pregnant and home alone and dealing with the fact that I am unemployed, the support amount is so high that once H gets his paycheck and they start garnishing his wages we will not even have enough $$$ for our rent and utilities unless the CS agency pulls their head out and changes the support amount (and we live in one of the cheapest, smallest places possible), H is not getting any of the overtime or prevailing wage jobs he was promised when he started this job, and OW started a job at the only hospital in town (where I will be giving birth) and I am now having to have her investigated for getting into my medical records.
Is there any end...
It does get better. You kind of get in a groove where the CS comes right out of H check so you start to not even think about the money cause you get used to it not being there. It has been rough for us lately with the whole adoption issue, but we usually go for long periods of time and not hear anything at all. I don't want to say you get used to the situation, but that kind of is what happens, you almost become numb to it. It is a little easier to push out of your mind when you are NC, but it doesn't go away totally. I would say for me, even after the adoption is over(if it ever does get done)it will still be there for me cause I will still always know OC exsists. But it will definately be easier day to day.
The stepDs will be 21, 19, and 16 this summer.
And now we are starting all over again.
Do anyone know about court appointed mediators?
Mediation gives both parents the opportunity to solve custodial/visitation issues without using a judge (whose docket is usually full up to their eyeballs).
If the parties involved cannot reach an agreement, then it's called an "impasse" and the case then gets scheduled before a very unhappy judge.
But with mediation, the parties involved should have completed the parenting class corresponding to the child's age, understand the court's expectations of parents, and be willing to negotiate within the court's recommended guidelines for visitation and custody for that child's age group.
[This message edited by LiveLuvLaph at 4:58 PM, February 5th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by LiveLuvLaph at 4:49 PM, February 5th (Thursday)]
But on the lighter side I wanted share some good news on the forum for a change..
Well with every emotion I was goin through yesterday, I must say FWH was just perfect, and the best for the first time yesterday.. He actually did everything just right, every request I have asked for in the past when I'm having a bad day, he did.. I just can't get over how perfect everything turned out last night, after every emotion I could go through was out in front of us..
So I told FWH today, that I truely believe he is back, and that I now believe we will be ok.. That I truely feel now that he will respect me, honor me, and love me like I deserve, and I promised to show him and tell him everyday how much I do Love him, and he even agrees to do the same.
I really believe that R is going to work out..
I found a web sight today about lawyers and ? you can ask.. I wrote a small statement of our situation, and they called me almost 1 hour later, they charge $100.00 to prepare you for court and $450.00 to prepare the documents for you for court.. So my FWH is going to call them to get preped for court in 14 days.. He has a hard time with me trying to tell(explain) what is best for him to do. So maybe legal advice from a professional will be better for him, plus that way he will get a stronger back bone for OW as for court. I will keep you posted on how & what he suggests to H, and how to prepare his plea, for custody & visitation, and if he can help us with CS also..
HUGGS TO ALL..
I'm having the best day I have had in a very long time, I actually can see the light at the end of the tunnel..
Just take it from someone who has been thru this, be prepared that the support might change back and forth as he is dealing with the reality of the situation. It is one thing to assume these are your kids it is another to know that they are and deal with the reprecussions of his actions. So he may go up and down in his emotions. Just be ready for it and try not to take it too personally. Just have a goal that you are working towards (basically keeping OW out of your maritial wall) as Dr. Glass puts it.
Remember you can always PM me if you need to talk.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 8:49 AM, February 6th (Friday)]
Unfortunately most states are that way. They don't take into consideration the BS, or the COM. Our oldest son was born after CS was set, when we reported his birth to the state to reduce CS they gave us a whopping $14 a month off the CS amount! The state looks at it as the OC should have the same quality of life as the COM cause they have the same father
I hope thing's go better for you as you go on in the process.
[This message edited by auntcis at 11:33 AM, February 6th (Friday)]
AS the due date looms closer OW is ramping things up beyond belief. FWH is being pretty supportive of me still, so that is good.
I've been in tears for 2 days.. back to no sleeping, no eating.. nothing..
shell shocked all over again as someone else said osn the previous page....
in July it will be a year.. baby is due end of march... she called DFWH (with my permission sorta) because she was having preterm labor.. that was brought on by MEEEEE telling her we have an attorney and that Iowa is a joint custody state... apparently she's just gonna give the baby to her sister or some crap and us going for custody puts a kink in her plans
then she spazzed out and said with as much anger as you have for me, i cannot trust you around my child, you;ll do something to her.. Hmm well that crazy wench is knocking a bunch of beers back every night while pregnant but she's worried what IIIIII'm gonna do?
I will never understand that brand of crazy... EVER...
I found DNA tests for $235. results back in 5 days business days. We're gonna do that for sure.
i just don't know what else to do.. sitting idle is KILLING me...