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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a question for all you on here. H and I just got his W2 forms in the mail and we are going to go file. But we also got a notice from the state saying that they are going to take out whatever amount we owe as back support to pay it off. So my question is, when we go to HR block, will the computer automatically take out the correct amount and send it to the state? Or do we have to actually send them a check ourselves?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We e file with H&R Block and what will happen is if your H arrears is more than what you are getting in a refund they will take the entire thing and you don't have to do anything. If his arrears is less than what you would get in a refund then they will take the amount for arrears and send you a check for the difference. H&R Block doesn't really have any involvement with it.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust,

I have prepared taxes for years. Please keep in mind that if you go to H&R Block they will do the taxes, it will show your full refund at the time. Once it gets e-filed, you will then get notice of any monies taken out. My advice to you, save the $200-$400 that you would pay H&R block and check your state for free help with your taxes. Or you can use H&R block online for free, it is not hard. Any money owed for CS will be taken anyway, so it would be best not to have to pay all that money to HR block. PM me if you have any questions or need some assistance.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 4:02 PM, February 21st (Saturday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust -

I agree 100% with BMC. Do it yourself if you can. You can also you taxact.com - the only charge is to file state - $15 I think. Just file like normal and the state will send you a notice that they will be withholding all or part of your refund for a debt.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there everyone, wishing everyone a great weekend.

Yesterday OW decided to drop into FWH work, and give him a valentines card with the twins hand prints outlined, Oh just how cute, and said We love you daddy.. To the best daddy in the world. WTF. Then she wanted to let him know that she is now using the daycare right next door to his work, so now she will call him when she takes the boys and picks them up, so he can come help her take them in and pick them up. Because getting to babies out at once is difficult.

WTF.. Sorry but I believe this another one of her attempts to stear things up again, between FWH & I. I know he has no feelings for her any way like that any longer, & that he really never did have deep feelings for just was hoping she could fill something in him, he has not figured out what that is.

I just don't know how to handle this, we go to court in less than 3 weeks, but 3 weeks, with this is gona be tough, and he really doesn't get to see them that much, their are just starting teething, and standing, I really don't want him to miss out on them, but darn it, I just don't trust her alterior motive.

Do any of you have a suggestion to this, I will bring it up in counceling, but I don't want to keep him from seeing them..


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've been going to hr block for years. So we will stick with them for now. Bottom line is that we don't have to send the state a check directly, right? They should just take it out and give us the difference. we aren't expecting to get much back anyways, since his back support is so high.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes Dust that is correct.

Dreamer my suggestion, don't rock the boat before court. Like it or not this is going to be a test of your H to see if he can keep his word and if you a really working towards R. Best thing to do is be up front and make sure that the boundaries are clear.

If he is going to help get the OC into and out of the daycare, that is all he is to do, nothing more. I don't know if you can handle it, but I say just don't let your guard down. Once the judge decides visitation and cusstody, you will have a clearer idea of what you are dealing with in this situation.

I will be thinking of you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:29 AM, February 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just feeling a bit off today

My H and our kids are going to his home state in August for a week. I encouraged him to go, it has been 8 years since he saw his family. He begged me to go to but it's where the A took place and I just can't do it I don't worry that anything will happen and we are keeping the trip a secret from anyone there who doesn't HAVE to know so OW doesn't find out. But just the thought of him even being in the same state as her make me want to . You would think 12 years later that I would be further along in my recovery than this It's going to be a long 6 months and an even longer week while H and the kids are gone


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, February 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((auntcis))
Hey at least for the most part you and your h live away from ow in a different state.
We live 30 minutes away from ow if you take the turnpike... so it scares me just living in my own town!
Everything should be fine though. Especially if OW doesn't find out.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, February 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((AuntCis))

I can understand the feelings of anxiety that you are feeling. You know when something tramatic happens to us it doesn't matter how long ago it may have been, it is still there.

Who knows by August you might feel a little stronger and want to make the trip, but if not that is ok too. (Thinking of you as always)


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, February 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks BMC & Dust

I'm sure after a little while I will calm down. I'm sure if the adoption were final or even underway for that matter, it wouldn't bother me so much. I also worry that my H family will spring OC on him. The only thing that is keeping me calm about that is the fact that by the 3rd week in August when they take thier trip, the kids out west will be back in school.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chandler....here it is

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
hellokitty
♀ Member
Member # 12566
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone,
Well the OW is still up to her same tricks, now see is supposely legally blind. She can't care for the new baby without my H help, BS! I know it is a lie. I am going to start working in August for the school board after I graduate. I was going to leave sooner, but I just don't want to have to live in a bad area. The only apartments I have been able to find are too expensive or in a not so great area. Plus I have been having lots of health problems due to my MS. So I am just trying to be smart about it. Don't get me wrong I love my H, but I have been in 180 for a very long time and now improvement in our relationship. I am happier though, so I guess that is the goal anyway. His little girl is so beautiful and so is his son, and I can say I truly love them too. But if he won't respect our relationship then what can I do? Anywho, thanks to all of you for all the help over the last three years. It has been hell, but I am stronger because of it.


I feel empty of love.
WH has 2 OC by the same woman. Sees her everyday to see his kids. We have one son who is 2, he has a 17 yo, 1 yo, and 4 mo old.
Trying to R, not much luck even with MC.

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: kansas
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, OW emailed me today that they need to put the adoption on hold for now because they have other legal issues that they need to focus thier energy on

On one hand nothing changes, H just keeps paying CS and we go on living our lives. On the other hand I was so looking forward to this being over with Oh well it will either be over with in 6 more years when OC is 18 or when they get around to the adoption, neither is soon enough for me


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry AuntCis! I was so hoping that the adoption would happen so that you could move onto a new chapter.

Well, if it is meant to be it will happen. We can still celebrate just being alive, it is a great thing!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sucks Aunt Cis, i'm sorry


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
dzas
♀ New Member
Member # 23097
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wife of 7 years and a mother of 4. I am 28 years old and I feel like giving up. I just found out on Feb 28, 2009, had a affair 3 years ago and could have a 2 year old child which is the same age of my 3rd child. How I found out was horrible. I checked my mail to find a letter from the DA's office naming Byron, my hubbie, as the noncustodial parent of this child. My Heart fell into my Stomach. I ask him about this and he had to confess. He said that he had been with her twice at the job, once when I was pregnant with our 3rd and 1st daughter and once after she was born. He told me he knew about this other woman being pregnant and wanted her to get rid of IT but lost contact with her when he left his job. What makes me look so crazy is that at the woman's new job (Wal-Mart) I had seen her several times and had treated her with so much kindness and respect. What also tops the cake is that his family new about this and I was the only one in the dark. I took it upon myself to contact this lady and speak with her face to face. There I let her know that if she had ever tried to hint or make suggestions during my visits to Wal-Mart my naiveness made me incapable of catching on. She said she had told me one time that you daughter should like this item because her sister does. My husband told me that he would have taken this to his grave to keep his family. But to me he just wanted his cake and icecream too. I Love my husband with All Of My Heart and couldn't believe he would do this to me. This situation would have been different if we had separated at some time . But I was deceived and I thought that everything was so nice. Our family consists of 2 older boys and our 2 daughters, I thought this depiction of family compared to President Barack Obama and Family. He tell me he's sorry and I know he is but like the movie "I think I love my wife" I thought in the end my husband would think of me. He had sex at his job while working in the hospital overnight, while I was pregnant, without protection, and he still says he loves me. Knowing my husband, I believe him because he love sex, but do you know since 2006 when this happened he still hasn't walked the straight and narrow path that I thought he would have. Not saying that he cheated on me but I have caught him on the phone with other women. I'm not crazy when I say that I know he loves me but I don't know how to help him with this sexual "new-ness" he wants. Now I'm embarassed about this and I don't want his reputation to go down knowing that he still cares for me and his family, but I don't know what to do? I feel as though he will receive a slap on the risk if I let him stay with me and I feel like he needs some kind of punishment, something from me? I don't think he knows how much he hurt me (Down to the Core of My Heart)!!!

Posts: 4 | Registered: Mar 2009
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dzas,

First I am so sorry that you found out that way! It must have been very devestating. I want to welcome you to our group.

First let me ask, did your H have a DNA done or OW just named him as father? Very important. I would also be concerned about this because it looks as though she has filed for CS or the state has. Find out the laws in the state you live in and find out if you can file for CS while still living with your H.

While deciding on whether to stay in your marriage or leave is important, because you have small children and it seems as though there is some legal action going on here, you have to gear up and take care of your COM and yourself. Please check pg. 9 of this thread there are some suggestions on what to do to protect your family in this situation.

Again, only you know what you are willing to accept and it is going to take some time to decide that, however to protect your kids, you need to take some action now.

If you need extra support or just need to talk, please pm me.

I will be thinking of you. So sorry.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Auntcis, I am so so sorry... I think we've all been waiting for the day the adoption was final (I feel like it gives me a glimmer of hope).

dzas, I am so sorry for you that you found out this way, but a paternity test really is the best advice ever.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1956 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, March 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm scared today. I was up most of the night worrying that the "other legal issues" that they are focusing on is coming after my H for more CS out of spite for him not allowing the religious ceremony before the adoption


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
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