My H was insisting it was only three years.
My WH went on the "7 months" lie until OW#2 told me the truth.
SoL. Thinking of you at your MC today. Check in and let us know how it went.
I can see how my H could have clearly been put into an even BIGGER position of low self-esteem by me.
GTMI. Oh, hon. If I’m reading your post right, I bet you knew it anyway. So true of the saying: infidelity - the gift that keeps on giving. I assume you have tackled him on this one. And there you are with a precious new GS (wonderful news ) and yet waiting the outcome of your DS’s poss OC (not so wonderful). Such conflicting emotions. Drag up a chair and sit a while.
My request for MC has already had some effect on H.
My GP has not sent the letter to bring forward my mammogram. I feel like just booking the ops anyway and sod the mammogram. Btw, I had an odd dream last night. I’d had my surgery, looked at my boobs with dressings and steri-strips and thought shoulda gone a size bigger. They looked just like they do now, but with patches!! It’d better not turn out like that, I want nice full ones!
Well, better get myself into going out mode. Even though I’d rather curl up under my duvet and wait for everything to be right again.
Re the surgery..please wait for the mammogram. If you have waited this long and this is just a big procedure, waiting a little more and taking every precaution is worth it, right?
So hows the hunt for the IC going?
How can you go shopping and come home with nuffink? Not even Accessorize? Or make up? Tsk.
Damn...I so wish I could join you in the operation room for some liposuction.
Can you believe I came home empty handed? Nothing fitted (or fitted the way I wanted it to), and I came home feeling so depressed.
LH, this is the story of my life! I took off 50 lbs in 2006 then Dday in Feb'07 erased my motivation. I've kept 35 off (but I've hit a plateau - plane of lethal flatness?) I don't have a job so at least I don't have that challenge. Is now a good time to mention that I haven't been 'dressed' since Monday when I went to the Dr. and an evening Fibro meeting. I'm living in my nightgown & housecoat. Definitely not dealing well with FWH being out of town.
He can never come up with a good enough lie to make me think anything other than he screwed her and is keeping it from me to 'protect' my feelings. Frankly the only thing he is doing is making it so I don't believe a word out of his mouth about the whole LTA or the fact that I am anything other than the "great american standby"
It's ok, I feel better today than I have in sooooo many years. I'm bouncing back, thanks to the new addition to the house. Ahhh, who doesn't love babies and who can be sad around them? Surely not me! I'll be back
That doesn't mean it didn't start prior to '94 or end after '01. I just can't prove it. When I kept referring to his 7 year LTA, H finally said "It was 'only' 4, maybe 5 years and we had tapered off a lot toward the end'. Plus he said he'd gone back to the hookers after he finished with her for a while before moving into our house.
Which he said was his "motivation" to start a new life. We had our first party (DD's 16th)at the house August 15, 2001. I would say we had been there about 2 weeks, so I already know it went on past our move, but when confronted my H said "whatever, it was right around the move." But since he continued to "see" his OW (even if he wasn't screwing her) until her death, I don't consider it ended until then.
And as I've said 100x, I really don't know if the pros and the LTA were it. He says it, but he also knew he was getting dangerously close to ending our M every time he upped the # of women, visits or length -- getting closer to the truth I guess, so I just don't know.
H just called and said not to cook dinner, he'd rather have pizza, so yea me. My brother's MLC band is playing in my home town tonight and DD (I can't believe I can go clubbing with my DD) is going to go with me to hear them. H doesn't like "funk, soul, R&B" so he won't be going. Too bad.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
LH - And I'm with UKG - shopping and coming home empty handed - tsk!
Ahhh, who doesn't love babies and who can be sad around them? Surely not me! I'll be back
Thats the spirit, GTMI!!!
Thats one lucky grandson.
Weepy, have a great time clubbing with DD. I was shaking to a music video earlier on and DD(8) asks, "Arent you too old be doing that? And maybe if you lost some of your butt, it wouldnt look so bad."
However, DD(7)pushed her aside, grabbed my hands and proceeded to twirl me around.
We used to have a wonderful friend here who was our drill sergeant, and she got on anyone who was slacking up...and YOU, my dear, are slacking up!
I dont care if your H is out of town or out of this world, you WILL NOT be sitting around in your pjs. I am mortified!
You are so lucky that we dont live close by, cos I would have rounded up the posse and paid you a visit.
Now today is almost over, so come tomorrow morning, you are going to dress up, put some face on and get out of the the house. I dont really care where you go, but you will do it. In fact, i want you to promise that you will wash and style your hair as well! Thats right, lostsuol...STYLE IT!
When your H comes back, he is going to see a babe who HAS a life and who CAN live without him...but CHOOSES not to. You are going to dress up for the most impt person in the world..YOU.
Now are you game, or should I round up the troops?
Have a good weekend, folks.
Big big hugs and buckets of golden white light.
LOSTSUOL!!!! Yes YOU!
... YOU, my dear, are slacking up!
... you WILL NOT be sitting around in your pjs. I am mortified!
Now today is almost over, so come tomorrow morning, you are going to dress up, put some face on and get out of the the house. I dont really care where you go, but you will do it... You are going to dress up for the most impt person in the world...YOU.
Now are you game, or should I round up the troops?
Alright... I'm game. Although I wouldn't turn down a visit from the posse <Grin> I had planned to meet my DD for lunch but her shift changed so I stayed home. Also we are having our 1st winter storm so I wasn't keen on taking the bus to her mall. Tomorrow I will get up and go to the mall closer to me.
I know wkends are slow but I'll let you know how I did.
They were conflicted 'cos they both didnt want to hurt you but they were in lurrve
For now, I'm no longer interested in contacting the "friend". Thank you all for your feeback. however, my struggle is that I can't see either of them ever saying they were "in love". WH says he wasn't- he wanted to get off, point blank (sorry, TMI). OW#2 from what I can tell was 100% conflicted. I wonder (and just was talking to WH about this) if it would be easier if it was concrete ie: we were in love. I'm sure it would have it's own set of questions & wonders but right now I'm trying to figure out how the 2 aspects of sex/not in love/emotions/friendship with me/marriage/etc all came together to form this fucked up mess.
My request for MC has already had some effect on H
That's great Weepy! Maybe it's helpful for him to know you're still commited? He's hard for me to figure out....I tend to rely on the experts here.
Hope you had a blast with your DD. I'd love to join ya in that!
Do something for you, Whatnow
Thanks LH. I had forgotten to respond to this. Strange enough- I was invited out tonight after work to have a drink with co-workers. WH was watching the kids and encouraged me to go (that had it's own set of triggers) but I was able to get out, I actually stayed out MUCH longer than planned but I enjoyed myself- had 3 drinks, socialized, laughed....it was nice. I never stay out after work and just let WH deal with the kids.
Lostsol, Agh, winter storm? They're headed my way.....sadly.
Well, for an update....I'm having trouble typing since I went out for drinks and then came home and had another 3, LOL. We've had 2 strange nights. After talking in MC about me not talking about the A I've been trying to be really open. The past 2 nights we've ended up having great sex and then discusing the A. Tonight was more specific sex questions and I think it was easier for me to ask & listen with the alcohol on board. It did however answer a lot of questions I've had the past month or so. Again, WH doesn't describe a lovely, fun, sexual, flirty atmostphere. He describes OW never initiating anything- himself pushing sex & her going along with it, being open to it once it started, enjoying it, and then little to no affection afterwards. This is when I think wow, he was really just getting pure sex from it......and then I wonder WTF OW was doing & thinking.
Anyways...I finally connected with my possible IC and I'm meeting her on Tuesday- an hour after our MC, in the same building actually which is walking distance from my work so it's perfect. (It's an office building with many suites, many are counselors so that was how I narrowed my search). She seems professional yet down to earth at the same time so I can't wait to meet her. I'm sure I could talk to her for DAYS straight!, along with you all, LOL.
I suppose I should get my half drunken self to bed since I need to get up in 5.5 hours or so.
D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA
"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".
I know wkends are slow but I'll let you know how I did.
I will be checking in again tomorrow, and I look forward to hearing what you did.
Is there a gf nearby that you can do coffee with? There is just something so comforting but invigorating at the same time, with female companionship.
(and dont forget...hair too!!
I wonder (and just was talking to WH about this) if it would be easier if it was concrete ie: we were in love. I'm sure it would have it's own set of questions & wonders but right now I'm trying to figure out how the 2 aspects of sex/not in love/emotions/friendship with me/marriage/etc all came together to form this fucked up
H said that he as in lurrve with OW#2, but as the relationship developed (or rather didnt), he realised it was just about sex and the attention. You must know about the limmerance and I will bet everything I have, that that was what it was for them.
Re the OW in your sitch..what did she get? what does any of these OW get in exchange for stroking the man's ego and his c**k?
They get attention, feelings of being wanted and desired which leads to a kind of power of him. I bet this is shortlived, and when she is cleaning up afterwards and the man is getting ready to go home to his family, she must be feeling truly crappy.
I never stay out after work and just let WH deal with the kids.
Way to go, Whatnow!
I havent done that yet.I am not comfortable or confident in crossing the line from work to social yet. Thus far I have managed to avoid the socials but we have the christmas party coming up which is mandatory, so...
Also all the best with the IC. I hope you enjoy your healing journey with her.
“LH, the simple fact he didn't tell me about the original sexual encounters until last year in Nov, 3.5 years after dday.”
“My H has never admitted to anything I couldn't prove, so I really have no idea how long his LTA was.”
“H finally said "It was 'only'”
I'm living in my nightgown & housecoat.
As to your dream, are you're thinking C cups now???
Does buying Bobbi Brown foundation on the internet count?
Whatnow – what LostH says.
Okay. I have a letter from FIL. I haven’t opened it and I plan to give it to FWH to assess seeing as I really can’t take any more of their “get over it and move on” attitude. They just don’t get it. A piece of paper is a ton weight.
You must know about the limmerance and I will bet everything I have, that that was what it was for them
This infatuation/in love is hard for me to imagine since it started as sex. No relationship (other than working) until she randomly offered drunk sex. From there, everything they did together was at work or at our house (and I was there most of the time). I have a hard time imaging this "in love" when he wasn't really offering her anything- no cards, no gifts, no kissing/cuddling. she obviously got some attention and WH thinks she mainly just wanted friendship/companionship and this is why she was just as happy spending time with me & family.
and when she is cleaning up afterwards and the man is getting ready to go home to his family, she must be feeling truly crappy.
Or feeling really f'in powerful & special since she lived in my home the final year.
Okay. I have a letter from FIL.
Oh boy.....good idea not opening it yet. Let us know how it goes.
[This message edited by Whatnow28 at 7:38 AM, November 8th (Saturday)]
I wish I could believe this, but I'm in the "she felt powerful" camp. She had "landed" a catch. And was just holding out until he could "cautiously disentangle" himself from his family... afterall he had disabled children, they were still young, a wife he couldn't count on to do anything right, etc.
I asked him a couple times if she'd ever asked for more of him... more time, more attention, money, gifts, love. And he says no, that they had an understanding and that was it. Now I believe he would totally "misinterpret" or ignore the signs. Since that would have complicated things. He's a simple man. anything more compliated with her would have sent him running back to the whores, I'm sure. And that's why it ended. Like I said, she changed the 'rules'. It wasn't "coming back to me" it was "leaving her."
So excited to read that you are moving into a new home. I hope it holds many new and beautiful future memories for you.
I agree that it's not shopping unless you get yourself a little "somthing".
How is everything else going?
Girl.... get up every morning, get dressed, and put a smile on your face!!! And anything else that makes you happy.
Occasionally spending the day in your pj's is ok... everyday is SOOOO not.
Congrats on your grandbaby. I am so jealous. I really can't wait.... but it looks like it could be a LONG wait.
Glad to hear about your WS getting counseling. Every small step helps.
WOW.... new boobies!!!! Lucky you. Mine have gone so far south that I get beat up when I try to run...
In-laws suck. I have as little to do with mine as possible. I can remember when my kids were little and my MIL would always have something negative to say, and I would end up crying! So one day I just thought enough was enough, and I told her that if she didn't like the way I did things, just don't come to my home anymore!!! She didn't--- for quite awhile. When she finally did, she never said another unkind thing.
However, when my FWH was caught and I put him out, she lied to me!!! Her A-hole son had been cheating, and she lied for him. I will never foegive her for that!
I love my children dearly, but they know that I will NEVER lie for them or to them!
Things are going really well for us. I made it thru our ANTIversary and a week later we celebrated our 27th Anniversary. We went camping with some friends and had a SUPER fun time. The weather was unseasonally warm (70's).
That was only a week ago, but feels like a lifetime. My H is working this morning and also from 3-11pm. It is a side job and pays too well... but I will be missing him.
I think I will take a long walk in the cold and then perhaps do some shopping. I already have bought X-Mas stuff and hope to get some more done.
Hugs and warm thoughts to all and any I have missed.
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
Fuck. And the other generations who had other families elsewhere. Guess it runs in the family. Shouldn't have married him. Fucking fuckwit. God, I am livid. I will not be some fucking grateful doormat, forever thankful that my H chose to come home. Fuck off, why don't you. Aaaarrghghghghgh!
MIL had an affair
Wow UKG. It's amazing how some of those family issues get passed down- even without full knowledge.
We're headed to see Fireproof later today! I looked and it hit my town last night so my Dad will be watching the kids. I'm not sure I'm prepared for it but I SO want to see it.
OMG. I must be PMS'ing, LOL.
That was my quote Wednesday. Sure enough, LOL. That would explain why I sat in the car crying & talking to WH yesterday morning for 2 hours and couldn't go into work. I don't have regular cycles but I think the last 2 times I did have a cycle I had suggested PMS due to extreme emotions.