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User Topic: Long Term Affairs XI I
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H still hasn’t done a timeline

Ukg, have you given him a deadline..or does it think its an open-ended project?
That must surely be adding to your frustration.

I know how you feel about the bday gifts. Not only did H buy mine and OW#2 at the same time, he bought us the same thing (however she got the yellow gold and I got the white gold). I just cant imagine him going to the jewellery store and doing this. And he did the same on another occassion.

However, I will not let that stop me from enjoying my bday! In fact now, I expect him to go OTT!!!
And I know he also welcomes the opportunity to do something nice for me.

Why are you denying yourself (and H)this? Who are you punishing, Ukg?

Anyway, how would you like to celebrate your birthday this year?Its pretty soon, isnt it?

***

He also brought it up to his C all on his own

Good for Mr SoLost!
It does sound like he is on the right track, SoL, and even though his execution may be dodgy, it sounds like his heart was in the right place. Looks like he just need some finetuning.

And enjoy the happy time for now. Try not to think about the next slump.

***

Weepy, hope the evening went well.

***
FSA!!!!
Its so nice to see you.
I did miss you, my friend.

I am so pleased that life is staying on track for you and H. SAHM hey? No more Boss hanging around your shoulder whilst you log in and out here.

Hope you are taking some time to relax and do some of the stuff that you always wanted, but never had enough time. And hope Mr FSA is recovering well.

***

All the fallout from his affairs. All the things he never thought about

Guess this would apply to all the WSs.

Anyhow I am happy that you and the kids are having a fab weekend.

I must admit though, I actually find it a refreshing change that you have a mum who feels that way about a FWH.

My mum, as do many others I believe, prefer to carry on as normal, or even go on to be extra nice to the erring SIL. I know my mum actually feels sorry for him, and blames his FOO on his poor choices, and thinks that I am too hard on him.
But I attribute that to her justifying her actions with my dad after their ddays.She could hardly go hard on my H, when she doesnt do that to her own H.

I would like to believe though, that if any of my children ever had an abusing cheating spouse, that I would behave very differently.

****
So we told the kids this morning about our baby. They took it relatively well, and we both tried to answer their questions (and they had many!)as honestly and plainly as we could.

It was surreal hearing his name out aloud from them.

Its also eye opening seeing how their different personalities responded with the types of questions they asked.

My DS finally has his rightful place in our family.

Thank you all for your support in helping me do this.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FSA!!! So good to hear from you and to know that you are doing well. And a SAH mom too. You have had some changes.

Hope your H has recovered completely and is liking his new job.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning all. I'm hanging in there. Keep reading the parts of this book that remind me he's going to do everything in his power to put things back the way they were because it's comfortable, even if it's a horrible existence. He knows it. I'm trying hard not to fall into the trap of familiarity too.

It's getting easier to stand back and listen to what he's saying and not react if he's trying to provoke me. This morning was a good example. I've been not well since Saturday. I got up early this morning (4 AM) because i still had a headache, and I was having those early morning "thoughts", just feeling the anger and sadness creeping in. So H says "why are you up so early?" I say because I have a headache. He starts to go off on his "you've had it for 3 days, don't you think you should try something else, get it checked out, maybe adjust your sinus meds, etc." I just listen (and instead of reacting like-- I'm not an idiot, I know how to take medicine -- I just tell him "thank you for your concern." He thought I said it "snarky", but I didn't and gave me some kind of smartass remark. I didn't rise to the bait to start an arguement at 5 AM.

We still haven't talked about what went on in MC. And there's still no real connection between us. My IC talked to me a long time on the phone yesterday about how I need to stay strong and committed to what I want to do for me and to let him sort out his feelings on it alone. Not try to change his mind, not to wait for his blessing because based on what he said in MC, he's never going to give it.

He just made clear everything I thought was true, that he didn't leave me because I'm the breadwinner, that my paycheck was the value I brought to our relationship and without it, I am meaningless.

Yesterday, I went out and made my own lunch and brought it into the living room while I read my homework. I thought he was going to have a stroke that I didn't offer to make him something while I was out there making mine. He made a comment like "is that dinner?" and I told him "now, you know it's not dinner, if it was dinner, I'd be eating it at the table."

I'm just going to keep on reading and following IC's advice and see what happens.

FSA, nice to see you too.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DS finally has his rightful place in our family.

That is just beautiful LH. I was so touched and happy for you and your family when I read this.
Weepy - I think you are on the right track. I am so glad you are following your IC's advice. I'm betting your H is going to be very confused but if you stay the course I'm betting you will see some interesting changes in your H's behavior.
He just made clear everything I thought was true, that he didn't leave me because I'm the breadwinner, that my paycheck was the value I brought to our relationship and without it, I am meaningless.

Weepy, did he actually say this or is this just your thinking? This would be very cruel and untrue and I hope you don't really believe this. You must know that you are the strength and the security of your family. You bring respectability to his life, you give him love even when he knows he doesn't deserve it and you are a model mother. Don't you let him make you feel this way. This is his own weakness and insecurity talking. He has so much shame and he is trying to project his negativity onto you, the one he knows will help him to bear his personal pain.
(((Weepy)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't you get some sort of refund for damaged goods??

Good one, UKG.

HS - your vacation sounds wonderful - just what the doctor ordered. Mind if I join you?? Hell, I think our whole tribe could use a vacation like yours.

FSA - good to see you. So glad you're doing well. Enjoy being a SAHM. I've always loved having the time with my family. It sounds like you and your H are on the right track.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DS finally has his rightful place in our family

Oh, Lost Heart, that is wonderful. It must make you feel so complete to have the truth be known and accepted by all. Now you can acknowledge that day in peace.

Hi FSA!! Being at home with the kids is great (obviously has its challenges as well ) but the rewards are great. When you have time give us an update as to why the changes and what else is going on in your life.

how I need to stay strong and committed to what I want to do for me and to let him sort out his feelings on it alone. Not try to change his mind, not to wait for his blessing because based on what he said in MC, he's never going to give it.

Weepy - this is so true. He isn't going to change for you no matter how much you try, push, change, etc. You need to do what you need to for you. He either will or will not come around but it will be up to him to decide.

Hi FNF....vacation is great. The kids and I are loving the beach. The dog is loving running around getting covered in ticks that we then have to get off of her.
We are going to go see the "Get Smart" movie today which should be silly. And stooopid H is missing it all because of his stooopid choices.

We had an interesting conversation on the phone last night. He called to say goodnight to the girls. After, when I got on, he said I sounded so distant. He thinks I am getting further and further away from him. I told him that I was always "here", I just didn't know how far away he had wandered. He didn't seem to get it so I wrote the following to him the morning....we'll see if that makes him understand....


V
"


Imagine this V is our paths in life. The two marks under it was us 27 years ago just embarking on life's path for us. For the next 27 years as I took each step, I thought you were next to me. Each day I took a step forward and changed. I was married and meant my vows. I went to school, had a career, furthered myself in life. I took the lifechanging step of having children and learning to commit yourself to another helpless life and bring that life forward into a wonderful child. I changed, I grew and at each step I would check to see if you were there with me.

Unfortunately, the person next to me was a mask, a facade, not a real person. The person I thought was next to me had embarked on his own path. Not a path of building, but a path of destruction. He did not commit to the unity of marriage. He did not try to further himself. He did not take truly to fatherhood. He was going down a path a selfishness that, by definitition, could only end up alone.

10 Months ago, the person next to me vanished. The illusion was shattered and I found myself standing alone on my life path. The person that I thought was building a life together with me was an illusion. The person that I believed had embarked on a life journey with me was now thousands of miles (or a lifetime of little steps/choices) away.

When you say that you think I am further away what I believe is happening is that I haven't moved an inch. You are just now realizing how each of your choices over the last 27 years moved you so very far away from me. All of those steps away from me cannot be made up overnight. It will take years and years of you hiking back toward me to bring you close to me again. I have walked the difficult path of selflessness and sacrifice. It is now your turn.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, it’s been a quiet weekend in this particular household and I’m still waiting. H has asked “what’s wrong”. How about you read a letter, you read a book, you’ve had IC and know you have to tell the TRUTH, but you don’t want to talk about your affair every day and when we do, you’d rather we went out somewhere to do it, which we haven’t done. Yet you are STILL sitting there just waiting for everything to go back to normal when I don’t even know what “normal” should be. Your “normal” for five years was daily texting/phoning and regular seeing/shagging your ex-gf. So, now what?
*****
My DS finally has his rightful place in our family.

Well done, LostH. I bet it was hard for you, but now your angel is not a secret anymore.

My birthday’s not for a few weeks – OW’s on Friday (spit, spit) and DS3’s 20th on Saturday. 4xM same name as OW friend’s b’day is this Wednesday. It was her I was with when WH was with OW juggling dates and trying to be with her and it just makes me wanna sssscreeeeeeeeeEEEEEAM!!!!! PUKE and I wanna whack him until he’s black and blue - and deaf!! Kwim?? Uh,oh. Got that jump in the car and run away feeling again.
*****
FSA, good to “see” you and with your SAH news. You’re entitled to a bit of what you want. And it’s great that Mr FSA is happy with that.
*****
So Lost

Who knows when the next pile of shit might hit the fan.

It shouldn’t. If he is really getting it, is prepared to be completely open with you on all fronts, then it should be bigger steps forward from now on.
*****
Weepy
He just made clear everything I thought was true, that he didn't leave me because I'm the breadwinner, that my paycheck was the value I brought to our relationship and without it, I am meaningless.

Did he really say that? If so, I’m gob-smacked.
Get away and enjoy the respite. Relax and get that stress and tension out. (Can I join you too…..?)
*****
Shirley – all I can say is wow. You have expressed it precisely and powerfully. I don’t suppose it occurred to an any of our WS’s that they were removing and distancing themselves at the time. They were looking for excuses and shifting blame onto those who hadn’t a clue they had gone. Tsk. The stupidity and sadness of it all.
*****
I think our whole tribe could use a vacation like yours.

Well, we do have a beach/coastal theme going on here! Oh, those miles of sand, the warm strong breeze off the sea, the salt on the sun-kissed sin and the smell of salads and elderflower cordial in the hampers.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

Both my husband's family and mine were secret keepers. Unlike you, ours didn't just wait until we were old enough to tell us things, they never did. We ended up finding out about some very significant family issues/information after people died when they were no longer here to explain their perspective on events.

It always seemed so disrespectful and dismissive to me that they would do that. I'm glad you have chosen to treat your children with openness and respect and love. It doesn't surprise me that they have responded in kind.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley,

I have to echo whoever it was who said earlier that they were impressed and a bit jealous to see your mother take the stand she did. It must be very cool to have a mother who is supportive of you that way and I'm sure it had a great impact on your husband, as it should have.

UK:

What would happen if you asked him straight out again for the timeline and asked him for a definite date on which he could produce it?


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, BT, my mom is a rock. She raised me well and she sticks by her guns. Nobody is going to mess with her kids (me). She has said that she will stand by me. If I decide to forgive him, she will too but. She will support me in my decision.

I love my mom.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thought I'd pop in for a sec.

Now I have no excuse for letting everything go around the house. This morn I mowed the yard, now I need to do some inside work. I just quit my job last Mon., so this will be my first full week off. And after I quit last week, I packed me and the kids a bag and we went to stay with Mr FSA for the rest of the week. His new job is 4 hr drive away and also about 20 minutes away from the beach. I think I may become a beach bum. I found it very relaxing last week. Texas doesn't have very pretty beaches, but it's better than sitting at home.

Changes in our lives.
Mr FSA is no longer in law enforcemet. And with his new job he is making about 4 times as much money. Yea!!!!

He is living in a RV down close to the beach.

He's only home on the weekends, unless I go there.

I quit my job. So I can be a SAHM. Yea!!! I've worked for most of my adult life and also raised a house full of kids, it's time for me to kick back a little.

Finally have enough cash to enjoy life a little. I've always had to watch every penny with no extra spending that was not absolutely necessary. ( Think I might try a spa treatment, never had that before. Of course I can't afford it on a regular basis, but at least now I can see what it feels like.)

Lovin the beach!!!!

Taking the kids to do some fun things. I've found out that my 6 year old son loves to go bowling. He stinks at it big time, but don't tell him that I said so!! But we have a blast at it.

I have grandchild (looks like a girl maybe)number 6 on the way.

And as for quitting my job. I FINALLY STOOD UP FOR MYSELF. All my life I have done whatever it takes to keep the peace, and whatever it takes to make people like me. Don't rock the boat. NOT. I told that co-worker just what I thought about how she was acting. You should have seen the shock on her face. She didn't expect it b/c I have been taking her crap for almost 5 years. Not anymore. (bet she's working now)HaHa

Thats about it for my changes.

Picked up on just a couple of things reading this morn.

UK and the timeline. We tried to do that quite some time back. But I couldn't handle it. When we got to the part where my 6 year old was born, I fell apart. And we never did finish it after that, and you know what.....I'm o.k. without the rest of the timeline. And if you don't get one, you'll get past it. Just decide if it's worth your frustration to keep asking for it. And something to ask yourself. Will a timeline make you feel like you've finally gotten all of the whole story. I bet not. I know for me, my H could never tell me enough to make me feel like there's still not more out there. At some point I finally quit digging for more b/c of that.

And Shirley and your mom. Mine is behind me 100 percent. She has managed to keep her mouth closed as far as Mr FSA, but he knows that she would be hell on wheels if she ever cut loose on him. She stays quite for me. But on the other hand if I said "mom go get him" she'd do that too.

Well lunch just came out of the oven, better go eat.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello to everyone! I'm back from vacation tired, but happy with our trip. H was good on the trip and only had one little "issue" and we managed to resolve it within a few minutes rather than my old habit of sulking after for a day or two. The country was beautiful- wonderful scenery and nice visiting with our friends from Wyoming that we only see once a year at this music festival. But, still glad to be back "home"...

LH,

So we told the kids this morning about our baby

I am so proud of you for being able to take this step. I know it was not easy. Sometimes telling people about these things brings the memories back and makes it more "real"- but in the end I think this may help you move forward with your healing & also to share that healing with your family.

FSA- So nice to "see" you pop back in with the updates. I'm envious that you get to be a SAHM. Enjoy those times... you deserve it!

Weepy- I was hoping when I came back that you would be on the upswing of the roller coaster. But it sounds like you have a plan that you are executing with your IC's support- and you sure as heck know you have ours.

Well, I'm still catching up on the reading, but I'll pop back in when I have something interesting to say

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's being so damn polite, I could wring his neck. The sweet sarcasm is just dripping from his lips. I know it's a counter move, so I'm just sticking with the plan. I'm not explaining myself, not defending myself, just doing.

As a bonus, my phone battery crapped out today. I'm giving him no excuses to be "upset" about not reaching me... plugging it in and texting him every time I leave the area. So he can't say I'm not interacting. He's just going to get used to not being able to reach me for the next 7days until the battery arrives. Yeah,I could have gone to the AT&T store and paid $45, but I ordered two on line for half that price. Now I'll always have a back up. See, I'm thinking all the time.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH, I am so happy your son can really be a part of the family now. That must have been so hard and so rewarding.

Weepy, do you really want to play these games forever? He responded this way so I countered that way...It seems really exhausting. I am just worried about you.

UKGirl, I love that you said gob-smacked. I'm sorry the birthday thing is so hard. Sometimes I want to get in my car and run too.

I think I am slowly and cautiously coming out of defense mode. Or maybe it's offense mode. Anyway, I am finding that I find NOTHING when I check email and online stuff. He just isn't doing anything sneaky at this point. And the things he has done have been half truths about the affair or just unwise decisions, but nothing to intentionally hurt me since dday. So I think for my own peace of mind I need to loosen up on the investigating. I need to just try to build a relationship now.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH, I am so happy your son can really be a part of the family now. That must have been so hard and so rewarding.

Weepy, do you really want to play these games forever? He responded this way so I countered that way...It seems really exhausting. I am just worried about you.

UKGirl, I love that you said gob-smacked. I'm sorry the birthday thing is so hard. Sometimes I want to get in my car and run too.

I think I am slowly and cautiously coming out of defense mode. Or maybe it's offense mode. Anyway, I am finding that I find NOTHING when I check email and online stuff. He just isn't doing anything sneaky at this point. And the things he has done have been half truths about the affair or just unwise decisions, but nothing to intentionally hurt me since dday. So I think for my own peace of mind I need to loosen up on the investigating. I need to just try to build a relationship now.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He responded this way so I countered that way...It seems really exhausting. I am just worried about you.

Hey, according to what I read and my IC, this is the way it plays out until he "gets" it. Or I bow out.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't been posting, but am keeping up with you all. Lots of strain and stress--part of life now I guess.

I am at a weird plateau--sort of feel guilty complaining, with all the troubles I'm reading about. But I think it's part of our story, and it still affects me.

Day to day, we're doing okay--I can see H trying to do stuff to make me feel we have a relationship, that he's trying, and acknowledging my efforts as well. But he's basically stuck in a rather hopeless mode, feeling he's ruined 4 lives, not to mention what it'll do to our kids when they're told about OC. And he's unable to really just feel content, even a bit really, not to mention happy!!

He doesn't talk about this unless it comes up in some way when I ask questions or make some remark--but it sure is obvious to me at times. And of course I take it right to the place inside me that feels that "I'm not enough" and "he's settled for this and is just making the best of it"--

I had hoped that after all this time had passed, he'd be able to compartmentalize a bit better (you know, like he did during the infidelity!!--tho he claims he wasn't happy then either--go figure), and let whatever connection and feelings and energy between us in a bit--I don't know if he's just too guilty or hopeless feeling or what--but it impacts me. I don't know how to act!!

If I act like everything is "normal", it feels like I'm complicit in some dishonesty between us--if I bring it up, he says I'm trying to tell him how he should feel and he just can't change that right now. My IC says that those feelings of hopelessness and depression tend to cloud everything, and become a normal way of feeling, and that it's hard to break out of--

He tends to be depressive anyway, and pre-infidelity, we just rolled with it--he always came out of it, never really serious or clinical--and it was easy for me to just be there and supportive cuz I didn't have all these other reasons to feel it was me. And I know, I know, it isn't me--but it does impact our recovery. That's what I have IC for.

A little vent--I still mourn the marriage I thought we had, and now it looks like I'll have to mourn or at least change my expectations of our R in the future. Guess I'm feeling a little hopeless myself.

I hate how there's never a let up from thinking about all the fallout from the LTA--I am hoping that time will take care of that for me a bit, and further discussion with H. Tired of it though.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A little vent--I still mourn the marriage I thought we had, and now it looks like I'll have to mourn or at least change my expectations of our R in the future. Guess I'm feeling a little hopeless myself.

25, I know what you're saying. Just yesterday I had the random thought of "I don't mind working my ass off if there's a chance something better will come of it, but to work my ass of for this, I'm not sure."

So I just decided I'm going to work my ass of for me. At least you can say you see your H trying, mine has stopped.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wimsey,

I hope your husband values what an incredible gift he has in you. Everytime I read one of your posts I am reminded again of your strength, and calm centered-ness and your compassion and understanding.

Reading your posts always makes me want to be more like you. Do you give private lessons?

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just had a very interesting phone call with H. I realized in the middle of the night (why does all good thinking happen in a semi-dreamlike state) that he saw my deep love for him as a WEAKNESS. I don't know why or how this dawned on me now but when it hit, I knew instantly in my heart and my gut that this was true. In his sick head, love was a weakness, an attribute to be used AGAINST someone.

So he just called and I asked him if he thought this was true. He was very quiet and then said "yes". He does believe that my love was seen as weak and needy. But also, because he knew I loved him, he knew he could take advantage of me.

JESUS H. CHRIST!!!! Is there someplace where they are raising these spawns of the devil and releasing them into society. Hmmmm, now I think of it, his mom makes the devil look like a good guy.

Anyway, I just thought I would throw that tidbit out for all of you to chew on. Anybody feel that maybe their H felt the same way?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

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