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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle,
OW3..I am so sorry.
Heres a suggestion:
How about you tell H that he needs to leave home; give him a timeframe of about 2 weeks(?). In that time, he is to reflect on his life and then write down every thing that he can think of which you should know. .
He then comes home after that and gives you that list. You can then question him on it...or not.
He is to put down names and numbers etc on a separate list, and you can decide later whether you want to know that info.

Trickle truth damages more than the WS can ever understand. Will he read on SI? the Healing Lib has some great articles for the WS.

Miracle,
You dont have to do this. YOU decide when enough is enough. You can decide to call the lawyers in today. But I think I would spend the rest of my life wondering what else happened in this M?

(((((Miracle)))))

***
Ukg,

it would appear that MOW has always been comfortable in her own skin and in herself

I am SO going to challenge this!!!

If the COW, I mean the MOW, was happy with herself, she would not have been grasping at the scraps that fell off the table; she would not have dreamt of taking YOUR place; she would not have allowed herself to be disrespected in such a way by a man. SHE would not have disrespected her self...if she had been comfortable in her own skin and self.
So .

Ukg,
Your op made better what was already good on the outside.
The hard work now is making your inside better.
Unfort there is no op or magic pill (trust me...I HAVE checked!! )for that. I doubt even a trip to some island would do that.
Its the painstaking and sometimes boring mundane work of unravelling all the misbeliefs we have about our selves and putting into place new improved beliefs.

What do you think?

***

Lovin,
You are a treasure.

****

Hi Ingrid.
It was thoughtful of you to share your insights.

Are you and your H in R? Do you consider his many ONSs a sin too? I am curious why after so many years that you are still together but still havent R'd? Please accept my apology if I read wrong, but your dday was about 18 years ago? Ouch.



LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
drowninginsorrow
♀ Member
Member # 4545
Red  Posted: 12:31 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this thread is for members who are personally dealing with this situation

if this isn't your personal experience then please stay off this thread

ingrid you have a pm


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ONS with OW3?? When and how did this come out? Have you started MC yet? This is where you should be having the “confession session”. The trickle truth is a killer. As far as I know, there was only one OW in our M, but it didn’t stop little bite size chunks of truth coming out. He was fearful that if he let me have it in one go, he’d be out of the door or I’d lose it completely (I had lost it, just didn’t realise it at the time). He also said that he had buried as much as possible. That when he was with MOW it was like reading a book – sometimes a few pages (walk in the park) other times a chapter (staying several days with her). But when he closed the book, it meant nothing because he was back in reality. So for him it did seem to be an escape and MOW openly adored him (puke).

Other than MC, get him to do a timeline. It won’t be complete, even when he thinks it is. There are simply too many years to cover and remember. I gave FHW one as a guide, giving dates of weddings, holidays, kids exams, special events, our court dealings, his diff employment dates and, as MOW even knew all the diff cars I’d had, the dates they were bought and sold. I gave him as much as possible while keeping out all significant dates about them I had found out about, including the first and last shag. And when I gave him a “last chance” to come clean word doc to do for me, he still had to admit afterwards to something that MOW’s BH had told me about. So. I ain’t never gonna get it all. I’m pissed off about that, but have finally accepted it. I don’t know why he had to minimise and lie so much, he had even minimised the relationship when they were engaged – initially he said she was an just on/off casual gf during high school for a couple of years – WTF was the point of that? In the end, I think it just became a jumble in his head that he would have erased like The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Like LostH said,it is your decision now. I think I’ve said this before, having watched some very close friends go through the utter destruction of family that D brings, I took some sound advice, sit tight and do nothing for at least 6mths. Go to counselling and talk. Keep a journal so that you can diarise those snippets and see when they don’t tally. Ask him why he thinks your m is worth working on.

LostH, MOW didn’t feel she was disrespecting herself or her M. She believed this was destiny and that they were meant to be reunited. He told her what she wanted to hear (that old cracked mirror syndrome again) and accepted that DS4 was my “gift” to him and he felt duty bound to stay until DS4 was older. What a great husband to do that for his poor wife!!! She obviously thought at the end of primary school was “old enough” and cranked up the anti to get him to leave me. She actually didn’t think she was getting crumbs, she thought she was getting the prime cuts. That’s why she went demented when he cut her off. But at least I never lost my dignity. Ah well.

YEESSS! to the clear scans and lets hope the doc has all the info he needs for any further suggestions. You can do without this sort of stress!!

[This message edited by UKgirl at 2:52 PM, February 24th (Tuesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WONDERFUL news LH! Although I know how frustrating it can be to not have an answer. But I am as pleased as can be for you that it is nothing major at this point. Let yourself be happy about that!

(((Miracle))) It is sooo hard at this point. So much coming out in little bit sand it is just torturous.

Had MC today. It was a bit ridiculous. We talked about a fight we had. How to communicate better. H felt like he was being attacked. Even though they had told me what I could have changed as well. He thinks b/c he was half asleep (in public mind you at a kid's activity) that he shouldn't be expected to communicate. At one point his IC turned to me and said "Listen, this is who you married. At some point you have to live with what that entails." I just said "Yup. " and then H said yup as well. I started crying then b/c it hit me. This is who I married. I may have made the biggest mistake of my life when I did that and I can never fix it. That just haunts me.

They also asked him what he wanted out of these sessions. They were feeling stuck b/c he even said when he got there that he didn't want to be there(b/c he was sick but whatever, I'm sick also adn not complaining). He had no answer whatsoever. Finally said communication. It was really frustrating.

In two weeks we each have a IC session and then at the end of the week a MC session. I'm started to wonder myself if he is even capable of going any further. I married who I married and now I have to deal with it.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((LH2))))))

Just dropping in to say that I'm thankful everything turned out well!!!

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH2 so happy the scans are normal!!


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years  Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i had another developement, i spoke to ow #1 and ow #3 yesterday....#3 seems to be a stupid tramp....won't go into her story but #1 was even more stupid then my husband.....i told her i needed her to answer some questions...when she started to lie...i pointed out that i could just go to her husband and let him get the answers...she changed her story umteen times....she didn't get IT...so after going back and forth over the phone i gave her til friday and then i tell her husband who knows nothing....and i really hate to do this because it will devastate him and i don't want that on my conscience...one of us in this marriage has one...lol...any advice on how to break it to him...he will be at work.....

remember this affair has been going on for 30 years, 25 of them physical....


and on the front i cannt have him leave the house for 2 weeks...i have 3 teenagers and icannot mess them up.....they are at that age where trouble is everywhere and until they are settled this will be a marriage in name only....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks again Tribe for the good wishes. I am feeling pretty upbeat myself!
Amazing how we can take good health for granted, huh?

On the topic, I want to give out a friendly reminder about making sure you get your smears and tests uptodate.

***
Ukg,
That woman was demented. You know that. So please let her go.
Heres a challenge for you:
How about you consciously NOT think about her for a week? Every time she pops into your head, boot her out and fill that space with good healing thoughts.
So now that the surgery done, whats next on your todo list for 2009??

***
Miracle,
There is no easy way to let the BS know.
And you are NOT responsible for hurting his family...his wife is.
I would suggest you call him and say that you have something pretty serious to talk about and when/how can you do this? After work? At the weekend?
He is prob in the dark as well so wouldnt have any answers for you.
I think she will get back to you...do you know if she and your H are in contact? After dday, H and OW#2 spent some time trying to get their stories straight.
And remember above all, Miracle, this woman, like your H, is a liar and a cheat. Everything that comes out of her gob has to be taken with a vat of salt!

All the best.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Ukg.
I just saw your thread.
I am so so sorry you are going through the blues, Sweetie.

((((((((UKG))))))))))

***

SoLost,

Listen, this is who you married. At some point you have to live with what that entails

Yeah, I get that from my IC as well.
BUT everyone is capable of change...if they want to. Some things we cant change, fair enough, but other less desirable traits...surely we can work on them for our own sakes and for the ones we love??!!

SoL, after a few months of MC, we both ended up in a really bad place. All we could see was the negativity in each other and how if the other could only change XY, then the M will be better.

So we both decided to quit MC and I went into IC. I decided to change myself for me, and to stop looking at him to change. I remember a post where BT said that if I take these steps, that it might encourage H to do so too. However, even if he didnt, I would still be better off.
She likened it to being a lighthouse in the couple.
I stopped trying to fix H, turned my spotlight inward, and grew more confident. Sure enough, a few "challenging" months later, H said that he wanted to go into IC too. He decided to take responsibility for himself and thats where we both are.

Do you think that this could work for you two too? Nobody would like to be shown every week what a f**kup they are. They know it already. It sounds like your H feels ganged up against, and any steps might be counterproductive. What do you think?


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you hit the nail on the head LH2! In two weeks we both have IC and then at the end of the week MC. We'll see how that goes and probably talk about what to do from here.

The crazy ow is at it again. H thinks, not positive, that she was at his karate studio last night. He had his glasses off and was in the back and swears he saw her sitting in the chairs watching him. He kept looking to see if kids walked up to her or something but no. By the end of that class he went in the other room adn when he came out she was gone. No note on the car or anything.

We discussed at length what he would say if she approaches him. Also discussed restraining order if it keeps going.

I never in a million years imagined she would keep at it this far after. She just passed her nursing boards so I suspect she thinks he would want to know. She is deranged. Atleast he is seeing it now.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just dropping in quickly before I shut down for the night. I’ve had an exceptionally bad day and been posting over in Gen. Thanks LostH, just a really, really shit awful day.

Miracle, LostH is right. And there is no easy way to tell the BS. I got great help with a letter to my MOW’s BH. I’ll pm you the details when I’ve rooted it out, which might be tomorrow now. It hit the right balance, I think. Since she’s hell bent on lying, I’d get it out asap before she gets her story sorted for her BH. And then if they know you two are in contact, they will know there is less room for wriggling and lying. If the stories don’t match, one of them is lying to save their ass. But that’s what they’ve been doing all their M’d lives, so don’t expect anything else.

I had the same problem with keeping it from the kids. The night I found out FWH was still texting and talking to MOW on the phone, I went apeshit down the phone at him. He was in Europe. I spent all evening and night on the phone to bfs 1 & 2. DS2 was witness to my strangulated voice through a closed door. I had to take him back to uni the next day. I just said we were having a tough time, but it would be alright. He kept asking if I was ok. Actually they all did from time to time. How could they not notice their mother was falling apart? Mine were 21, 20, 18 and 11, so past the teenage angst bit, but still at home and knowing where their loyalties would lie. I didn’t want them to lose all respect and look at H with nothing but contempt. That would hurt me too. So unless we were going down the D route, I saw no reason to tell them.

Listen, this is who you married. At some point you have to live with what that entails

Same from my MC. Essentially asking if I loved him enough. And if he was willing to change so he could earn that love again. And accept that his infidelity will be a part of our history.

And they are slightly mad. Why would they have hung around for so long for so little otherwise? Hanging on to a fantasy and, in my case, the past.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally found your post in general...looked in rec and then had to go out and came bck to look in general. Anyway, you sound way btter. I really think you will be thrilled that you did this.

And they are slightly mad. Why would they have hung around for so long for so little otherwise? Hanging on to a fantasy and, in my case, the past.

Yeah, I'm realizing this. It seems so creepy to me though. he hasn't seen or spoken to her in well over a year. And has not responded to her messages or fishing. So you woudl htink you would let it go. I don't truly think Hreally even gets how wacked she is. I suspect he subconsciously likes that she is still in love iwth him.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle, might be easier to post the letter here, then others can have an input. It could be useful to do it just keep it to one side until or (if ever) you are ready to send. I did the first version after OW doorstepped me 3mths after dday. I sent the final draft 17mths after dday. It went from a 3 page tearful rant to this.

Do you know the OW’s? I mean are they in your circle or did you get the info somehow? Sounds like OW1 is into protecting her back mode, saying anything to wriggle. Do you know her husband and where they live?

December 2007
Dear BH,
This has been an extraordinarily difficult letter to write. It is to tell you about an affair between your wife, OW, and my husband, WH, that you may or may not know about. It lasted for five years and is over.

It began with an email WH sent on 11th September 2001 after seeing OW’s name on Friends Reunited. (You may be aware that they had been romantically involved for about four years from sixth form to second year at university and had been engaged.) They met a few times and their physical intimacy began in October after WH had invited her over for dinner at his hotel. It finished when he told me on the night of 29th July 2006. The last time they were together was on the night of 26th/27th June 2006. After WH confessed to me, he and OW still continued contact by phone and text until 9th October when I asked him to stop, which he did. OW bombarded WH with texts and voicemails and eventually turned up at our house on Sunday 12th November. Communication ceased soon after. However, I contacted her over Easter this year because I knew she could give me information WH was evasive about. Eventually, OW and I met up on 27th July to discuss everything and to try and have some sort of closure.

Why am I telling you now, 17 months later? Because there have been no more revelations for me since last August. This time has allowed me to analyse what has happened to me, to WH and to my marriage and to deal with things in a calmer light. Previously, I was unable to cope with the thought of any possible fall out from you, or her, or your family. I write because I know that if our roles were reversed, I would feel doubly betrayed if you kept the knowledge of infidelity from me and allowed me to continue living with such a deceit.

If you were not already aware of this affair, I realise that this knowledge will come as a shock and I am truly sorry for any grief and heartache that this may cause you. This is not a letter based on revenge or spite, but a need to bring in the last member of this quartet. I have a sense of empathy with you as the other aggrieved party. If you have any questions for me, my mobile is below.

UKg
xxxxx xxx xxx

SoL, thanks for reading my panic post. So many of us have had elective surgery, and been very happy with the results. I just need to be patient. It’s done now, so that’s that.

FWH is taking me out for a bit. He says I need fresh air and a walk. Mornings are the worst.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

uk thnks so much.....no i do not know ow#1...apparently my WH tells me that imet her shortly after we got engaged...he husband was playing in a band...and we went to them...imagine that...the o3#1 and my WH having enough balls to put us all together......they made such an impression i do not remember them AT ALL!!!! god how i wish i did!!!!! i have the husbands work #, and that where i will call him, they have a son with the same name as the dad and i do not want to call the house......and yes i know where they live, i googled the address and was able to see the house....the internet is a huge source of info......between the bits(and i mean bits) of inof from wh and the web i've been able to connect many more dots than i ever dreamed possible......

tonite we have ic.with the mc...ought to be interesting, he was away and does not know the duration of #1, nor does he know about #3, who by the way i believe was somewhat more that a ons....and he does not know that i think i'm done

i also had chit chat with wh last nite and told him that if he kept up with the constant instance that he's told me ALL (if only had dollar for every profession of truth) and stayed in my face that i have to constantly ask my kids if they heard anything that i would ask him to leave.....in 10 weeks my life is completely destroyed.....the betrayal was bad enough but all the lies that still follow jusst make is so much worse.......

i couldn't even go get my ashes with my kids yesterday....i would turn into a basket case in church, and i would faced with so many questions from people i know.


thank you all for all your support...and i'm so sorry that i am so wrapped up in my life that i have been unable to do the same for you....i'm working on it though


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not a basket case, Miracle. We know what you are going through and you are not falling off the edge. You are doing just fine under the circumstances. I too met the OW when H and I were dating. We were in a pub with H’s parents and she and her bf/fiance turned up. She came over to the table to say hello and I bristled immediately. I must have known she was potential trouble even then. Don’t worry about not being seen out and about. It’s none of anyone else’s business and you need to take care of you right now. God will understand and He will wait.

One bit of advice for MC tonight. Lead and let your H do the talking. If he’s encouraged in the right way, he’ll spill a whole lot more and you may have some insight. Watch his body language too. Use phrases like “Oh really, why do you say that?” and “how did that make you feel?”, Remember the questioning words: who, what, why, when, where and how. Do NOT necessarily expect the truth, that’s why you should keep a diary to help you remember what he says and when. FWH was lying, lying by omission and “forgetting” for bloody months and months in MC. In the end, I saw MC on my own, taking my laptop and a whole load of docs. She finally started to nail him.

But, he was remorseful. He didn’t want to face what he had done, putting off what he thought was the inevitable consequences which was me D’ing him. So he lied to save his life as it was, to stay in the M for as long as possible before I saw through him and chucked in the towel. Fact was, I loved him and wanted to work on the M. FWH didn’t quite believe it.

Hugs hon.

BTW, 10wks out, I discovered he was still texting and talking to her ....

[This message edited by UKgirl at 12:54 PM, February 26th (Thursday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Tribe!!!

Sorry I have been AWOL. The kids had school vacation last week, we went skiing and I didn't take my laptop. Talk about progress!! Last year I was glued to SI most of the ski week and you guys were trying to keep me from losing my mind. Yes, I guess "time" is helping.

UKG - congrats on the surgery. I am sooooo jealous. I have always been a C cup but I can basically tuck them into my jeans after breastfeeding the 3DDs (the last one I had when I was 40!!). I can understand some of your concerns about how everything looks but I am sure once all the swelling goes down and everything settles you will be one even hotter mama. I think it is great that your H has been so helpful. He is probably worried sick that you will be chased around by hot young things!!!!

((((iwantamiracle)))) believe me the trickle truth is deadly!! I found out about LTA#1 and then LTA#2 over a few days of confession. We then both started IC and MC and were progressing so well when the real bomb hit. We had a very deep discussion about lying by ommission and how that is just as much of a deal breaker. I told him if I ever catch him in another lie it was over. Well, that is when I found out about all "the others" - the ONSs, the Pros, the few times with coworkers...

So here I am 18 months after that trickle truth bomb and I swear to god it would have been better if he had confessed it all at once. Why? Because he looked at me in my extreme pain for MONTHS and was able to keep lying to me to save his sorry ass. So I now will never be able to trust him - ever. I do know that his actions now are worlds away from when he was "active". But, I know what he is capable of doing, boxing up and lying about.

You are getting great advice hear. Listen to these wise souls and know that what you are going through is completely normal. In fact, we have all been through it.

I need to catch up just want to say "hi" to everyone.

BTW, LostH2....you are such amazing support for everyone here. You are always there...no going AWOL, no lurking, just front and center with advice and comfort. Great news about the scans.

SoLost - your OW really is a stalker bunny boiler harpy isn't she. Just try to take solace in the fact that being ignored is probably driving her absolutely nuts!

FNF, have we heard from you? How is your sister doing?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoLost - your OW really is a stalker bunny boiler harpy isn't she. Just try to take solace in the fact that being ignored is probably driving her absolutely nuts!

That gave me a much needed laugh!!! I am thrilled you had a great ski trip and it felt so different than last year! Sometimes progress is hard to measure until we realize things like that.

H and I both worked today. He actually called and asked to come meet me for lunch. I think everyone else disappeared on him, but whatever. He came and ate with my friends. It was good. He talked and was fun and interesting.

After lunch he starts telling me about ow. He is sooo not subtle. I managed to get him away from everyone. He asked a girl at his meeting who is friends with her if she had heard from her. She said, yeah, as a matter of fact I did. So then H tells her about how he thinks he saw her at karate 2 nights ago watching him and he got this email from her and she just won't stop.

The 'friend' says she got a text from her saying she had a funny story for her and called ow. She said she was killing time and stopped in at karate. 'Friend' says she told her to write my H a letter so that she could get closier b/c she felt like she was still so hung up on him. 'Friend' said ow dated someone and broke it off b/c she is still in love with my H.

H basically told her ow is out there and crazy.

We will talk more about it tonight. I am thinking of emailing her.

"I wasn't going to respond to your pathetic email attempt at attention but it seems that you just cannot get the hint. H does NOT want you. He does not want you to call or email or show up and gawk at him like some psycho. He has made it very clear to me that he loves me and wants to be with me. Move on with your life. You are not wanted. If you continue to try to contact us we will have no choice but to issue a restraining order. And btw, 'our friend the teacher' knows all about everything and was disgusted to find out who you are.

Signed H's wife."

Pointless?? Keep up no contact or make it ridiculously clear that no contact is wanted. She kept NC for quite a while and then just started showing up again. It is really messing with me. But I don't want her to know that.

OK, edited to make it slightly readable with all my errors. lol

[This message edited by So Lost at 5:16 PM, February 26th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep up no contact or make it ridiculously clear that no contact is wanted.

NO CONTACT! NO CONTACT! NO CONTACT!

NO contact is achieving everything you could possible want (short of her spontaneously combusting)! She is going bat shit crazy being ignored so she is doing crazier and crazier stuff. This is showing your H just how fucking nuts she is to the point he is making fun of her. She is publicly humiliating herself. PLEASE DO NOT GIVE HER THE SATISFACTION of letting her know that you care an iota. She is dog poo on your shoe...time to change shoes.

(My only caveat to this is if she gets dangerous and then NC still - have a lawyer send a NC letter with the threat of RO).


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is going bat shit crazy being ignored so she is doing crazier and crazier stuff

I never thought of it that way!


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:18 AM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Shirley.
Whoohoo on the holiday trip!!! Well done you. Seems like a small step but we know its HUGE!

****

SoLost,
You know what concerns me? That this "friend" will pass on the message to OW that H has been asking about her...what an ego boost.

Like Shirley said, NC is NC.
H needs to stop asking about her..period.
She is going batshitcrazy( ),let her sling her own noose.

A thought...since home life is so stressful, why dont you and H plan once weekly lunches together, just chilling and chatting. Nothing about OW or LTAs or IC/MCs..just 2 friends hanging out?

****

Ukg, hope you are feeling better.

Shirley, Fnf was recently asking about you too!
She is fine, just spending time with the family.

****
Anyone hear from BT?

****

Have a good day, Tribe.
*********TGIF!!!**********


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


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