This was our 2nd Disclosure. I gave the ?’s to my husband a few weeks ahead of time and he went over them w/ his accountability partner, as he knew it was going to be tough to be truly & finally honest…KEY: he also had the threat that he was going to be polygraphed (prior, he’d claimed his category/s of SA was only porn…but he ended up crossing the line into new behavior –(massage parlors) in the midst of counseling, 12 Step SA groups, & quasi-recovery.
He got busted & confessed, hit bottom, we hope, …which led to me authoring these ?’s for True Disclosure…)
**You can tailor/add to them to your own situation…I actually came up w/ another set after he answered these…
***IF your WS REFUSES to take, or at least refuses to be WILLING to take a polygraph, then he/she is HIDING SOMETHING…probably other categories, acting out, etc.
This might seem obvious, but my experience is that BS’s just don’t GET THIS…sorry…
FULL DISCLOSURE ?’s:
-Have you ever had sexual &/or inappropriate contact with anyone other than your wife during the course of marriage? (clients/home owners/prostitutes/sex workers/dancers/friends/old girlfriends, etc.)
If so, with whom & approximate date (or answer within the remaining ?’s)?
-Have you at any time paid for and/or received sexual favors from anyone, male or female during the course of our marriage?
-Did you ever attend live stripper/bachelor-type or sports parties?
-Have you gone out w/ buddies/workers/friends without your wife knowing in the
-Drinking with them or out with them without your wife knowing?
- Met other women for any reason without your wife knowing?
-Have you ever had contact with other women from your past without your wife knowing?
-Have you ever had an affair? If so, do you still have contact with that person?
-Have you ever bought condoms or other Adult products?
-Have you ever been to strip bars/topless bars/sex clubs, etc.
How many times? What activities took place? Sexual contact?
Did you get their phone #’s…ever contact them outside of the clubs?
-Have you ever engaged in inappropriate contact w/ women in any of the following: e-mail/phone-sex/chat rooms/message boards/IM)?
-Have you ever been to: an adult bookstore? Adult cinema/peep show? A brothel?
Viewed live sex acts or engaged in them there or anywhere?
-Was the massage parlor you frequented recently at ____________________?
-What month/year did you begin going to massage parlors and for how long?
-Was this the only massage parlor you’ve ever been to where you’ve paid for or have had sexual activity services? What was the nature of the services?
-Was 2007/2008 the first time you ever went to a massage parlor or any other establishment for sexual favors/prostitutes?
-When was your last visit to a massage parlor? What was the nature of the sexual activity?
-How many sex workers did you engage in sexual activity with altogether in the past 15 months? Did you have intercourse with all of them?
Unprotected sex with any of them?
-What was the nature of the sexual activity & how did it escalate over time?
-Was there any S & M activity or violence/sex toys involved/porn available?
Price for services?
How much money have you spent on your addiction in the past 15 months (prostitutes @ massage parlors, & other)?
-Had you ever spent money on sexual favors/prostitutes prior to the past 6 or 7 months?
- How many times a day/week did you frequent the massage parlor?
-In what manner did you act out sexually in addition to seeing the prostitutes in the past 6 or 7 months?
-What were their approximate ages/nationalities? Were any of them under age?
- Did any of them speak conversational English?
-When was the last contact you had w/ any of the prostitutes (phone or otherwise)?
-Did you EVER have unprotected sex of any kind (no condom while engaging in oral/anal/intercourse) even once?
-Did you have an on-going relationship with any of the women you were with sexually (phone, e-mail, emotional, friendship, etc.)?
-Did you chat w/ any them off-hours? Did you call them directly?
-Did you kiss any of the prostitutes? Tell any of them you loved them or other affectionate things?
-Did you ever use ANY drugs or alcohol while with the prostitutes or before or after seeing the prostitutes?
-Were there drugs on the premises? Drug use going on in the massage parlors?
-Did you ever engage in sexual activity w/ more than 1 prostitute at once? Group sex?
- Have you ever been tested for, had symptoms of, or have you suspected you caught an STD during the course of our marriage?
-Have you ever had symptoms or outbreaks of herpes, genital warts, crabs, or other visible STD’s that your wife is unaware of?
-Did you ever see the prostitutes &/or engage in sexual activity outside of the massage parlor (hotel/bar, talked after hours, went for a drive, walked them to their car, etc.)?
-Did you ever go to their homes/apartments or any public establishment or have a drink with them? Were you planning to?
-Did you get attached to/were you more attracted to or fond of one or more of the prostitutes at any time?
-Did any of the relationships over time ever become more personal/emotional than just sex?
-What was the time frame of each visit? Was there sexual activity the entire time?
- Did you carry on conversations while you were there once you got to know them better?
Did you ever actually get a legitimate massage there?
-Did you have cell phone conversations with them? Call them or answer their calls when you were lonely?
Which ones? How often? How many girls/separate phone #’s? First Names?
-Did you ever bring them gifts? Tip them?
Alcohol/Drug use in the course of our marriage?
Alcohol/ Drug Use in the past 15 years of marriage?
Alcohol/Drug use in the past 15 months (including other family member’s prescription drugs)?
-Porn use history:
Describe: (mags/movies/internet/frequency of use)
!st 10 years:
-Aside of Playboy, did you purchase more hard-core magazines? Which ones? How often?
-When was the last time?
-Did you order or rent Adult movies at home, from liquor stores, video stores, cable, or in hotels, when your wife was absent, etc?
-Have you ever viewed porn on your cell phone or on another computer aside from your home computer (child’s computer, friend’s or family’s computer, public access computer, etc.)?
-Ever viewed in any format whatsoever: (and indicate which form/forms for each)
Violent porn? S & M porn?
Homosexual porn? Lesbian porn?
Bestiality porn? Fetish porn?
-How many times have you bought or viewed porn mags
/calendars, images, etc. in the past 15 months (since the original Disclosure: Dec 23, 2006)?
Watched porn in any form of media?
-Have you ever engaged in voyeurism or exhibitionism? Other levels of sexual addiction you wife is unaware of: cross dressing & similar activities, etc.?
-When is the last time you acted out sexually with another person? Yourself?
-Have you ever gone looking or cruising where female or male prostitutes hang out?
-Have you ever solicited a prostitute for sexual favors from the street or those areas?
-Have you ever called about such while perusing personal ads in a paper, etc.?
-Have you ever solicited for street drugs?
-Have you taken drugs with guys from work in the past 15 years?
-Listened to phone sex recordings?
-Have you ever had contact, sexual or otherwise with
a male prostitute?
- Have you visited gay bars in the course of your marriage that your wife is unaware of?
-Are you sexually aroused or attracted to men in addition to women?
-Have you ever had a physical and sexual encounter or relationship with another man?
-Have you ever been in trouble with the law for any reason concerning your addiction? Gone to jail? Ticketed?
-Have you ever borrowed money to feed your addiction (including money from your wife/co-workers/clients/frieneds/secret loans, etc)?
What about specifically, in the past 6-7 months?
-Have you taken out loans/used debit/credit cards to fund your addiction?
-Do you currently owe any outstanding money for your addiction? To whom?
-Do you currently owe money to people for ANY reason that your wife doesn’t know about?
-List all of the money/loans you have borrowed (or attempted to borrow) that she was unaware of during the course of your marriage?
Has this been a pattern for you throughout your marriage?
-Were you ever sexually abused as a child or young man? As an adult?
-Have you ever viewed or downloaded child pornography?
-Have you ever had sexual contact of any kind with children?
-Did you have any continuous/uninterrupted sexual sobriety from April 29th 2007 (when you said you first had sobriety) until you began to go to massage parlors in Oct/Nov of 2007?
Define that sexual sobriety.
-When was the last time you acted out:
With another person? With yourself? With TV/Media/Sexual or provocative images?
-Have you acted out in other addiction forms?
-Are you currently acting out sexually? How?
-Do you currently have any sobriety? Dates?
Define that sobriety.
-Have you concealed, omitted, or lied about anything else that your wife & accountability partners should know about?
***Hope this helps some of you… Should I put this in the GENERAL Forum, also?