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User Topic: Long Term Affairs XI I
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Fnf and Shirley.

Looks like I am going to be a board hogger in the near future.

It got worse after my last post.

Just as I was about to take the kids out, my mum called, and said that she had a sense that I might be upset with her after the call. I told her that I was rushing out and tried to fob her off. But she pushed and said that I must tell her if she upset me or how else owuld she know.

I did what I have been told not to do.
I spoke.
I told her that what she had said about H had really hurt me; that if outsiders said similar, I would have not been bothered, but she knows (not all but most) of what my M has been like and how H had been, and YET she says something like that....how can I not be upset. She asked if I am saying that he never did anything for the kids, not one good thing? How do I answer that?

So did this mean that she cant ever compliment my H, cos I would get so upset about it, she asked. I said of course you can compliment him, but on merits that are TRUE, like his hair or his cooking or the fact that he has provided a roof and food and clothes for us all these years.Or the ways that he has changed in the last year. BUT you can not compliment him on something that is so untrue. She said that she didnt mean harm; that she just wanted him to start the day with a compliment.(and me???)And the way I am carrying on now,....

She then said that she had been warned before(by my sisters)not to talk to me as I would only upset her; that of all the people in the world, nobody has given her as much crap as me; that in spite of ALL the bad I talk about her (to who??? she had no reply cos apart from here, my IC and occassional guarded bitching session with my sisters or maybe H, I DONOT talk); ALL the support she had given me when I lived in AU and had noone to talk to except her (my God even then I would give her a v guarded view, and protect H and her); that I STILL behave like this. How ungrateful.
I say that its odd she would say this, when just the other day she told my aunt and cousin what a good girl I had been, how nice and obedient I had been, not like my sisters or other girls my age. She then said that that was when I was young; that after I got married and moved here, I have caused her so much of pain...blah blah..and dont you dare cry for everything!(I was all choked up by this point).

When she asked if I had anything else to say, I said no, and she said that she would hereon stay out of my life.Slam.

Dont ask me how but I quickly dried up, put on a smile, and took the kids to the library. Whilst they were busy, I called H. I kept choking up, and had to talk to someone IRL. Anyone.

He was nice, and surprisingly intuitive.

HE said this was nothing to do with him; that my mother had this issue with all 3 of us girls, but the other 2 seem to deal/ignore it, whilst I keep banging into it.HE said that he even noticed that my mum would cover/protect any man (him, my dad, wayward uncles, SIL's)over us girls. That she never took our side in anything. That she obviously had some "man" issues (prob with her father committing S when she was 9?), but that she and I had to either come to some sort of compromise, or I had to let it go.For me.

I thought he made alot of sense.

I dont want to deal with my mum right now. Or H.Or his sister.Or his aunt and her H. I so so so wish I could bundle my 3 kiddos, and come over to our cottage, watch them play in the sand whilst I sit with all of you in the sun.

Fnf, I hear what you are saying about you and your DD. I dont think its the same with my mum. Just the other day, she asked me if I had any problems with my her during my childhood, cos my sister had told that I had "issues". Of course when I denied it, she said she thought so, cos she couldnt imagine what issues I would have with her.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone!

Haven't logged in properly for a week, just lurked a bit and posted to poor howcouldhe1 who's dealing with her FWH's head injury and current state of coma. Made me want to slap myself and count my blessings.

There are too many pages to read right now, but FWH has given me some replies to my questions. I've read them and will be mulling over what he has said. There is one more for me to read that he hasn't finished. I think he has found the whole thing exhausting. Poor dear.

Thanks BT & LostH. I think I'm hanging on to my last shred of sanity in this mad maelstrom. You can take my straight-jacket off now. Please.

Right. Off out now. Hope everyone is hanging in there and I'll be back to check in tomorrow and catch up on where everyone is.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh (((((LostHeart))))

I just read your last post and I am so sorry your mum just does not get it at all. Did you have a chance to read what BT wrote? It seems so spot on that I thought it might help. I cannot imagine how painful and difficult it was to hear those words from your mom. However, if there can be a bright side it is this...

HE said this was nothing to do with him; that my mother had this issue with all 3 of us girls, but the other 2 seem to deal/ignore it, whilst I keep banging into it.HE said that he even noticed that my mum would cover/protect any man (him, my dad, wayward uncles, SIL's)over us girls. That she never took our side in anything. That she obviously had some "man" issues (prob with her father committing S when she was 9?), but that she and I had to either come to some sort of compromise, or I had to let it go.For me.

I thought he made alot of sense.

It sounds like he really listened, like he was very concerned for you and that he might understand your family dynamic and would be willing to help you with it. That is good, right?

Perhaps you could use this situation with your mom and his understanding to further explore his FOO issues and bring up what is causing his shutdown around his sister?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost, my friend, I am liking that husband of yours right about now (so maybe I will only hit him with a 1x2, rather than a 2x4 for the spitting thing).

I think he is spot on about your mother. My mother is the same way about men. She was her Daddy's favorite, and in an Italian-American family of her generation the dad was the first and last word and everything in between. My mother devalues women constantly, but subtly, and it is an attitude that I have fought against all my life.

You and your H can be wonderful resources for each other in dealing with your FOOs. I know my H and I are that for each other now and it has been a wonderful bond for us.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Shirley, how are you doing?


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, BT. I am so sorry. I am so full of myself today, i totally missed your post to me.

Shirley, thank you for pointing it out.

BT, I quickly read your post as dinner is almost ready. I will read it again slowly later on. What you said, is in spirit what my Ic has told me.

Thank you.
And my other LTA friends.
So strange that I can find comfort in strangers than my own flesh and blood.

***
((((Ukg))))
I didnt quite understand your sms, so didnt reply.

Take your time to digest what you have read from H.
And uh..... I think we'll keep that jacket on for a wee bit longer.
Got a spare?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me again.

[

quote]The pattern of my life has been me helping her, not the other way around.

Me too. When she listing all the ways in which she had helped me, I so wanted to reply, "How about the times I had to look after my sisters (who are almost my age)whilst dad was beating you up? I must have been doing that since I was 6/7? How about the times I listened to you tell me about dad's LTAs and how i supported you when you used to call OW and yell? (I was 14 when that started). How about all the times I supported you when he didnt, when noone didnt? (all my life). How about the times when I had to come home from school, handwash all our uniforms, babysit the sisters, give dad his tea; basically do your job so that you could go to work? (from age 12?)How about the tiems you spoke about all the womenfriends in dad's life, and then I watch you be nice to them and think, WTF? How about the times when I helped you with the sisters when they got drunk, took drugs, had boyfriends, but kept it quiet so noone from your family would know.HOw about the times when I (and sisters) supported you in keeping up the charade as good religious family in front of your family (different names and different dress codes inclu)..and I had to be in charge of the sisters in case they slipped up?
How about ALL the times over the years till now, when you call me to moan about the sisters and how they treat their H's; how one brings up her children, how the other doesnt want to have children, about what a bad man dad is (but you stiil make sure he gets what he wants),etc etc, and I listen to you and think rather you let the toxins out on me than on them.How even now, no matter what he has done, you still feel (and vocalise)the wonder that I could have got a H like my H; that someone like him could be M'd to me. Then you beat me up (with words) when I dont show a strong self esteem, when I act weak, when I am displaying actions/thoughts that are not becoming of YOUR daughter.

I do that when I can now out of love and duty, but not out of what always impelled me to do it before -- a deep and abiding hope that if I did enough for her she would love me

My father is a total waste of space. I dont even hate him anymore. he is simply an annoyance. I have wanted my mother's unconditional love for so long, as long as I can remember. I know better now, yet I still go back like I did today.

BT, how did you make yourself stop? Knowing it is just not enough? Unless I totally keep my distance. I dont want to do that, cos she is a wonderful grandma to the kids. They love their grandma who spoils them endlessly. EVery child needs someone like that, and they have two(my mum and my youngest sister).

Fnf,
H and his sister have had a longstanding subtle fued between them. She was her father's fav, and he was his mothers. Their parents used them to score points against each other. She hated her mother, and he in turn, hated his father, whilst they both secretly coveted that parent's love.

I know one of the reason's he is anxious, is that he doesnt want her to see how we live. He is ashamed.From what we had in Au to this.
Another reason, is me. He knows that somehow this visit will hurt us, and I think he feels powerless to do anything.He wont stand up to her cos she wont pick on him, I will be the target. I think he is also worried that she may say something, cos she was his confidant after dday, and I read some of her smss where she encouraged him to D since he was saying how unhappy he was.

At the end of the day, like BT's family, you just cant say No to family. You grind your teeth, clean up the house, cook your best meals, entertain them, smiling the whole time, and hold it in till they leave.

I wonder if he will protect me/us if she did do anything. But I am not going to count on it. One of the good after effects of dday (and bad at times!), is that I cant shut up anymore.

This visit could go well. I was so worked up over the last visit (when he hugged that woman and then left me alone), I know I could have handled it better; that if he had stayed, he would have had to let go of his childhood romantic picture of her and seen her for the loony tunes she is. when i look back at that night, I can honestly say, that after he left, my sisters and I did have a lot of fun with that poor woman. She was beyond clueless.

I need to take some imoduim for this verbal diarrhoea (sp?), but I do feel so much better now after getting this poison out, and reading all your words to me.

I was reading a Chicken Soup for the Soul book earlier on, and saw this:

One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other's stories.
Rebecca Falls

Thank you all for listening to my story.

(((((((Tribe))))))))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((BT)))))))))))

Wishing you loads and loads of white light in getting through the weekend with your mum.

I hope you and your sisters find strength in each other, and that you find sanctuary in your H's arms.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost, I don't think I made myself stop fretting about my mother. After a period of mourning the truth, I just became able to accept it. I think the better I got at appreciating myself, the less important other people's validation became to me.

Since I don't expect much from her at this point, I am able to appreciate what she can give when she can give it. I think it's just a matter of getting stronger in yourself, and I see that happening with you every day.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((BT))))))

Many blessings, dear friend.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH - I wish I had some comforting words for you today. It seems your Mom has so many of her own issues that are still unresolved. I feel for her but more so for you since it sounds as if you were denied the innocence of childhood. That is such an unfair circumstance.
I'm guessing your mom has never gone to C'ing and that your parents never went to MC'ing either. That is so unfortunate.
Your story only makes me realize all the more just how special and strong you are. To have witnessed all that you did and to come out so warm and generous is a tribute to your genuine goodness. I admire you so much and consider it an honor to know you if only in cyberland.
BT - Your post to LH was amazing. You too are an inspiration to us all.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finally caught up having got distracted several times with my own writings. I’ve had some rather unpleasant dreams lately and one was about the bank knowing when I was going to die and I was sorting out all the finances with them. And it was going to be overturning the car into a water filled dyke on the A47. I told H about it. Then I put the radio on and sthe travel report was on – an accident on the A47. Honestly, within 30secs, the bloody A47. So I’m trying to put all the passwords and userwords on a document for H to use should anything happen cos he doesn’t have a clue about internet banking and all the savings are in my name.

Now then LostH. I really think you just need to explain to your H why we need notice for when “people” are coming over. If someone told him he had an important presentation to do at work (or whatever) he would expect to have a reasonable amount of time to prepare. Same thing. Why don’t you put up a critical path plan on the wall with dates and times things have to be done by just to give him an idea of what is involved? If there’s no time for this visit, just do it for the next social or family event. And one thing’s for sure, he wouldn’t even be offering if you weren’t there. As to him being ashamed or embarrassed, that’s easily deal with, leave the property details on the coffee table – and let her be horrified at the prices!

Your mum – well we all have some issues or other with family members. I think I’ve ranted enough about mine and they’re not even that bad! My sis is the favourite, but turned out to be the bad sheep and is now becoming a bitter woman going on about how “it’s alright for you” (not sure what she means by that, but still) and my parents are still hoping she’ll meet a nice lawyer and settle down. My mum has only had time for me since I had the kids – and she was/is so much nicer to them than she ever was to me at their ages. But I choose to just shelve that and I see her a little like BT seems to see her mom. And I have the thing about my parents going on and on about my wonderful H ….. But I think you should stick your chest out and say you’re proud of the way you’ve brought your children up to be such polite, likeable people – in spite of their father! Just stick up for yourself and don’t let her go on too long so it upsets you or you upset her. You don’t have to outline details, just remind her you were there for her when she was unable to cope. But pleased to hear that H said all the right things. So good for Mr LostH.

((((((((((LostH)))))))))) You will get past this horrid time.

My txt msg was just that I had read H’s first reply for the timeline and it’s still the same wash-over crap. Maybe he thinks that be telling me often enough, I'll be brainwashed. Hh has just rewritten it all in his own head and maybe he believes his own rhetoric. OW being in the box in his head, his sense of failure when he had sex with her, how he wanted to be with me because he could never be “with” her in the way she wanted, about how he should have ended it so long before he did, about how he wanted to get back to where he was pre-A, how each meeting was allocated just to keep her at bay from me. Blah, blah, crap. He conveniently forgets the poetry, the emails and the texts. Yeh, the texts declaring undying love for her right up to the fucking end. So. The whole thing, the whole affair, the deception, the lying – just stupid. Pointless and stupid. I am now utterly convinced he had the affair because he wanted to and he could. Period. Wonder what’s he’s going to say in part 2?

SoL – you and him talking again yet? Don’t let it go on too long, it could fester and turn things sour. Then something will have to give.

Acres – hi again! Yep. OWH is sticking with her. Even though he knows everything, having hacked into her computer and phone and downloaded several years worth of their stupid notes. He’s not going anywhere, else he would have by now. And OW told me he’d always been there for her (although that’s NOT what she told my H).


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Ukg.
We missed you here.

Thanks for the thoughts.My mind is such a mishmash today..it seems like I am either feeling numb and out of it; or feeling/seeing everything too much, KWIM?

Taking it hour by hour this weekend.

(((((Tribe)))))

Hope everyone is hanging in there.

O/T
Ukg, a nice lawyer?

Also, are you going to tell him about your extra info? If he reads here, guess he knows now.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mind is such a mishmash today..

I am not surprised, not at all. You have had more grief in the last couple of weeks than the last six months – or so it seems. Ugh. Just hold on and get through this next couple of weeks and have as little to do with “arrangements” for family as you can. Wear your guest personality. The Catwoman outfit should do it! Purring nicely – just watch out for the claws SIL!

My parents always thought my sis would marry a nice professional - instead she didn't marry at all, she shacked up with a no good lecherous lecturer who went after every piece of student tail he could get and who ended up as far away geographically as he could in the UK - about 600miles. So she brought up her two children on her own and worked ft. Is that my fault? Well, yes, somehow it is!!!
ETA - the extra info? Hmm. That's my secret stash only I have access to. Might use it, might not. Depends on part 2 ..... does he know truth from fiction?

[This message edited by UKgirl at 2:45 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
OT
Ukg, a nice lawyer?

Um...I am proof there is such a thing- I swear!!! Now then, I'm a blonde and a lawyer- imagine the jokes at my expense I've had to put up with through the years

Hope you all are surviving your weekend. MIL just left not more than a week ago and she's at it again- trying to get H to visit his grandparents to help move some stuff so that she can conveniently arrange for H to meet her H (the one she left FIL for). At least this is an issue that I don't have to jump in about, but I sometimes wish she would drop off the face of the planet. Yep.... she messed with the wrong chick when she screwed ME over

Hugs to all,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just dropping in to say hello to the tribe.

Read thru a page or so and it seems like the struggles continue... I am exhausted for all of you's!

Weepy... Congrats on the new job.

Life is going well. Camping ALOT, and have been creating some wonderful memories.

I return to work next Tues., and that makes me sad. I love my job, but I always hate to let go of the freedom of summer. Long nights and late mornings. Such is life!!

Hope things start to turn around for the better. You's are in my thoughts...


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blonde and a lawyer??!!

Just joking, HB.


As for your MIL...how sad that she has to resort to such tactics. Wonder why she is so keen for them to meet up? Would your H "accepting" her H, make what she did better then?

At least she is gone..and you both survived this together!

****
Thanks Ukg.

My mum called up and spoke to H. She told him how much she cried after our call, and how heart sore she was etc. Then she realised that she understood! The reason why I was behaving like this was because of upcoming visits from SIL, aunty etc. (yesterday she asked me if I was pms'ing. ).
So she is all ok now, cos my out burst wasnt about her, but everything else in my life.

She is almost 55 years old, and I dont think she is going to change. She herself admitted that she hates looking back, and just wants to deal with the now (of course when that suits her).

She is not a bad person. She has in fact tried to be what she thought was a good mother to us. And the fact that I am the only one who challenges her adds to her perception of our past.

I feel very very small today. Very small. I have been quite and in my head for most of the day. Thsi is making H anxious and I dont know what to tell him.

Today when they were talking, it reminded me of the old days when he used to complain to her about me...and she didnt defend me...and tried to make him feel better...and then lecture me about being a better wife.

I so wish I drank or smoked or something to just make me feel nothing. What I would do for a shot of pethidine or the like...


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH - I'm sorry your Mom is giving you so much grief. I know just how hurtful that can be - I really do. I wanted to tell you a little about my mom too so maybe you'll know that you're not alone.
My mom is a very generous woman but not very good when it comes to giving emotional support. Although she was very upset for me and with my H when she learned of his A, she quickly tried to get me to stop talking about it. The entire topic made her VERY uncomfortable. If I started to talk, or worse, looked like I was going to cry, she often said to me, "Get over yourself." Once when I was out to lunch with her and my sister she actually told me that she felt sorry for the OW. Imagine, she said, that you put all of that time and hope into a relationship and he just walked away and never looked back. I have to tell you that that was the most painful thing anyone has said to me during these 2 + years. AND IT WAS MY MOTHER!
I cannot tell you how hurtful that single comment was. My sister really let her have it on my behalf (thank God for her).
I guess my point is that sometimes no matter how much we need our mother's care and support when we realize that they, for whatever reason, cannot give it to us, we must find others who can fill that loving, gentle maternal role. I am lucky in that my twin sister is that person. I hope there is someone like that for you. I honestly don't know how I would have come this far if I hadn't had her walking with me through this torrent of emotion.
It sounds to me like you have always had to be the strong one, the one who everyone else came to when they needed someone. Isn't there someone now who can give that to you when your Mom is being so difficult?
I hope and pray you do have that someone but if not you must know that you have all of us here waiting to be there for you.
Please keep posting and don't ever feel like you're "hogging the board."

Hugs to you, LH.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:29 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um...I am proof there is such a thing- I swear!!! Now then, I'm a blonde and a lawyer-

HB - I just had to second the fact that there is such a thing as a nice lawyer and YOU are the proof! I couldn't let you get away without acknowledging that fact!

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:29 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now see, there are nice blondlawyers....we have one of our own right here! lol

((((LH))))) I know she's still your mom and you love her but I am amazed by your strength at dealing with that cruelty. Perhaps she is/did do her best, but you did the best by the way you handled it. Deosn't take the sting out though.

I don't even know what to tell you about H and I. Last night he came home from work and I asked if we were going to talk or wait until our appointment Wednesday. So we talked. And fought. And I cried and he was an ass (just not getting it) and I cried myself to sleep. Fun. We finally agreed that we need to just wait and talk with them as we are getting no where on our own.

His basic argument is that he asked me to go with him. It shouldn't matter that he asked me second after I had said he couldn't go by himself, he still asked me and he wouldn't have asked if he wasn't okay with me going. My view is that asking me in front of everyone and then calling back and saying well, since I can't go alone do you want to go with me does not make me feel wanted or welcome. He doesn't get it.

So we are at a standstill. I tried to be nice today. I sat next to him on the couch and he put his arm around me and so I lay down with my head on his lap for a while. We talked fine on the phone when he called to say goodnight to the kids.

I am just so worried that this is the deal breaker. This is the first time he is not sorry, doesn't rtealize what he did wrong, isn't taking responsibility. Could care less that I am crying. It just feels very, very bad.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

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