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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I I I
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, September 1st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey UK,

I've been thinking of you since I read your post the other day about your husband interrupting you and not wanting to hear your story.

After d-day, I noticed that my husband did much the same to me. Pre d-day, I think that I viewed his treatment of me in a totally different light than I did afterwards. Pre d-day, if he had acted like your H acted I would have assumed that what I had to say was stupid. Post dday, I no longer thought that. I thought he was an ass for not listening to what another human being had to say, even if the human being did happen to be his wife.

I knew that I was a smart, accomplished and well-spoken woman. I had spent my life telling stories and knew that I did it well. So if he was cutting me off I knew that it was because of some screwed up notion/attitude of his, not mine. And I refused to accept it.

When he did that I would challenge him directly. I would ask him why he was interrupting me or why he wasn't interested in my story. I honestly believe he had become so used to being able to subordinate me to him that he wasn't even aware any longer that he was doing it.

Post d-day, I wasn't about to put up with that kind of crap any longer. I mean you might accept that on occasion from a faithful, loving spouse, but certainly not from the LTA WS.

So, challenge him. He has no business treating you that way and he needs to be told so.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning all.

Hey BT!!!
Thank goodness you are all safe. We were worried about you.And so you all fit in that one room? Bet it will be a story your boys will be telling their kids oneday.
Thanks for checking in.

***
(((Ukg)))
I am ok, thanks.Taking it one day at a time again.
So what do you think of what BT said...about calling your H up when he is being dismissive?

***
Weepy, hope the weekend was calm and non eventful.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with BT on this UKG, esp as this AM i am smack dab in the middle of the same kinda crap. And i am pissed effing off.
I was talking to him about something normal, not affair related, and he got up to look out the window at whatever had caught his eye and started to talk about that, cutting me off mid sentence. Instant fucking rage. Out of proportion to this particular intance of course but Jesus H i took fucking years, decades of that fucking shit and i'm not taking any fucking more. Not one fucking bit. Told him so and that my tolerance level was beyond zero and if he didn't like it to fuck off now. He didn't say much, got real quiet and shortly after left for work. I am sure he thinks that will all be passed over by the time he gets home, and why shouldn't he, i always did let it go , Well won't the big shitface be in for a surprise. Fucker.

OK , well thanks for listening to that little rant, consider yourself lucky, the brand new washing machine has a brand new dent in the shape of my boot. LH, should just have borrowed your coffee cup.
Seriously though i am scared that i will never be free of this rage, it's always lurking there just below the surface . I don't want to be like this. this kind of person. IC told me to try and identify my exact thoughts at these times , write them down and look for recurring feelings. One of those i've identified is the thought that the asshole got away with it for all those years , did it and still got to keep his secret for years after it was over. One of the things i wish most, other than leaving him long before that is to have caught him , kicked his ass out and most of all getting the satisfaction of seeing him have to live the reality of it. I told him once that the best revenge i could think of is if he had gotten to look at her ugly gob on the pillow next to him EVERY goddamn day for the rest of his fucking life. See how long the warm fuzzies would've lasted, I meant it and mean it , that's what i wish would've happened to him, that's one of my recurring thoughts. Instead the fuckface gets to remember his fantasy life.
So what the hell does having those recurring thoughts mean? What does that say about me and how i'm really feeling.? Wish the hell i knew. I hate my life.

[This message edited by mindisgone at 9:24 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday)]


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh MIG.
The anger. I could so go on about how angry I was (am?? ), how absolutely every inch of my body mindblowing FURIOUS I get (am?? )when I think of the absolute gall this man had to do what he did. Not once or twice...but over and over again...slowly and surely decimating my esteem into the ground, his poison spreading steadily through our lives unknown, EVERY f-king event from our first date to our wedding day to the births (and death)of our babies through each country move through each dress size as I grew larger and larger(in obvious hindsight seeking that love and affection in a safe place..food)through each and every small and big thing that happened in our combined lives.

But I wont.

Sorry, MIG.I am so the last person to be dishing out any advice on anger.

So what do you do when you are angry?

So what the hell does having those recurring thoughts mean? What does that say about me and how i'm really feeling.? Wish the hell i knew. I hate my life

I think its you processing what your H did...and looking for an appropriate punishment.
But is there one?
I dont think that there is anything H could possibly do (or have done to him )that would undo what he did to me.
And the sheer injustice of this could drive you nuts.

So we can sit and mete out punishments in our heads (and here!), knowing that there is none that be appropriate.

I told H once that I wished that he had left us for OW2, and then the kids and I started a new life here, and then she dumps him AFTER infecting him with some slowly creeping STD and then he comes over here to ask to be let back in, and we dont even know him...the kids and I (sitting next to my new H who is EVERYTHING I want in a H)just drive by without a backward glance.

Hell hath no fury...


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell hath no fury...

Oh baby, you ain't kiddin'.
((((LH)))

ps. Are your coffee cups heavier than most folks???
Like lead????


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ps. Are your coffee cups heavier than most folks???
Like lead????

You cheeky bugger!
Wish they were though.


***
Been following the Gustav story, and they said there are 8 people dead.
You wouldnt think so in this day and age, would you?

BT&family and others affected:
Stay safe.

***
((((((Tribe))))))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Afternoon all.

BT I was so happy to hear that they're going to let you guys back in tomorrow or Thursday. I told my H I would Never, Ever share a room with our kids again (that was Affair practice -- cheap motels and I HAD to sleep with our D because the two kids couldn't share a bed, wouldn't be right). Everything was done on the cheap. But I guess in an emergency... Hope you're all well and not killing each other.

i am scared that i will never be free of this rage, it's always lurking there just below the surface . I don't want to be like this. this kind of person. IC told me to try and identify my exact thoughts at these times , write them down and look for recurring feelings. One of those i've identified is the thought that the asshole got away with it for all those years , did it and still got to keep his secret for years after it was over. One of the things i wish most, other than leaving him long before that is to have caught him , kicked his ass out

mig, I too could go on and on about the anger. Sometimes I feel like if someone just brushed against me, this patch of bubbling black ooze would appear. Someone on here or a book I read compared it to tar and since my H is a roofer, I know what hot tar is like. Anyway it sticks to everything and I feel like my insides have been covered with it. There's no removing it, it just has to wear away.

I too feel like he "got away with it". He has it all boxed up and put away and never thinks about what he's done... never. he says.

For my own sanity, I've tried to let go of the anger, especially when it comes out totally out of proportion for the circumstances. I'm better off pulling one of his tricks... just saying "don't go there, you don't want to go there with me."

Our weekend was nothing spectacular. He did drive me down to see my SIL, but then we had to come back through what I think of as the "trashy shore". Where I stay is a family place. Where he prefers, the girls all walk around with no clothes on, there are carney hawkers and terrible food. It's just noisy and loud and bright and garish. But he got to walk down his memory lane and I got what I wanted too. All the food had to be done on the "cheap" of course and he had a fit because I'd bought clothes (for him) before the trip. But he wore one of the shirts and even slept in the silk boxers, so I know he was trying.

I've got to get off because he's due in the door any minute, but I wanted to check in.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You cheeky bugger!

Nobody's ever called me a cheeky bugger before..I like it !!!


Sometimes I feel like if someone just brushed against me, this patch of bubbling black ooze would appear.

Weepy, i don't know if this makes me sad or scared for you.


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy, Glad your weekend at least went OK. I think the time away probably did you some good.

(((to all those struggling, especially our newbies)))) For those who are new here, maybe my post will give you some hope.

OK, guys, thank YOU ALL for the well wishes on my 3 year antiversary weekend. I have to say, my H was wonderful. He listened to me talk and be sad for some moments. But I was actually more bummed about the fact that we had to cancel our mini-vacation before school plans due to DD being sick and me getting a cold! GUYS, I think I've made it through to the light and out of the dark tunnel. My H took care of me this weekend, was able to verbalize his feelings/fears that I would explode (hmmmm, you guys were talking about anger- I was the queen of explosions and still can be every once in a blue moon if I feel H is reverting back to pre-dday behaviors), and I was able to look at him with LOVE in my heart. This never happened on the other dday antiversaries. I can feel the progress. It's not "all better" and never will be, but the joy is starting to come back. Yipee.......

Hugs to all,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, so I get to tell about "a moment" too.

We're sitting on the couch tonight and I put my hand on his leg. He covers it with his hand briefly then pushes my hand up on top of his. Usually a signal to rub his wrist and hand (he has arthritis). Well, I just slipped my hand back under his, and we spent a minute in this "who's hand is on top" tug of war. FInally I said "ok, enough Napper." And he looked at me like what????? I reminded him that where ever you hand was lying, his old cat would come up and force her head under your hand for a pet. And when you stopped, she'd keep doing it until she was satisfied. He stopped playing one-up and left my hand under his, only he curled his hand around mine. I smiled, he looked at me and said "I love you".

And I almost felt like I did before Dday, when he WAS the H I deserved and wanted all those years.

Mig -- Q for you. Looking back, Did you notice a difference when he stopped, before you found out?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I'm so glad I decided to check in here before I try to get some sleep.

Glad BT is safe and Gustav is winding down. {BT}

I felt the pain in your rants and it was good to know I'm not the only one with such feeling even though I don't often post them. {{{LTA}}}

Weepy - good on you for the weekend. And thanks for sharing your 'moment'. I felt good reading it and so happy for you... and your H finally being the H he should be to you. ***Weepy***

As fOr me... It's been a long day... spent with H at the Emergency dept due to major abdominal pain yesterday, last night and again this morning. He's spending the night for more tests and I'm feeling so lonely. It was really hard leaving him there in the corridor, not even a room where he could get some rest. And knowing he's never done this before while I've had 3 C-sections and TMJ surgery has me brimming with tears thinking about it.

We had a really good week doing things together although I did have an unexpected mini meltdown during Dr. Phil one afternoon (Internet Dramas). He held me and told me he was going to take care of me. I think I'm starting to believe in him again.
I do Love this man despite his online EA. Today's experience let me know that. I'd better get some sleep... tomorrow will be another long day.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mig -- Q for you. Looking back, Did you notice a difference when he stopped, before you found out?

Weepy,
In as much as i dare to trust what was real or not i would have to say that i did notice a difference. Since i have no real idea which of the many versions i have is the true one,, i am forced to create my own based on facts that i do know, knowing him for 30 yrs, and hindsight, with my hazy memory. She dumped him, and just prior to that the pressure was on and he knew he was prob going to get caught and i believe (for various reasons) he was about to either let that happen and get kicked out or just not come home one day. Yes, he was the fucking cowardly cliche , the guy who goes out for cigarettes and disappears. She dumped him first for someone else she was screwing. So, to my memory, he was different after that point and not in a good way, poor baby felt rejected i think so he went into a "i'll show you, i'll find someone else too" , mode. Piece of shit , as his wife i didn't count. From what i remember that went on for about a year to year and a half. ( i didn't know why then just that he was different ) I gather Fucktard found it wasn't all that easy to find someone else as pathetic as her. He says that after a while he really didn't want to and "came home to me". Whoopdy fucking do ! And utter horseshit, what i believe is, no one pathetic enough came along and his giant ego slowly deflated so he clung to me because at least i still wanted him . He didn't cling enough to want to have sex with me more than a dozen times a year but hey he wasn't alone and masturbation was a better deal anyway. Fucking dickwad.

It's confusing to explain, even then i noticed he was different but i changed somehat myself when he was cheating too in response to his fucking assholeness so i wrote it off as that . In the years that followed he slowly stuck closer to me, ( still no sex though ) esp when our D left home. I wish i could believe that as he says ,he came "back" to me but if i'm to be honest with myself, i don't , he was still running and i think if another ditch pig had come along and told him he was the cats ass he would have left sooner rather than later this time.
Rather a long , angry and bitter answer to your question Weepy. Yes, i noticed a difference, but it was just a different shade of gray.

Sorry Weepy, all those years of being rejected, and now knowing why, the humiiation of it is too much . I don't think i will ever be able to not hate him just for that alone. And now he is all over me constantly, overflowing with compliments and TMI i know but there is no longer anything resembling ED, he is 50 and is hard from just kissing me. I just don't understand it at all. I have such rage that at times like that i feel i could literally stick a knife in his back ( if i could somehow pull it out of mine ) He is doing and saying all the right things, but the truth is still not out there, and if it is , as he says, i no longer can tell the difference. If so then ultimately i think it is just too little too late. Fuck i hate him for doing this, i hate me for even giving a flying fuck.
Again Weepy , sorry, i think i turned your simple innocent question into a whiny rant. But if you listen to mine i'll listen to yours.

Re my sig, i get scared that my heart is so hard now that i won't ever be able to feel anything good again.

[This message edited by mindisgone at 7:10 AM, September 3rd (Wednesday)]


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT. Hope youíre on your way back home and that there is no or minimal damage to clear up. Check in when you can, Iíve heard the power is still down in large areas so maybe we wonít hear from you for a bit. Still keeping my fingers crossed though.

So Iím not the only one whoís got a rude spouse! I thought it was just my imagination. In fact, I probably thought he was justified in talking across me or butting in half way through a story or sentence because what I was saying was obviously tedious and boring! I think Iíll try a couple of pointed remarks like ďI havenít finishedĒ or ďwould you mind NOT interruptingĒ and see where that gets me. I bet he doesnít even know heís doing it. He had said that OW was interesting and a good conversationalist. Funny how he didnít remember her kids names or what she actually did in her job, or much about her friends and nothing about her BH. As I say, perhaps she just sat there listening all gooey eyed to his drivel and making him feel so fucking wonderful.

the best revenge i could think of is if he had gotten to look at her ugly gob on the pillow next to him EVERY goddamn day for the rest of his fucking life

Sorry mig! That just had me ROFLMAO. Sometimes I just think I shoulda let her have him!

So we can sit and mete out punishments in our heads (and here!), knowing that there is none that be appropriate.

My turn. I just want to beat the hell out of him with a baseball or cricket bat and scream bloody murder at him. Sometimes, I feel like Iím in a dream, those when your paralysed or moving so slowly that you canít make the impact.

Nice one, Mr Weepy. You see? He can do it! The fact that the w/end wasnít spectacular doesnít matter and it ended on a good note. And HBís got good news. Thanks for telling us that it does come back, eventually.

Lostsuol, my goodness. Hope itís nothing serious. Remember to take care of yourself too. (((((Lostsuol))))) check in when you can and keep us updated.

Mig, itís kind of the same here. Those years of him being a complete pig and asshole Ė I just look back and think Ēyou bastardĒ. Last night at MC he was telling me shit-faced lies about another old GF he went to see who was much easier company and who was more like me(WTF??). So I asked him why he didnít have an affair with her. He gave some crap about he didnít want an affair with her and no, she didnít reject him b/c he never thought about it. Yeh. Fucking right. I just wonder if there was only the one OW. I doubt it, and heís not going to say otherwise, is he? She was deranged enough to be a danger to the M, so he had to spill the beans. I believe in him just about as much as I do in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. Heís gone away on business and if he had kept a lid on the A, he could have been spending tomorrow night with her. All those times he used to say ďif I can get away, Iíll come homeĒ IOW "if OW and I canít arrange to be together, Iíll be home". And yes, not TMI and I get that too. It makes me mad that he reserved all of that for her.

What makes him think that it should all be alright now just b/c HE has decided what HE wants? And that if I loved him before, I should love him still, after all heís still the same person. Oh really???

[This message edited by UKgirl at 10:32 AM, September 3rd (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB
It's not "all better" and never will be, but the joy is starting to come back. Yipee

Yay HB!!!!!
I am so happy for you both.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mig, ok, I'm not saying it was all a bowl of cherries. But if the timeline he gives me is right, he stopped seeing all of them around the end of 2001. We had bought a new house and he wanted a "clean" slate. He "came back around" in December 2003. So I also had a period of porn and masturbation which he called his "withdrawal" period. In May 2004, he threw me a giant 50th bday party. Really was an effort. In June, our DD graduated HS and I was preparing her to go off to college. H had a fit about where she was going, said she should have gone to a state colleg (she applied, but wasn't accepted). He was a real miserable SOB about the whole thing. But it was HIM who made her commute her first year, limiting her choices. Anyway, we moved her. We moved her onto campus in September. Remember, I had been the one to handle EVERYTHING involving school. He never went to a PTA meeting, a teacher meeting, a band concert, a school play. NOTHING.

So, I made a suggestion about where to place her desk in the dorm room and he left. Left me, both kids and their friends on campus and didn't answer my calls, etc. I had no idea where he went or frankly, why he left.

When I got home he said he was moving out at the end of the week. He was going to live in our old house with the cat and he was done with me controlling everything. This was something I couldn't control. Well, I wept and cried and begged for him to tell me why. He refused to talk to me.

Friday came and I got up and asked him if he was going to be home when I got home from work. He said he wasn't going anywhere, but we needed to talk. Seems like a perfect time to break the news to me right? But no, he blamed everything going wrong in our M on me. I had a few choice things to say about how he'd been too, especially about stepping in to "parent" when he'd been absent for years. We hashed out everything, I thought and on the other side, we fixed what I thought was wrong. I gave him say in our kids' comings and goings. He went to every college vist for our son. Met his vision support people for the first time. He opened his checkbook (he had an account I couldn't access, so I had to ASK him for money every month) and made me a signator. We opened IRAs, had a will drawn up. Made decisions TOGETHER. We spent the summer of 2005 traveling and seeing concerts and canoeing and making love.

Then the GF died and screwed us up all over again.

But I can pinpoint the time when he THOUGHT he had made enough changes to satisfy me back in that December and because I didn't "come around" myself fast enough for him, he wanted the divorce.

My bitterness comes from wanting all other other years back. We could have been like that summer 2005 for YEARS if he hadn't been screwing around.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My bitterness comes from wanting all other other years back. We could have been like that summer 2005 for YEARS if he hadn't been screwing around.

God Weepy, I know, i know, cuts me like a knife , it's just too too hard to comprehend the complete and utter waste of all those years of our lives. I feel it too. (((Weepy.)))


He had said that OW was interesting and a good conversationalist.

Sure UK, Same here and in the dictionary it's read as the lesser known definiton of horsesnot.
Yup, i heard that and other truism's (sp) like that, Him: "she had a terrific sense of humor" Me: "Oh yeah, how so?" Him: " well, she asked me to retell my jokes over and over again and she always laughed"
For fucks sake, can you imagine , such a witty sense of humor this 2 braincelled creature, but i think he might be even more stupid,he fell for it, Christ, while his head was up his ass wouldn't you think he'd have smelled shit, ,yes, i'm sure the conversations were brilliant and interesting, And i doubt your H's were much more interesting than that. You called it right. He just wanted an ugly audience of one to applaud his wonderful self. Arseholes.

Fucking right. I just wonder if there was only the one OW. I doubt it, and heís not going to say otherwise, is he?

Speaking for myself, and asking you and Weepy in particular, I am coming to believe that yes ther is something in particular he doesn't want me to know. Your 2 H's sound similar in the way they lie. Hope this makes sense, but i think all the bullshit lies ( ones you catch them in and wonder why the fuck they would lie about something too stupid for words ) and the little lies, ( ones about details that, while hurtful, aren't by any stretch going to end it all ) Well i am suspecting that there is one big secret he is desperate to keep and is so focused on guarding it that when discussing this stuff, his mind is scrambling so in fear of letting it out that the other lies just spill out, perhaps unintentionally, Don't know if that makes sense to you , kind of like the fear of this big secret getting out is so great that he is so focused on not letting it slip that he can't directly focus on what he is saying. What do you think?


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy, how did he find out about her dying if heíd stopped four years previous? And why would that have such an effect on him if his choice was to stay with you? What actually made him confess, other than his obvious grief (for someone he no longer had a relationship with?). Yes, I wanted those years back too. It was part of trying to get the truth out of him Ė I said it was time stolen from me.

You see, itís all that kind of detail that makes me almost forensic in looking at affairs. Every little detail. And I still cannot piece it together in a way that makes sense to me. I cannot ďreadĒ it and I need to before I can understand. But I never will. Maybe I should have done criminal psychology or something, then I might have had some comprehension into how people get led into deception and justify their actions, if only to themselves.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You see, itís all that kind of detail that makes me almost forensic in looking at affairs. Every little detail. And I still cannot piece it together in a way that makes sense to me. I cannot ďreadĒ it and I need to before I can understand. But I never will.

That's me! And none of it makes sense. I happen to have a psychology degree too- hence my need to OVER analyze everything...yet, nothing makes any f'in sense.


He had said that OW was interesting and a good conversationalist.

HAHA, you know what my WH said? Conversations with OW made him feel smarter because she's a bit dumb. Well, he didn't say dumb, I added that small detail, LOL.

I guess to some degree he may have the KISA thing because he to some degree WH felt like a "father figure" ie: helping her have a more stable life, not drink as much, regular sleep schedule, helped her with stuff at work, errands, etc. He wanted to make her a better person. She just needed to put out to get those benefits.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIG. Never mind about our OWís thinking our Hís were soooo witty and interesting, I think youíre right
Christ, while his head was up his ass wouldn't you think he'd have smelled shit, ,yes, i'm sure the conversations were brilliant and interesting, And i doubt your H's were much more interesting than that. You called it right. He just wanted an ugly audience of one to applaud his wonderful self. Arseholes.

I think our sense of humour is so much better than theirs!!! I laugh a lot more here!

the fear of this big secret getting out is so great that he is so focused on not letting it slip that he can't directly focus on what he is saying. What do you think?

Oh yes. I know the huge business secrets he can keep. Pretending he hasnít a clue about some big deal thatís going to come off, some company thatís got receivers coming in, poaching employers, and then acting all innocent that he knew nothing when it blows up. He can do it in his personal life too with friends and family. Constant role playing. And he kept her under wraps until she was a completely bloody mental case and loose canon. So I donít see how there canít be another OW or two lurking about. And maybe they ended it. This one tried to, but he just kept going back, throwing her a line and reeling her in time and again. Fuckwit.

HA, HA, WN28!! I think my OW just acted dumb. And mad. And she did it so well, so well. And she wanted my H to be her KISA and he seems to think heís cut out for it. Trouble is, since heís mentioned how he enjoyed her company and her conversation, I seem to have gone into shut down mode. The more often he says it, the worse it gets. I can hear myself talking and Iím thinking ďwhat did you say that for?Ē, I think I sound stupid or eager or trying when actually Iím not. So I shut up. Itís all so conflicting and messed up in my head. I wonder if thatís what it was about Ė am I boring? Well, sheís not, she became a fucking psycho-nutcase!

[This message edited by UKgirl at 2:58 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. Trouble is, since heís mentioned how he enjoyed her company and her conversation, I seem to have gone into shut down mode. The more often he says it, the worse it gets. I can hear myself talking and Iím thinking ďwhat did you say that for?Ē, I think I sound stupid or eager or trying when actually Iím not. So I shut up. Itís all so conflicting and messed up in my head. I wonder if thatís what it was about Ė am I boring?

Don't you fucking dare UK. And if he's repeating that he does need a cricket bat upside his head. Because he knows you and he knows what will make you shut up. Be your beautiful self.


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

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