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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: WS Questions for BS's
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is for WS's that have specific questions they would like to ask of BS's .

There will be no bashing/snide/snarky remarks by anyone. Doing so will result in the loss of your Profile.

WS please do not answer by proxy for your BS, stick to your situation.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:51 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Prayin4Daylight
♀ Member
Member # 15710
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

>>> tapping foot >>> Eagerly waiting for a question ...

Seriously, as a BS, I have had many kind & thoughtful posts from WS. I would love to return the favor, If I can. Looking forward to many insightful posts here ...

Mods, Am I in trouble for posting this ???


Prayin

Elected Voting Vixen


Posts: 8444 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Upstate New York
CluelessBlonde
♀ Member
Member # 13933
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P4D, I was going to write almost the exact same thing about tapping my foot!

I'm here too, ready and willing to answer any and all questions that I'm qualified to answer.


If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day.


Posts: 24947 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: NYC area
wookiegirl
♀ Member
Member # 16284
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I wanted to be first.



"I found out that the things that hurt us the most can become the fuel and the catalyst that propel us toward our destiny. It will either make you bitter or it will make you better."-- T.D. Jakes

Posts: 2118 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: The Magic Mirror
Prayin4Daylight
♀ Member
Member # 15710
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Prayin

Elected Voting Vixen


Posts: 8444 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Upstate New York
neverendinghurt
♀ Member
Member # 15859
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am here and willing to answer any questions.

A bit about my story for relevance.

I discoered the infidelity 2 years ago, 18 months after it ended.
I asked WH for the whole truth, so that I could see what we were facing and if our marriage could be saved.
He spent the next 20 months or so lying, omitting trickle truthing.
Now I am unsure what to do next. I am not sure about R.
but not quite ready to walk away.

if anyone has questions and wants answers from my perspective, ask away.


The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

Posts: 26032 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Seattle
Listeningclosely
♂ Member
Member # 16472
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, so you wonderful and kind BS's don't get bored waiting around, I'll ask you a question.

What is the average velocity of a sparrow?!?!?

Sorry, it just had to be asked. Seriously, I'd like to know if you're worried that you may never be able to meet the needs of your WS. Wells asked me to update my answers to the Emotional Needs Questionnaire (she stands pat on her original ones). I think they've moved quite a bit, but she got nervous because I still answered some differently that she saw herself able to give me.

I've tried to explain to her that she makes me happier than anyone ever could, and that I don't think there is anyone out there who could meet every need 100% of the time. I want her to believe in herself, and that she is the only woman I will ever want or need (of course I blew that with my A).

I also have an issue with the way the survey words their questions. They go from "doesn't meet my needs but I like it when she does" to "meets all of my needs". There's no room for meeting my needs 99-44/100% of the time, and that I am thrilled with that."

Thoughts? Ideas?


BW(her)- 45, FWH (me) 48
4 month Online EA
M 23 years, together for 28
4 Daughters - 21, 18, 14 and 12
d-day 6/2/07, in R
FORGIVENESS 1/1/2008!!!
"Action expresses priorities." -
Mohandas Gandhi

Posts: 4454 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: One Particular Harbour
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

African or European?

Sorry, couldn't resist either.

I D'd so don't think I can answer the other questions... but am here to try and help!


Posts: 3137 | Registered: Sep 2006
Prayin4Daylight
♀ Member
Member # 15710
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi LC,
I know I personally struggled with that initially. Why her? What was wrong with me ?

I have a little different perspective than some others on this though. Let me say that I do not take any responsibility for H's affair. NONE....But I had to understand that I contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. H was screaming his needs long before the A but I chose not to address them.

So, post A, It was something that we worked on together. And ya know, that was the hardest part for me. In a strange way, H making changes was easy but it was harder for me to look at the day to day things that I was doing & needed to change.

But back to your question....
I do NOW believe that I can meet his needs. Not always, not 100% of the time ...But I can and I am trying to keep that part on track .By history, I was the selfish one in the marriage and his needs suffered more than mine.So we will continue to work on this forever, I am sure ....

Sorry so longwinded and I hope this made sense...

PS The 2nd answer is 167 mph..


Prayin

Elected Voting Vixen


Posts: 8444 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Upstate New York
CluelessBlonde
♀ Member
Member # 13933
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Darn it! It looks like I'm not qualified to answer your second question, LC.


If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day.


Posts: 24947 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: NYC area
neverendinghurt
♀ Member
Member # 15859
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I don't worry about meeting his needs.

I understand that the infidelity was not about me, or our relationship.

I can see how it could be a worry for some BS's though.

The self doubt that comes with discovery of infidelity is excruciating.

I am lucky in many ways, I "grew" into who I was in my 20's, was helped by some amazing people to do so, and I have never truly lacked self esteem since then.

I think that a WS can help their BS get to a place where they can recover self confidence (or find it if they never had it), but it really has to come from within.


The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

Posts: 26032 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Seattle
hurtingstudent
♀ Member
Member # 17432
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listening, I worry about that all the time. I worry that in the long run what is great now won't be enough for the long term. I can only accept what he says as the truth and that its enough.


If epilepsy has touched your life, or for more information visit:

for support & info: www.epilepsy.com
for info & research: www.epilepsyfoundation.com
to track seizures: www.trackseizures.com


Posts: 4507 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: indiana
neverendinghurt
♀ Member
Member # 15859
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is the average velocity of a sparrow?!?!?

mean, median or mode?


The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

Posts: 26032 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Seattle
SoDisappointed
♀ Member
Member # 19609
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truly believe that yes, I could meet all of the needs (emotional and otherwise), most of the time, of my FWH. However, I have to honestly say, that right now, I have zero interest in working towards that and I am not sure that I ever will. Right now I am too interested in my own needs and filling them myself.


DDay-Feb08
Divorced

Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left. ~Hubert Humphrey


Posts: 565 | Registered: May 2008
canIdothis?
Member
Member # 19281
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truly believe that i can meet all of the emotional needs of my WH...the problem is, I don't trust yet that he will ask for what he needs!


D-Day: April 19, 2008
Reconciling, slowly but surely

Posts: 200 | Registered: Apr 2008
strugglingmomi4
♀ Member
Member # 18015
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by kdny at 4:03 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]


...Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do... But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength...


Posts: 277 | Registered: Jan 2008
strugglingmomi4
♀ Member
Member # 18015
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Wrong Forum!!!


...Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do... But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength...


Posts: 277 | Registered: Jan 2008
neverendinghurt
♀ Member
Member # 15859
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listeningclosely, have you told her how she meets your needs?

I don't the know the questionnaire that you refer to, but I wouldn't rely on it exclusively, it seems as though it has some flaws anyway.

is it not better to actually talk to each other, than to complete these kind of questionnaires?

Have you talked about the areas where you feel or she worries that she may not meet your needs all of the imte.

Is it even possible for one person to meet ALL of our emotional needs all of the time? I know that probably sounds close to dangerous teitory, but I am thiking more of the relationships I had with my parents, that I have with my siblings, and that I have with my two best friends of 40+ years. Ech of those relationships is fulfilling in its own way. Am I making any kind of sense?

An example (and I may be way off on a tangent but I hope not), when my Mum died, and then my Dad, my brothers and I could do for each something that no one else could, that ws share stories and memories of our childhood, at that moment, that was an emotional need that had to be filled/shared, and though WH could and did comfort me and help me through that, my siblings and I needed each other.

[This message edited by neverendinghurt at 3:58 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]


The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
James M. Barrie

Posts: 26032 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: Seattle
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is the average velocity of a sparrow?!?!?

mean, median or mode?

It is a little more complicated than that. Since you specified velocity, we have to know relative to which coordinate axis as the nature of the universe makes it impossible to specify an absolute velocity. Since you left this information out, I will have to select a coordinate axis that is both universal and a convenient reference.

Choosing a relative coordinate axis centered about an arbitrary photon, the velocity of every swallow, both European and African, once accounting for relativistic effects, will be equal to C, which is apx. 186,000 miles/second or 300,000 km/second assuming that the photon remains in a vacuum.

[This message edited by aesir at 6:09 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 6:44 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lets please keep this on topic...it's not a joke thread.

There are plenty of those in F&G.

Thank you


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 192070 | Registered: May 2002
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