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Newest Member: Mysurvival (43128)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs XI I
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UK, that's not enough... keep going.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ukg - how do you really feel?

I could wring his fucking neck with his own testicles.

Ya' know....that might hurt.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKG - you okay?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you upset because he still hasn't given you the timeline, or did he do something else?


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKG - sending you hugs and hoping the "wanker" is going to soon give you that timeline you've been asking of him. Vent away if you need to. We'll be here for you. (((UKG)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the hugs and support hearbroken. I appreciate it.

((((UKgirl)))


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

29 years ago today, I pledged to love, honor and respect a man through hard times and good, sickness and health, only death would part us.

29 years ago today, I was a young woman, in love with a flawed man. Unknown to me a man capable of deceit and betrayal on a scale I would never imagine.

29 years ago a married a man who was selfish, self-absorbed, emotionally stunted with demons hidden, but alive, nipping at his soul, day in and day out.

29 years ago today, I married a weak man who hid his dependency and fears with a mask of bravado and confidence.

29 years ago today I married a liar and a cheat.

If I knew then what I know today, I wouldn't be sitting here wondering whether I should bother to remind him that it's our anniversary.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{Weepy}}}

No words... just hugs.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Weepy)))))


UKgirl - check in a let us know you are okay?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Weepy))).

SoLost, sorry I missed your post yesterday. It's hard to believe how low the lows are, isn't it? They seem especially bad after a few updays. Hang in there, you're in the toughest part of the battle right now and things will be better.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He just came home and saw my card on the table and asked me what that was. I said it is what it looks like.

He said he thought the 20th was tomorrow.

Gee, guess I'll remember his birthday a day late next year, see how he likes it.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Weepy))))))

I don't know about the rest of the Tribe, but I really don't have the same sentimentality associated with the wedding anniversary either. And it has nothing to do with the state of our reconciliation- it just is what it is. A reminder of the vows they betrayed. In an odd way, I'm now in the camp that looks at dday as the "startover" to the M. Some day I think I'll actually be able to celebrate dday- that's weird, huh?

So Lost, Ukgirl & all the rest struggling....

Hang in there. The lows will not stay low- and you will get through.

On another note- looks like the "other side" in our lawsuit may consider just paying out our judgment and dropping the appeal. Keep your fingers crossed (and pray hard)- that would be a HUGE milestone for us both fiancially and emotionally. That old job is one of the last reminders of his A- with the judgment will also come a sense of closure to that chapter of our lives.

Hugs,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB - that IS good news....I have my fingers and toes and all other crossable body parts crossed for you.

Geez, if my boobs get any saggier, I will be able to cross them soon too!!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SoLost))))

I am sorry you had a meltdown.And its esp hard when you have little ones to look after, and you have to keep a straight happy face, when all you want to do is dive under the covers for a week or 7.

Try to take it very easy; dont make too many demands on yourself. Let what you can slide, slide.

I am pleased though, that you had the chat with H. What was his reaction about going forward and dealing with it? IS he open to discussing this in IC/MC?

Hang in there, SoL. You ARE doing way better then you think you are. This is all part and parcel of the healing process.

***

((((Ukg))))

Stay strong, my Friend. Please check in.

***

((((Weepy))))

Do you think H "forgetting" was a passive-aggressive move? Seems like it...

Hope you plan to do something good for you today, Weepy.

Maybe a new outfit to go with the new job?
When will we know about that, by the way? Patience and me are not well acquainted...

***
Fnf, I am ok, thanks for asking. Trying to live one day at a time, trying to live in the now. H and I are both stressed for the same and diff reasons, and we went through a low time last week, but are back on track.

He is trying to make one of my (and the kids,) most desired needs/wants a reality, and he has worked so hard on this, I am worried for him if it doesnt work out.

I cant sleep at night anymore, and that aint helping too.

Heres praying for a better week for all.

((((Tribe))))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That old job is one of the last reminders of his A- with the judgment will also come a sense of closure to that chapter of our lives.

Thats great news, HB!
And I am with you on dday marking the startover to the M, too.

***
Hi Shirley.
I have missed you guys so much. Like SoL, I dont have anyone IRL to talk to,and you are all my sisters/IC/MC/friends/fashion advisor/career C,etc.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB,

What good news on the lawsuit. Praying hard for a settlement for you.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Lost H...I agree. It is like you guys are my sisters .

I don't know if I told all of you guys this but I stopped my IC because you guys were better. You had better advice, better insight, better book rec.s and by far better jokes. We are still MCing but, for the meantime, this is my IC.

I have even "ventured out" into F&G, general, etc. What an incredible place this is.

LostH - have you heard anything from UKgirl? I am a little worried about her.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoLost - sorry I missed your post the other day. Are you feeling better today? Those triggers are just awful and getting through them sometimes feels like experiencing the pain of d-day all over again. I hope you're doing better and coming out of this latest setback. (((SL)))
Weepy - It's just so sad to look back and think of how positive and naive we were all those years ago. We had no idea what was in store for us and how deeply we would be hurt by the men who promised to love, honor and protect us from all harm. Yet reading your post I almost felt like there was a resignation, or a distance coming through. How are you doing really? I don't think it's a bad thing either if you are feeling emotionally detached at this point. It might be the best approach at this time. But I do know that it has to be so sad to look back on this day and realize the man you are married to is someone so very different from the person you believed him to be. (((Weepy)))
LH - I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Was it anything in particular that brought on the "low week" or just the usual stress and emotions of trying to survive? Please let us know when you need to talk or get a few hugs and encouraging words. You are so free with your care and concern and I know everyone of us wants to be sure you come to us when you need a hug and some TLC.
So here are some hugs that are a little late but always there for you when you need them.
((((((((((((((LH)))))))))))))
UKG - please check in and let us know you're ok. We're all worried about you.
HB - I'll be keeping my fingers and toes crossed too. That would be so fantastic if this gets settled. Let us know when it's time to celebrate!
To the rest of our sisters, BT, HS, LS, and those who lurk every now and then, here's hoping we all have a good week ahead.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet reading your post I almost felt like there was a resignation, or a distance coming through. How are you doing really? I don't think it's a bad thing either if you are feeling emotionally detached at this point. It might be the best approach at this time.

fnf, you have such a grasp on things, it's downright eerie sometimes.

Yes, I am detached, the only way to handle it. I could have gotten pissy, angry, sarcastic, depressed. I was a little annoyed when it became apparent he didn't know what today was.

I am now annoyed that he didn't even open the card he saw that reminded him.

If he brings it up again, I will only say that it's true that this date means a lot less than it used to, apparently to both of us. And maybe we ought to look into setting a new date to acknowledge the change in our relationship.

He can't say it, he HASN'T been my H for 29 years. He was not my H for at least 10 of those years. Sleeping in our bed and eating the food I prepared, going to family "obligations" does not constitute a marriage or make him a husband or father. He doesn't get credit for those years.

He's only got credit from September 05 on. He even loses the years he was faithful between his last encounter and my finding out because he was thinking of her when she died and did God knows what in AC that day. Even if he was only gambling and getting away, he lied about where he was and why he was gone. Memories of HER. No, he wasn't my H from 1994 until the day he told me.


Do you think H "forgetting" was a passive-aggressive move? Seems like it...

Hope you plan to do something good for you today, Weepy.

Maybe a new outfit to go with the new job?
When will we know about that, by the way? Patience and me are not well acquainted...

No, I don't think it was P/A, I think it was just that he didn't care enough to make sure he knew when the day fell. He said he thought the 20th was tomorrow. Anyone who cared would have checked. He just didn't care. His BROTHER called me and wished me Happy Anniversary for goodness sake. SO did his sister later.

The only thing I did for me was to get dinner and not cook. And I got to pick the take out place, didn't even consult him.

I have another interview Tuesday morning, different company and it's part time, but more interesting than the one I turned down. I hope I hear about the FT one this week.

But at least I logged in for my unemployment today.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iím back, but still on the edge. I canít talk to anyone because Iíll start yelling. I canít read too much because Iíll get even angrier. So here I am, venting again.

ETA you might want to skip this post. Itís extremely boring and just venting, but a word of understanding and a hug while I cry would be very much appreciated. I should delete it cos it's pointless, but I'm so angry.

I could kill him. I hate him. Right now, I am throwing all my toys out of the pram and having a screaming tantrum. How can that stupid fuckwit say he thought I didnít love him? What a stupid fucking thing to say. Did he ever ask? No he fucking didnít. OW just pampered to his ego Ė stroke, stroke. Telling him how much she loved him and how good they were together and how her life was oohh so duuuull with her husband. Who, by the way, was raking in a fortune to keep the kids in private school and her in expensive holidays, jewellery and cars. He was away all week, home at the weekends. Abroad for a couple of years. And she felt neglected. Oh poor her. So she wanted MY LIFE. Well, you canít have it, you stupid bitch, because YOU ARE NOT ME. And maybe I would like her life of wealth, career and security. Me? Iím a SAHM&W and running his sideline business for him. And doing his laundry. And paying his bills. And booking his golf flights. And sleeping with him. And cooking lovely meals for him. And doing the diy and decorating the house so it can be a HOME for us. And taking care of the kids and my parents and his parents. And giving him full body aromatherapy massages when he was all achey. And I was doing all that even though he thought I ďDIDNíT LOVE HIMĒ. WTF was I doing it for then? Because I hated him? Cretin.

Well I hate him now. He didnít like it that it seemed to be me and the kids and he was on the outside? Well, how about helping out with YOUR kids as one struggles with dyslexia, college and peer pressures, one frets and worries about getting the right qualifications for uni and spends inordinate amounts of time studying, one is seriously going off the rails and smoking weed and drinking at 14 and the youngest who is just trying to get by in this household of adults who no time for him. He wanted to justify his affair. And half wish I was having one too. I wish I fucking had been. Escape from the drab and the mundane and the worry of his ex-employers trying to drive us to bankruptcy. Oh yes. I was having A BALL. And my dad with his cancer. But, guess what? Thatís what Iím here for. Little Miss Do-It-All and Coping. Little Miss Isnít-She-Wonderful. Go on, you scoot off and shag someone else. You soooooo need it. For five years. And then he says he never stopped loving me. Get fucking real. I'm now Little Miss Wipe-Your-Own A**.

Selfish fucking bastard. And. AND THEN - HE thinks he has the ďwisdomĒ to impart advice to his bf who is fucking up his second m to a lovely, lovely warm woman as he slides towards a nervous breakdown and wonít see anyone elseís POV. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE you dunce. Reality is gonna bash your head in.

Heís gone down south to start his new job. Good. At least I wonít have his hang-dog face following me around and I might feel like doing all those domestic-ky things that I avoid doing when heís here. I can stop trying to be something Iím not.

And no timeline. He says heís done it, but itíll just be lies and rewritten history with the benefit of hindsight. And he told me as we were coming home from the opera-singing-bfís performance on Friday that OW and he had been to the RSC performance of some comedy in Stratford upon Avon. Just a little ditty he ďforgotĒ. He started to say something and I thought ďhis brain hasnít engaged and his mouth is running awayĒ. Too late! Sure enough, sheíd bought tickets. So they never did anything ďspecialĒ??? Why has he never taken ME to an RSC play and a stop over in a 5* hotel? HUH?

Oh, God. Iíve got to get out of here. Put out the washing and go out. Sorry gang, Iím just not much good for anyone at the moment. I just want to chuck in the towel and give up the fight. See him in court.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 7:05 AM, July 21st (Monday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3326 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
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