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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

I am sorry you and H are feeling so low. I am sending many hugs and much love to you and good thoughts to your H. Maybe just try to relax a little and enjoy taking the kids to a movie or spend all day Saturday at home in your PJs. Sometimes just hanging in there is really all that's required.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{LH2}}}

Sometimes just hanging in there is really all that's required.

Our wise BT said it and I'm taking BT's words to heart today cuz I don't know what else to do.

ETA: PC acting up then had company. Surprised no new messages since my last one.

My FWH is recovering from surgery (his 2nd in 4 months). Wifely concern kicks in as automatic as breathing. He thanks me often. But I am holding back tears a lot of the time... and struggling as my brain won't quit reminding me of the H who betrayed me during his LTA. Antiversary #2 is next wkend. I hate knowing dates... want to destroy every calendar and datebook... and most of all my memory of these things.

I'm sorry to read that we have new members to the tribe. But I'm also glad you have found this place. I can't express how much I value the support I receive here. {{{LTA}}}

[This message edited by lostsuol at 7:55 PM, January 30th (Friday)]


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Lostsuol))))))

You cant be with him 24/7. How about you take some time off, have a really really good cry (or two..or three), just let it all out. If you have a good friend who can be with you, then great. I dont do crying in front of other people, but I would have loved to have had someone to hold me after, make me a cuppa and just be with me. If not, be your own good friend.

Next week is already triggering you and instead of storing it up for a meltdown, maybe letting it out in episodes, might lessen the impact?

Be your own best friend, lostsuol. Treat yourself with all the kindness and compassion and love you can muster.

***
Thanks you guys.

Lovin, any chance of a tranatlantic visit on your journey?

Shirley,I have the book (and have read it!)Which is why I was keen to go to the Imago workshop this weekend.

How are you doing?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning LTA tribe,

I have been reading but not posting much, just a little here and then.

I've been somewhat lethargic... I really hate winter, especially as I get older!

I have been busy though. I have started what I call my journey to health. Eating better and I went back to the gym. Gotta say that making myself go isn't easy, but once I get there i feel so empowered!

(Lovin, any chance of a tranatlantic visit on your journey?)

LH2,

Your so cute!

I wish I could drive my home away from home to see you. I could bring my rose-colored glasses and we could hang-out and have some fun!!! I am ALL about having fun, getting out and being happy living my life!!

I wish that everyones struggles could just ease up. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me that I was able to JUMP past all the "s%#t"!!
I think that I am just a happy girl and even if FWH hadn't stayed, I would still be happy. Part of that stems from the kids I work around. So many have horrid lives and yet they come to visit me daily and make me laugh often!! Gotta luv em!

Welcome to all the newbies. I am sorry your amongst us, but what a great place, full of terrific people.

Well, gotta get dressed and head to the gym!! FWH is at a gun show with some of his friends. Asked me to go, but I declined... just not my thing. But he has been taking me to the shooting range, and I'm getting pretty good. I can actually hit the target now!!!

Keeping everyone in my prayers. Anyone heard from UK?

Lovin

[This message edited by lovinlife at 8:17 AM, January 31st (Saturday)]


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A bit of a plug for a movie, of all things. One of my professors offered us extra credit to go see a couple movies this semester. I don't really care for movie theaters anymore, I'm not sure exactly why. Usually I prefer to just wait till they come out on DVD, but in this case, I couldn't wait.

So, H and I saw Slumdog Millionnaire yesterday and I would highly recommend it. There is a slightly triggery aspect to it (not infidelity, but you all will get it nonetheless, I think). But overall the movie is a real uplifting testatment to our ability to overcome adversity and find our inner strength to survive and eventually thrive.

Definitely worth a couple hours of your time.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next week is already triggering you and instead of storing it up for a meltdown, maybe letting it out in episodes, might lessen the impact?

Thanks LH2. I'll try. It could work... wish you and me could have tea together. Webcam?

Time for dinner. Pizza calls. Take care all.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The UK has been snowed in. Kids are estactic! They have not seen proper snow before.

***
Lovin,

I could bring my rose-colored glasses and we could hang-out and have some fun!!! I am ALL about having fun, getting out and being happy living my life!!

I envy that.
If anyone had to describe me, "fun" would not be one of the words used.
Responsible, diligent, serious...and that was when I was 7 years old!

Anytime you are on this side of the pond, Lovin...I'll be there.

***

LostSuol,
How are you doing?

***

Quick cheeky question...
Has anyone seen my libido?
Its gone...some 3 weeks ago.
Whilst H's has been working overtime, which is driving us both off the wall. I have never had this problem before (not since dday), and I hate it. He is taking it personally which makes this even more difficult. I hope its just some hormonal thing...


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LS - Just sending some hugs as your antiversary approaches. I promise you they do get easier with each passing year. I would definitely recommend that you give your H fair warning and ask him to be there for you emotionally, physically, and lovingly. They can be so clueless and many times just try to pretend it's just another day. Make sure he understands how much you are going to need his absolute support. (((LS)))
LH - You are sounding better - low libido and all.
Seriously though, you know the saying, "Fake it till you make it" well when I go through a dry spell, that's what I do and you know what, I end up enjoying myself.
Sometimes it's just a matter of putting aside any negative thoughts that are interfering and knowing that what we really need is to come together (no pun intended ) and enjoy the closeness that follows. Hope this works!
How is everyone else. What a quiet weekend it was. I guess everyone was enjoying the super bowl - what a game!


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Fnf!

I am feeling better (fat ass and low libido incl).
This is one of the ways I can see for myself how much I have progressed from me of last year and definetly of me from 2 years ago...I am coping much better. And in turn, my family copes better too.Its almost like I am held as a barometer for their emotional health., KWIM?
I am still stressed and agitated and crabby and fat but I am ok.

Since its been so quiet here, I give myself permission to hog.

My parents were due to spend the weekend with us. Spend the whole day cleaning and cooking etc. My dad leaves 1 hour after they arrive saying he had already eaten and hadnt planned to stay himself.Mmmm.But he leaves my mum in tears. When he left, it was like a huge black cloud had lifted and we were all free to relax.

I just spoke to her and she still excuses his behaviour..like she did all those years. Now its because she has diagnosed him as having highly functioning Aspergers Syndrome. I read her out some of the characteristics of NPD, and she is adamant that my dad has a disability and she just needs to know how to manage him properly.

She puts alot of pressure on us girls (he does too because we are extensions of him, right?) because she does on herself as well. She expects little from my dad or my H or my BIL's...because thats how they are.

When my sisters and I expect more of our Hs' she becomes upset and feels that we are treating them badly...never really thnking or expecting that her DDs should be treated better too, for she doesnt expect it for herself.

She came from a highly patriarchal society where the woman's job was to make her H's and her son's lives easier ( Thank God I dont have a brother)and to "indulge" them in their weaknesses and be grateful that there was a man in the house (she told me the other night that I was wrong in comparing my F to my H...my H was tons better for he didnt beat me up on a regular basis and he has always provided financially for us, whilst my F...) :(

I dont know what this has to do with LTAs..maybe its because in spite of his education and his talk, my H came from a similar background too and expected the same too..and didnt he get that from me anyway...for all my education and talk....I am no better.

Its not a race issue. Not even totally a cultural issue, because I see it almost every other day in other cultures too. I see it in the magazines and the adverts and the movies. It sucks sometimes to be a man. It sucks sometimes even more to be a woman.

Enough griping for one day!




LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately I doubt there is anything you can say or do that will change your mother's attitude, especially since her background is so set into her psyche. We have to want to change and it sounds as if your mother feels acceptance is more important than change even if change would possibly bring more happiness into her life.
You, on the other hand, have the courage to want to change for yourself and for your children. Kudos to you.
You are an amazing woman. It takes guts and determination to change but in the end, everybody wins even your H.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Fnf.

Guess what?
I am planning a trip with my 4 friends. One of them has been my best friend since high school and the other two since uni. We all live on different continents and havent seen each other in yonks...let alone as grownups with children!
So we are planning a trip later on the year to Istanbul. No kiddos and no Hs. I am so excited. I havent done anything like this...ever.

***
Homework from IC which I thought I would share:

Make a list of all that you would like to achieve in this year...then put it away.
Somethings to look forward to, somethings to work towards.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow LH - that's great. So one of the things on your list can already be checked :)
One of the things on my list is coming to the UK and meeting up with you and UKG. So please don't plan your trip for the first week of July.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fnf, I get back on the 4th of July! Please tell me you will still be around then...

***
Speaking of Ukg...
Where are you UKG??!!
Please check in.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll be in from the 2nd through the 9th. Whew! That was close.
ETA - do you think UKG is getting her surgery this week. Maybe she's getting ready for it. Let us know if you find out.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:51 AM, February 2nd (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost Heart...just read online about your weather! 5 inches of snow in London and they don't have any snowplows!!!!!!

We get a ton of snow here but every other pickup truck has a plow on it and we all own snowblowers for our walks and driveways. You will be digging out for days. The good news is a snow day is a great excuse for hot chocolate and choc. chip cookies.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5 inches of snow in London and they don't have any snowplows!!!!!!

I was listening to a guy from London Transport squirm his way through a radio interview about this. YEs, they knew in advance,and yes, things could have been done a little differently, but they did the best they could! Riiight.

Anyway for us it means 2 days off chilling.

****

No news from Ukg. I hope she is ok.

****

Errrr...where is everyone?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
notaloser
♀ Member
Member # 22718
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the board I have been looking for, new here. I am still trying to decipher the details and start a new marriage. I haven't posted my story yet, just been lurking. Kinda nervous about actually putting all of this words just yet. Thanks to everyone here, all of the posts I have seen have helped tremendously. Just wanted to get my name in the pot. I am in a good place right now, but that could change with the wind. Good luck to everyone here. Thanks for reading.


I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason. - Stanley Baldwin

Posts: 86 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: GREAT USA
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome notaloser.

I look forward to getting to know you.

***
Ukg is fine. She has not had time alone to get on but will do soon.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome notaloser....we looking forward to getting to know you.

<mini-vent>

AAAAGGGGHHHH! I just typed a really long post and lost it. This is the second time in a couple of weeks. Crap, I had so much wisdom and *poof* it is gone. My problem is once I type it I can't remember what that wisdom was! I just know it was really good.

Now I have to dash off to take the oldest DD to the dr. We have a bad case of the cold/flu virus going through the house. 2 of the 3 kids have been sick since Sat.

LH2 - it is snowing here today but in our country we clean the roads with plows not spoons!!!

bbl


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it makes you feel better, HS, at least you had the wisdom. Me, well, nothing today. Just waiting for others to shine their light.

Welcome notaloser. I hope you'll be up to sharing your story here. Hopefully you will find the support and friendship here that all of us have come to enjoy.
LH - another play day for you huh? Don't forget the hot chocolate after you're done building those forts.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
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