Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

our children play sports together and we are in the middle of their season, and I watch her floating around and socializing
Gasping, I know that I personally could not do this one. Somehow, someway, I would have to make some type of move. Maybe a T-shirt of some kind that would send a msg that only the 4 of you would get the meaning to. But then that's just me. And if she didn't like that you could always remind her of just who and what she is.

O.K. forget what I said. I know that is sooo wrong.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
gaspingforbreath
♀ Member
Member # 19820
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love that idea. Yes, I think I am in a revenge mood.
I know they say the good guy always wins in the end and what goes around comes around, but I have a hard time believing that right now, because only my world has been rocked. I know this is terrible to say and I have told my WH this. Sometimes I wish I would have never found out!!!!


Hoping everyday will get alittle easier.
BS 49
WS 50

Posts: 55 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've not caught up in here. Sorry, I'll look in tomorrow. Spent the day with UKg2 filling in her financial statement and going over her divorce petition. At least I know what it looks like - about 50pages of crap. Oh god, why am I even bothering? Why did I feel I HAD to shower (still got wet hair here)because, because. Because. It's all to do with the affair and the effort OW made, although H said he wasn't aware that either of them made much effort. Really?????

Better go to bed. And dream about divorce papers.

ETA - I fucking hate this. And him. Fuckwit.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 4:37 PM, January 26th (Monday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gasping - I would not be able to handle that...you are so strong. I am having a little fun with one of the OW. We have told some mutual "friends" - better friends of our but they live in the same area as she does. These are people that she exchanged Xmas cards with, would run into at "the club" that type of thing. She doesn't know that they know. They were horrified and the wife asked "who does she think she is" - very angry. It gives me comfort to know that she is

floating around and socializing

not knowing that others know who she *really* is!!!

BTW, on the revenge front, when I first joined SI, there was a thread in general about revenge. Somebody had gone to the bank and taken out $100 in $1 bills. They wrote "OW fucked my husband and she is a whore" on them and then spent them all over town. I live in too big of a city for this to be effective but boy was I tempted!!

(((((UKG))))) We were posting at the same time but I wanted to say that you are a very great friend to do this for UKg2. It must be so painful and you are a trooper to help her in this way.

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 4:43 PM, January 26th (Monday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I wish I would have never found out!!!!
In my perfect world (which in there this never would have happened) I would never have found out and H would have stopped the A and we would have not ever have had to fight this battle.

Some disagree with me on this. But for me I truly wish I didn't know, but not at the expense of the A continuing.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we need to have a contest to come up with a good slogan for Gasping's Tshirt. Even if you don't really do it, maybe the contest will be fun.

My 1st entry

Can't come up with any right now other than to maybe take her initials and play with them like I do with FSA sometimes. Let's see with snaggletooth in my case.

Making
Everyone
Nightly

Don't that just beat all. I never put it together that her initials spelled men. Should have known.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh God FSA! I have missed you!!

Okay...here's my Longest LTA initials.

Doggie
Style
Girl


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't caught up yet either but want to play this game. Are we doing initials of OW?


Slutty
Lying
C***


Oh...that was harsh.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bow Wow

Missing
Eyeteeth
Noticeably

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes WN it's the name the ow game, using her initials.

Your 1st one was great!!!


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Ruthie
♀ Member
Member # 5476
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

use the initials eh?

Laying
Around


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-Mark Twain-

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Ontario
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Snaggletooth's real initials are MEN but she goes by BN. Let's see if I can do anything with that.

Bitch
Now and forever

Butt ugly
Nut case

Making
Everyone
Nauseous


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hmmmmm...

Does
Suck
Gonads

Does
Someone
Gladly

Downs
Semen
Gladly

Oh shit...this is too good!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've got better letters to work with than me.

[This message edited by Feeling so alone at 8:06 PM, January 26th (Monday)]


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
gaspingforbreath
♀ Member
Member # 19820
Content  Posted: 9:55 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obviously feeling very low and angry lately and thinking I should just give up and no specific reason why and then I get on this forum and you guys really made me smile today and you really have some good ideas.
Being that we are not telling anyone of this, you have all become my new best friends. Thank you for keeping me sane for one more day.


Hoping everyday will get alittle easier.
BS 49
WS 50

Posts: 55 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF,

I wish I could remember the step by step, but to be honest with you, I can't.

A huge part of it, however, was realizing that neither my thoughts nor my feelings were sacrosanct. That was a huge, huge change for me.

For most of my life I believed that what I thought or felt somehow denoted or exhibited truth at a real basic level. I strongly believed in instinct, or a base level truth. I was wrong, however.

It was such an awakening to realize that what I believed and felt did not display some type of universal truth. It was a result of the beliefs tht I had accumulated over the course of a lifetimes, some of which were actually true and some of which were simply the result of my own false beliefs.

What I needed to do was separate the two, and I have spent many, many sessions in IC doing just exactly that.

I no longer believe in some type of innate instinct or universal truth. I believe in searching myself and my beliefs and coming up with the best truth I can muster at that point. Eventually, I believe I will come up with an overall truth that I believe in. But that's hard to separate from the false, silly, goofy beliefs I picked up throughout my life.

I said above that I don't believe in universal truth, but that is really not the truth. I do believe in universal truth. I just don't think most humans are even close to it. I think universal truth is the Holy Grail of our lives, the motive of life that we search for and work towards for a lifetime.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
icantgetoverit
♀ Member
Member # 22013
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, January 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone doing the initial thing I can top. Her name really is
Lies(e) and last name is a slang term for gross!!!

so she was born a disgusting liar along with the rest of her whoring family, yes you read right the whole family from dad to brother cheat and screw over their families!


me BW

I'll never know what it is like to be married and loved whole heartedly.


Posts: 305 | Registered: Dec 2008
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, January 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT - For me one of the basic truths that I live my life by and always believed was that loving someone meant you protected them from harm, you recognized their needs and tried to do your part to meet them, you showed your love in words, deeds and actions. Family has always been sacred to me and working every day to preserve and protect my family, to provide a safe haven from this sometimes corrupt world is a goal that I continue to concentrate my efforts on. Yes, we struggled, we had some tough teen years with my middle child, but I worked my ass off until I got her through them and today we are closer than ever.
Nothing has ever been more important to me than my family nor do I believe ever will be.
So to have that belief shattered by someone I trusted with my heart was and still is beyond devastating. To this day, I ask him how he could have thought so little about the consequences to me and our children of his actions. And as HS said, it is one thing to do this to me, but to jeopardize the well-being of our children, to not care what the consequences of his LTA would mean to them, to bring this woman into our lives and have them believe she cared for them only to have them both betray all of us is something I will never understand.
So, back to my question, What steps can I take to move beyond this when doubt and fear and my maternal instinct beg me to remain on guard so that I can protect myself and my children from this kind of hurt again?


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, January 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all, FNF, I would say that you can't protect your kids from being hurt. They are adults, right? The possibility of being hurt is part of being alive. Some of the choices they will make through their lives will result in their being hurt. And, like all of our kids, they have a father who has proven himself capable of making terrible choices that have hurt their families. Since the kids can't change fathers and since no one can control another person, they face the possibility that their father might do something that hurts them again. Or that you might somehow hurt them. Or their spouses. Or their bosses or in-laws or a stranger. There is nothing that you can do about that. Even if you left their father, he would still be their father and they would still interact with him. I think that to believe you can protect them from him and his possible future choices is to set yourself up for a lifetime of fear and futile, frustrating attempts to control what cannot be controlled.

Your husband is the only one who can control himself. It sounds like the two of you are working to get him to a place where you can have faith in him again. While you can do some of that with him, you can do none of that for him. He has to learn the morals/relationship skills he didn't learn in his FOO. You can prod him on it, but it is ultimately up to him. Your posts in the past have made it sound as though you still have serious reservations about your husband, although he has made some signficant changes. If he is continuing to work on it, I would say he probably needs more time. I didn't begin to drop my fears and doubts about my husband until I could sense a real baseline change in his attitudes and actions.

If you still have doubts about him, then I would say you should try to look at those analytically and see whether they are legitimate doubts due to real issues in him, or whether they are based in unrealistic fears of yours. If they are fear-based, you can work on those in IC or on your own. If they are legitimate doubts because of him, then you have to wait to see what he is able to accomplish in changing himself.

So, I would suggest as a first step that you sit down and write up a list of your fears and doubts about your husband and your life. That's your homework. And be as specific as you can.

You say you are happy with yourself and your beliefs and that you are willing and able to walk away if you need to. I was not, so I needed IC to get me to that point.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, January 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW... alot going on in here!

I want to welcome all the newbies:
(((Ruthie)))
(((gasping)))
(((can'tbelieve))), and (((Ican'tgetoverit)))
welcome to the LTA tribe and sorry you are here, but it is full of some wonderful people!!

UKG... I am worried about you, especially with your surgery fast approaching. I would feel better if you didn't seem so down and lost right now. You have such strength and you show that by being there for your friend, she is lucky to have you. I so wish that you could see the 'wonder' of you!!! Not one of us is perfect, but we are ALL special and unique. I will be holding you in my happy thoughts, and hoping that one day soon you will love you... because your H's A had nothing to do with you!!

FNF,

What steps can I take to move beyond this when doubt and fear and my maternal instinct beg me to remain on guard so that I can protect myself and my children from this kind of hurt again?

As much as we want to protect the ones we love, we can't. We can only raise our children and let them go knowing that life is hard and we will always be here for them. For yourself it's the same... we build walls to protect ourselves from further pain, but the walls also keep the 'happiness' we long for out as well. For me, I just chose to not live behind my wall and I tore it down! Life is messy and hurtful, but also wonderful and glorious! I want it all and I will deal with life one day at a time. I gave myself permission to truly live and enjoy it ALL. The rest of my life will surely be an incredible journey, but I will be in the drivers seat and doing the best I can to enjoy the scenery and beauty along the way!!!

LostH2,

How are things with you? You have been in my thoughts.

How I wish that this Spring I could load up my RV and pick-up all my SI sisters as I travel around. I am not the best driver, but we sure would have fun!!!

Anyone thinking about doing the 14 days of Valentines?? It's really very fun.

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.