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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC's 12th birthday is tomorrow I wonder if we will hear anything from OW, she has been silent since we told her no religious ceremony before the adoption


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((AuntCis)) Thinking about you during this time. Sometimes silence is not always golden, hope OW isn't trying anything.

Greeneyed, glad to hear from you, hoping things go the way you want it. As far as the baby that passed away, this may seem harsh, but I would focus on the living. This may be just yet another ploy from OW to cause confusion and fights between your H and yourself. Honestly, if it was your H's baby, don't you think she would have made more of a fuss about that during the time that you were helping her with the funeral arrangements?

You may never get an answer to that question and I myself would not dwell on it constantly. I would just worry about trying to repair your relationship and if you do get custody trying to mend your family. hugs to you

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:45 AM, April 24th (Friday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC, I do think it's a ploy to get our attention off the custody suit, our lawyer thinks so also. I know OW is scared shitless of me, so for her to keep it to herself if this baby was H's makes perfect sense to me. But she threatened him all along that if he didn't do the things she asked she'd tell me that the baby was his because as she said, "he can't afford two ex-wives".

I'm sure it's all lies coming from her. She denied all thru her pregnancy and thru the baby's 4.5 months of life that it was H's. Now with things in court she throws this out there. UGH. I just can't help but question it now.


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do anyone know what's a default paternity judgement hearing is? Husband(we are seperated)called me today and ask me? Attorney called him and told him that he has a court date in May for this hearing against OW. What I do know OW was supposed to contact the courts in 30 day and she never did so now I guess she is in default? Wondering is this good or bad news?


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Default usually means that someone has not followed thru. So that may be a good thing. He should ask his attorney how this affects things.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just talk to the attorney he said basically what this hearing about is proceeding with visistion and childsupport without OW. Said it looks good on H part because she hasn't responded to anything!!!! h still trying to get joint physical custody. I really can't say where our marriage going from this point. I know I am just sticking to my guns about how I feel in this situration. It's been hard but God is good.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I had a question about child support payments. We haven't been able to pay the full amount each month. But as long as we continuously pay something, even if its not anywhere near half the amount she is awarded, the state can't come after us right? By come after us, I mean take away his liscense and possibly issue an arrest for lack of full cs payment. His liscense is still good as far as we know and the state hasn't sent us any paperwork at all.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, April 24th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there, its been a bit, just wanted to give a brief update, FWH did his parenting class and now mediation is scheduled for May 1st, so we will see on Saturday what she did or did not agree in regards to custody & visitation. Keeping fingers crossed, but I seriously doubt she will give what he wants, to this point she has not, she got his money and thats what she intended on getting in the first place, and now wants to keep it. LMFAO she is not going to..

Well on a brighter note. I have found the reason for this, may sound really strange, but everyone always says there is a reason for everything, and mine is now I am getting my masters in Psychology, and now attending a mixed martial arts class, and going to be instructing until I finish school. How cool is this.. I'm now getting a life that is all mine, out all of this. And am finding some pease in that.

Hope you all can find your own sence of pease in this. Sending you all prayers. BE WELL.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, April 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OW is gonna bail.. i just know it, and dang it if i was gonna raise anothre baby, it should be MY BABY.. my blood relation.

Don't get me wrong.. I love OC and would do anything for her... but i thought we'd have a 50/50 parenting agreement or something... OW has us keeping the baby for longer amts of time, more days.. etc and baby is only 3 weeks. and OW...
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i should shut up., god only knows who is reading this...


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, April 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to vent please forgive me, H(seperated) plan to take the boys and Oc to the zoo today. Well when he went to pick up OC, he found out that the girl OW was living with kick her out of her house. My youngest son was with him and got to hear all the trouble things the OW was doing to break up our marriage from her friend who kick her out. Plus he did not get to go to the zoo because H had to go hunting around town for OC. I am so sick of her game and I am sick of H too. Court is next month but I know OW will not show up. This drama just don't seem to ever end!!!!


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, April 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGHGH sorry Lynne

I feel your pain :(

(HUG)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Cila
♀ New Member
Member # 5612
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, April 26th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know itz funny. The first D-day was the absolute worse, becuz I was 6months pregnant with my son when i found out.It was the worse heartbreak of my life. But the 2nd D-day wasn't as bad cuz we had been doin the breaking up and gettin back together thing and I was fed up after the numerous affairs he confessed. Itz weird but I began to feel numb and get used to it. I cried a little less and was able to bear the pain better and I promised myself no more tolerance of cheating in relationships.Becuz I deserve so much better.
C.


Jesus Rocks!
Me-BS 33
Him-WS 23
2 DDays,1st august of 2005; 2nd i can't remember.
2 beautiful children
No Reconciliation
Looking forward to Divorce

Posts: 49 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: NY
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, April 26th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote this for one of my other friend's who doesn't have an oc, but I had to post this here too.
So we just found out today that h's license will be suspended for nonpayment of cs! That fucking bitch! HOw the hell does she expect him to pay cs if he can't even drive himself to work part time? I really don't get this whole stupid thing! I mean most father's can't pay for cs and then they get their licenses taken away, then they not only have to catch up on cs, but pay 1500 to reinstate their damn license! So by the time they pay for the license, they don't have money for the cs. Its a never ending vicious fucking cycle. That bitch doesn't need the money. She has two brand new cars, well they were brand new in Nov, she has a steady job, she is graduating and will have a career, and she had no problem shelling out 3000 just for plane tickets to paris! So you sit there and tell me how she could possibly be hurting for money.
H was pretty pissed too. He kept saying how he wanted us to take her to court and fight for visitation just so she loses her control over the situation. See h thinks that if she knows she is going to lose control over the situation, then she will buckle down and have him sign over his rights. Oh FYI, he didn't sign the birth certificate at all. I know this because back in November, I asked if she would let him sign the birth certificate and she said no, that he had to earn that right.
So his name isn't on it.
I can't stand this. I think I am hitting my breaking point right now. I have the next 18 yers of this. The next 18 years of worrying if he will want to see Joshua again. The weird thing is that he always threatens to use visitation against her whenever the cs screws with him. Like when he first placed on cs and the order went through, thats when he went through his rant of going to court. Then he calmed down and got used to the idea of paying the support, then now that his license will be suspended,he got so mad that he started threatening to take her to court for visitation again. I think its just his inadvertent way of letting off steam because he knows that by using Joshua, thats the only way she will feel pain. Which I agree with him. If we take away her control over visitation, then she will be "paid" back. We're probably not going to go to court because we didn't the last time and I just let him threaten while venting and he calmed down. But I hate it when that happens because then it makes me trigger with worry and even more paranoia. I wonder if we can ever truly just stay NC with them. LIke I said we do great when the state isn't hounding us or she isn't being a drama queen. I mean its been since Nov, thats the last time he wanted to take her to court. So maybe this will just blow over.
Ugh... will this ever get any easier?


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, April 26th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIL ask me today why I am so stress? Well my whole world has been turn upside.
I don't know if h and I going to get thru this storm. For one I have to get over the fact my h had an a, then I have to open up my heart to OC. Well honestly since OC been in our lives I love him so much.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
devalued
♀ Member
Member # 23734
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, April 26th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a BS. The OW is married also. I dicovered my WS was committing adultery by finding pictures and emails. I discovered OW is pregnant through these emails. She is due shortly if she has not had the baby already. My WS has filed for divorce. do any of you know if I can request a paternity test for that baby?


Me: BS 38, He: WS 39, she: 28 OMW
1 beautiful 15 year old daughter
D Day 2-5-2009, Married 17 years
Personally, I hold that a man who deliberately and intelligently takes a pledge and then breaks it, forfeits his manhood. Mahatma Gandhi

Posts: 118 | Registered: Apr 2009
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, April 27th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

devalued, If you and your H are D'ing and he doesn't request a DNA test I don't think that you can get one,sorry

((((((((lynne, beajus, dust2dust)))))))

Sorry you guys are having a rough time


Well OC's birthday was Saturday, she is 12 years old now. Nothing from OW this year, I'm not really that suprised cause since she is married now and has her "happily ever after"( ) she doesn't feel the need to torture us I guess. Still no word on her wanting to go through with the adoption . Oh well if it happens great, if not we only have 6 more years of CS, and we have done it for 12 years so what is 6 more


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
thewife0404
♀ Member
Member # 22684
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, April 27th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Devalued)) no you do not have a right to ask for a paternity test! What you do have is a right to a divorce that leaves you and your child(?) taken care of.

Don't get sidetracked by the possibilities of this child, get focused and see your attorney NOW!


A man is not a secure retirement plan!
BS-45
WXH-47
DS-18
DD-16
DS-14
DDay-Jan99
OC#1-10
DD#2-Same OW-Jan04
OC#2-5
DIVORCED-OCT 04

Posts: 68 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Hell
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, April 27th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just a little down today. H and I can't work on R because all the drama. H my bestfriend so H call me about everything. I tell him countless of time that I am trying to focus on me but he still have to call me with his drama. I feel so bad for him. OW has offically disappeared over the weekend. H went to every house she lived at and no one has seen her. He called her job and they said that she no longer works there. H has a court date next month for joint custody and she dissappeared. Now when we wanted her gone she wouldn't leave us alone. Now that we are attached to OC she is gone. Attorney said don't worry because she can't hide from the courts and plus she has no money to go far but H still worried about OC wellbeing. I truely think this is just another one of OW game but h just don't understand that.This site is the only place I feel I can talk about this no one else seems to understand what
the support.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
Forgive/Forget
♀ Member
Member # 23402
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, April 27th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lynne- I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. Sending thoughts your way for some peace


"Know that the pain will pass, and when it passes, you will be stronger, happier and more sensitive and aware"

Posts: 139 | Registered: Mar 2009
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, April 27th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH has contact with the OC As of right now I do not. I was wondering if anyone else is in a situation like this and if it works for you or not? My WH wants me to have contact but I am not sure I can do that. Looking for advice on how/if it works in hopes of convincing my H that it doesn't have to be the end of our M.


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
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