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User Topic: BS Questions for WS's II
wheat
♀ Member
Member # 18918
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maddy -

is this really possible? that it was so hard to get her out of his life but once she was, its like she was never there? it seems too good to be true.

YES!!!

Just look at my sig line down below....

I am 4 years out and there is no blip of emotion on my radar for him. So I very much support the idea that NC is GOOD!!!


"Every new day is another chance to change your life."

FSOW - late 30's, married now.


Posts: 209 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
wheat
♀ Member
Member # 18918
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Roccodom -

Can he go back if I can handle it?

I think that's the key question: are you willing to test those waters again?

Honestly, if he's come to the realization that OW is a whackjob drama queen, and he realizes he's screwed up majorly, frankly I think that he can walk away from a confrontation with her without a second thought in her direction.

Now, the bigger question is, will she leave him alone? If she's that crazy, with all the desperate, clingy, fake suicide attempts to keep him hanging on, who's to say she won't try something different? File harrassment charges or worse? I'd be FAR more worried about that than his reaction to her, at this point, if you feel he's turned a corner with his counseling and is trustworthy again.

I'd be so sad to come back and read an update that your situation had gone south from OW's idiocy in the workplace. I'd keep discussing it and lay out all the potential issues that might come up before any decisions are made.


"Every new day is another chance to change your life."

FSOW - late 30's, married now.


Posts: 209 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
lostandafraid
♀ Member
Member # 21125
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question got "skipped" - reposting.

WS's - male or female:
Barring the bad feelings you may have about what you did - did the A give you a giant ego boost that's carried over even after NC? I mean, isn't an A really about getting a giant ego boost?

My FWH has always been pretty self-confident and a bit cocky (part of why I fell in love with him), but since the A, even though he is doing all the right things, it seems as if his self-confidence has gone sky high, while mine is the damn toilet!

Could it be a result of A - or maybe just because I'm also more loving and attentive towards him so he feels better about himself.

I find myself getting angry out of the blue when he shows his self-confidence and seems to feel so good about himself. Just looking for insight.


Posts: 2706 | Registered: Oct 2008
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

did the A give you a giant ego boost that's carried over even after NC?

Yes and no. Ego boost, kind of... unless maybe people are just desperate and I found one in the AP. After NC? That implies discovery. Nothing bursts that bubble quicker than knowing you hurt someone very badly.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6046 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
woundedspouse
♀ Member
Member # 16657
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have also posted this in general, but could really use your WISE fws thoughts.

Thanks!

I will share details of the conversation, but would first like your opinions or first reaction on the two statements WH made.

1
"are you trying to make this happen again"

2
"really, are you trying to make me chest again?"


I may not have the words verbatim, but they are close.

I will share my thoughts on it, but would first like objective thoughts. (WH says I taint / spin things to hear the answers I want to hear, so I am trying to avoid that discussion / argument )


Thanks in advance!

Wounded


Wounded Spouse
ME - 41 BS
HIM 51 WS
Married 2/93 3 beautiful children
DDay #1 8-26-07 DDay #2 11-8-07 DDAy #3 12-23-07 DDay #?! 7-2-07
"If you ask me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: "I came to live out loud."

Posts: 1381 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: midwest,
brokendreamz
♀ Member
Member # 18436
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious......How long after the A - did you stop thinking about the OW??

This week is OW's bday - according to FWH the A ended in 2007. FWH - always remembers B-days (mine,kids,all family, friends etc) I'm just feeling really insecure about this. I don't want to ask - because if he isn't thinking about her - then I don't want to "remind" him. IYKWIM


Posts: 1077 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: SouthEast
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wounded spouse,

1
"are you trying to make this happen again"

2
"really, are you trying to make me chest again?"


I may not have the words verbatim, but they are close.

I will share my thoughts on it, but would first like objective thoughts. (WH says I taint / spin things to hear the answers I want to hear, so I am trying to avoid that discussion / argument )


His statement, I can sense the blaming or threatening here. It sounds like if you are not be a nice wife, or he is not satisfied, he would be cheating. I think, his mind set is messed up. Whethere he does or not, he will be conscious of what he is doing and not your fault.

brokendreamz,

......How long after the A - did you stop thinking about the OW??
This week is OW's bday - according to FWH the A ended in 2007. FWH - always remembers B-days (mine,kids,all family, friends etc) I'm just feeling really insecure about this. I don't want to ask - because if he isn't thinking about her - then I don't want to "remind" him. IYKWIM


I don't know your H's duration and depth of A. Mine was LTA (5 year +). From my experience, it took me over 3 months to get out of withdrawal stage and then 6 month mark, I felt indifferent about xOM and then when I hit the 1 year mark, I thought of xOM as if he is being dead.

First day any holidays or his b-day triggered me and reminded me of xOM.

From 2nd year, it made easier for me and I didn't even think about xOM.

[This message edited by beach at 9:44 PM, May 6th (Wednesday)]


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WoundedSpouse -

"are you trying to make this happen again"

He's blameshifting. You cannot make him cheat again. He makes that choice himself.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6046 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
NeedingGodsHelp
♀ Member
Member # 23580
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think my WS is afraid to come home to face the hard work of R. Also, From another person he talks to - I think he believes that I would want to punish him and that I would forever be in control.

So, my question is... without looking weak or like a doormat... what can I say to let him know the door is open for R if he would put the hard work in. That I know I am 50% responsible for the marriage problems, but not the A. That I love him unconditionally, and don't want to punish him. That he can swallow his pride if that is what is keeping him with OW and come home?

Right now he doesn't listen to me at all. But I don't want his pride to be what keeps us from at least trying R.

I'm not even sure I am making sense or explaining it right.

I'm just wondering what I can say that will have him really hear me in his fog.

*** Edited to add - My main goal is to get him to get himself into some IC, becasue he nees it whether we R or not. But he is so anti-therapy. ****

[This message edited by NeedingGodsHelp at 4:13 AM, May 7th (Thursday)]


BS: me 33
WH: him 33
Married almost 9 yrs, together (off-and-on) 18.5 years
4 kids: 1 mine & 3 ours
DD#1: 2/12/2009 (EA#1)
DD#2: 2/26/2009 (EA/PA w/ tramp#2 - since July 2008)
Status: D 5/2010, Standing, WH living with OW, D filed 4/28/09)

Posts: 440 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Climbing out of hell...
woundedspouse
♀ Member
Member # 16657
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THanks Beach and Unexpected...

THat is exactly what I felt, that he still / does blame me for his A(s) and that he was threatening in a way....that if I did not do things his way, then he would cheat again, with me "making" him of course....

Ugh

I thought we were further along than that.


Wounded Spouse
ME - 41 BS
HIM 51 WS
Married 2/93 3 beautiful children
DDay #1 8-26-07 DDay #2 11-8-07 DDAy #3 12-23-07 DDay #?! 7-2-07
"If you ask me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: "I came to live out loud."

Posts: 1381 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: midwest,
feelalone
♀ Member
Member # 22737
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Barring the bad feelings you may have about what you did - did the A give you a giant ego boost that's carried over even after NC? I mean, isn't an A really about getting a giant ego boost?

Just to give you a different perspective, it wasn't about the ego boost for me at all. I had re-connected with someone from my past. For me, it was more of the escape from all the bad in my marriage at the time... I took the chicken's way out---alcohol for some, drugs for others, this was my escape. Let me tell you, any "highs" or egoboosts are long forgotten because of all the damage caused to me, my H, and family and our lives together.


Posts: 74 | Registered: Feb 2009
painfulandhurt
♂ Member
Member # 22666
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Needing -

I think he believes that I would want to punish him and that I would forever be in control.
So, my question is... without looking weak or like a doormat... what can I say to let him know the door is open for R if he would put the hard work in. That I know I am 50% responsible for the marriage problems, but not the A. That I love him unconditionally, and don't want to punish him. That he can swallow his pride if that is what is keeping him with OW and come home?

I have ventured in here to respond from time to time and lately I have been trying to sort out a number of things for myself, but I have had this same question asked in two different threads in the General forum. I would encourage you to take a look there at the post I am working on, it may have more of an explanation - however - to directly answer your question......


Right now he doesn't listen to me at all.

This really says everything...If he is not listening at the moment and based on your sig you have already filed for D and it isn't cutting through the fog...I would say to you if you have not already started - use the '180'. Another thing - If you want him to know the door is open - wirte him a letter - put it in an envelope - and hand it to him. He will either read it or not - BUT - either way - you can not control or make him do anything. In your letter let him know what your conditions are for R - if your goal is to get him into therapy and he is anti-therapy - let him know that discussing your family's and his current situation is a form of therapy. Anytime you have to talk to someone else about your feelings you are engaging in a form of therapy. The only difference between the therapy he is in now and 'professional' therapy is that the professional will actually listen and guide you to the answer. A good profesional will get you tothink about the answers and not TELL you what to think or do. Let him know that.

In any case it is a good effort on your part and I think the only thing you really can do.

ALSO - IMPORTANT -

Since you are divorcing, you will also want to run the letter by your attorney so you do not endanger your case in any way.

I'm not even sure I am making sense or explaining it right.


I think your making perfect since and your explaining things just fine, alot of people BS and WS will fight for a M, its not wrong or right - it is how you feel, and based on your screen name - it is biblical to try to Reconcile. So don't worry about not doing something because -

If we never ask a question or for help - how will we ever get an answer...


WS - 30's (Me) BS - 30's (her)
M >10y
1 DS/DD
DDay# 05/2008
R / S / D - Im not sure and it changes moment to moment.

Posts: 359 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: lost...
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NGH -

what can I say to let him know the door is open for R if he would put the hard work in. That I know I am 50% responsible for the marriage problems, but not the A.

I am answering based on interactions between my H and me, so please forgive me if they do not apply in your situation. My H told me that he loved me and he still wanted me. He still saw me in the rest of his life. He also said that he knew he had responsibility in our communication problems. I had the exact same fears of him "punishing" me forever (I deserve it, but I fear it, too).

The key was not that he said these things, but he acts them. Even when H is mad at me (rightfully), he has never thrown the A in my face. He immediately changed his behaviors in our interactions. This is why I believe his words.

Now, I'm not saying that your H does not believe you. But, I'm asking you to ask yourself if you have changed your actions with respect to ownership of the 50% from before. For example, if you believe that you and your H did not communicate enough and that 50% of that was your responsibility, what have you changed in that respect?

That I love him unconditionally, and don't want to punish him. That he can swallow his pride if that is what is keeping him with OW and come home?

One thing a Wayward wants to do is run away. That's what the A is, and when the A is found out, well, all the shame is out in the open, the Wayward is morally wrong, and the Betrayed is golden and holds all the cards. At this point, the urge to run is even stronger. I seriously considered moving out just so that I did not have to see my H's hurt constantly. All the while, we were talking and in counseling and all that stuff.

A small 2x4, maybe a 1x2... If H had filed for divorce, I would never have come back. The urge to run is so strong, if there was any action that showed me my H did not want me anymore, I would have been gone. I'm not saying my H was perfect in all of his responses - we all get mad and say things we don't really mean. In his actions, however, I understood that he really did not want me to leave.

If I may suggest, the 180 would probably help you a lot. When H did a sort of 180 - he pulled back, he exercised, he bought new clothes - that did make me see him all over again. He did not do that to get me, he did it for himself.

I hope some of this made sense...


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6046 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
devastatedstill
♂ Member
Member # 14232
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


What, if anything, can a BS do to encourage WS to show affection, intimacy, and effort? I have tried to explain that with my self-esteem issues and self-respect issues I cannot be the one to initiate things. Have been waiting for WW to open up and initiate things (not just sex, but that too) - conversaion, affection, closeness, caring, etc.

Is there anything I can do short of doing it all myself?

ds


me: BS, 51
her: WW 41
M: 14 yrs, together 16, 3 kids
Separated
WW wants D
dday: 4/7/2006
You've got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend. -Bob Dylan

Posts: 2793 | Registered: Apr 2007
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

devastated, this is a repost from my response to your other question in "spouse not interested in sex" thread.
Hope this helps.

:)

From a FWW's perspective (over 2 years out),
I fell into asexual for like 1 year.

During A, we had more sex.


First 3 month, I was still in withdrawal and xOM's ghost was in the way and it triggered me bad. And after that, I couldn't even bring myself to see any sexual content TV or mobies, like when H was flipping channels, and HBO's soft porn program or any sexy bikini women shows up, or women dressed up in the skanky way, came across it made me sick. I then would say, "Eeeew".....


I guess, he had a sense of humor and he even made a joke during summer in front of the kids saying "Oh it's hot, open your legs honey, because it is cold like fridge"

After I He-toxed xOM from my system, and I had to cut off all sexual contents Tvs, movies, because they triggered me and send me to the opposit direction and didn't help. I stopped wearing clothes that makes me look attractive, too. I felt like I was having a celibacy from those dark days.

Emotional connection(doing things together) helped me becoming more physical connection, too. Also not feeling being pressured also helped. At the same time, I read those sexual healing books, and get my physical checked.


After 1.5 years out, I finally feel like I am a virgin for my H again.

We never had HB.

Everytime, I saw the Viagra commercial, I felt very uncomfortable and felt guilty for H.
What helped me was he did lots of act of service, physical touch (playful and affectionate) and in return, I wanted to do the same for him. (5 Love language book helped me)

I also read many sexual healing books.

"Don't call it love" and "sexual anorexia" book by Patrick Carns. "Sex Detox" by Ian Carns, "Sex Starved marriage" by Michele Weiner Davis.

Also I was going through perimenopause and I had depression and didn't help.

I didn't like feeling being pressured and H focusing on the genital sex. When he touched me he only focusing on my breasts or genitals. So then I would say, I don't like you targetting. When I told H that I could live without sex (I meant with anyone for that matter), and he took it as his inadequecy to make me happy.

H said "would you be happy, if I said I would not have sex with you anymore?", but I said "no".


When it comes to sex, H always focused on genital sex and frequency of sexual intercourse, but there are actually 12 dimentions in healthy sexuality. (according to "sexual anorexia" book by Patrick Carns) I am learning healthy intimacy and improving our sex life.


1. Nurturing - the capacity to receive care from others and provide care for self.

2. Sensuality - the mindfulness of physical senses that creates emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical presence.

3. Self-image - a positive self-percelption that includes embracing your sexual self.

4. Self-definition - a clear knowledge of yourself, both positive and negative, and the ability to express boundaries as well as needs.

5. comfort - the capacity to be at ease about sexual matters with oneself and with others.

6. Knowledge - a knowledge base about sex in general and about one's own unique sexual patterns.

7. Relationship - a capacity to have intimacy and friendship with both those of the same gender and opposite gender. (If somone has a boundary issue, they need to fix that)

8. Partnership - the ability to maintain an interdependent, equal relationship that is intimate and erotic.

9. Nongenital sex - the ability to express erotic desire emotionally and physically without the use of the genitals.

10. Genital sex - the ability to freely express erotic feelings with the use of the genitals.

11. Spirituality - the ability to connect sexual desire and expression to the value and meaning of one's life.

12. Passion - the capacity to express deeply held feelings of desire and meaning about one's sexual self, relationships, and intimacy experience.


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
beach
♀ Member
Member # 7533
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

devastated, I posted my answers and more questions for you in the other thread.


If you don't find peace with yourself, you cannot find anywhere else.
Appreciate and cherish what I have.

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: midwest
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

devastatedstill -

What, if anything, can a BS do to encourage WS to show affection, intimacy, and effort?

Have you read the Five Love Languages? That's a good start. Figure out what each others' love language is so that when you do make an effort, it is something understandable by the other person. As an example, my H's love language is physical touch. If all I do is give him a hug for no reason, he feels loved. Physical touch does not work for me - at the end of a long day, a hug just adds to my stress level. But if H washes the dishes, that makes my whole day better.

Make sure that she knows what your love language is so that you do feel love when she does something (and this is also a good check to see if she has been doing things, but you just don't realize it because it's not your love language, e.g., I can wash all the dishes I want but H doesn't take that as a loving act.). Make sure, also, that when she does do something, you respond appreciatively. (Not saying you don't, I'm just throwing out mundane suggestions.)

Has this been the pattern throughout your M? If so, it may take awhile to change.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6046 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
NeedingGodsHelp
♀ Member
Member # 23580
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, May 7th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fireproof... The Love Dare

As a WS in a fog, how would you have responded to your BS doing the Love Dare on you. It is all about unconditional love, and I want him to know I love him unconditionally. But, I also don't want to push him farther away. I am getting so much advice and it is divided on ignore him to do the Love Dare. Any advice from the other side?


BS: me 33
WH: him 33
Married almost 9 yrs, together (off-and-on) 18.5 years
4 kids: 1 mine & 3 ours
DD#1: 2/12/2009 (EA#1)
DD#2: 2/26/2009 (EA/PA w/ tramp#2 - since July 2008)
Status: D 5/2010, Standing, WH living with OW, D filed 4/28/09)

Posts: 440 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Climbing out of hell...
brokendreamz
♀ Member
Member # 18436
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, May 8th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in the R thread - however I really want to know the WS view.

During our M - I always said an A was a complete deal breaker. Now that WH is being given a "2nd chance" - why would he believe there will be harsh consequences/divorce if there is more infidelity (EA or PA)?


Think about a child - that just keeps doing the same bad behavior - because they know that EVEN if they get caught there won't be any real punishment/consequence.

The bottom line - on the surface he didn't loose anything! He still has a wife, kids, home, high standing in the community. He claims to have remorse, guilt, sadness etc - however I have NEVER seen this at gut level. He has NEVER said " I will do whatever it takes" - He has said the right words - I just have not seen the emotion. So I just wonder - does he really understand - does he "get it" And before you ask - yes - this really matters to me.

current status: roomates

[This message edited by brokendreamz at 1:06 AM, May 8th (Friday)]


Posts: 1077 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: SouthEast
woundedspouse
♀ Member
Member # 16657
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 9th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have posted this in general, but would really like WS point of view....

I believe that he did not have ill intentions when engaging in the situation below.... It is the fact that he cannot seem to think about what something like this might do to me....

THen his anger and defensiveness and statements about how bad HIS life is.... he said the ruining of the trust is actually harder on him than me.....


UGH, please help me understand...


This is the post from general...

____________________________


will preface this with the fact that I am (and told WH) that I appreciated that he came to me with this.

Honestly,

Am I Overreacting?


He came to me as he did not even begin to think this may be an issue for me….. I guess THAT is really a big part of my issue….


After a very long but very fun day, we were going to sit down and watch youngest DDs soccer practice, with a cocktail in hand…LOL at about 5:30 Friday night. I was looking forward to just sitting and relaxing as the weather was beautiful.


He came a while after me, and joined me with chairs for us both. We start to talk, and he tells me about a situation this am while riding his bike back from school after taking the youngest to school on bikes.


He tells me about an accident. He had stopped and talked to a woman standing on the bike path about it. So I ask him about the accident….well he did not see the accident, as it was the night before. So I ask him why he stopped to talk to this woman, as there was no accident. He says, well she was standing in the middle of the bike path ( there are always people standing / walking / riding/ talking….. he never stops). So I ask him if he could not get around her? Of course he could, but he stopped to talk to her ( no sign of an accident as it was cleaned up the night before, but he says there was dirt messed up). So I am getting concerned as to WHY he thought it was ok to stop and talk to a random woman / stranger (?) for no apparent reason.

He gets all pissy, picks up his chair and is going to leave, making comments that he cannot believe I would make an issue, etc…. that he did nothing wrong and I cannot recall what he said verbatim, but basically that I was crazy. I tell him if he walks away from the conversation not to bother heading home…..


He sits back down and is evasive in answers and very angry that I would question his motives…. I mean really how dare I??


Needless to say, this ended any chance of a nice evening. He does not speak to me the rest of the night.


He still has an attitude this am. When he comes into the bedroom, I ask him how he cannot think this would be an issue for me….. Why after all of this time can he not even TRY to look at this from my point of view, how that might make me uncomfortable???


While we are talking / arguing I ask him somethingand he says:


“Fine, I stopped to talk to her because I wanted to fuck her”


I start to cry.


He gets pissed that I am crying and walks out, shooing me with his hands…..


When he comes back into the room, I told him that he was NOT remorseful. If he was, it MIGHT just cross his mind to put himself in my shoes, how stopping to talk to a stranger on the bike path might just hit a nerve for me and how when I asked him questions about her ( age, size, looks etc…) I got I do not know, I did not look, I am not allowed to look at women, etc….. RED FLAGS were flying all over the place.


So when he starts to tell me about her today all of the sudden he knew she was older than him, was not shapely, was dressed nice (he assumed for work) and of course was not attractive. He then said he somehow knew she had a question before he stopped….. She did ask him if a line that was below the dirt was a gas line (it was not).

The specifics of his stop do not really matter. I do ( and did) believe it was innocent enough.

My issue is WHY after all that has been said and done, Knowing the fragile shaky ground we are on, would he think it would be ok to stop and talk to a stranger / woman on a bike path? The same bike path he used to cruise looking at women………….


Then to act as though HE is the victim, that his life is so awful and controlled, that I am overreacting….

THen to say something so cruel about stopping because he wanted sex..... realll, what sort of person says that to his already hurt wife?


He then added the best question of the day…Why do I have to ruin every weekend?

I explained to him that if ANYONE were TRYING to ruin it, it would be him and his passive aggressiveness….


He finally said….fine, it is all my fault.


I agreed.


He then continued to be snippy and sarcastic with me until he left the house…..


I am so exhausted………….


Wounded Spouse
ME - 41 BS
HIM 51 WS
Married 2/93 3 beautiful children
DDay #1 8-26-07 DDay #2 11-8-07 DDAy #3 12-23-07 DDay #?! 7-2-07
"If you ask me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you: "I came to live out loud."

Posts: 1381 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: midwest,
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