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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, December 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j minor vent - ya know I really f'ing hate it when I am in the middle of a really long post and it just pzzztttt goes away...can anybody explain how that happens end t/j

Okay, back to regular programming.

Weepy, I hope you are feeling okay and not too sore or stiff. I hope your H was doing the right thing by waiting to call to not lose his temper. How has he been since?

Dremalou - I have read your profile twice. BTW, you should pull the asking for advice section out and post it both here and in general referencing your post. Anyway, my impression is that your H has been doing whatever he wants for as long as he wants with complete emotional and financial support from you.

He left before T-day to go east and has only emailed once? That is not someone who is married. That is someone who is so involved in doing whatever he wants to do without any regard to anyone else. I am not trying to be harsh here but I think that you are near to death by gaslighting and I think you know it too.

He is clearly in a "relationship" with this woman as they are both business partners and partners in his personal finances (which BTW you are at risk for). He is protecting assets from you and draining them from you at the same time. I think you need to go into serious Investigative mode (see that forum as I am an idiot on that front) and see what assets he has hidden from you.

Please don't run from us because I am not being "nice". I feel that you may be at more than major risk and I want you to protect yourself. BTW, why is your home being taken by emminent domain?

Elgel - Welcome as well *sigh*. I wish there would be a day when we wouldn't have to welcome anyone else here because this type of betrayal had ended. I will read your post and profile more closely but just wanted you to know that we are sorry you find yourself here.

ETA: dremalou...what are you afraid of losing? your profile says you are supporting him but you may be finacially devastated by this. If your home is taken they must give you market value....are you afraid of him taking half and leaving. I don't know CA law at all but if everything is 50/50 shouldn't his estate settlement be as well? If he was using your money to purchase assets for his business those are marital assets...do you have a financial record. I would consider doing a deep financial record of all assets/expenditures during your marriage with documentation.

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 7:21 PM, December 4th (Thursday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, December 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your self-esteem goes into the toilet. You wonder whether it is the other guy's endowment and chemistry that made your spouse stray. You recognize that your're second fiddle in a triangle. Why? Because the other guy knew about you, but you did'nt know about him.

((((((Elgel))))))

I just saw that this was your first post here. OMG, I am so sorry for you. I can feel your pain. But, what you need to try to understand is this has NOTHING to do with you. NOTHING you did or didn't do made her do this. You, yourself, said that you were restrained at times. We have all been in situations when opportunity presents itself. The difference between us and the WS is that we have a foundation, a moral compass, that tells us that it is wrong.

You are not at fault for any of the As. We all must look at our actions in the marriage and ask what we could have done differently but that has NOTHING to do with the As. You blame yourself for working too hard. I blame myself for giving too much, not giving myself enough. Please understand that you have found a safe place where you can express your pain.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, December 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quickly. I am fine. I really basically drifted back into this guy. I didn't even budge when we hit. The trauma was all emotional. Before he went to bed H asked "are you sure he didn't hit YOU?" So for now we're good.

elgel, I just read your post and my heart bleeds for you. I too had a confrontation with evidence, 10 years before I found out for sure. Why I let it go then is still a mystery to me, even after 3 years of personal therapy. Fear was the baseline answer. And because of the way even this was handled, I'm not sure that years from now I won't be struggling like you are now.

I too will read your post again and your profile and response more directly in the morning. Shirley is right, this is a safe place.

shirley, I hate that too. I think it's some stupid combination of ctl or alt and a letter and it erases the whole post. I've started highlighting long posts and copying them to the clipboard... if I remember.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
dremalou
♀ Member
Member # 204
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, December 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,

Thanks Shirley and Weepy for your thoughtful feedback.

(((Elgel))) Your words could have come right from my mouth, so much of your situation is like mine. So much of what you did about it has been my reaction or inaction. I, too, noticed that this was your first post. I thought to myself -- Wow this guy doesn't mess around he finds a good place right off the bat. It took me some time to find this group and I'm staying. I feel some kindred spirits in this place.

Now as to the questions asked about my situation after some of you read my Profile -- well -- I'll have to get back to you on that. I'm really beat tonight and don't have the energy to start that long rambling thread. And, believe you me, I can ramble.

So for now let me say thank you for your welcome. Thank you for my spacious new room here. And, Shirley, your're right you can never have too many fireplaces. Thanks for mine! Well I've got my bath running and the candles lite. Boy, I must say this is some bathroom . And, I really love the large bay window. I never had a window b4. Wait, I never had a tub. WOW I'm living now! Oprah's got nothing on me. Gotta go my bath's ready

HEY...... who invited you?


get you own tub!!!

Keeping it real.

[This message edited by dremalou at 4:01 AM, December 5th (Friday)]


BW/59 M25yrs, 2gether 31yrs (known H 4ever), D33/gsons/12&10/gdau/2yr
WH/62 East Coast A since May 97/Deep Fog
OW/64 never married only "Does" married men
Where's the man I married?...
Pro 5:20-23...lost w/o God
Ps 119:49-80 PTL

Posts: 1125 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Northern CA
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, December 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT, I am just thrilled all the tests for your son are coming out well! How are you feeling about it all? It must be so scary.

((((Elge)))) Oh, boy , do I feel your pain. I am so sorry you are here. I can agree with you and Weepy. I remember having clues right in my face, Reading lists of how to tell a man is cheating and think how strange it was that he met so man of those clues. And did nothing. I was (sometimes am) so angry at myself for that. But the affairs were not our fault, despite depression and weight gain and withdrawal. Nothing makes it our fault.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
dremalou
♀ Member
Member # 204
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, December 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Everyone,

What a relaxing bath (once I got "my friend" outta the tub.) Wow! I'm new person... look kinda different though... What do you think?.... Yeah you're right...stayed in a little too long Better set here by the for a bit. I could really get used to this ! Where's Pablo? I think I might like a drink tonight to go along with the "fruit on demand"... nice ... Anybody wanna join me? How's things going today?

[This message edited by dremalou at 5:04 PM, December 5th (Friday)]


BW/59 M25yrs, 2gether 31yrs (known H 4ever), D33/gsons/12&10/gdau/2yr
WH/62 East Coast A since May 97/Deep Fog
OW/64 never married only "Does" married men
Where's the man I married?...
Pro 5:20-23...lost w/o God
Ps 119:49-80 PTL

Posts: 1125 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Northern CA
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, December 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

helllllo.... Friday evg and it's quiet in here. Wkends tend to slow down the posting but I'm home alone so I find myself here.
HS: BTDT! I think Weepy has the right idea. Copy to the clipboard as your post lengthens.
Dremalou and Elgel: Welcome to LTA... but sorry you find yourself here.
I don't have anything to add to HS and Weepy's wisdom.
I have some catching up to do myself... been out all day and I'm exhausted.
{{{LTA}}}

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, December 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello dremalou... sorry to find you here again. I just finished reading your story and I think a few of us will be tough on you to help you make a hard decision. My question to you is; how long have you lived in this relationship and been lonely everyday? I received a good piece of advice early in the knowledge of my H's LTA. Live clear headed for a year, then look at your life. If the good days out number the bad you live for the good days. If the bad out number the good, prepare to walk. None of us need to spend most of our days in a bad place. Some days will always be bad, we're in a tough place, but the good have to out number the bad. By the way, I really think you have a great sense of humor. You can take hold of your life and find the joy in it.


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years  Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
dremalou
♀ Member
Member # 204
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fadingmemories,

Hi right back at you. I'm still thinking. Reading a lot on SI. The only thing I'm sure about is that I'm sure I don't know what I'm going to do. My biggest fear is that I'm not going to do anything and that everything is going to just happen with me watching from the sidelines. Kinda like it has been since 1997.

The OW has been "building" my WH a comfortable life on the East Coast for many years. I think with losing our home to the government in 2009 will seal the deal and he will be gone. So maybe I'm just letting it happen without really engaging in the fight anymore with my WH.

Again, I'm too tired (mentally) and not sure (emotionally) that I want to revisit some things in order to answer the questions I've been asked. I will provide more details as to my present situation soon.

I'm still trying to get my head out of my ass. Yes this BS has that problem. Even though I feel I've done a lot of the right steps, I have no faith that I can make any difference anymore. (I am taking some steps for me. I will talk more over the next weeks. I'm still laying the concrete. It does not include the WS.)

Back to my head up my ass these many years.... I mean who wants to believe that their spouse wants to leave them forever. That's a hard pill to swallow. I realize that my WS is behaving most terribly but I seem to be stuck in the fact that he has not left me.

Did you read what I just said... that is a sad commentary. I have given some good advice thruout my life to friends and family and been a good judge of character. Love enters my life and I'm unable to use any good sense. My boundaries suck big time.

Okay, I'm ready.... give it to me -- bring out the 2x4s... you know the ones with nails.....


BW/59 M25yrs, 2gether 31yrs (known H 4ever), D33/gsons/12&10/gdau/2yr
WH/62 East Coast A since May 97/Deep Fog
OW/64 never married only "Does" married men
Where's the man I married?...
Pro 5:20-23...lost w/o God
Ps 119:49-80 PTL

Posts: 1125 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: Northern CA
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 4:10 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

t/j minor vent - ya know I really f'ing hate it when I am in the middle of a really long post and it just pzzztttt goes away...can anybody explain how that happens end t/j

I hear you, Shirley! The same thing happened to me 2 nights ago...and I was just too drained emotionally to rewrite, so i quit.

****
Hey Weepy. How are you feeling? Do you need to go for any kind of physio? I have been seeing a chiropracter since the accident, and she is amazing! Pls look after yourself.

I am relieved that Mr weepy as able to be be there for you.

***

Fnf, how are you my friend? I know dday anti is coming up.
You have been doing pretty good in the last months, and I hope the strength of that will carry you through this.

***

Hi SoLost and LostSuol. Nice to see you again.

***

Dremalou,
You are right...2009 is going to be an important year for you.
You need to decided whether you are going to be an active participant or a passive bystander.

I think it doesnt matter whether your h decide to leave physically (it sounds like he left emotionally ahile ago )or not....its what YOU are going to do for YOU.
Dont let life happen to you, dremalou. You sound like a funny exciting person, someone who should be grabbing at life with both hands and having a hoot at every chance. Come on!!
Let 2009 be Dremalou year!!!

***

I love the mountain cabin. We got our little house on the prairie at last.


***
((((BT))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Idon't think I welcomed Dremalou.....welcome! although I am always sorry to have a new person here.

Had a major trigger last night. H called at dinner saying he went out to McDonald's for dinner while at work and parked to eat and the battery died. So he jogged back to work (less than a mile) and someone was going to go with him afterwards and jump it. He works with all women. He gets off at 11:30 pm. SO at a little after midnight he calls to say he and one girl are there but he can't get to her battery well enough to jump it so they are waiting for a third girl to come. But she was finishing at work. SO eventually she comes. I finally called him at almost 1 am b/c I hadn't heard form him and I started to freak. He didn't answer the first ring so that freaked me. I know, way to hyper. Anyway, he says they just got done and he will be coming right home. So he got home about 10 minutes later.

He came home form work late every night. That was when he had the affair for the most part. He several times told me his battery died and he had to walk home and that was why he was so late. And he got home just after one which was the usual time.

He knew I was freaked when he got home. I just could hardy even talk. He did a good job. Kept saying he knew I thought something happened but nothing did.It was exactly as he said. Then he curled up and held me for a while.

It did help. But that trigger hurt terribly. I know he wanted me to talk but I couldn't even do that.

I just knew you all would understand.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But that trigger hurt terribly. I know he wanted me to talk but I couldn't even do that.
I just knew you all would understand.

{{{So Lost}}} I'm there with you. Last night FWH was at work preparing for a function today. I couldn't reach him - cell phone went to voice mail at the first ring - office PBX was on "night calls" - my mind went to that bad place. I know OW isn't working there right now but I just could not stop myself. Turned out his cell phone need charging. I'd called my sister on the West coast; found out she's back in the hospital (colon-related) and was upset. I'm going there on Tuesday for a week but feel so helpless.
My H held me most of the night. The weird dreams started after he went to work. I'm up now and need to get my act together. Off to the shower...
Take care friends.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to our new friends.

Weepy, I'm glad you're OK.

SoLost, that would have driven me nuts.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dont let life happen to you

Wow, couldn't that be carved in stone above the entry to our new home?

Many of us sat back and led lives of quiet desperation. I felt I had no control over any situation in my home, except over the kids. And that was only because H relinquished that to me. Actually said "you deal with the kids".

I need to become an active participant in my life and stop waiting for "whatever" to happen like I did before... "things will get better when....."

H came home from IC today and immediately got on the computer. He leans in to ask me "Have you read what the side effects are of Wellbutrin?" I said Yes, over a year ago. I've had no symptoms. So I asked why he was so interested all of the sudden.

His IC wants him on an anti-depressant for his S.A.D. I'm not going to push anything, but he said he needed to let the guy know by next visit in 2 weeks.

He won't do it. He hates taking medicine of any type. Refused his arthritis meds, doesn't take his cholesterol meds. I can barely make him take a vitamin every night. I have, however, often though of dropping one of my left over Wellbutrin low doses in the capsule, but I don't have enough to last long enough to see results any way.

Well, I have groceries to unload, so gotta run.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy,

My mother is obviously depressed. Seriously depressed, and yet she won't take an anti-D. She takes probably ten medicines for other things and yet won't take this. She is the agitated angry kind of depressed and is just completely miserable to be around.

I think maybe she doesn't want to change. Maybe your H is the same.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In addition to being germophobe, my H is also a mild hypochondriac. So if there are side effects from a medication, he will get them (even if he really doesn't). On top of that his paranoia takes over and he's convinced the pharmaceutical companies are "out to get us all". I agree that taking a pill is not always the necessary route, but he's had 3 therapists suggest ADs. Seems to me he's just being stupid. But that's me.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Numb and Angry
♀ Member
Member # 21752
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Everyone,

I'm not sure what qualifies as a LTA, but I can trace back WS's involvement with OW at least two years, and I believe the EA goes back a year before that. Can I come in?

I'm pretty early in the whole process - d-day was 10/9/08, but do you ever get over feeling like the dumbest thing on the planet? I look back at all the signs that were there and feel like such a chump for not putting things together sooner: the multitude of Viagra refills that were disppearing like m&ms (and not with me), WS staying out late several nights a week or coming home with damp hair ("I was at the gym..."), coming home from the company xmas party (spouses discouraged) drunk beyond reason at 3 in the morning when the party closed down at midnight (I drove a drunk co-worker home and we sat and talked), and my favorite, when I discovered condoms and fetish clothes in his suitcase before a business trip to China (they are for the professional women that Chinese hosts provide for important business travellers - It's cultural and doesn't mean anything...).

The only saving grace for me is learning that WS is most likely SA and NPD. He has been able to lie to me convincingly for years and only now, when I hear him tell our kids that he never admitted he had an affair, do I see how broken he is. We used to say we were soul mates and I have to wonder if that means I am broken, too.

The only thing I know for sure is that when WS is swearing at me and calling me names for not wanting to sleep with him anymore or pretend to be a big, happy family, that he is NOT "the best thing that ever happened to me".


Me-BW, 50
Him-WH, 49, behaving as if SA and NPD
D-Day 10/09/08

PA went back maybe 2 years
Married 23 years, together 30
2 kids, DD 19, DS 14
Status: Divorce final 10/17/11


Posts: 308 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to all the new folks, and I too am sad to see you here.

Just wanted to check in--I don't post much anymore, life is sort of on a level time. But read every day. I was struck by what fading memories said--good advice-- to live for the good days, if they are the majority.

After 3 years (and still dealing with OW over OC which gums up the reconciling bit tremendously!!), that's sort of where I am. What's good in my life outweighs the aftereffects of the LTA--and in my case, the good includes my new life on the West Coast, my kids, my job, making new friends, H's efforts--

I think I've been waiting for my marital relationship to be all good all the time, and I'm learning that for me, the underlying effects of the cheating have sort of shifted something in me, changed me in a foundational way. One that we all know about and have read about. And I don't think it will shift back. And cuz of that shift, my underlying feeling isn't joy at being alive that it was before. But I now, after all this time, can feel joy in some things, which is an wonderful

I get the feeling that a lot of people have a underlying feeling of malcontent or sadness or whatever, and I think it's more real than what I thought I was experiencing all these years of my life! Sort of an existential thing. I blame it on being an optimist by nature, a deal-with-the-bad-when-it-comes sort of person instead of expecting or watching for the bad all the time--and never experiencing anything really terrible in my life. Or just naivete.

Of course it's hard to knowing that H has contact with OW, supposedly all with my knowledge, (can you tell I've become paranoid a bit!!). But it's worse cuz H is depressive about all this, and is still a bit numb inside. And at our age, I think the ways we've sort of settled inside, in accepting what's happened and how we feel about it, that's where we're both sort of living --me in a sort of content place with bursts of joy, him in a chronic sense of having fucked up so many lives and not able to feel much of anything else.

Course that gets interpreted by me as my not being able to make him feel good about anything anymore--and I know intellectually that it's cuz he's numb, not cuz I'm not enough. But emotionally, it's a disappointment.

And then I withdraw...tired of as I said before to MC, "calling H all the time and not having him answer"--not on the phone, of course, but as an analogy. I think he "answers" to the best of his ability, and he tries, but it's not how I wanted to feel at my advanced age.

On the other hand, most of the time I can get out of this place and enjoy stuff--just always underneath for me.

A long time ago, an older woman on this site described her life as reconciled, but in reality, 2 bitter old people living together. I do not want that to be me, so I plug along, and most of the time it's good.

I don't want to be a downer, but I miss getting folks' feedback, so I'm posting even though it's probably discouraging for newbies. Just remember, this is me, not anyone else and their spouses--

Feel like I'm whining--I have a relative in England who calls it "whinging"--if that's the spelling--usually describing 4 year olds though!


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get the feeling that a lot of people have a underlying feeling of malcontent or sadness or whatever, and I think it's more real than what I thought I was experiencing all these years of my life! Sort of an existential thing. I blame it on being an optimist by nature, a deal-with-the-bad-when-it-comes sort of person instead of expecting or watching for the bad all the time--and never experiencing anything really terrible in my life. Or just naivete.

Hi 25, it's nice to hear from you, whatever the circumstances.

I have always had the "sunny" outlook. Never imagined that people intentionally set out to do evil (except the murderers, etc). Not general people and certainly not my husband.

It was my "job" in the family to find the silver lining, to look at the optimistic point of view to take the "good" side in all arguments.

That changed radically after Dday. I just went along with my H saying everyone sucked, everyone was a liar, cheater and worse. The world sucked, every company was "out to get us". It was the realization that if the person who LOVED you could do that to you, then why would strangers care about you at all? Then I realized that my H cared about strangers more than his family. I couldn't get him to Christmas shop with me or for the kids, but when a "client" had a leak on Christmas eve, guess where he went?

I find the optimist in me is what kept me here, despite it being severely wounded. Every time the IC asks me why I stay, I say it's becuase I know it can be better. I just know it. Sound a little Shirley Temple for anyone?

I used to tell MC that I was tired of hitting my head against the wall trying to get to him. She pointed out that the only one hurting there was me. So I'm working on stopping. I can't wish for something that doesn't exist. I can't conjure it up. So it's take stock time.

If I worked full time and was in a secure job, I might not be here. That's just honest. but then I think that if I packed my bags, H would "come around" to what I wanted.

I'm no good to anyone if I don't like me first. But there's something keeping me from being a person I would truly like and I don't know what it is. I like me 50 pounds lighter, but yet have taken to baking goodies almost daily. Haven't been to the gym in weeks. No excuse either (except this sinus infection I've had for 2 weeks now). I even caught myself doing what I did while he was affairing... staying up later than him and indulging in a sweet treat and reading. So I sit and get fatter and wonder why he doesn't seem interested in me sexually.

I'm serious about adopting the "Don't let life happen TO you" motto.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
dremalou
♀ Member
Member # 204
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so I'm posting even though it's probably discouraging for newbies. Just remember, this is me, not anyone else and their spouses--

(((((25wimsey))))) I'm not sure if I get your meaning but I think I do. Let me see.... You think the rest of us are doing great and that you're a whiner. Is that it? Well I can only speak for myself. YOU ARE NO WHINER. And I'm a mess and I sure should have caught on by now. AND I am at an "advanced" age.

So stop that right now and post all you want, feel your feelings, and when I think you're whining I'll let you know. That is if I can stop whining long enough to hear you.

No seriously, happy you can get out and enjoy stuff, as you said. But I'm really sorry that even though 'life is on a level time' that you find yourself sad (and for good reasons).

So while we continue to make sense of this part of our lives -- Be good to yourself and thanks for your Welcome.


BW/59 M25yrs, 2gether 31yrs (known H 4ever), D33/gsons/12&10/gdau/2yr
WH/62 East Coast A since May 97/Deep Fog
OW/64 never married only "Does" married men
Where's the man I married?...
Pro 5:20-23...lost w/o God
Ps 119:49-80 PTL

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