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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I I I
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So.....now that he found the recorder I know he'll go even further under cover if he continues or starts another A.

Whatnow, I know its early days for you, but you get to a point when you realise that no matter how much ground you cover, there are always loopholes, and your H will have an A, if he wanted to...he will find a way.

This is hard for me to let go of, and I still have my moments when I go do some crazy investigative housekeeping...I just want to know the moment he slips, so I dont waste another minute of my life.
But it drove me crazy, and I had to let it go.

It does get easier with time, really, and when you see that either he is not THAT man anymore, or that even if he did, YOU are going to be A-OK!

Hope floats? I dont know the movie or the song? Was it a chickflick...cos then that would explain it!

That was brave of you wanting to listen to your song. I still cant...even songs that remind me of us. And when "their song" comes on, my heart just aches. Yesterday, someone had the radio on at the office and it came on and I had to will myself to not run to the loo.

Sigh.
(((Whatnow)))

***
HEy FSA!!!
Thanks for checking in.

***

Weepy, how are you?
Have you heard the song "Changes" by Will Young. Reminded me of you.
Hope you are doing well.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those who missed Truths thread on How to find passion?...there were some great responses that you might find helpful.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=254799&AP=1&HL=7168

Thanks NAS for the tip.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatnow, I know its early days for you, but you get to a point when you realise that no matter how much ground you cover, there are always loopholes, and your H will have an A, if he wanted to...he will find a way


I have realized this- and have told WH numerous times that he could continue or have another A and I would never know. He knows exactly what I can check ie: phone records or whatever so he'd go around that to continue. I guess my hope was that if he were dumb enough to continue right on their "regular" days at least I could catch him with the voice recorder.

Hope Floats is a chick flick- It has Sandra Bullock in it- The song is by Garth Brooks- "To make you feel my love"
I'm not sure I wanted to hear the song- I don't play it on my computer anymore and it was horribly painful. I told WH afterwards that it was "rough" and he apologized and either asked why it bothers me or said he doesn't understand. Something....


Last night I was able to ask him the 2 questions i had left about IC. He answered them without any probs. I then told him what had triggered me the night previously and was looking for info that he didn't provide. I then felt my ongoing conflict between do I ask specific questions or let it go? He fell asleep so I'll ask him today because I can usually rest it & move on once I have the answers I'm looking for.

But...I was triggered all over again this morning when he woke up & wanted sex. It was so early & quick ie: no kissing, cuddling, joking around- right into sex. It was just like he describes it with OW#2. I have that struggle & the fact that I feel "of service" when he does that.

I tend to be using you guys as my venting board. hope you don't mind.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
brooke4
♀ Member
Member # 13581
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Just popping in to see how everyone is.

Lost Heart. What a terrible thing! I'm so happy you're following up on such inexcusable incompetence. Thank God you're all right.

Hurt Shirley. Your discovery about having loved him more than you loved yourself for so long, I could have written almost word for word. I remember that discovery sending me into a real sort of period of mourning. For everything he wasn't but I'd believed him to be, for the parts of me that got sacrificed along the way, and at the same time for the fact that I will never really be able to be so selfless in loving someone again. But I think I've more or less made peace with it.

And on the markets. Ouch. About five years ago my H was working with one of the leading experts in credit derivatives and I remember him (the expert) saying at the time that this wasn't going anywhere good. Even more frightening, he felt that a huge number of people trading derivatives didn't *really* understand them.

Whatnow: I found songs to be a terrible trigger for the longest time. About 6 months after d-day my H was on an overnight flight home from a business trip. He said that he was listening to his ipod on shuffle and the first song from our wedding came on and he started to cry. It was a little embarrassing I gather.

Weepy. I don't know what to say except that if there was an LTA medal of valour, I think it should go to you. I do see a bit of the realization that you're too good for him starting to creep into your posts though. I hope it continues.

Brooke


Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

Posts: 1483 | Registered: Feb 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember that discovery sending me into a real sort of period of mourning. For everything he wasn't but I'd believed him to be, for the parts of me that got sacrificed along the way, and at the same time for the fact that I will never really be able to be so selfless in loving someone again.

Interesting. One of the reasons I have been so quiet here is that I have been put in a bad place by this. To know that I deceived myself all of those years. That all the sacrifices weren't for "the greater good" of our marriage but, instead, were given in vain to someone who could take ad infinitum. The dark hole sucks. Spent most of yesterday afternoon and last night crying. However, I will share a tip with everyone. REAAAALLLLLY vigorous exercise helps. I am not talking about 20 min on the stairmaster. I am talking about doing something for at least an hour that has you dripping wet with sweat and absolutely panting and breathless (and NO I am not talking about sex ). I still play competitive tennis (played juniors growing up and played through college). I was in such a funk this morning that I called my pro and went and hit the shit out of the ball for an hour. Every single thing I was wearing was soaked and it is 60 degrees here. But I feel better. I takes my mind off of the pain, releases endomorphins that are better than ADs, allows me to spend time in a role other than that of the BW, etc, etc, etc. Just my tip of the day.

Brooke, I hope I get to a place of peace with how I treated myself. I am not there yet. I am planning on discussing it with IC tomorrow.

I remember him (the expert) saying at the time that this wasn't going anywhere good. Even more frightening, he felt that a huge number of people trading derivatives didn't *really* understand them.

I have a even worse take on this. I used to work in the mortgage area but I was only trading/managing collateral not derivatives. We had some REAAALLLY smart people looking at these derivatives and they had it modeled eight ways to Sunday - "Look, my model says we are protected to three standard deviations". The problem was that they didn't see the forest for the trees. Sure your CBO works under that model because that model doesn't take into account a complete fucking collapse of the housing market and people walking away from their homes and, by the way, under that scenario the residual is gone overnight and all your AAA tranches are now junk. Well, they didn't want to hear from me! They were too smart. They thought they were smarter than everyone else. My old boss got fired last week because the institutional money fund he oversaw broke the buck. Don't piss off the big money or you are out on the street in a nanosecond!!!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only have a second... whatnow... I bought a second recorder. Confessed to the first one. He even caught me using it about a week ago and thought it was funny. But I have another.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the reasons I have been so quiet here is that I have been put in a bad place

Hey HS, so sorry to hear you were in such a bad place. You know we're here for you even if just to send hugs (((((((((((HS))))))))))))
So glad the exercise worked for you though. I generally call a friend or one of my girls and spend a day getting out doing something I enjoy. The fall is such a perfect time to be outside and there is something about the cool, fall air that always lifts my spirits. That and pumpkins and mums and red, orange and yellow leaves. They never fail to bring me back up. I used to golf 2/3 times a week and this was the time of year that I preferred. I keep asking myself why don't I just pull out my clubs and start up again. (Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll do with one of my irons if I do bring them out of storage. )
I still have my moments when I go do some crazy investigative housekeeping...I just want to know the moment he slips, so I dont waste another minute of my life.

LH - this is me exactly! The other day when he was gone for the day I spent about 4 hours going through his workroom. I felt totally obsessed but was so relieved not to find anything. I was shaking and anxious and later, when I went to my IC, I told him I must be nuts to live like this. This is utter insanity. So, now, to the best of my ability, I'm working on letting this go and if he is stupid enough to have another A, I will leave in a "nanosecond" and never look back. That is a promise I hope I never have to keep but I know I am ready to if that day comes.
I tend to be using you guys as my venting board. hope you don't mind.

WN, That's what we're here for and never worry about leaning on us because you can be sure there will be times when we'll be leaning on you. That's what friends are for.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 4:03 PM, October 1st (Wednesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep asking myself why don't I just pull out my clubs and start up again. (Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll do with one of my irons if I do bring them out of storage. )

yeah, I just picture buttheads face on the tennis ball and watch out Roger Federer missle coming over the net! Honestly, I have to believe the pro is like "WTF? Why is she killing the ball?"


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Shirley))))))

One of the reasons I have been so quiet here is that I have been put in a bad place by this

Its going to take time, Sweetie. And its a process. But you know that already.

I really cant wait to get to the other side of this battle...to figure out who I hate more...him for doing ALL that he did to me/us/the kids...or me for "allowing" it. MAybe its not so much who I hate more. Maybe I need to get to a place where I can forgive us both..me especially.

You know we got your back, ok?
Big hugs, Shirley.

****
Whatnow, so what did you do when he wanted to use you?
It took me awhile after dday to realise that I could say no; that I had a right to say no; that I didnt have to if I didnt want to. I was so scared that this would give him an excuse to go running into another A, that I ignored my feelings, and felt like crap afterwards.

I dont do that anymore.

***
Hi Brooke.
Yes, I am lodging a complaint of negligence but geez theres so much bureaucracy tied up. Now the pharmacy wont release a copy of the prescription to me to add to my complaint. But I am on it!

***
Spent the day with the whole family and came back relatively unscathed.

Did have a small "altercation" with my mum re H and their conversations about me. She said that she doesnt do that and was tired of everyone (my sister)telling her not to. She got upset so quick, I had to quickly calm her down and change the topic. I did warn her though that if he could use those discussions against me when he was angry with me..imagine if he ever got angry with her...


***
Ukg, you ok, my friend?
((((Ukg))))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really cant wait to get to the other side of this battle...to figure out who I hate more...him for doing ALL that he did to me/us/the kids...or me for "allowing" it.

Yep, that says everything I think. I feel like "Dorothy" on the yellow SHIT road.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you FNF- You gave me warm fuzzies.

and if he is stupid enough to have another A, I will leave in a "nanosecond" and never look back.

I was thinking the other day....the above made me remember it. I sometimes think to myself I wouldn't have stayed if he had done X or Y or Z! But yk, I probably would have given some "excuse" to X, Y, and Z and stayed all along. So, I hope that I would leave in a nonosecond too but I wonder. Totally depends on what happened I guess.


((HUGS)) HS. Hope the exercise continues to help you feel better....and it's
good for you in so many other ways too!

So I got the questions answered from WH earlier today. None of it makes sense really- The relationship they had- never affectionate, no gifts,....it really does seem like it was an exchange of sex for companionship. Bizarre. I just don't see how she was so desparate enough that she would just give out sex twice/week for a "friend". WH says he thinks she was getting more out of her friendship with me at the end because at least it was a normal friendship- I wasn't taking & taking. Don't get it- never will.


We also talked about our sex this morning & I told him I was triggered because it seemed like it would have gone down exactly the same way with OW#2. He hesitantly agreed. I told him how I have trouble "getting into it" at times like that and then feel even worse because he had said earlier that she always got into it once it started. Well, today he kinda defined "getting into it" and he said she would more or less allow sex to happen but wasn't into it. I am probably looking into this way too much- it's not important. And ya know, I dont know how much I believe what he says anyways.

So...I love this song- I tell WH it's our "theme song" In case you all haven't heard it:

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over



ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatnow, so what did you do when he wanted to use you

It does depend on the situation with us. In the past I had no problem saying no and I'm sure have some mixed feelings on that too since he was getting it elsewhere. that's really where I failed him though because while he wasn't giving me enough attention/affection I really wasn't giving him the time of day either. I knew he was masterbating on a regular basis and didn't give a shit. why would I "give" anthying if I wasn't receiving anything? So- if I would have been in a worse place I would have said no. This morning I would have been in a much better place if we had woken up for at least a minute prior....had some exchange of something, yk? Didn't help that we woke up like 40 mins late!


to figure out who I hate more...him for doing ALL that he did to me/us/the kids...or me for "allowing" it.

I have thought about this a lot but don't think I've "gotten" it the same way a lot of you have. It's like I somehow believed where our relationship was- was "normal". At times I had thoughts of "this is wierd" or "we never kiss" or whatever it may have been. I felt that WH was often miserable and told him....but had no idea how to begin to fix that problem or even if I should. WH has always been a "good guy". Thoughout the A he never did anything directly harmful to me (hope you all know what I mean before I get 2x4's.) He took care of me & the kids, cleaned the house, did yard work, went to work. Strange as it is- he never once lied about his wherabouts. he ways always at home or work having sex. Well, actually twice they stopped on the way back from someplace and had some type of sexual encounter. I knew where he was- and often that she was there but didn't realize wtf was going on. THAT is what makes me wonder how I was so f'in dumb?!? I allowed OW#2 access to my husband all the time. I was cautious at first and then she flew under my radar and was all sweet & innocent- never sexual, if anything some irritation/disguist towards WH. It was somewhat like a brotherly/sister relationship.

Okay..I'm rambling again.

Does someone want to come pick up ALL the books that my toddler pulled out of the bookcase while I was cooking dinner?? LOL. I was so happy that he was playing quietly.

[This message edited by Whatnow28 at 5:35 PM, October 1st (Wednesday)]


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was somewhat like a brotherly/sister relationship.

<quietly coughing>

Might be a good topic for his IC...doncha think?

My H's first LTA was a replacement for his sister...more than a year later, he is still working on that one.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hhhnmmmmm. I didn't think anythign when I typed that but my WH was the one who witnessed his 7 year old sister being killed.

But how does sex play into that?

[This message edited by Whatnow28 at 5:45 PM, October 1st (Wednesday)]


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know people mentioned exchanging outside connection info in case SI goes down again. Is it a good idea if I gather them up, and with everyone's permission share them with the regulars or everyone that shared their own info? Is it easier if everyone just connects with everyone individually? How can we make this an easy process?


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, I have to believe the pro is like "WTF? Why is she killing the ball?"
If they only knew, huh???
WN - I love the lyrics. What is the name of that song? I'd love to listen to it on you tube. I wanted to say too that like you I was betrayed by two people, my H and a woman (his co-worker) who I believed to be my friend. I think this makes our recovery a little more complicated because we have two people who betrayed us. It's like they used our friendship against us. We believed they were our friend so any time they were with our H's, we never (or at least I never) suspected that anything was going on. This woman was in my home, we went out socially, I cried with her, listened to her problems, celebrated with her, ad nauseum. Never, and I mean NEVER, did I suspect that she was fucking my H. SHE WAS MY FRIEND, for god's sake. I cannot even begin to tell you how many dreams I have of beating her to a pulp. I have so much work to do on R'ing with my H, I haven't had the time to think of my resentment and hurt regarding her so my subconscious lets it all out.
It's completely unfathomable that another woman could do this to us and then face us and not be sickened by their betrayal. I guess I think women should be above this. Foolishness on my part.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF- The song is "Whatever it takes" by Lifehouse. Good song- perfect timing with this A.

It's like they used our friendship against us

Were you friends prior to the A FNF?


My situation is a little strange in that I had only met OW#2 a few times before she started sleeping with WH. So- she CHOSE to become my best friend- our roommate all the while fucking him. She built our whole "friendship" on lies. WH doesn't understand why it kills me SO much to think about how she was bummed when I stayed home from work- how they couldn't have their time when I was on maternity leave. Interestingly enough though- WH said she may have chosen to have hung out with me instead of him on numerous ocassions because she was sick of the non stop giving of sex. OW told me after D-day that supposedly she had been trying to stop the A for a year. She just didn't do anything or tell anyone about this quest. HA- BUT, she said part of the reason she went OFF BC was because she didn't think they could continue if it wasn't protected. AGH What a brilliant idea. This woman is so pathetic- She is SO weak it's truly unbelievable. She would do so much for me too- She would randomly buy me stuff- 3 bras within a month after moving in. When I was on maternity leave and WH was working she would stay up after working an overnight to help me with the kiddos. She did a million errands for us...it's truly unbelievable. I also think she did become attached to our family- she was watching our kids and I truly think she was a little "stuck" in the situation.

On D-day #1 the story was a 7 month A. The next week when she told me "I started sleeping with WH's name before I even met you" (she had forgotten about a few times we had documented at poker games) I seriously felt my heart drop because the past 2 years of my life- our friendship had been a lie. OMG. It hurts me to think about it.

How can someone do that??? and why? i don't understand why she put herself into that situation.

[This message edited by Whatnow28 at 6:53 PM, October 1st (Wednesday)]


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WH was the one who witnessed his 7 year old sister being killed.

In my H's case his "abandonment" issues were different but there is a very good chance you H is trying to work something out around this...just sayin'

Spent the day with the whole family and came back relatively unscathed.

LostHeart - I feel this is actually a great step for you. That you could do this...stand up for yourself. I am hoping your newfound strength (and not being overwhelmed by the wrong medication) will allow you to see better.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were you friends prior to the A FNF?

For about 20 years.
She was working with my H and since we had a lot of office social functions, I was friendly with a lot of the staff. Then, for whatever reason, the two of us quickly became friends. We went out to dinner together by ourselves and as couples, we went to the movies, we talked on the phone, I listened as she cried over her son who was very troubled, I celebrated the birth of her grandchild, I sat with her while her H was dying, I fixed meals for her and called to check on her, and listenend and cried with her when he was dying and all the while she was fucking my H. Can you believe it? At his funeral, I cried like a baby thinking of how much she loved him and now he was gone. Little did I know that in her mind it must have been like being set free since she had been fucking my H for about 5 years already and now she didn't have her H to interfere. I would encourage my H to look after her - "oh, she's so sad since her H died, it would be nice of you to take care of her". If I was out of town, I would tell him to take her to dinner so she wasn't lonely. Talk about an idiot. They must have been laughing their sorry asses off. That's what I mean when I say they used the friendship against me. She knew so much about me and about us. It's hard to think that someone you think you know so well could use you so horrendously. I don't know if I can ever really forgive her for her betrayal. I know that if I want my M to work I have to forgive my H, but I never want to see this person again and the only reason I feel I need to forgive her is for my own benefit and healing. And believe me, I will only forgive her in my heart, not in person. I never, never, never want to see her again.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WN - I love that song. I didn't recognize the lyrics when I read them but when I just listened to them I remember hearing that song played on the radio in my car and sitting there feeling on the verge of tears. The words really hit home, don't they?


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
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