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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, February 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Weepy! Congrats on the weight loss. I've been fighting the same 5 lbs for months so I'm stagnating in that area. Part-time job situation sounds crappy but closed door/open window may be the case for you instead. Hope you enjoy your wkend. Pamper yourself.

Thanks for posting the recipe UKG. I'll check it out.
And a spa wkend sounds wonderful to me. I agree with HS - seems like he's trying and About Time! Try to relax and enjoy it. (I need to follow my own advice).

I too will be away this wkend. FWH has business trip a few hours away. It includes dinner with my best HS friend and her DH. Hope this will keep the AntiV. thoughts at bay. Yesterday was bad so things can only improve (trying positive thinking).

Good vibes to all {{{LTA}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, February 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wpw, finally caught up! Lots going on, welcome to the newbies. UKgirl, I hope your weekend was relaxing.

HS sorry you have been having such a hard time lately, grab hold of the lifeline and start pulling...

FWH is still doing all the right things. Last night we went to see Revolutionary Road. It was a tough movie to watch. One of the lines that hit me was
"No one ever forgets the truth, they just get better at lying" I brought that line up on the way home and my H's response was "and the person they lie to the most is themselves with their constant rationalizations."

I had been questioning the short time before our R ceremony (after the concern on SI) and went to my IC to discuss it all. She gave me the thumbs up and said to go for it. She treated my H a few years ago when we first went to MC but threw him out when she found out he lied to her. She then became my IC and he found someone else.
She reminds me that there are no guarantees in life, today is what is important.
She thinks he has made some incredible changes......I am ready but will remain cautious for the rest of our days. I live with the betrayal and he is the one who looks into my eyes and lives with the sin of comission. He says he will spend the rest of his days living his life to to make up for that. So, he has planned everything... ( a great feat for him as he is NOT a planner) The church, the minister, the ring, the flowers, the music & dinner are all lined up. He says he is getting married for the first time, he was never truly committed before. I have always been commited, that's wahy I am still here. I guess it's time to buy something to wear... I pray we are making the right decision...........
Hope you are all well


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years† Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, February 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it's time to buy something to wear

Errr, excuse me...we have some serious shopping to do!!!

A R ceremony...YAYYYYY!!!!

Fading, this is fantastic! Is my excitement coming through enough?

She reminds me that there are no guarantees in life, today is what is important

Straight up.
I wish you both the very very best, Fading.

So what are you wearing?

***

LostSuol,
Enjoy this time with your friends.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, February 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had more time during the week to post. The weekends here are slow, but it is usually easier for me than on week nights!

That being said.... I hope everyone is doing well. I heard a quote, it caught my attention and I thought I'd share...

"If you can't change it - surrender to it, and then move forward!"

Lost Heart,

Anytime you are on this side of the pond, Lovin...I'll be there.

Wish I could.... I think we'd have a wild and crazy time!!

UKGirl

Wow, surgery day is coming up quickly. I will keep you in my thoughts on Tuesday. I know everything will come out beautifully for you! But we thought you were beautiful the way you were!!

A weekend away may be just what you need. Stop looking for the whys and just enjoy. Sometimes we all over think things, and it really doesn't help or change anything, except to upset us. Be sure to let us know how it went!

Weepy

You are sounding good... stronger. I am glad that you are moving on and that the triggers are smaller and milder.

Lostsuol

Lethargy is my companion. I want it to be different. I want to be the person I was before Dday but as my user name says, I'm 'lost'.

What was once lost can be found again!!! Don't be your own worst enemy and rely on anyone to make you feel better, just yourself. Take the time to figure out what you want and plan what you need to do to get it. Get out of the house and be among people, even if it's volunteering somewhere. Giving of yourself makes you feel good... baby steps. SI is wonderful, but real life is better!

I just want the carefree life that OW robbed me of. And I don't know how to get it (or me) back. I fear that the lovable me is gone and the person I've become may drive FWH away...

The lovable you is there, buried deep inside... protected from further harm, and for awhile that was fine. It's time to let yourself care. it's super scary, and if FWH doesn't like you, then thats his problem, not yours. Live your life for you, and he will either get on board or not, but either way, loving youself, even the bad parts of ourselves is good and necessary. Stand strong and forge ahead!!! We are here to help. (((lost)))

fadingmemories

She reminds me that there are no guarantees in life, today is what is important.

I love what she said to you! An R ceremony does sound fun, and I agree that picking out what your gonna wear is important!!!

Things in my world are good. FWH has planned a camping weekend for Valentines. We went last year, and I sure hope the weather holds. It will be chilly, but we have heat and lots of blankets. Four nites, just us and probably an empty campground. I can't wait!!

Hugs to all
((((((LTA))))))

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, February 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, quiet in here this weekend. Does everyone else's kids have the flu 'cuz mine ALL do.

He says he is getting married for the first time, he was never truly committed before.

Fading - the ceremony sounds wonderful especially since he is willing to do all the work. You just have to buy a dress....when are we going shopping?

What he said above really strikes a chord. My H has said the exact same thing. Even though we had the big fancy wedding/reception with all the friends and family, he said it was like it wasn't real. He was acting a part for everyone and he never truly committed (not hard to believe given what he did ).

UKG - thanks for the recipe although I need a little more instruction than "make cheese sauce"! What do you make it out of other than cheese and how you do it would be nice!!

Hope you had a great spa weekend. Are you ready for your surgery?

LH2 - how are you doing? Is your H any better?

FNF - How's your sister? We haven't heard from you lately and I have been thinking of you.

Hope all are doing well and that's why it is quiet here.

HS


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, February 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy, you sound really good! Congrats on the weight loss as well. You seem a bit stronger, a bit more in your own corner.

Fadingmemories, I am so thrilled for you that you H has planned this all and has made such changes. I want to hear all the details as well!! We bought new rings for our anniversary this year and I wanted a recommitment ceremony adn it was H idea adn it just all fell through. Apathy on his part once again and unwillingness to do it all on my part. He still mentions what will we engrave on our new rings and I just don't know what to put.

Lovinglife, you have such wonderful advise!!!!

(((HS's kids)) Hope they feel better soon! I am cracking up that "making cheese sauce" didn't cut it for you! It wouldn't for me either. I suspect UKGirl is a great cook from what she has said she is making for dinner, lol, so that is probably a no brainer for her to whip up! Am I right UKGirl??

I am excited and have no one but you all to tell. I check out ow facebook page once in a while. Just to see what is going on. Especially with the few times she has tried to reach H lately. She is not very active on facebook though. Well, she mentioned on there that she has a new job and working different hours and such. So I go to our work email adn look her up under email like I am going to send her a message....she no longer works at the same place as H and I!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I know that may not seem like much. But the thought of he and she being in the same place and running gin to each other or me running in to her i the gift shop or cafeteria or whatever was just making me crazy. This means I don't have to have that worry anymore!!!

I don't think I am going to tell H though. He doesn't know I check her page or that she has one and I feel like I still need my tricks for now, just in case something were to happen. I want to have an inside loop to what is happening.

But it takes a huge burden off my mental state while at work. She had mentioned it on facebook a few days ago, maybe a week adn I checked and she was still there. For some reason I decided to check today and she was GONE.

I also am thinking of writing H a letter about our sex life. It has been 5 months now. I just cannot live ina marriage again without affection adn a physical relationship. And yet, when I try to talk about it I never can say things the way I want them to come out and he gets very defensive. So I am thinking of explaining it all to him. It hurts like hell that I have to ask my H who cheated on me to have sex with me but if I want the marriage to work, I need to do this one more time. Any thoughts?


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, February 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK everybody, I went shopping. The dress is really gorgeous... I went to this exclusive dress shop in an upscale coastal village, knowing I couldn't really afford anything there. The dresses were all way out of my league. After trying on a few for haha's and talking with the owner about why I was buying it, I told her I really couldn't afford anything there. She asked me what I was prepared to spend and I told her, which was about 1/5th of her prices. She told me to pick out what I wanted and it was mine for that price and she would do the alterations for free! The dress is a beautiful seafoam green with silver sparkles in the fabric, floor length with a jacket. It's quite elegant for me, my H says it will be beautiful with pink roses The good thing is when one of my kids finally gets married, I'm all set! We meet with the minister on Tuesday...
isn't that a big day for you as well UKG?
SL you have to ask for what you need. One thing I have learned is not to be afraid to, sometimes they actually need a road map.
Thank you all for being happy for me. I don't want to seem like I am boasting about all of this. I just want to offer some hope to those who are looking for it. This did not come easy, we have worked so hard to get here. We have seen three different counselors and a life coach. We have talked, cried, felt ill and hopeless just like everyone else. After all the pain, he walked out of the fog and I did not close my heart. Thank you all so much for being there. I'll share the details as I find them out!


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years† Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, February 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She told me to pick out what I wanted and it was mine for that price and she would do the alterations for free!

Yeah for Fading! And what a wonderful gesture by this woman. If there is a Karma bus, it will be delivering her flowers and chocolate!

Thank you all for being happy for me. I don't want to seem like I am boasting about all of this. I just want to offer some hope to those who are looking for it. This did not come easy, we have worked so hard to get here. We have seen three different counselors and a life coach. We have talked, cried, felt ill and hopeless just like everyone else. After all the pain, he walked out of the fog and I did not close my heart. Thank you all so much for being there

Fading, thank you for sharing this with us. It does give us hope to see one of us "make it through to the other side".

But it takes a huge burden off my mental state while at work. She had mentioned it on facebook a few days ago, maybe a week adn I checked and she was still there. For some reason I decided to check today and she was GONE.


So Lost, you sound so relieved...that is great. GONE...what a great thing when it comes to the OW!

As far as the sex thing, I think writing everything down and then asking him for a scheduled time to read and discuss. Try to make it as non-threatening as possible. From what I have read in Wayward, this is not unusual. I think it is a shame thing.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, February 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FM -Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us. Your journey is so inspiring so please don't feel that you are boasting. You are giving all of us here HOPE. The dress sounds absolutely perfect. If you feel motivated, I'm sure I'm not the only one who would love to see a photo or two from your big day.
HS - thank you for asking about my sister. Right now she is stable and going through a whole new set of tests. The disease is in her lungs which is very scary but they do have some new meds that have shown promise. We are hoping and praying for a miracle.
As for me, I think this scare has knocked me down a little more than I was prepared for. She has been my rock and now fearing the worst, I find myself on shaky ground these days. I used to be a lot tougher. I was thinking yesterday that of all the people in my life, my sister is the only one who has truly loved me unselfishly and completely.
As great as my kids are, they are typical in that they are so involved in their own lives and interests and look to me for encouragement and support. My sister is the one I go to for this and she never fails me. As twins, we have this wonderful bond and I just can't imagine my life without her.
SL - I agree with FM that sometimes our H's need step by step instructions and as frustrating and disappointing as that may be, it seems best that in order to get what we need, that is exactly what we have to do. Whatever your H's reasons are for avoiding sex, he must know exactly how hurtful this is to you.
Sexual intimacy IMHO is critical to healing the wounds of infidelity, and most especially a LTA.
Write that letter, post it here for comments if you feel you would want to. Possibly even schedule a MC'ing appointment where you can present this to your H where you can work on this together.(((SL)))
LS - thinking of you this week and hoping you are doing well. Let us know how your weekend was and if there is anything we can do to offer our support. (((LS)))
UKG - We'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping your recovery goes well and quickly. I thought it was so great that your H planned your weekend away before your surgery. That was extremely thoughtful and hopefully helped you to feel much brighter about your future and your H's potential. I can't wait to hear how your surgery went and about the results. How long do they expect your recovery to take and when do they tell say you will see the "new you?"
We will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending our best vibes.
LH - How are you these days? You sounded good in your last post and I was happy to see that. Now that your snow is gone and you're back to work, I hope you'll still have a minute or two to drop in and say hello.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:14 PM, February 9th (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, February 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all. I'm home. Thanks for thinking of me, FnF. I'm glad for the support you all give me.
The weekend was pretty much 'uneventful'. FWH spent the day working while my friend & I worked on our projects and caught up on the last month (we live 4 hrs apart). We didn't win anything at the dinner (penny auction event) but food was good. We drove home Sunday morning and FWH went to work. No triggers altho I didn't sleep well (strange dreams). We had dinner 'out' at Pizza Hut where our dd works so we could visit with her a bit, taking MiL along to see her grandDD who is 4 months along now. FWH thanked me for a nice day before falling asleep and I laid awake for hours. I feel a need for upheaval... don't know if I'm strong enough to decide what though.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, February 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fading, oh, what a wonderful thing to have happen! I think that was the karma bus coming to give you an uplift!!! The dress sounds just lovely!

(((Forgivenotforget))) I don't think I realized you were twins. This must be so, so hard for you. I am so sorry.


(((UKGirl))) Prayers you had a grand time this weekend and best of luck tomorrow for your surgery! I just know things will go great adn this will be a new start for you.

I am sooo relieved she is out of our job site. I cannot tell you how hard it is to be constantly keeping my eye out for her, although we have never met. I feel such a sense of relief.

MC called last night at 9 pm to reschedule us...we had cancelled due to a change in my work schedule. So now our appointment is even sooner..Thursday. I hate going, it is just so hard but I know it is good for us.

Don't know if I can talk about the sex thing there though. We talked about it before and I felt misunderstood completely. That shut me down. His counselor was saying I am not all about sex there is so much more to me, blah blah. Made me feel like me wanting to have it was unimportant.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, February 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well Iím trying to get set up for my big day tomorrow. My main concern is that the weather lets us through! I donít know when Iíll be able to get back online again, but Iím hoping itíll be by the end of the week. I do not make a very good patient and I know Iíll hate H seeing me all bandaged up and knocking back the pain killers. Iíd far rather creep away to a place of recuperation and come home when Iím ready.

The weekend was great, thanks for asking! I did really well keeping the mind movies out when it mattered and I didnít mention the A once while we were there. The hotel was great (yes, it did have a golf course, but H did not take his clubs and had no intention of playing), the food was great, the spa bit was great, it had a gym, sauna, steam room, pool, snooker room, squash courts and the spa treatment area. It was almost fully booked, but I did get in a full facial, which was lovely. H was very attentive, sweet and romantic and the sex was great too.

I do have a problem with hotels though, as that was where they usually met. The dining room with the waiting on staff: ďAnd for your wife?Ē OW would have loved that, I wanted to say how do you know Iím his wife, or something like that. But I didnít. I wasnít wearing my rings. I put on his shirt while making the tea Sunday morning. And she would have done too, I suppose. He sprayed his shirts with deodorant to mask her perfume. Watching the dawn lighten the room while lying in his arms. Those things that trigger us all. Just made me sad when previously I would have been content.

Wow fading, Mr FM has pulled out the stops and the dress sounds fabulous. And pink roses too. >>>sigh<<< A date to say goodbye to the old Mr & Mrs FM and step out with the fully committed Mr & Mrs FM.

SoL Ė OW gone from the workplace ĖHANG OUT THE FLAGS AND LETíS PARTY!!
I donít know what else to suggest on the intimacy front. It sounds like youíve done everything you can, but maybe a letter can point out exactly what you need to help you heal Ė and heal together. Intimacy does not mean sex every time, itís a closeness and a bond. You can talk about the sex thing, make notes or bullet points and say just how it makes you feel. Pretend you are talking on behalf of your very best friend.

FNF, you know you have the love and support from all of us for you and your sister. Itís a tough time for you watching her go through this but Iím sure she appreciates you just being there for her as she has been for you.

Many, many thanks for all your good wishes. I reckon Iíve made the right decision, just got to get on with it now. See you when Iím out the other side! (((((Tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, February 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UK,

I wanted to get here in time to wish you the best for tomorrow, but looks as though I might be too late.

I know everything eill go smoothly and that you will be very happy with the results. I'll be thinking of you and sending strength and good thoughts.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, February 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SoLost))), I am glad that you have some peace about OW and work. Every little bit helps.

I also am thinking of writing H a letter about our sex life. It has been 5 months now. I just cannot live ina marriage again without affection adn a physical relationship. And yet, when I try to talk about it I never can say things the way I want them to come out and he gets very defensive. So I am thinking of explaining it all to him. It hurts like hell that I have to ask my H who cheated on me to have sex with me but if I want the marriage to work, I need to do this one more time. Any thoughts?

I think affection and sex is as necessary as breathing. It makes a person feel secure and loved. That being said, I think that writting a letter is good... get your thoughts down and then go over what you've written. But I also think that perhaps stepping out of your comfort zone and plan a "little seduction" for Valentines!!! Time alone, a few candles, perhaps dinner, and then... !! It will be fun for you to plan.

I was in the mood last week and I knew we'd have some time alone, so I called my H on my way home from the gym and explained my plan. We skipped dinner and didn't miss it,


Fadingmemories, your dress sounds absolutely beautiful. You must take lots of pictures and then share a few with us.

After all the pain, he walked out of the fog and I did not close my heart

It's so hopeful to know that things can be good and even better. My FWH also came out of the fog a changed man and our love is strong now.


(((fnf))

I was thinking yesterday that of all the people in my life, my sister is the only one why has truly loved me unselfishly and completely

I am keeping you and your sister in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry, but don't give up hope.

(((((UKG))))), can't wait to hear how it went... you will be in my thoughts.

(((((LTA Tribe)))))

Lovin

[This message edited by lovinlife at 6:06 AM, February 10th (Tuesday)]


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, February 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best of luck today UKGirl!!!!! Sounds like a great weekend away!

But I also think that perhaps stepping out of your comfort zone and plan a "little seduction" for Valentines!!! Time alone, a few candles, perhaps dinner, and then... !! It will be fun for you to plan.

You know, after you re shot down adn your husband who had sex with the ow every weekend for 5 years and now hasn't approached you in 5 months....that's a very hard thing to do. The humiliation is way too great. Unfortunately it is simply not that easy anymore after every thing that has happened.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, February 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKG - just want to let you know I am thinking of you. Given the time difference you are most likely out of surgery. When you have a chance, let us know that you are okay.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, February 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKg... hope you are out of surgery and comfortable in Recovery by now. Sending good vibes across the ocean. Glad to hear about your spa wkend too.

...she no longer works at the same place as H and I!!!!!!!!
WOW SoLost! That is over the top wonderful news. I'm so Envious. I wish I could say OW was gone from FWH's workplace but in the meantime hope you allow me to share vicariously in your Facebook discovery. OW in my situation has Fbk but her profile's private so no access for me.

After all the pain, he walked out of the fog and I did not close my heart. Thank you all so much for being there. I'll share the details as I find them out!
FM! It's great to read a success story on SI. Your dress sounds lovely and the circumstances with the dress store is touching. You know we are all happy for {{{you & Mr.FM}}}.

lovinlfe... thanks for the wisdom. I am going to take those baby steps. I am!

FWH and I had a small fog-lifting breakthrough last night. Maybe it was the good vibes from my LTA tribe. I'm cautiously hopeful...

I may need a new motto. The words of FM's IC sound good: "There are no guarantees in life, today is what is important."


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, February 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The dress is a beautiful seafoam green with silver sparkles in the fabric, floor length with a jacket. It's quite elegant for me, my H says it will be beautiful with pink roses


It sounds just beautiful, Fading! Thank you for sharing. As for the dress shop owner... just wow.
<<happy>>

***
SoLost,

I also am thinking of writing H a letter about our sex life

Good idea. What outcome would you like from that? Like Shirley said, maybe add that you will like to discuss this withhim at XX date, with the view not to blame/shame, but to find possible solutions together. This will give him time to get his thoughts/feelings ordered.

And dont let the IC/MC shut you down. Your needs ARE important. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise!

she was GONE

Good riddance to bad rubbish!!!

***

My sister is the one I go to for this and she never fails me. As twins, we have this wonderful bond and I just can't imagine my life without her

(((((Fnf)))))))

Keep the faith, my friend. To know and appreciate such a relationship must be such an honour for both of you.
Back at you.

****

LostSuol,

FWH and I had a small fog-lifting breakthrough last night.

Woohoo. Every step forward should be celebrated.


***
Hey Lovin.

[This message edited by Lost Heart2 at 2:15 PM, February 10th (Tuesday)]


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, February 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello LH2,

How are things with you??

Good Luck ((((UKG))))

SoLost,


You know, after you re shot down adn your husband who had sex with the ow every weekend for 5 years and now hasn't approached you in 5 months....that's a very hard thing to do. The humiliation is way too great. Unfortunately it is simply not that easy anymore after every thing that has happened

I know that it isn't simple and it's hard... no doubt about it! I may be in a place now where everything is easy between us, but I too have stood where you are. You have no reason to be humiliated if he turns you down. It's obviously his problem and his disgrace.

Sometimes when we approach our FWS's in a way we never have and they are surprised, it makes it easier for them to go along. I don't know the details of your story, but he choose you and so he must care! I hope the letter writting helps him understand that if he cares about you, then he needs to show you... in all ways. I hope I haven't upset you because that wasn't my intention.

(((((lostsuol)))))
(((((weepy)))))
(((((hurtshirley)))))

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, February 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH2 - how are you doing?

Okkkk Shirley...you asked...(warning :TMI and not LTA related)

I am still not in a good place. There are a few things that occurred in the last few weeks that are just doing my head in, no matter how much I try to focus on the positive.

1. My childminder is having an EA with her first love. This woman is also trying to get pg with her H and is on some IVF treatment. She confessed to me 2 weeks ago (her H doesnt know). I told her the definite and the possible consequences. She knew this already, even said that she feels like she is cheating on her H ("you ARE cheating", I told her). Sigh. Stupid woman. Her H adores her.He is a good kind gentle man who treats her like a queen (her words)but he is not passionate and OTT like the first love. puke. I had to grip the steering wheel tightly to stop myself from slapping her.

2. My son had a go at me this weekend, in front of my parents. I am still so very hurt about some of the things he said. This is my boy, my firstborn...how can he say this stuff...like I never let him have fun; that no matter how well he does something, I will find a fault in it; that I look for ways to stop him from having anything good in his life.
And my parents and sister sitting there in judgement of me.

3. H and I saw Slumdog on Sat night. Thereafter we went out to supper and started to discuss the movie, and ended in an arguement. I think he is a f**king hypocrite and he thinks I am too blinkered. Harummph!

4. H's depression is just dragging him deeper and deeper. Yesterday he called me at work to say that he cant carry on, that he is blank, that he doesnt know what to do. But he refuses to seek help. Even refuses to ask for sick/compassionate leave 'cos of the stigma attached to any form of mental illness. huh?
He seems to hover between a quick temper and anger, and apathy. He is even displaying somatic signs. Classic symptoms of male depression..and I dont know to do..what I CAN do.

5. Finally, and possibly the underlying reason for my angst - I went for a GP checkup last week after my blood pressure showed up abnormally (and unusually) high the week before.
He is not happy with any of my symptoms (high BP, sudden weight gain,constant bleeding, lethargy, pain in my abdomen and fluid retention. (Also chuck in the lumps in my abdomen which have now grown quite large and tender) So he has referred me for tests and scans etc. He mentioned that due to my mum's overian cancer, he will check up that avenue, but is more inclined to think that theres something up with my kidneys.

Of course, me being me,( ) once I got over the shock, got straight onto google and now know more than I should. I have thus already diagnosed myself with 2-3 possible terminal diseases, got myself either dying soon or spending the rest of my life on dialysis or chemo, and the children being left alone. Me a drama queen..not.

I only told H the following day. At first he was a little comforting, saying we would deal with it in time, but everytime I bring it up, he brings up something thats wrong about him.

Take today for eg. I had to leave work early as I was feeling dizzy and disoriented and just spaced out. h was working from home, so i thought he would help out with the kids. Not.He just keeps sighing and saying how stressed he is and how tired he is. In fact after supper (which i cooked after I took DD for her GP appt), I announced that I am going to my room to rest. H tells the kids to let me rest and not to trouble and that he will sort everything out. Not 10 minutes later he comes up too and promptly slips into a nap. What about the kids? Clearing up the supper dishes? Sorting out homework? Bedtime?

And then I think what would happen to them if anything did happen to me? Who would look after them? What would he do? How would he/they cope?

Big sigh.
Thank you for your time.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


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