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User Topic: Spouses/Partners Of Sex Addicts
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, December 16th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok ladies, I'm really mad right now (but definitely not surprised).

I was supposed to be finding a bill for my partner. I had to look in a certain drawer. I just had a bad feeling upon opening it. I was expecting to find something I'd already seen before.

WRONG!!!

I found a Playboy dated August 2008. This was still when there were a lot of tensions running high. At first I didn't say anything about his Playboy, but if he can get off to other women naked but if I'm naked that doesn't do anything for him how am I supposed to feel? (sorry for that horrendous sentence!) He's been maintaining that he only had one, and I asked if he had any kind of stash.

It gets better. Months ago I had some questions I wanted to ask him about why our sex life was going under. The Playboy was separaged from my list of questions by a few papers. I mean damn. You had to look at the list to get to the damn magazine.

I'm starting to feel like if he'd rather masturbate than have sex with me SO BE IT. I've always suspected he was using magazines instead of online (as much), though I'm sure he'd much prefer online. I know good and well he gets horny more than once a week-like I told him months ago the low sex drive thing isn't believable anymore (in the beginning of this mess he tried to tell me he had a disorder that made him have a low sex drive)

He's out town right now. I'm thinking of putting the magazine right on his desk so he knows I saw it. If he can masturbate so much then I'll just assume he doesn't need or want me to have sex with. How 'bout them apples???

There are some cabinets in his office. Some of which I cannot open. They don't particularly set of my spidey sense, but now I must wonder...


-edited for typos!

[This message edited by lovedontlivehere at 7:04 PM, December 16th (Tuesday)]


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, December 16th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ldlh, same here.
I could pole-dance naked and he wouldn't even look at me. He prefers himself. He is his own best lover. I am starting to think he got his hernia by you-know-what!

Does make me furious if I think about it too much; I mean, with my other XH if I as much as showed a boob, we were in bed. This one is impossible to turn on unless I would say something like "let's go find another couple, or let's do it outside so everyone else can watch". F**king pervert!

Oops, your post got me going! Just to say, I feel your pain, and I am getting tired of it too.

And honestly, if it was me, (not saying you should at all, but I know me), I'd be prying those drawers open at this point. I have actually thought of telling him, hey I love you, youre a great guy except for your problem here, so if we stay together, I am going to need to get a lover on the side, if you don't mind... but somehow I think he would mind (unless I let him watch). Yeah, sore subject here!!!!


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14917 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, December 16th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And honestly, if it was me, (not saying you should at all, but I know me), I'd be prying those drawers open at this point. I have actually thought of telling him, hey I love you, youre a great guy except for your problem here, so if we stay together, I am going to need to get a lover on the side, if you don't mind... but somehow I think he would mind (unless I let him watch). Yeah, sore subject here!!!!

NA you are soooo in my head!!! I love him and all but he's gonna have to step his love game up b/c I'm tired of feeling like a leper. I'm trying really hard to tell myself it's not me it's him but that self talk isn't working right now.

We might have sex if I put on a big production number about it. Maybe.

I walk around him in revealing clothes all the time and he just looks right thru me. Or he is plain annoyed. But of course it's cute when X celeb is nude or if some fat 400 pound crack whore is nude.

OMG mine is the same,too. He's not happy with just plain old me, but let me mention another woman and he'd perk right up. (But oh hell no if I wanted another man!)

Oh yes and those drawers on gonna get opened one way or the other. I was doing so good and I was so happy, but that just set me the fuck off. Pardon my gd French.

[This message edited by lovedontlivehere at 6:57 PM, December 16th (Tuesday)]


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
ScribblingMum
♀ Member
Member # 20097
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, December 16th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Goodness, Mercy, this thread has beeen busy! I've been away for awhile, but i'm so glad you all are here when i'm ready to come back. Thank you.
Sometimes, it just got too painful/discouraging for me to read here.
I wish i could reply personally to you ALL. I can relate to most of you on some level.
I just want to share that after LOTS of pain & discouragement, I think i finally have HOPE again. My H. seems to be owning his own real recovery now & says he even "enjoys" SA meetings! He's been taking responsibility for things & is getting more comfortable w/ the men & his sponsor.

I have ceased my business-only relationship w/ him (we are still separated though)& we've been talking a lot & got a Christmas tree together, etc. He has 60 days sobriety (again)...but he seems to have turned a corner in attitude, etc. He realizes things more...is going to counsel/recovery for himself now. He wants to make things right...is getting the 12 Steps more now. I can't even tell you the pure JOY I feel.

He has soooo far to go & it IS scary to hear him acknowledge how screwed-up he IS...his thinking, etc. BUT, I see true progress, Ladies.
I also just began looking at Recovery Nation & love it! My H. started reading it also & thought it was fabulous!

LOTS of Recovery things are helping us; S-anon/SA, Recovery Nation, books, SA CD's, SA/S-anon conferences & retreats, counseling, private men's account. group, on-line support for me...& more.

I'm just grateful for what IS moving forward finally.

And, I want to say that *I* have changed so much since going to 12 Step groups. I didn't think I barely even HAD any character defects until i took a look at myself in 12 Steps!


More later...this is getting long! I just wanted to check-in & am thinking of you all...


~ScribblingMum~
D-D 1: 12/23/06 - Porn (dd bust him on-line)
D-D 2: 4-25-08 - Massage P.'s(new act. in pretend recov.)
D-D 3:9-9-08 Caught call m. girl
D-Day 4: 6/30/09 -: free MP g.f./prost.
D-Day 5: 1-10-10: new mp prost's.
~DONE!


Posts: 1529 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: S .CALIF.
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 2:50 AM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, it got ugly...

I called him, and not to my surprise he was drunk...again. That alone made me upset b/c he said he would drink less.

Anywayz, I told him that I was mad and why. He laughed at me. That made it even worse. He said he just wanted to get it b/c it was a controversial. I kept telling him I felt like a leper.

I asked him how I was supposed to feel if he could masturbate to her but I don't do anything for him. He said he doesn't, and that he only flipped thru it. I was like that's generally the purpose of the magazine most people don't get Playboy for the articles!!! He said he sees my naked body so much it doesn't do anything for him. Well, thanks pal! That still doesn't explain why he doesn't like for me to touch him sexually either. I told him that he never had to see me naked again!

He's just completely missing the point. Completely! We were supposed to be focusing on our own sex life...And then he goes out and buys a nudie mag.


He said he didn't tell me b/c it would have made me mad. Hmm I wonder why!!!

I probably shouldn't have had this conversation with him at all since he was drinking. He may not even remember tomorrow.

He hung up on me,too.

ETA-all this is so different for me. I'm used to guys who are a lot...easier. If I was ever naked or showed a body part we were having sex.

I'm about to be like well if he doesn't care I don't care. I'm about to go out and buy some baggy sweatpants and sweatshirts since he's just so tired of my body.

-Edited for clarity!

[This message edited by lovedontlivehere at 10:52 AM, December 17th (Wednesday)]


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi scribblingmum, glad your back and looks like things are moving forward for you. It's incredible how much work is involved in this, isn't it?

ldlh, I know if you look deep into SA (which I have done but honestly, am just getting tired of), it helps us understand that this is a product of their addiction--like I wrote earlier, my SAH was introduced to porn at the age of 7, and abused, and so he got very unhealthy views on sex and women. It wasn't his fault, but it is now that he is an adult and he can do something about them. He knows I have a big problem with our sex life, and he moans every once in a while that he can't satisfy me, so he is a grown-up, why doesn't he take action and do something about it?

The only reason I am not crumpled on the floor in a heap of negative self-esteem is because I have been with other guys that had normal sexual attitudes and so I know it is not me, but still, when you live with someone for a while, and you are trying to make a life with them, and you honestly realize, hey, this is all I might ever get, you start feeling cheated. I might be ready to give up on the sexual part of a relationship if I was like, 80 or something. But I am middle-aged and definitely not dead yet.

I do suspect though that at some point, unless he makes major efforts to change his mindset, I will be out of here, but honestly, it may take me a year or so. I have to feel I've done everything I can before I walk out, and right now I am going to concentrate on me, but that is hard--I'm not used to doing that and don't know where to start.

He said he didn't tell me b/c it would have made me mad. Hmm I wonder why!!!
At least he was honest there!

And I also get--I don't get off to the pictures anymore, I just like to look. Okay, so if you know it upsets me and you aren't even getting off, why do it?

said he sees my naked body so much it doesn't do anything for him.

--don't believe that either....I was married to my 1st H for 17 years and he never got tired of my naked body. Even after I had kids...if he thought there was a chance for sex...he would turn off the tv, interrupt his meal...whatever it took. So, I think our SA WS just don't process sex normally in their heads, and know they aren't normal, and just don't want to admit it. So again, my point, why don't they get the help to be normal and stop feeling bad about themselves and having to hide things!

I'm trying to get the help I need, I am here, I joined COSA, I read books, I educate myself....and he whines, lies, and hides.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14917 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Suspicious  Posted: 9:36 AM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NA, once again you are so in my head. I've done everything but find a group (I'll have to settle for Al-anon). I go to websites for support, I read book after book about the subject, but he just lies.


I want to reach a deeper level of intimacy with him, but he doesn't want to. It's like we have ONS sex when we do have sex (but our former counselor seems to think that's ok b/c men don't view sex emotionally).

And OMGosh it gets better. He told me to flip thru it and tell him what I thought. I'm gonna presume that he meant whether the pictures were controversial or not. But either way

If I hadn't been so experienced with other men, I know I would feel a whole lot worse.

[This message edited by lovedontlivehere at 9:40 AM, December 17th (Wednesday)]


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and he moans every once in a while that he can't satisfy me, so he is a grown-up, why doesn't he take action and do something about it?

Tell me about it...Mine will do the same from time to time. I tell him what I want, but he doesn't do it.

Makes loads of sense...


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
OurLifeBack
♀ Member
Member # 10620
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is not a good day - and I have run out of friends with whom to turn - so you guys get to be my friends....

My family is a mess: Mr. OLB a sex addict that is avoiding recovery like it is the plague; oldest daughter (My bio) is smart and talented, but has been working on her AA degree for 4 1/2 years; youngest child (his bio)has an official diagnosis of tourettes, but has a host of other things -- lives at a neurological institute and tried to molest two small children; and now middle child (my bio) who has aspberger's just got three F's in college.

And oh, btw, our daughter decided to tell the youngest about dad's affair about a month ago although he 'didn't want to know.'

Is there a hole somewhere I can crawl into? What am I doing? I would just like ONE - count ONE - to be healthy...

I don't know if I can make it through the day...


Me: BS 50 Him: WS 46 Married 15 years / Together 19
DDay: 4/28/06 & many more after that -- there are still a lot of blanks & I dread the telling
01/28/08 - renewed EA with OW. SA confirmed. Taking a time out.
06/13/08 - discovered EA with OW#2.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Florida / Chicago - Whatever!
browneyesblue
♀ Member
Member # 21810
Angry  Posted: 12:07 PM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have so much to learn about SA! I thought my WH was an anomaly in not wanting sex with me. We haven't had sex in 4 years!!! Well he has had sex with prostitutes but not his wife. During the past 5 years we were trying to concieve our children. His sex drive has always been low and he has very low (off the charts) testosterone which makes his this whole SA experience very odd to me! I just hate this!!!


Me: BS 41
Him: WS 49
Married 6 yrs, together 9 years
2 children, 4.5 yrs & 21 months
DDAY 08/16/08, but kept quiet for 2.5 weeks until I could gather all my evidence. I confronted him on 9/3/08 - he admitted everything, even more than I knew.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: TX
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((OLB)))))


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Deep South
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((OLB))) So sorry for your rotten day---I think this is what they mean when they say life is messy! (I just wanted that white picket fence and a family like Leave it to Beaver).

Do something nice for yourself today--you deserve it!


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14917 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Browneyesblue - yeah, it is a process, and you can only take in so much at a time, but knowledge is power, and the more you learn, the better to make a decision. One thing I have heard over and over is that this addiction is very treatable, but your WS needs to want to be treated.

So that means first, they have to know it is a problem. THat is step one, where a lot of us seem to be stuck!

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 1:42 PM, December 17th (Wednesday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14917 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
OurLifeBack
♀ Member
Member # 10620
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for the words of encouragement. I have got to quit playing the victim role - as well as pretending I have some control over these people in my life.

The best give I can give them is to let them be - and to work on making me a better me.


Me: BS 50 Him: WS 46 Married 15 years / Together 19
DDay: 4/28/06 & many more after that -- there are still a lot of blanks & I dread the telling
01/28/08 - renewed EA with OW. SA confirmed. Taking a time out.
06/13/08 - discovered EA with OW#2.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Florida / Chicago - Whatever!
1Forward1Back
♀ Member
Member # 11057
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, December 17th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best give I can give them is to let them be - and to work on making me a better me.

As hard as this is to do, you have to do it. When my son was suffering so much from anxiety, depression and a narcotic addiction, it was very difficult to 'let go'. I had already buried a son 14 years previous. I was so afraid to go through that again.

But I did. I was there for him when he wanted to talk, but I gave up trying to solve it for him. And then one day, he hit bottom and called me. We admitted him to detox and he's now been clean for over 9 months, working a job he likes and is engaged to marry his soulmate.

Not all situations turn out this way. The death of my oldest son proves that. He was a daily struggle and I felt totally victimized by having him as a son. The night before he died, I had virtually kicked him out of the house. I have never really felt guilty for that. My H has never blamed me either. I did what I thought was best for him, as his mother, at the time. I just had to 'let go' as much as I could for his age. Being under age, of course, had I not heard from or of him, by the next afternoon, I would have searched for him and even reported him missing. The second boy's situation turned out much better, but life is what it is.

However, I know now you cannot control these people. I have let go of my H's addiction as much as I can at this point. I so don't check up on him any longer. He's in charge of himself. I'm just too tired and just plain worn out from taking on all these people's problems.

Talking about tired--our daughter, SIL and grandson are here from Europe. He is so turned around time wise and nobody has slept very well since Saturday. But I did complete the last of my Master's course today despite feeling like I just wanted to go to bed. The boy is beautiful and I just love him so much despite him being cranky half the time.


Me: 60 Yrs. (BS)
Him: 60 Yrs.(FWH- life long sex addict)
-2 ONSs followed by an A-2005/06
-cheated while we were engaged
-seems to stray every 30 years or so
D-Day-June 10, 2006
Working on own recovery. His is his!
Married: 37 yrs. Grown ch

Posts: 966 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Canada
OurLifeBack
♀ Member
Member # 10620
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, December 18th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1F1B,

Thank you for sharing your story...Today is a new day - a day I will spend working on letting go of them all! But continuing to still love them and be there to listen.


Me: BS 50 Him: WS 46 Married 15 years / Together 19
DDay: 4/28/06 & many more after that -- there are still a lot of blanks & I dread the telling
01/28/08 - renewed EA with OW. SA confirmed. Taking a time out.
06/13/08 - discovered EA with OW#2.

Posts: 1141 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Florida / Chicago - Whatever!
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, December 18th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OLB,

Sending you strength to stand by your conviction to take care of yourself. It's hard to do...but that's all any of us can ever really do: control what we can.

1Forward,
My kids are still little but I already look forward to the day when I'm a grandma. My mom, who never seemed to much care if she became a grandmother or not, told me it was the most wonderful time of her life. She ADORED my kids.

I'm missing my mom. It was her birthday two days ago. My dad is still struggling -- tough season for anyone who's lost someone. My brother is being a jerk. He's married to an extremely controlling, self-absorbed woman who blows hot and cold with me. I'm either her best friend or she won't speak to me, and I never really know what I've done to deserve either. I just try my best to roll with it. However, with Christmas coming -- and being excluded by her it's tough.

Sorry, I'm kinda rambling. Just feeling lonely, missing my mom, wondering if I'll ever have that "safe" feeling again that I used to have. My IC says I need to create it in myself... Still trying to figure out how.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
onceinlove
♀ Member
Member # 19874
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, December 18th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to check in and say that recovery and healing are really possible. I'm six months out (read my profile for details) and it is getting better.

I have a 100% remorseful FWH who is taking 100% responsibility for his behavior and even more responsibility for my healing. It has been amazing.

I went through an extreme period of anger in November. I had committed to staying for a year before making the leave/stay decision but I felt like leaving. FWH was sober, not acting out at all and doing everything right. Yet I was livid that he could do this to me--to us.

With IC and my own 12-step program, I started to see that some of my rage was anger at myself for settling for so little for so long. I kept asking myself "how can I make it up to myself if I stay with the person who did this to me? How can I be true to myself and still be married to this man?"

So, I started focusing on me. I can't control what FWH does today or will do in the future. I can't change what he did in the past. But I can decide to live in a way that is true to myself for today. And I had really lost that connection to myself.

For today, I have made a conscious choice to be with this man, who is like a totally different person. He gets his six-month chip in SA on Saturday. He is the person I always wanted to be married to.

I still have waves of pain but they are farther apart. I would guess that I spend 4 hours out of a week feeling bad, which is a lot less than even a month ago.

What has been key to me is time in the early morning to get centered. I must do this before I see FWH. This morning time for me is an Ashtanga yoga practice that I had abandoned about a year ago when I first started getting inklings that my FWH was no longer in love with me. The combination of breathing and movement have given me back the power to decide which thoughts stay in my head---and which thoughts I let pass through. This has really helped with the obsessive thinking.

So the focus is on me. I have stopped checking his emails. He reviews his phone bill with me once a month. I have stopped wondering where he is.

I had to stop for my own sanity.

If he wants to act out again, he will. I won't be able to stop him. If he wants to revert to old ways of relating to me, he will. I can't control him.

I am trusting in myself and a power greater than myself that I will be shown that he is acting out. He knows what the consequences will be if he makes that choice and there will be no second chances. It is totally his choice and there is nothing for me to do but live my life in the meantime.

I have had to reframe the way I look at our relationship. There is no more blind trust. I look at us as two people who have explored a lot of dead ends (for me, food, alcohol, work, materialism, status-seeking and 2 affairs in my first marriage; for him, it's work sex addiction and materialism). When I look at our relationship in this way, I can see that I have been given a tremdous gift. We are now on the same playing field and both committed to living lives of honesty and authenticity.

It sucks that it takes something like this to make it happen. But that's the irony of life, isn't it.

Anyway, for those of you who are still struggling, there is hope.


Him: WH 48
Me:BS 48
M: 17 years
D-Day: June 17, 2008
WH confessed to 6 APs over 6 yrs, including 2 LTAs; now in SA recovery--approaching 2.5 years of sobriety
Status: R


Posts: 78 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Southeast US
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, December 18th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know posted this question before but I haven't found a straight answer.

I downloaded net nanny to prevent any slip ups when my H comes back home for Christmas (he's in the Army).

The only access my H has to the internet on base is public access so any site that has adult content is blocked, which is one a major reason why he's remained clean.

I don'y know if I can use net nanny forever.

I need to know what do you all think is the best consequence for slip ups?

I'm at the point where my tolerance for slip ups are close to zero. I feel like if I tolerate slip ups now, I'm settling for less than I deserve. I know that him looking at porn has nothing to do with my looks or our intimacy but that doesn't stop the hurt.

I know for a fact that denying him sex will cause the opposite of its intended effect. He'll most likely fall back into his addiction. He told me he'd try to look for local SA meetings at his next duty station.

I don't want to resort to leaving if he has a slip up but what else can I do? If there's any other way to deal with this I'd like to know.

He's been clean for this long and it'll be nice to keep it this way.

I also want to make it clear that he doesn't choose porn over sex. The thing is, at this point, if he has sex with me after looking at porn, I find it repulsive. I don't want him touching me knowing that he's possibly not thinking about me. I don't think that it's fair for him to have his cake and eat it too.

[This message edited by momofthree2007 at 10:10 AM, December 18th (Thursday)]


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
lovedontlivehere
♀ Member
Member # 20055
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, December 18th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't be nearly as upset if he'd actually admit he was doing something wrong. If he'd be like,"Sorry, I made a big mistake, I'll try my hardest not to do it again" or "I'm sorry I got that Playboy. I know it upsets you, and I'll get rid of it when I get home" and then actually follow thru. I mean I'd be a lot more understanding

I have got none of that. I think he's just sad and remorseful that he keeps getting caught sooner or later.

I'm really trying hard to not take what he said to me personally, but I can't help not to. I'm so mad and hurt. I feel like going out and buying some muumuus and let that be that since he says he's so tired of my body! I'm really not surprised at what he said, I've been sensing that for awhile.


Partner still wanking off into fantasy land.
*update* No longer together, but he was STABBED and now wants R. Whatever.

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