I did not tell my children or my Nana about OC. WH was visiting OC weekly & taking over supplies (no $$$) until DNA came back...he paid $500 out-of-pocket at UT hospital for DNA testing & she took baby over 1 week after born for DNA....WH went over that week also (w/me in tow) to do his cheek swab, pay, & be photographed for DNA.
Anyway, MIL/FIL had not wanted to see OC, but when WH brought her home for a few hours visit & to meet her brothers, MIL/FIL asked if he'd bring her up to meet them also. I'm not sure how that meeting went, but home was weird.
Our 1-year-old had just started walking & tried to step on her many times...he'd never been around a baby (seen them @daycare)...he ended up accidentally kicking her in head while laying on a blanket on floor next 2 her (kept stealing her pacifier). Our 4-year-old kinda asked why she wasn't growing in my tummy like his brother had before. WH kinda ignored the questions he didn't wanna answer. OC cried & cried. WH had seen her about 8-10 times (about 1 hour each visit @her granny's house). WH kept asking if I was okay. He changed all the diapers & fed her, but...she kept crying & crying when she was sleepy so I ended up having to sing to her & rock her to sleep. DS#2 (the 1-year-old) was jealous, as he'd NEVER seen me hold any other babies....he was always jealous of her, once she started 4-day weekend stays EVERY weekend after that one. Yes, OW & soon-2-be husband were courting & didn't have time to be a momma & hold down a 40+ hour/week job. WH & I were on different shift, so if he was working the weekend, I had OC, DS1 & DS2 by myself all night. One in pullups & 2 in diapers & taking bottles.
Anyway, sometime around Easter, we had the 3 kids photos taken & sent them around. That's when I sent the photo to my Nana (1 state over) & revealed that WH had betrayed me & had a child w/his mistress (or is that paramore?).
My mother had known the same week I found out OW was pregnant...as I'd called OW & told her she could have WH. She called him @work & he left work & came home all upset. My mom had come over to console me also. This all happened the weekend my 3-year-old broke his collar bone.
I am not quite sure if I told MIL/FIL about her pregnancy, or if WH told them first. It's all a blur.
I wouldn't tell your kids until you know DNA is positive. And, if you go NC w/OW & OC, you may even consider NOT telling your children until they're adults or when U think OC may start looking for WH.
I wrote the letter to the judge, had FWH look it over, he had not wanted me to change anything in it He added to it. So yesterday I took it down and had it filed in the courts, now I will wait for a response from the courts on it. To think I finally got to voice my opinion out. Yeppy...
FWH and I watched the movie Fireproof the other night, WOW.. just WOW.. I think FWH understand things much better now, I just had to explain that it was kind of like the roles were partially reversed, except the response between a male & female are different, so then I think that helped him better understand, what I went through. I found the Love dare journal, at a local coffee shop, and presented it to FWH. I read all of it yesterday, and WOW did that open up my eyes as well. I know now that we are gona be just fine.. Considering all circumstances. But after he had no complaints about me writing to the judge (putting in about her fertility pills and other things to prover her character) and him and me doing the love dare, it proved to me that things have changed and are becoming different for the good.. I'm just so happy...
WE have vowed to never let her back into our home or marriage, I will no longer let her comments or actions effect me and my relationship.
Great quotes I read in the love dare book.
"Lust is the best this world has to offer, but LOVE offers you the best life in the world."
If a man says to his wife, "I have fallen out of love with you," he is actually saying, "I never loved you unconditionally to begin with." His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.
We all have a commited, uncondtional love and our FWH had a love based on feelings and circumstances, this my FWH has realised that it was true.
When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.
IJUST LOVE THE "THE LOVE DARE" JOURNAL...
Wishing you all peace and happiness as I am now experiencing..
Yes we still have obstacle to concuer, and we will do this together, now just waiting on court stuff.. but it will all be good, I feel it now..
Thank you all for your support and blessings, you all have been life savers for me, and can not give enough gradtitude to you all.
But I will always have you all in my prayers, bless you all.
Guess what OW has found another victim, another married man, and boy is his wife pissed.... LMFAO.
Wish I knew who she is so that I could worn her, but I guess I just can hope this time she gets what she deserves, little homewrecker.. Maybe the twins will have more siblings LOL. Not nice to wish that on another wife, sorry.
Why do some women only choose men who are already attached? Do they think "well he committed to her so if I can get him away from her he will commit to me"? Women like that make me sick!
I keep watching Bec Smith's youtube video and crying.. yeah.. not really healthy right now.. and i'm watching fireproof at the same time. Guess i'm a glutton for emotional torture.
Oh and finishing up the last chapter of not just friends...
BLAH.... big ass mess describes me to a "T" right now...
On the other hand I have a thing I need your guys advice on, see I found OW x-husband, and actually contacted him, I know he just got his oldest son living with him, from OW, and the child is still thinking and hoping that my FWH is gona be with his mommy, well now she has the new W man, but I wanted to help them understand why he may have been so upset to move up there, so anyway long story short, the x wants my FWH to contact him so he can tell him all about OW, and maybe help with the character of her for the child support hearing, but I did not let FWH know I was or did do this, do I tell him, I have been told that if we could get a notarized statement from him, on how she had the 8 & 10 yr olds watching the twins why she went out to party, and how she is always having men come and go, and drinking all the time, they say they are trying to undo the damage she has done to his kids, and wants to help us get custody before damage is set into them as well, I am also seeking out the BS in the new relationship she has going on, to help her and as well help me, maybe getting a letter from her as well, or have her testify in court, to prove the character of OW. But it was amazing to hear all the shit, and how bad the x hates her.. Makes me feel like it wansnt the situation why I HATE so much, its cause she is truely evil, and has not true morals..
So what is your thoughts please...
Rewind to last fall. OW sick baby died (I was posting here then), we filed for sole custody of OC. The lawyers are dragging their feet as NOTHING has gotten accomplished since August. Pretrial has been rescheduled every month since NOV and we don't have another date until May.
Here's the new crap I'm dealing with. We recieved teh interogatories back from OW concerning the custody suit. Of course it's packed full of lies, which is what we expected..although she did go above and beyond.
The thing that irks me is that she has always denied the last baby was H's...even named someone with child support enforcement, although no names on birth or death certificates. She named H as the baby's father on the court documents for teh custody trial. Now I'm sure it won't affect anything with custody, but we want this cleared up once and for all. The problem is that the baby is dead. The hospital where the baby died has tissue and DNA samples on file, but OW won't sign off on them to release the info (we got the paperwork Friday afternoon, after our lawyer left for the day, so we haven't spoken to him to get them court ordered yet). I'm about 99% sure she is lying to cover her ass with her latest husband...she doesn't want him to think she's the hge slut that she is. She only married him because she was once again pregnant, and it looked bad to her lawyer (and the judge) so he told her she should get married to make it look better in court. She miscarried the baby in Jan.
HOW do we get paternity tests on a dead baby? The state doesn't care since it's a closed case...no child to go after support for. H spoke to OW's caseworker at DFS and she said not to go for the tests, to let it go thru court and nail her for lying about it and not having proof of who the father really is (OW said testig was done with the other guy, but the state vital stats office shows no test was ever done, that the baby's DNA is on file with the hospital, but no mother or father DNA is on record.
Like i said, I'm sure this isn't H's baby, but if it is I'm hunting that whore down and kicking her ass (since I stepped up and helped her out during her pregnancy and took her to make funeral arragements for the baby). H and I will have it out in court.
I remember that day. It hurt so bad. You are in my prayers.
"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey
"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu
I will pray for you today. Your post brought tears to my eyes...I can feel your pain through your words.
I will be thinking of you today.
I don't know if you can get a court order for this or not. Hopefully your lawyer will come up with a solution. I have been thinking about you and I am so sorry that this situation just drags on. I too will be thinking of you.
Sending you love and strength today.
I'm a mess.... SO wants me to come up to the hospital. To be honest if it was just SO and OW, i would, but i just don't want to be around OW's family.
Do what makes you comfortable. It is a tough day but you WILL get through it and be stronger for it.
I am thinking of you. You are in my prayers.
The sting of this will get duller with time. I know it hurts. My honest opinion, your SO has been at the hospital long enough and he should be coming back to see how you and your kids are doing. JMO.
Keeping you in my thoughts.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 2:20 PM, March 30th (Monday)]
We're gonna head back up together later tonight present a united front to her.
We'll see how that goes.