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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I I I
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, December 1st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I do notice you say you don't get on here on Fridays when your H is home either, so we are both making concessions.

Absolutely, Weepy, and may I add, it's not been easy.
But I will tell you this, if my H was not making changes and concessions himself and if he was still the man he used to be minus the A, I would not be making these concessions. We have both decided to work on this M and I'll work as long as he is - that's the deal in this household.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, December 1st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you FnF & Weepy...
I'm thinking the away thing might be the best way to handle it. I love my H, I really do. I just can't look him in the eye that day.
I am also a believer in choosing or better yet, creating a happy world for oneself. Weepy, maybe you can start small and take a 1/2 hour each day to do something that makes you feel good. I hope you all have a good week. I am traveling to NYC for a few days of good will and cheer.


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years  Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I noticed when I'm stressed, sick, other things going wrong I'm more apt to take what H says "personally". To internalize it as something wrong with me. It's like this R and fixing the M just saps all my strength some days.

Last night when I was taking laundry down to the basement H said "you're not going downstairs with THOSE slippers on your feet, are you?" I got pissed, like I'm not intelligent enough to wear something appropriate on my feet in the basement. I just said "yes" and showed him the slipper have a hard sole. What I should have done was take 5 seconds to "listen" to what he was saying and hand him the basket and say "You're so concerned about me (dripping sweetness) you can carry it down for me." He "hides" his concern under control.

Like when he asked me to call him on my way home from work... during the A it was to know my whereabouts, after that, it was so he knew when I was on the highway. He said he used to watch the traffic reports in case there was an accident on my route or if I broke down, he'd know where (approximately) I was. He hates when I pause before I respond to him, but I think it's wiser rather than to react from my angry gut.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I read your posts and think we were 'separated at birth' but since you could be my DD... guess we are LTA sisters.

((((lostsuol))))
What an honour.

Hope the weekend worked out well.

***

So I suck it up Friday pm, squeeze into my hot, black J-Brands and boots. By 11:30 I am feeling muuuucccchhh better. Come home, attack unsuspecting H, sleep until 10 and wake up with yet another horrible hangover

Go Shir-ley!! Go Shir-ley!! Go Shir-ley!!!

***

((((fading))))
Your dday was so recent and I can imagine how upside down everything must be right now. My anniversary was 2 weeks after dday#1, and my family had arranged for us to be alone to celebrate. I was still shellshocked and couldnt even sit in the restaurant, without feeling like my heart was being ripped.I just wanted to run away...far.

If I were you, dont make this day a big deal.Dont hold any expectations for it. Tell H (and your family if you can), that you are not "doing" it this year. Be prepared to be emotional and supersensitive in that week. And your H needs to be around for and up for ..anything.

And you know you have us here as well.

****

Hi Dizzney. Welcome.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fading - I no longer recognize any anniversary. I told H if he did anything on that date that I would lose it and he respected my wishes. My anniversary is very close to Mother's day so on the advice of the tribe here, I reveled in the joy of my children and pretty much ignored my H. The date that I thought we were married will never have meaning to me now except (as the great tag line here on SI says) as the day I gave my husband the wrong finger!!!

Does anyone have any more book recommendations? I am reading like mad. Not just books on infidelity or relationships but all kinds of books on growning, spirituality, self-awareness, etc. Literally everything from Who Moved My Cheese, to How to Win Friends and Influence People to What Happy Women Know, etc., etc, etc. Any suggestions would be welcomed!!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops double post....still do not know how I do that.

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 2:56 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the "Not on SI when H is home" club. FWH knows that I come here since I printed several articles from the library for him but as far as I know hasn't joined.

We had a busy but great wkend together. I was really tired yesterday & today so I rested (slept a lot) to recover (CFS/FMS). FWH will be home soon so I need to shower and get ready for a concert tonight. We've had tickets since Sept. so I want us to enjoy it.

LH2... hope you are pacing yourself with the unpacking/getting settled in the new house.

Shirley... You Rock!

FnF: I am so glad of your sharing. Gives me hope daily.

I think it's wiser rather than to react from my angry gut.

Weepy: You are to be admired! I truly doubt I could hold my tongue with your H's comments.

Fading... "what LH2 said"! I can't agree more. Trying to celebrate our anniv. in June was a major disappointment.

BT.... thanks again.

Gotta Run! {{{LTA}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fading, Enjoy your time away. When is your anniversary – is this break to celebrate it? Whatever the reason, have a good time! It seems that none of us wants to acknowledge a day that is supposed to be a celebration. What is there to celebrate? For me, nothing. Which is ironic seeing as I hadn’t really thought seriously of marrying this man. I thought shacking up would do for now. In fact, I hadn’t thought of the “til death us do part” until our first child was born. I just thought I’d go along with it until our relationship reached its natural end. As it turned out, that was 11th September 2001. So, for me, that finished it. If it’s over, why mark the day? This year I somehow got through it by being in another place, another zone even though I was at my parents’ Diamond Wedding dinner.

My anniversary is very close to Mother's day

Ouch! I am soooo glad that we didn’t do the Valentines Day wedding (FWH’s brother) or Xmas Eve, or even Rosemary-for-Remembrance-Day. OMG, how would you ever, ever, EVER get away from a double whammy like that??? I sometimes think we should have chosen 28th Oct, St Judes day – the patron saint of lost causes and desperate situations. (Also for hospitals, which is why I know it.) But that date is just a couple of days from H’s b’day, hmmm!!

Lately I've been saying we were married for 15 years. We've just been in a "relationship" since. And I think that's how I'm going to look at it.

I like that weepy. I said that H divorced me in Sept 2001 when he made the choice to revisit his past with MOW. Then there was a state of living a lie, a “mirage” rather than a “marriage”. And now, just unmarried. I thought there would be a honeymoon, a kind of remembering what it was that first attracted us. But now I doubt that I know what true love is. I did, now I don’t. So I guess the term “relationship” fits. It also means that each of us is free to leave. An interesting concept.

FNF, I think about renewing vows or commitment or whatever (I’m not religious). But then I remember about FWH’s bf and his first m. They renewed their vows in spectacular fashion by having a round the world trip and a private ceremony on a Bali beach with a ring for her worth thousands of pounds. And they still got D’d. I think I want a one-sided speech from my FWH. I didn’t break my promises to him, declared or implied. He did.

I know I"m trying to like me. I know I have to forgive myself,

That one is very hard. I'm struggling with that.

Hi dizzney. I think it’s the first time you’ve ventured into our little corner. FWH and I went away for our 25th anni to our honeymoon hotel. It’s still a horrendously expensive place and there is that part of me that sticks a finger up at her, but I also know that WH would have been in contact. Nothing was kept for us. Not really. He paid a kind of lip service, but he was with her soon after. What a waste of money. I know she was miffed about that, but more so about the week in Egypt for WH’s 50th.

I kept telling myself I have the right to be happy,

I ask myself if I had the right to be happy before. The “smug married” got slapped big time. I almost feel I deserve this to have happened to me for being content before. Content and unquestioning. Happy in my little family and circle.

The date that I thought we were married will never have meaning to me now except (as the great tag line here on SI says) as the day I gave my husband the wrong finger!!!


I’m reading “The Concert Pianist”. It was lent to me and the opening pages are about this pianist (obviously) who calls in to visit – THE OLD GF!!!!! Let’s hope it gets better!!

LostH - you must know this by now: three areas when unpacking, tip, charity, keep. Good chance for decluttering and getting rid of all that baggage! I have this fantasy of living in a minimalist abode. Just me. Maybe a cat. Living a Joanna Trollope life in a painting. Like the one I have on my bedroom wall. The artist called it "Wishful thinking".


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've had tickets since Sept. so I want us to enjoy it.

Wish my H would take me to a concert! I love them! Have a great time.

On a good note, before FWH left for being away for a few days (Milan, oooh, I could have gone shoppiiinnngggg …….) he said he wanted to say three things. One, he loves me absolutely and unconditionally. Two, he is so very sorry for everything. Three, he hopes that, one day, I will realise that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. As he walked out of the door, I thought; One, I did and got shat on. Two, you’re only sorry you got found out. Three, how long is that?

Will I think like this forever? B/c if I do, it cannot last. But I accepted with good grace. He texted me and asked if I believed him when he said ILY. I said I did, but frankly, I don’t think he knows what love is.

I think that was a half-good note on his part.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all! I'm feeling much better after my antibiotics & now that the holidays have past I'm going way back to catch up.

WH & I have been doing really well the past few weeks. I've barely had any triggers- WH has been supportive & working on his "issues". And then...over the past 24-36 hours I can feel "it" coming back. the hurt, confusion, pain, triggers, thoughts, doubts, etc. etc. I hate it. My word lately has been "disposable." I feel that I am disposable because he chose to continue his A every day knowing that if I were to find out I'd probably be done with the M. So, how can I feel loved knowing that? Knowing that it was worth the risk to lose his M and me so he could get off?

I believe that every one of us in this LTA tribe are trying to determine whether our S's are capable of a love that is of value, that has depth, that can protect us, that can withstand temptation, that can be truthful, honorable, selfless and faithful

This is new for me. I don't usually doubt WH's "love" but lately when he says ILY it's a huge trigger. Why was his love for me any greater? He told her the same thing? He never told her he was lying about it and I'm sure she never believed that he didn't love her. She thought he was madly in love....and was using her at the same time somehow.

"we never wanted you to get hurt."

I heard this too. "If only you hadn't found out- you wouldn't have been hurt. What a lovely rationalization. Not that he was hurting the M everyday....nnnnooooo.

______

Hi 25wimsey- Nice to have you check in. Even if it's not all rosy.

_______

Whatnow – So is that what it was about, he just wanted sex and OW’s were obliging with no strings attached? This could be far reaching in finding out about yourself and your sexuality. Your IC sounds good. Are you comfortable discussing sex issues with her

UKG- I think this is my biggest struggle. How it seems like WH did just want the sex- that's how it was with OW#1- sex only- he didn't like her personality but hey, she was willing to bend over so he got what he wanted. OW#2 started off offering the same thing....but they're friendship continued to build & build - then he got jealous of her going on a date & threw out the first ILY, she moves in, etc. etc. He says the ILY's were a "fix it" to make the situation better and lord knows he avoids conflict so I'm sure it was easy for him to continue fucking her (getting what he wanted) and doing whatever she wanted minimally (ILY's) to continue & not "rock the boat". What I especially don't understand is OW's interest here- She confirmed for me that she didn't care about the sex- NEVER initiated- no kissing, playing, flirting, NOTHING. Sex, direct sex. It really does seem like she just wanted friendship & companionship- someone to pretend to want her and it was worth it to her to get all that while building a friendship with me, caring for my children, and tearing the family apart at the same time. God, what a miserable fucking bitch. Sorry for the rant there.

______

Welcome back & welcome LH2! So glad to hear that you are loving YOUR house! Kudos to you.

______

HS- Sounds like a great drunken & busy weekend!

_____

BT- Hope the testing goes well tomorrow.

______

Welcome Dizzney

______

Our 1st anniversary was just 3 months after D-day. I was still frozen (still am partly) but fought between ignoring the date & celebrating it. We went out and had a great time. I was emotional a little thinking about the lost M- the loss of the dream, perfect relationship, etc. But, I guess I wanted to remain hopeful and celebrate the happiness we had on our wedding day.

Our Thanksgiving was good. WH ended up having most of the day off so he was at dinner with me & my family. Interestingly enough- I got irritated because he spent 95% of the time there chatting with my step-brother & his GF about hunting. I felt very lonely & unsupported- I think he had forgotten I was there.... And, even stanger I was jealous of the GF he was talking to. She was all tom-boyish and into hunting and I couldn't help but think how much he would enjoy a woman who was into hunting- I sadly had the thought of them running into each other into the woods & having random sex. It's that kind of thought that I have and say, "things like that don't/won't happen". AND THEN I remember that they fucking did happen. He did have random sex with his sluts. So....good thing he's not around more females but not sure what this issue says about me & my insecurities.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
shepherdess
♀ New Member
Member # 21790
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, December 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey forgivenotforget

I'm sure your support during CA is of no more importance to your WH's coworker, than supporting you was to her.
As a longtime officeworker, and one who worked with a young guy who cheated on his wife as she succomed to melanoma, as we all observed in horror,cringed, but stayed the hell out of it.
I can offer up these options:

1. coworkers will support/ignore indescretions in order to not rock the boat (jobs are in crucially low supply right now!)
2. why should she stick her neck out and get involved in someone elses mess?
3. since she is working with both parties, she cannot win by instigating.
she's outnumberd.
you cannot expect a casual friend to put their job security at risk, she is not observing a child being molested after all (we would all agree, that sort of thing must be reported at all costs!)
4. dont worry about not supporting her, a get well soon card is more appropriate,


Me: BW 50
WH 53
M 18yrs, 1 teenager
DDAY: April 23, 2008
estimated affair: 7 yrs
WE ARE RETROUVAILLE GRADUATES
ask me about Retrouvaille.org

Posts: 4 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: New York City
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey WN, glad you’re getting better! I can relate to the welling up feeling, like a thief you can’t outrun. But one day that thief is going to get tired of chasing after you and you will turn around and stick your tongue out at him. As to the ILY’s, I feel the same. He said it to her and claims it was part of the game crap, but then he says the same to me, but means it? Come on! And it seems that it should MEAN something because he’s “still here”. Excuse me, but it must have meant something to her because he was still arranging and agreeing to their trysts and his stays at her house for days on end. So the fact he is “still here” means fuck all – he just doesn’t have anyone else to go and this will do well enough.

She confirmed for me that she didn't care about the sex- NEVER initiated- no kissing, playing, flirting, NOTHING. Sex, direct sex. It really does seem like she just wanted friendship & companionship- someone to pretend to want her and it was worth it to her to get all that while building a friendship with me, caring for my children, and tearing the family apart at the same time.

I take it that you have the warmth and true intimacy when you have sex/make love that he didn’t offer either OW. If this is the case then it really was just about getting his end away and no more. Meanwhile, I’m guessing she actually wanted your life, wanted to be you. Which, of course, she never could be. And she knew that once the affair was out, she would be history and gone. She wanted to continue so that she could live the lie and pretence and all she had to do was give your H what he wanted. But the intimacy was missing. And ILY must have been easy to say when he didn’t mean it. It must be much harder for him to say them to you when those words can be thrown back in his face as meaningless and the person he truly loves can’t say them back.

what this issue says about me & my insecurities.

Perfectly natural response. You can imagine how I was when FWH went off for his “school reunion” with me knowing one ex-gf was there. Then he came home and I found there were two. >>>UGH Allow yourself to acknowledge the feeling and accept that it is NORMAL.

And here’s another analogy I’ve come up with re FWH’s affair. You know I have this horrible feeling that this is NOT over and that she will be back sometime. Well, their relationship is like a virus. They got infected back when they were 16 and it would come and go, sometimes they could manage it and other times it made both of them ill. Then it became dormant. But like any virus, while they had a good immune system against it (their respective marriages), it was unlikely to attack. However, when they reached an emotionally vulnerable point, it re-emerged and made them sick again. Once WH confessed, he was able to fight it and she was left to either recover or die. However, it has left both of them damaged and affected those who breathe the same air. And even though they have shown all signs of recovery, the virus is there in the heart. You never get rid of a virus, you learn to deal with it. And I don’t really think FWH has the coping mechanisms to recognise the symptoms which leads me to say it is not over. Yeh, a nasty virus for which there is no cure.

Had IC this morning. I need new memories for Christmas and - guess what - FWH has got to provide them! Well, it would be funny if I thought it could happen. He has all his happy memories about this time of year, of his family with and without MOW around. For me, the memories were seen one way and now are different. My happiness was not real and the sentiments were lies and that is why I cannot have the same style of Christmases as before. Soooo. Hmmm. Now what?

Hi shepherdess. Welcome.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 10:06 AM, December 3rd (Wednesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT, thinking of you and your son. Please let us know it went.

***
Hi WN.
It does suck when the rollercoaster takes a downturn after a stretch at the top.

What can you do to help yourself in this time?
Your H paying all that attention to that couple would obviously hurt. What do you think would have happened if you had taken him to one side and told him that you were triggering and could he stop? Would he have taken that on board? Did you discuss this with him after?

Like Fnf says, we have to learn to stand up and call our H's on their hurtful behaviour, instead of hurting on the side, KWIM? I am guilty of this..I will let it go whilst its eating me inside and later on, H would ask why didnt I say something at the time?
Sigh.

Re you and your insecurities...Sweetie, we all have them. I actually get panic attacks if an attractive female is with us. And my mind races through all the ugly possibilities.
I told my H this and he has helped on some occassions.
Still...

My IC says its part of the PTSD effect and part of my own low self esteem.

***

Hey Ukg!
How are you coping with this weather?

So why didnt you go with H to Milan?? That would have been a nice break for you before the holiday madness.

Does your H know your expectations for Christmas? HE can now put his lovely words into action!


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been so stressed recently and some of it flowed over into work yesterday.

A male colleague asked me out for lunch. Now he has done this a few times before and I have politely and firmly declined.I only go out with my female colleagues. He is a senior pract and I value the professional relationship we have. YEsterday he was particularly insistent and that annoyed the crap out of me, esp when he asked what would it take to get me to go out. Bear in mind he is M'd (and frequently makes disparaging comments about his W and how his M is under review etc etc)and knows that I am M'd too.This whole sitch is such a trigger 'cos I can just imagine H doing this with OW#2.
Finally he said I treating him like a murderer (by refusing him).And then I blew up.
I stood up and made an announcement to everyone that "X wants to know what it would take to get me to go out, so I told him to shave his legs, put on a dress and some lippy, and I will consider!" That got everyone ribbing him and he was embarassed.

When he brought it up again (idiot!), I told him in my eyes, this is how murder starts;That IMHO there is no such thing as an innocent lunch between male and female colleagues ; that oneday his 2 boys will ask him why didnt he love them enough as they look at their broken family and their devastated mom, and that he will have the "blood" of their souls on his hands.
Strong, I know. But I was so angry and upset.
He shut up after that, esp after I told him that he should concentrate on fixing his M.
Last night, when I told H, I broke down. I was so distressed.

I love going to work.I love my job. I enjoy what I do. And its so far away from LTAs and OWs and all this crap. Its my own little world. And now I feel like its been broken into.

I was anxious about how today everyone would react, but they were fine and colleague was quieter than usual.His poor poor wife.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess before my dday, I would have thought if your male colleague was someone like my H, I'd say, how nice and considerate of him to take some time to know some personal details and know you a little better …….. Oh my innocent and naive take on things. Always assuming the best of people until otherwise is shoved in my face. And I have no idea if my H has made any disparaging remarks about me to any work fellows, male or female. Now, of course, I have a very different view of the workplace and the dynamics of working relationships. Which is sad. I don’t know about any of the female colleagues H works with now, but I’ll be seeing a few of them at the Christmas do in a couple of weeks.

Are you going to a pre-Christmas work/social thing? It would make interesting people watching. That’s what I’ll be doing at H’s and it’s something I’ve not really done before. I’ll be observing everyone, the gestures, the invasion of Hutchinson space, the looks, the dresses. The theme is Bond. I’m not dressing up as a Bond girl (well you can’t at 51!), I’m going as Miss Moneypenny. A notepad, pencil and glasses, and I bet I’m the oldest bird there!

Tsk. His poor wife. At least you’ve considered her position. Sounds like he’s unconcerned. Bit of a sad bloke then.

FWH is on his way home tonight (Milan was for a day with a colleague), so he doesn’t know about the “Christmas is on you” idea. I know he’s going to be horrified. But IC says I should just let him get on with it and enjoy it as long as he makes the effort. Now, will he make that effort when he can’t’/won’t even book a week away for us? He doesn’t want this relationship to change in any way. He wants what he had before. So do I, but it’s not an option if we are to move forward.

Weather’s okay, snow on the hills but not in the town. Roads are clear. For now!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

I'm sitting in the hospital waiting room trolling the web while they're doing the test. I hated to leave my son back there, but they made me. He was nervous, poor baby. It always pulls at my heart when they try to act all brave and you know they're scared.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((BT)))))))))

Big big tight hugs, dear Friend.

We need to distract you.

Mmmmm....so what do you think of Shirley jumping poor unsuspecting EO??? Or would that be lucky damn-lucky EO???

ETA: Yoohooo Shirley!!
We are talking about you and sex.
Weepy and Fnf ..get in here!

[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 2:45 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you going to a pre-Christmas work/social thing?

Ukg, H only told about his yesterday after I asked. Its next Saturday and he has prob known for awhile. He said we could go if I wanted to, but when I asked him if he wanted to, he said not really.

I would like to go but am too chicken. Have nothing to wear and to be surrounded by all those young women... I would have the mother of all panic attacks.

Miss Moneypenny, huh?
Tres tres sexy, ukg! You go,girl. I dont even want to ask what H is going to be? Q?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey! Did I hear someone talking about me. Geesh people! I need to get some Xmas shopping done and I go out and everybody starts gossiping about me!

BT - I am sending positive thoughts your way right now. Let us know when you know anything.

UKG - I like the virus analogy. I think I can apply that to my H. His low self-esteem was like a virus and any time anything went wrong in his life he fucked some whore to make himself feel better. What a complete fuckwit!

ETA: Hey UKG, I've seen pics of you. I think you would look HOT in head to toe spandex. Wouldn't it be fun to have all the young men at the party drooling all over you and your H watching!

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 3:06 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh BT, I know how you must feel. Have they told you how long the test will take? What an excruciating wait. I'm sending you hugs and will be anxious to here how his test went. (((BT)))
LH - Oh that guy got exactly what he deserved. Good for you.
I stood up and made an announcement to everyone that "X wants to know what it would take to get me to go out, so I told him to shave his legs, put on a dress and some lippy, and I will consider!"


Now LH, that was the best! I just knew you had it in you.
Shepardess - Welcome and thank you for your comments. Looks like you've been doing a lot of reading. I think that post was a while ago. There are lots of great posts here and I hope they are helping you. Please share your story with us when you're ready.
UKG - A theme holiday party - sounds like a blast. Are you sure you don't want to reconsider though and go as one of those Bond girls - it just might be fun?

HS - I wish I had your enthusiasm for reading. I always loved reading but that was one of the things I got away from because I can't seem to stay focused long enough these days. And heaven forbid if there's an infidelity piece (stopped reading some authors altogether) - that just sends me over the top.
I did love The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns even though there was a small trigger in this one.
I also read The Mermaid Chair which I loved, but again there was some infidelity in that too. I can't seem to get away from this in the books I choose even when I'm trying to be careful. I haven't read the Secret Life of Bees but I understand that is terrific. As to the self-help books, I never really got into them. The last one I finished was Co-Dependency No More - all the others I've bought I browse through, take what I want and put them aside.
Sorry I can't be more of a help but if I come across another that I think you might enjoy, I'll be sure to pass it along. I'm sure you've been to the book club forum. They're always posting great books there.
WN - wanted to send hugs. Let us know if we can help in any way. Those downslides can be tough. (((WN)))
LostSoul - what concert did you go to? Was it great? I think we all need to do this with our spouses - plan special events and just break the cycle even if just for a brief time.
Hope everyone else is doing well and enjoying the hustle and bustle of the holidays.
ETA - Looks like we all hopped on here at the same time - good minds do think alike.
And girls, the topic is full again. We sure are a chatty bunch.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 3:15 PM, December 3rd (Wednesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
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