Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Weepy, glad to hear that you are putting yourself first. Sorry your H isn't helping to fix things.
BT, keeping you and your sons in my prayers, along with all my family members. My neice just had emergency surgery, my Brother is having serious surgery Dec. 18th, my sisters H continues to battle his cancer, and they just found more on his kidneys!!! Add to that, my poor 89 yr. old Dad is going crazy with worry, and wonders why he is still here!!!
Sure hope the new year brings better health for them.
UKGirl, how are ya... you are always in my thoughts...
Not much new with me. My FWH and I are doing really well. Sometimes the old ghosts creep up on me, but I refuse to notice them! FWH has asked me to go away after X-Mas again and spend New Years in Florida. He wants to go where we spent the evening last year... just the 2 of us. I really am looking forward to getting away.
to each and everyone of you's.
I know I have ALOT to be thankful for.
PS.... UKG, we aren't going to camp in Florida this time! We are actually going to rent a condo.
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
Hope you are getting settled in well. We are getting ready for Thanksgiving here. Hope everybody has a nice time with friends and family.
So we moved into OUR VERY OWN HOME..and its been hectic but GREAT!
I love the house, warts and all. Its ours. (happy)No curtains, sleeping on the floor, heater broken on 2nd floor...but its ours.
H has been just great too. We have both been working well together on this. I get all anal and tense... and he is all relaxed and chilled ...but together its been nice. It worked somehow.
His attitude has just been amazing and infectious. I dont do change very well, and kids and I have been quite disoriented. His chirpy mood has made all of this much easier.
LEts hope Good H stays around for awhile, cos we sure do like him.
On the downer...this Friday is dday#2 antiversary.I have been fighting triggers since the weekend, add to that I go full time and have been assigned 2 hectic cases and I couldnt have IC this week and I didnt have my Tribe...have all contributed to me sliding. I know its happening and I have been trying to pace myself. Trying.
H upset me the other night when he asked in exasperation, "Why do you have to remember these things?(ddays). Why dont you just let it go. They are not impt so why make a big deal out of it!Really!"
I was hurt and sad that he would still say this after all this time.
2 years ago Friday, I discovered the whole M had been a joke; that he and OW#1 had been at it since before we even got together, and this M has always been the 3 of us..well 4 when OW#2 got in.I discovered that all those fears I had all those years ago, had been real. I discovered that I had NOT been crazy and paranoid and immature as a young bride; that ALL of them (H, OW, IL's and my family) had been wrong.. it had not been me who was "ill" but H and OW.
2 years ago, OW#2 left my M. Her ghost still lingers and will do for some time, but she is getting weaker.YAy!
2 years ago, H came crashing down from his pedastal,( and I started building mine. ), and had to begin looking at himself. Sadly though, it meant I had to start really looking at him too.
So how can he say its not impt?
Shirley, well done you for the OW showdown.You got nerve, girlfriend!
Word of caution about the Imago weekend though, Shirley.
It concerns me that you are putting some of emphasis on this one weekend. Thats an awful lot of pressure to place on you and H, isnt it? Can this not be a stepping stone towards something positive? KWIM?
Btw, there is a great handbook that goes with the Getting the Love you Want book as well.
(I would LOVE to go to an Imago weekend.Maybe one day.
Ukg, there is even one held in a gorgeous Greek island!Hint hint ).
Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.
but now we have the "new and improved" version....Lost Heart 2
You betcha baby!
She is tuffer and purttier and TWICE the woman she was before (lets hope her sp has improved too!)
Yowse whiff me??
The world had taken on many US customs, and its unfortunate that Thanksgiving has not been one of them.(you lot can take back your weird gangsta walks and bling and Jordan..lol).
The whole concept helps centre us on what we have and what is really important at the end of the day.
What an important and humbling lesson for us all.
Happy Thanksgiving,my Sisters.
[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 12:29 PM, November 26th (Wednesday)]
I am thankful for all of you sharing your stories and advice with me
I never saw her as a replacement for you, ever." Yeah, but the fact that she was the "chosen" one will never change. I was in his bed every night. On the couch 3' away every night. With him 24/7 on weekends and holidays, but yet, he'd bundle himself up in 10 degree weather and haul himself downtown or to her house when he wouldn't even carry out the trash for me because "it was too cold". Hard to see that kind of behavior in a "funhouse" mirror. Maybe if he'd had daily contact with her in some other setting, more convenience, but to tell me he was going to get cigarettes and be gone for an hour while he saw her and came home like nothing? That's a whole different animal. That's enjoying "getting over" on me. His A contained a whole lot of spite and anger AT ME. Whether it was because he couldn't face it at himself or not, it still was directed AT ME, AT OUR KIDS
We married the same guy
Its so pathetic how much in common these WSs have, isnt it?
Then again, think about how much in common us BSs here have...intelligent, witty, funny,faithful, attractive,...
LH, so glad you're back, and squared even! lol
H was discharged from his partial inpatient stay yesterday.They make that decision. He actually was fine going and after the first couple days got to liking it. We live in such a small area though....he had a friend from college there as well as someone I use to work with! We are going to have dinner with the friend from college and his wife in a few weeks. i went out to lunch with he and H after the family session yesterday.
Soooooo, he has started checking his blood sugar. Not making a big deal of it, just checking it daily. We'll see if that continues. At the family session the therapist had some good insight. Really thinks he was not suicidal in his lack of care of himself (what many others have said) but more disconnected. She said there was not enough feeling or emotion to be suicidal. Thinks 'disconnecting' has been his main coping mechanism since childhood and that is so, so true. Said even the fact that he gets defensive now is reassuring, he is connected enough to feel something.
It all makes sense and is all well and good. But now he has to make a choice to be co0nnected and to feel all the stuff he hasn't been feeling. She emphasized that it is a great coping mechanism and to stop makes you feel bad feelings, but it also allows you to feel the good feelings that he has missed out on.
I almost feel like as time goes on, I am disconnecting myself. Like if he doesn't hurry up and figure himself out, I am just not going to be able to wait. I guess we'll see.
He really hasn't old me much about it. Bits here and there especially when I asked before going in for the family session. He said many of the people were just profoundly sick...profoundly depressed or manic or OCD or whatever. So I guess h seem pretty normal to them. We talked a lot about that as well. All his being 'laid back' is about that disconnect. now he needs to learn how to fix it.
I don't know if he'll follow through. Things have been slowly drifting back to our 'normal' which is just living our lives parallel. I don't want to do that anymore, and yet I don't want to be the one initiating everything. He'll do stuff with me when I ask and plan and do it all. I can't do that anymore. He needs to take initiative. So we seem to be at an impasse.
He has appointment with his counselor on Tuesday and they will make an appointment for the fur of us then.
This is such a long, horrible road. I catch glimpses of goodness her e and there. Us having a 'normal' conversation and realizing that we rarely did that before dday. But I want more. I don't know if there ever will be more.
I'm glad to have you back, my friend, and happy that you've had such a good experience becoming a homeowner.
I know you can hold it together. Don't let a date on a calendar hold you back. Not now when you are doing so well. Live from your beliefs, Lost, not from your feelings. You are at a point where you can do that now. Do it. I know you can. It is the most empowering change you will ever make.
Weepy, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. That is such a sad thing.
I'm headed to see family tomorrow- Believe that WH will be working although he may be able to come for a few hours.
I went to the Drs. today and pneumonia has been going around like MAD- he said they can't separate the viral vs. bacteria and since I've had a moderate fever for 5 days he's given me the Z pack. Ahhh...I just hope to feel better. I don't think I've ever been so tired in my life- Off to clean up after dinner, put laundry away that's WAY overdue & collapse in bed.
BTW, my Dr. recommended whiskey for my cough. Gotta love him!
D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA
"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".
Still, meeting with a SI sister tomorrow for lunch!
Happy Thanksgiving to those descendants over the pond. Have a great day!
Weepy, I’m sorry to hear about your friend. Thanksgiving followed by funeral. Thinking of you.
Lovin’, wow, one thing after another. Sending healing thoughts out your way for your family. Stay strong (even though we know you are). As to the condo – hope the walls are thick! Have a good time hon.
LostH, Antiversaries suck. But I think you’ve read enough here to steel yourself for it.
H came crashing down from his pedastal,
WN, pneumonia? Take very good care of yourself. I like your doctor, good recommendation!
Gotta go. Have a wonderful day everyone.
I'm adding your relatives to my prayer list. Sees like a lot of people facing illness this year.
Happy Thanksgiving to all the American members of the tribe. I hope everyone has a great day.
Thank you every one of you.
And even though my kiddos dont know you, I know that oneday when I do tell them about the special friends I made here, they will thank you too.
BT, if I was anymore squarer...
Whats the news on your boy?
Whatnow, that sounds serious. Please take care of yourself. Bedrest and whiskey,it is!
Ukg, couldnt you have accompanied H at his reunion?
What an annoying trigger.
Enjoy your meet with a SI sister. You sound like you need a break.
Hi Fnf and Shirley and Weepy and SoLost and Lovin and BT and the rest of the Tribe:
I missed you all so much. I feel like its been yonks since I was here.
Hope you all have a peaceful holiday.
Lostsuol, where are you, friend?
FNF and Lostsoul, I've been having some freaky dreams, too. I'm surprised at times at how badly they affect me.
LostS, what kind of therapies have you tried for depression?