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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 180 Support
stillinshockx2
♀ Member
Member # 28638
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, June 24th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At best, we are trying to get to R. I cannot prove that he is in contact with who I believe could be a potential NEW OW, which would be OW #3. So, I cannot prove that he is violating boundaries, although he KNOWS that this potential OW #3 is someone I will not tolerate him being in contact with.

I am confused about what to do at the MC session this evening at 5. Some of the advice I get is to keep the knowlege of the potential OW #3 to myself until I can get proof. But I don't know how to get proof, and this woman lives in another state. If he has seen her, it is while she is here visiting her parents, which I cannot prove either.

Any suggestions?


Me: BS, 48; Him: WS, 52
DDay 1 - EA (denies PA) 6-13-05
DDay 2 - EA (denies PA) 3-30-10
DDay 3 - 8-04-10 WH living w/30 yo OW2; still denies PA despite PI proof and won't admit he lives with OW2
2 children (D20, S18)
M 25 years; together 8

Posts: 321 | Registered: May 2010
sootired
♂ Member
Member # 22952
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, June 24th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you are in R you don't need proof, bring it up in MC along with all your fears. his behavior will tell you alot i bet.


Me 42 BH
Her 35 WW-15 month EA followed by ONS(so she says) with another
seem to be in full R (i hope)
In R since 4/09 (I think)
6/10 realize it was False R all along
2011 cautiously in R

Have a lawyer if need be, hoping for a better tomorrow


Posts: 385 | Registered: Feb 2009
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, June 25th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stillinshock,

I agree with sotired.

IMHO the 180 is the wrong tool to be using if you are trying to R...

A Reconciliation is about trying to find your way back together, to strengthening the bond between you. The 180 is almost the exact opposite, it is all about focusing on yourself, your own needs, and building your own inner strength to follow your own path... if the WS decides to chase after you then so much the better, but it isnt the point at all.

Id only recomend the 180 if the WS is still engaged in the A...or if you are Seperating.

You mention that your not sure how to proove that hes having another A.... id ask why do you need to proove it at all? As so tired said, bring it up in MC... its a ligitimate concern, watch how he reacts... if its a similar reaction to when you confronted or discovered the first A's or if he comes out attacking you... then you can probably draw your own conclusions... If however he seems genuinely concerned about your fears, and wants to do everything possible to help you feel more secure... well then you might want to chalk it up to the BS Hypersensitivity...



Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
jilteddad1
♂ New Member
Member # 29864
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, January 23rd (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agghhhh!! I can't do this. I'm great till WW decides to come by or text or call. The text are the worst I answer and then she just drops it. If I get upset she acts like its no big deal, Like this is a game. We have 2 boys that she picks up from school and helps with homework before I get home. It drives me nuts when I don't hear from her and I become jelly when I do. I'm fine if I don't have to deal with her. But I can't do that we have to talk about stuff kids, etc. Not our relationship or the EA's or A's she had/having. So it builds up in me like a balloon and I want to pop! Help!!! I'm not sure the 180 is the right think to do. I believe WW and OM are no longer in an A, she just wants to make the terms of the separation different. I have the boys, and the house up for sale. she is living rent free with a friend in a model home. When it sells, and her friend thinks it will happen very soon, she will need to find a new place to live. I can only guess she plans to come home then. She has already mentioned that i cant keep her out legally. but I will put her on the couch. My issue is even though the PA is over I think she is still in EA's on face book. For my sanity that must stop before WW can come home, but what if she just says no and comes home?

[This message edited by jilteddad1 at 10:41 PM, January 23rd (Sunday)]


Posts: 42 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Texas
betrayed13
New Member
Member # 30563
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, January 26th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please tell me how I use the 180 in my situation. We are R, going to MC, him going to IC. No actual admission or real evidence of PA or even EA. He got trashed one night and rubbed my sister's thigh w/his foot under the tbl while playing poker and had also taken some narcotics (that she gave him, that I had NO idea he EVER used any drugs). My sister is 13 yrs older and is an addict, master manipulator and they always flirted a little in front of me and others and I DID tell them both that this was uncomfortable. They also txtd each other and NEVER hid that, though, usually just fwd'd jokes. The night of the footsie, she also gave him a shoulder rub RIGHT in front of me. My mistake in not throwing her out before it got to the footsie! I left him for a month, begged for the truth, and NC with my sister on either of our behalf (trust me, I checked all phone records and hacked into the acct). He is really working on the addiction part and also BEGGED me back, so now we are living together again, and he mostly acts like everything is fine and NEVER wants to discuss anything, and if I ever bring it up, he just avoids, or gets defensive and doesn't want to talk. (Not a big communicator before). About a month after this happened and I came home I went through HB and wanted him constantly, and he turned me down 75% of the time. I was devastated b/c my self-esteem had ALREADY taken a major hit from the double betrayal. It made me needier. I found myself txting him, trying to hug on him, etc, and got NOTHING in return excpet his "I love yous." It's slowly getting better, but I don't care about him changing anymore, he obviously isn't...I care about ME changing. I dont WANT to need affection constantly. I don't WANT to care if he occasionally turns me down. I want to go on like I am awesome with OR without him. I keep busy. 17 mo. old son, work FT, obsessed w/gym and Zumba classes. So please...MORE advice on how I do the 180 so that I can be this confident, non-needy, collected person (even if I have to fake it till' I make it!)


Me: 28
PWH: 32
Married: 3.5 yrs
Together: 10 yrs
Friends: 13 yrs
Children: 18 month old son
Still "in the dark"
Binge alcohol and occasional pill popping on his part behind my back

Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2010
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 20th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Everyone,
Trying to get back to mediation. Lawyer claims that if the Wslut hears the reality of things from multiple sources, then she will be more inclined to see the truth.
I, personally don't agree and suspect that we will wind up in court on Jan. 31, 2012.
The outcome will be that the farm will have to be sold and divided accordingly. She wants it all and wants to give me little.
Selfish, selfish, B!
9 months, still in the house, still avoiding her, as she continues to behave like a 16 yr old in passionate love for the first time.
Sneaking opportunities with the boyfriend.
Halloween party next weekend his sister is having. The Wslut texts me yesterday and says she is going out that night for a girlfriend's BDay party, NOT!
But, as hard as it has been, (as we all know), I have risen above the A and do not respond to anything other than that pertinent to the kids.
I pray to GOD every night for myself, (cancer survivor), and my kids.
Read my profile if you get a chance, ( a good one just in time for Halloween), and I pray for everyone with the same pain, similar situations, same betrayal, same loss.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
My_Name_Is_Alice
♀ Member
Member # 34646
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It looks like this topic has petered out as so many of these I Can Relate threads unfortunately do. But I need something so I'm gonna post here even if I am just talking to myself.

I've only posted in Recon before, mainly because it's what I've desperately wanted all along. Well, perhaps too desperately. Here I am 20 months later with a (possibly, perhaps) semi-remorseful WH. He's a pretty amazing passive-agressive conflict avoider, and I'm extremely codependant, so it's difficult for me to tell what's what anymore.

What I do know is that I have let my WH's actions determine the entire path of this R, and I'm done with that. I shouldn't have put up with it this long, but it's never too late to start building self-esteem, right? (I hope.)

He finally has his first IC apppointment ever next Wednesday, and even before he actually had the appointment scheduled, he started answering all of my questions with, "We'll have to see what the IC says about that." So I told him 2 nights ago that if he wants to put off all A discussions to wait for the IC's opinion, that's his choice. But it's my choice that, during that waiting time, I have no desire to go on with our M as if everything is ok. I am not ok and I don't wish to be affectionate with a man who can't tell me why he treats me like shit until an IC can explain it to him.

He claims he doesn't know what he can possibly do while waiting for the IC appointment. Here is a list of things I have told him countless times over that last 20 months that he can do to help with R:

1. Write a letter to the OW (for me to read, not to send to her)
2. Sell our butt-ugly bed that is not a suitable replacement for the beautiful one he slept with OW on
3. Finish reading "Not Just Friends"
4. Read and post on SI
5. Read 2 websites I emailed him for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse (this largely figures into the reason for his ONS and subsequent horrible post-A behavior)
6. Initiate conversations about any/all of the above readings

He knows all of them, so at this point what good would it do to list them all for him yet again.

So I am embarking on a Self-Esteem Journey. After all, that is what the 180 is truly about, is it not? No matter what else happens in my life, I will feel better about me by the end of this month.

I also told WH that if he simply continues to sit around and wait, that I may not be here waiting for him by the time he figures himself out. Either he is ok with that, or he doesn't believe me. I suppose we both shall see.


Me: BW (38)
Him: WH (37) (MyNameIsDoug)
Married in 2004, living together since 2003
1 son, 6 years old
DDay: ONS on 10/23/2010
In R cause I have nowhere else to be

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
always-hope
♀ Member
Member # 27814
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Alice)))

Here I am 20 months later with a (possibly, perhaps) semi-remorseful WH. He's a pretty amazing passive-agressive conflict avoider, and I'm extremely codependant, so it's difficult for me to tell what's what anymore.

This is very close to my sich- throw in narcissistic traits for WH and a few more months since last DDay.

I am trying to decide whether to 180 him at this point since we have been in limbo for months.

Good that your WH is going to IC, I hope it gets your R moving in a positive direction. My WH keeps telling me he will look for another IC/MC when he gets insurance settled. (charges were billed incorrectly & have to be re-submitted, yada yada)

I am even wondering if it's worth it at this point... I just feel like I am living a lie- my whole M & relationship with WH before was a lie since he has lied about other women since we met.

So I am embarking on a Self-Esteem Journey. After all, that is what the 180 is truly about, is it not? No matter what else happens in my life, I will feel better about me by the end of this month.

Sorry I have no advice for you as I seem to be stuck myself. Just know that you have been heard. Sending positive vibes & wishes for strength & peace. AH


BW me- 51
WH 50
3 DS
M 27 yrs
STD/PA? in 91 Many EA's, LT(10 yr)EA/PA
DDays: many -started 2005
TT never stopped, don't think I will ever have the full truth
SOW- WH's former HS 'friend/whore'
Limbo

Posts: 307 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Heartland
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"We'll have to see what the IC says about that."

Why do I picture this as you asking him how many times he cheated, and then your WH and some guy in a suit, at the opposite end of a table whispering to each other for 5 minutes with frantic hand gestures, and then the man in the suit replying "My client has no recollection."

It sounds like your WH is just taking an easy out right now to put off answering your questions and doing the necessary introspection. Hopefully he is serious about his counseling, but if he's not willing to do the work, then no amount will help him.

I think it's good that you're taking a stand for your rights in the relationship and letting him know that it's his choice as to how he follows up.

A lot of what you post seems to confirm that your WH is conflict avoidant. He screws up and resigns that he doesn't know what to do to make things better (seriously you don't need to be very bright to think of at least a few ideas to put forward to discuss). So you tell him and he still doesn't do it. You ask him questions and he wants someone else to give the answer. It sounds like he just wants to coast through life without having to put any effort into anything. You are absolutely in the right to refuse to do his part for him and reward his less than stellar performance.

I hope that these lines are something that you are willing to enforce. In codependent relationships with a passive-aggressor those stands can become quite the battle of wills as the PA hopes for the problem to go away and the codependent hopes to keep the peace and the "do nothing" cycle resumes.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
My_Name_Is_Alice
♀ Member
Member # 34646
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 14th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided yesterday that my modified 180 is to only initiate discussions with my WH about necessary household functioning. If he initiates any non-necessary conversations, I will give no or short answers. If he intiaties R discussions, I will participate fully, but I will not allow it to escalate into a screaming match. I will state my positions calmly and firmly, and I will hold to them even while he tries to convince me that they are irrational and/or unfair. These are my positions:

1. WH now has a written list of activities he can perform daily to help facilitate R. Anything he does on that list is done by his choice. I am not forcing him to do anything. He can choose not to anything or to do things half-heartedly.
2. I also have choices. If WH chooses not to do anything or to do things half-heartedly, I will choose if/when I will ask him to leave and/or file for D.
3. Until my WH can explain why he continues to abandon me to chase after other women, I do not feel safe in this M, and I will take actions to protect myself.
4. If my WH ever abandons me for another woman again, I will ask him to leave, and I will probably file for D. (I know I'm leaving myself a bit of a wishy-washy out here with the "probably". I didn't say my positions were perfect.)
5. I will no longer tolerate WH asking me if I want him to leave or if I want a D. From now on, if he asks those questions I will tell him Yes. I've offered him the gift of R, and I feel like him asking me these questions is like smashing that gift back in my face. If he doesn't appreciate my gift, he can leave anytime.

We had a very lively discussion about these positions last night, and I was pretty proud of myself for standing my ground and not exploding like I usually do. Stop 1 on the road to Healthy Self-Esteem Land. Feels scary, but good.

@always-hope: If I were you, I would try the 180. Since you've been in limbo for so long, it seems like what you've been doing isn't working, so what have you got to lose? It might just make you feel better about yourself in the short term, and maybe it will help you to make clearer decisions down the road. (That's what I'm hoping for anyway.) Good luck to you & ((((HUGS))))

@SerJR

Why do I picture this as you asking him how many times he cheated, and then your WH and some guy in a suit, at the opposite end of a table whispering to each other for 5 minutes with frantic hand gestures, and then the man in the suit replying "My client has no recollection."

My mind went to the Oliver North trial: "I'm sorry Senator, I don't recall." (Am I dating myself there?)

Seriously though, your description of our "do nothing" cycling is spot-on. But I think the last cycle finally did me in. I was very close to asking him to leave, and I'm still not sure I made the right decision in letting him stay. But I do know that I refuse to cycle again. Either he goes all-in and we get on a solid path to R by the time we hit the 2-year antiversary, or I end this.

Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that down. That's only 4 months away. Where has the time gone? Am I really strong enough for this?


Me: BW (38)
Him: WH (37) (MyNameIsDoug)
Married in 2004, living together since 2003
1 son, 6 years old
DDay: ONS on 10/23/2010
In R cause I have nowhere else to be

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
My_Name_Is_Alice
♀ Member
Member # 34646
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, June 15th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As of last night, I probably just threw my 180 out the window. But we were having a good day for a change...

WH had a dream the night before that I threw him out and while he was packing he was crying and begging to stay, but I refused. He said this really shook him up because he doesn't want that to become his reality.

Then later we were watching a documentary where a couple was going to MC to stop their online porn addictions and save their marriage. While that's not our situation, a lot of stuff they talked about was hitting close to home. WH paused the TV, turned to me and asked "Are you ok with watching this, or do you want to find something else?" I was floored. That's the first time he has ever acknowledged that something on TV might be triggering me. I pointed that out and told him that I appreciated his thoughtfulness. We kissed and held each other, and I said I wanted to finish watching the show. Baby steps right?

(TMI Warning) We made love last night. It was loving and good. And I wish I didn't second-guess every decision I make.

When I start to feel good and even somewhat happy again is usually when he slacks off again. I believe its a combination of him wanting what he can't have then getting bored with it once he's got it, and desperately wanting to avoid conflict so instantly returning to normal as soon as I stop being angry/depressed. I'm letting this weekend slide as far as R work goes cause we're going camping with our DS4. So we'll see what happens on Monday.


Me: BW (38)
Him: WH (37) (MyNameIsDoug)
Married in 2004, living together since 2003
1 son, 6 years old
DDay: ONS on 10/23/2010
In R cause I have nowhere else to be

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Elaine2012
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, July 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dday was yesterday. My H had plans to meet his brother at a midway point between our states. They are both returning here together. I discovered text messages on his phone to his OW just before he left. I also after some questioning know he had plans to meet her during his journey there. He told me he wouldn't but after everything I'm finding I'm sure he has.
For me it has been a blessing that he is gone. I've found this site and I educating myself on the best way to begin to deal with this. I've looked through his things I still have some more copying of documents. Completed screen print copies of his history that in the past he has cleared daily. Guess he got complainant! Or he wanted to be caught. After what I'm seeing it seems he has plans for a divorce! I met with an attorney today so I could be armed with knowledge of what my options are. I think they are very good. My first inclination is to R. But it may not be my choice. Most of all I have found the 180 when he returns I be using this and the other tips I found on this site. If I hadn't had this time I know I wouldn't be as strong as I feel right now. I will make it through this mess! I know the road is going to be hard and long. But I will be OK whichever way this goes.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 34 years; Sept 2012
Together 37 years
He doesn't want R.
In hindsight neither do I. For me adultery is a deal breaker!
4 adult DD's, 1 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 278 | Registered: Jul 2012
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Helpless  Posted: 4:03 AM, August 28th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Final DDay anniversary is in a couple of days, I wish I had found this site and info 2 years ago. But since I didn't here I am. We are in R but it's falling apart. I am done trying/pushing for him to treat me different. I have laid it all out there for him for over a year now, he knows what I want/need to make me feel like we should R, but I am tired of being the only one putting in any work, nagging him for what I need/want and still not getting it.

So here I am 2 years out and just starting 180. Has anyone does this before. Been this far out and started this? I'm not sure if I still want R or D yet and this I am hoping will help me figure it out, along with IC once I get it started.

Also wanted to ask, does anyone have anxiety problems that has done the 180? My problem is the saying "i love you", as much as I know I don't love him the way I use to before the A, and don't love him the way a wife should. But I with my anxiety can not not say "I love you" to someone either before they/I leave or go to bed. That goes for my whole family not just immediate family. So this stopping saying "I love you" is killing me. The irrational part of me fears that I won't say it and if something happens that will be the last thing that was said/or not said in this instance. I love him in a way, because he is the father of my children, and like a friend would love a friend. So what would you do? He doesn't know about the 180 as I have just decided to do this tonight, do I tell him I am doing it or just do it?

Thank you, to any support/encouragement I can get. I just can't believe I am here!!! Even after 2 years

[This message edited by scangel3 at 4:17 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)]


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 706 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
GreenMom
♀ Member
Member # 36385
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 29th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm about a month into my 180. I'm not doing it as well as I should - I can't do NC due to the kids and related things, but I am doing my best to present to him only a polite, happy exterior and not let him see any of the pain I felt. Honestly I am so much better off now that it's easy to do. I wish there could be true NC, but since there can't, I'm doing the best I can to just take care of ME.


DD#1 6/14/12
DD#2 7/29/12
Reconcilation attempt didn't last long...WH moved out 8/10/12
Divorcing... hoping to be done soon
Making a fantastic NB for myself and my family!

Posts: 535 | Registered: Aug 2012
lost2012
♀ Member
Member # 35325
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 9th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi out there,
I haven't posted in awhile. I've found the 180 really hard to do, but I know it's my best shot. He moved out two months ago. He set up a separation agreement and I refinanced our house under my name. He just closed on his houes a couple days ago. Last night, I happened to drive past her house(I've honestly never done this before)His car was there. I went up, rang the doorbell. though they could maybe both come out and we could get this out in the open since he still says their friends. They wouldn't answer the door, but I saw the blinds move. After I drove away my husband calls me and says "Hey what's up?" I told him I knew where he was. He says he was just getting some stuff she had for his new house. Still in the fog I guess. He won't go to MC with me. He finally started going to IC a month ago. He says I'm crazy, they are just friends. He calls her every day and talks for half an hour! Anyway, I know I need to 180 for me. It's so hard with kids. I should be grateful that NOW he wants to be involved with them. Before Dday when I confronted him, he was gone at work and doing triathlons and training with the tummy tuck boob job whore. who was also having an affair with her boss. so I know in my heart it can't work out with those two. My counselor says no one could blame me if I jus gave it up. Trying to find the courage. Thought the 180 would get me on my way...


Dday- March 1, 2012
M 17 years
EA? 4 years
2 boys ages 10 and 12
Divorced- 12/17/2012

Posts: 66 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Illinois
Giddy
♀ New Member
Member # 42703
Angry  Posted: 6:48 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

- It's been 7 m 2 weeks since d/d Nd I have blown out on occasions with texting him continuously especially when he ignores me makes me so angry . Went 2 months with no contact and then it started again I found myself counting weeks - days etc he has been extremely angry - kids have nothing to do with him now - and he is living with ow which he has since The day he was caught out . The kids told him while he is still with her he cannot see them or our new grand babies - as he did try to talk to them in beginning and hasn't tried again on abusive texts when My kids get angry and he always saids he's hurting too !! But he is still there and had all his tools - machinery etc there . He likes to blame me also and saids no one. Ares for him why should he care !!! Ow married 3 times 56 yrs old - 6 yrs older than.me and 3 yrs older than him .
She has 5 kids different fathers and has also had an affair in the past -with a family man that had 7 kids - one of her marriages she had no kids to . We have good and I have good job etc - doesn't make sense completely changed his ways and. Values lives in area that us not respected etc she works at meat works and looks a lit older . I need to do the 180 can someone explain how and how to cope with the withdrawals of no contact . We have talked better lately only because I I contacted him regarding house and property which I also have been left to pay all bulls and debts not 1 cent from him - when first left he didn't have. Money and blamed that on. me also as the only money coming in was my wages and cut him from the credit card . He is now working and says he has no money still
And us paying other debt from business etc - I have started to talk about houses Nd he sounds like he doesn't want to sell Even when offered to. Because it it would clear his bills and tax his bills his paying or suppose to be ! What does he a t ? I need to get this done as I am now getting redundancy and he will be able to get half if I don't settle soon help -

Married 39 yrs - never thought in a million yrs thus would happen
Kid - 3 - b- 30 - 2 g- 27 & 28
2 g - grand babies
Bs - me - 51
Ws -52
Ow -56


Posts: 31 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Australia
Giddy
♀ New Member
Member # 42703
Angry  Posted: 6:48 PM, March 16th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

- It's been 7 m 2 weeks since d/d Nd I have blown out on occasions with texting him continuously especially when he ignores me makes me so angry . Went 2 months with no contact and then it started again I found myself counting weeks - days etc he has been extremely angry - kids have nothing to do with him now - and he is living with ow which he has since The day he was caught out . The kids told him while he is still with her he cannot see them or our new grand babies - as he did try to talk to them in beginning and hasn't tried again on abusive texts when My kids get angry and he always saids he's hurting too !! But he is still there and had all his tools - machinery etc there . He likes to blame me also and saids no one. Ares for him why should he care !!! Ow married 3 times 56 yrs old - 6 yrs older than.me and 3 yrs older than him .
She has 5 kids different fathers and has also had an affair in the past -with a family man that had 7 kids - one of her marriages she had no kids to . We have good and I have good job etc - doesn't make sense completely changed his ways and. Values lives in area that us not respected etc she works at meat works and looks a lit older . I need to do the 180 can someone explain how and how to cope with the withdrawals of no contact . We have talked better lately only because I I contacted him regarding house and property which I also have been left to pay all bulls and debts not 1 cent from him - when first left he didn't have. Money and blamed that on. me also as the only money coming in was my wages and cut him from the credit card . He is now working and says he has no money still
And us paying other debt from business etc - I have started to talk about houses Nd he sounds like he doesn't want to sell Even when offered to. Because it it would clear his bills and tax his bills his paying or suppose to be ! What does he a t ? I need to get this done as I am now getting redundancy and he will be able to get half if I don't settle soon help -

Married 39 yrs - never thought in a million yrs thus would happen
Kid - 3 - b- 30 - 2 g- 27 & 28
2 g - grand babies
Bs - me - 51
Ws -52
Ow -56


Posts: 31 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Australia
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