Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Lost1960 (43229)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saw this poem and thought of the Tribe.:)


Warrior Woman

This woman has been kind, gentle,
and has much love,
All of this has been given with
the blessing of the Great Spirit above,
But Great Spirit gave her something
else and she didn't know it...
The Great Spirit gave her
the blessing of being a warrior woman
as now her light is lit!

This warrior woman has come
fully alive today,
She is no longer anyone's slave or prey,
She is taking back her life today,
And those who know who she truly is,
can stay.
No longer will she live the lives of others,
She will give back the blames and responsibilities of others
where it belongs,
For she also has the bear and wolf inside her,
which is now so very powerful
and uniquely strong.


The warrior woman now knows what road she must follow,
For others it will be to hard to swallow.
Her life was taken from her unknowingly many years ago,
And this warrior woman is taking back her life before the next winds blow.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lh2

i LOVE LOVE LOVE this poem

bless you.........

have much to say, i'll give an update later after i tell u know who


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't post often, but have gained such strength from each of you!

Just want to share our latest development. After 6 months of NC (except cordial contact in unavoidable social situations)MOW called H yesterday. She had sent 2 letters to his office address and called to find out why he had not responded (he does not get mail at his office - it goes into a black hole). She wanted to talk things out in order to have closure. He told her that he was only talking about it to me - that she would have to find her own closure. He said she immediately flipped her personality switch and called him every name in the book (that of course included all kinds of character traits that one must also apply to her under the circumstances). She told him that we were dead to her and if she saw us out and about town she would ignore us.

He came right to my office to share this information with me and said, while it was trying for him in the moment, after it was over, he felt freed somehow.

We went out and celebrated this milestone! Life is good!


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She wanted to talk things out in order to have closure.

How fucking stupid do these OW think we are. Do they have their own website where they come up with lame-ass excuses to contact XWHs? I wonder if they realize how desperate they look.

He said she immediately flipped her personality switch and called him every name in the book (that of course included all kinds of character traits that one must also apply to her under the circumstances). She told him that we were dead to her and if she saw us out and about town she would ignore us.

Oh yea, that's real effective also!!

He came right to my office to share this information with me and said, while it was trying for him in the moment, after it was over, he felt freed somehow.

We went out and celebrated this milestone! Life is good!

Yea for Mr. Kalamity! Meanwhile OW is off trying to find a bunny to boil!


ETA: LH2....love the poem. I definitely have wolf and bear in me now!

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 11:32 AM, February 27th (Friday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kalamity, that must be such a relief for you!! He did a great job!!!

SoLost,
You know what concerns me? That this "friend" will pass on the message to OW that H has been asking about her...what an ego boost.

I thought about that as well. I am glad he asked though, b/c neither of us was totally sure it was her. I think he would have morphed it in his brain that it was not her and moved on. This 'friend' I guess agrees she is out there and all, but did tell her to write a letter for ehr own closure. Clearly no thought sof my H or I in that advise. H told her I said don't give any more advise like that. He went right back and told 'friend' that he had told me. I am hoping she passes it on that he went and had lunch with me and told me about it and that I saw the email. i think all that will get passed as well. He never asked how she was doing or anything.

This whole thing is just crazy. I told him last night how pissed I am that he let her in to this family.

We still haven't talked about sex much. I think that is making me immensely insecure. At dinner on Sat night he was sick so I said something along the lines of, "I guess I won't ever be having sex again.". He brought up the time he tried but quickly agreed that it was lame and he understood why I said no. Said something about we need to make plans this week then and start having times set up. I nodded but never said anything. Of course, I got my period and got sick this week, so that never happened. I plan to bring it up when I feel better though b/c it is a big part of MY recovery.

LOVE the poem!!!!!!!


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what a 24hours.... first went to mc...which actually was ic for each of us...the counselor paid me such a compliment...he said i was a remarkable woman who handled this whole situation with dignity and that i was an amazingly strong person, especially given the overwhelming amount of information and layers upon layers...that made me feel so good.....i then asked him about telling the ow husband and when i asked him if he would want to know especially since std's may be an issue...he said absolutely yes....part 2...i called her husband today...the hardest thing...he was amazingly sweet and a genuinely nice man i kept apologizing, and he said apologies were not necessary, that he was grateful for the info and that we were both victims......his wife of course lied, he called me back and i gave him more info...then she called my house and left a message on the machine for me to call her so that she can give me a message for my husband...this woman is so stupid...she called me 7 times to tell me that she did not have any sex with my husband, meanwhile on tues she admitted to sex...after changing her story umteen times....after i define what sex was she admitted to giving him a blow job and then admitted to intercourse but only once, years and years ago...today she says she was never intimate with my husband ever...that was the first of the seven calls....she even offered to come and see me and talk to me next week...why would i want to see her, she is such a wealth of lies...... and i don't know, call me crazy but when she deceided to put my husbands penis in her mouth, i don't know is that intimate????...or having intercouse with my husband...is that intimate??? this poor man, i felt terrible when i had to tell him of the places i knew of...which included his home.....i told him he could call me anytime he needed to.....i think this ow is going to lie just as much if not more than my own wh..i also told the man that he needed to be tested for std's since i now know of a skank and will no longer assume that there aren't more skanks...


kalamity....your post was so inspiring...he did good.....i did not have a chance to read your profile but you wh lta was almost as long as my wh.....there aren't that many of us from what i've seen...although everyone says i'm still a newbie.....10 weeks today and i'm still learning new info every day......


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, February 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Kalamity.
You both sound like you are on the right path.
Thank you for sharing.

***
SoL,
I hope that OW gets the msg and moves on already! Her lurking around in the shadows casts such a pall on your R.

***
Miracle,
You are an amazingly strong woman! Good on your IC for pointing that out.

I wouldnt suggest meeting OW - she will be spewing toxins as she tries to back peddal into her M.
As for her H - word of caution. You are NOT his healer. You are NOT there to save him. You did your duty and whilst you can share info with each other, I would suggest that getting too involved would not be helpful for your own healing. How did your H respond to this development?

***
My Update:
Good:
Had my checkup at the GP and we agree that the best option now is to remove the Mirena. He said that he had had some patients come in with similar symptoms which improved/disappeared after Mirena was removed.So next Friday.
H didnt come with. He forgot and only remembered as I was leaving. But he did give me a hug and wish me well.

Bad:
H has invited MIL to come over. We have a long bad history. He did not even ask me if this was ok with me. The last time she visited, he hardly spent time with her cos he was chasing his slut. She blamed me as she said that he was so attentive to her before he married me; that he changed after.That was the nicest thing she said that visit.

I will not be disrespected in my house anymore. I am not that dutiful, obedient, naive stupid easytoplease DIL anymore. This is the woman who said that my baby dying was my fault; that I MUST have done something bad for that to happen. There are so much of ill feelings between us.She has never forgiven me for marrying her precious son against her will. Sigh.

***

Hey Shirley!
How are you doing?

***

Glad you guys like the poem. If you want more inspirational words, check out
http://www.sapphyr.net/


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, February 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lh2....reading your post i was floored....your mil has the sensitivity of a slug.....i am so sorry.....i do not know your whole story your profile was short and your reference to your child completely blew me away......
((((((lostheart2))))))

and thank you as always for your words.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, February 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, LH ((((hugs)))) I remember you talking baout the mil before. She sounds like a complete witch! Could you go on a girls trip away to a spa or soemthing during her visit under the thought that you want H and his mo to have time together??

I am sick. Snotty, gross sick. Blech. H has been good. Taking kids places and getting them ready for school and feeding them dinner and such. I really like the man I married if I could just forget about all the horrible crap he did in the past. Maybe I could hit my head and it woudl all go away. Wait, that onyl happens in the Flintstones.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, February 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Shirley, hope you had a great time on your vacation! You’re sounding better than ever. I’m healing slowly but surely. Not much I can do now that I’ve taken the plunge other than wait. It’s not even three weeks, I thought I was going to fast forward like in the makeover programmes. All bandaged, bruised and in agony one day and then the big smiles, flashy boobs, new hair and evening dress final reveal the next!
*****
SoL – oops! I don’t think your H should show the slightest interest in OW, how she is, where she is, who she’s with, whether or not she is even alive. He should take the view that she has been erased from his life. He is not interested. At all. And if the word does get back that he got into a conversation about her, that little fluttering of curiosity will fan the flames of thinking she could be important to him again. That maybe she should go back and check him out at the karate club again. Innocently – just killing time. And that has and will make his ego swell and …. What I’m saying SoL, is yellow warning flag.

As to sex – it’s just the icing on the cake. There is nothing stopping you having intimacy which doesn’t involve sexual arousal. In fact, the sex bit can be basic and tedious (as I recall from the A days, tsk) and lying together just skin on skin can mean so much more. I love just lounging around in bed, lying together and watching the clouds scurry by. We’re not nightwear people and physical touch is just as important to our relationship as sex. We only have sofas, not chairs. That way we still share the same space and he’ll often have his arm around me as we’re watching tv or reading the paper. If the sex isn’t planned, then just have time being intimate in other ways. A massage is always nice too. Although, having said that, I deliberately haven’t given my H a massage in a very, very long time. That was another intimacy we shared. It was just something I did for him and it made me so mad to think that most of his physical problems were due to his affair and I bet mostly straight after he’d spent some time with her. His bad back, skin problems, headaches, eye infections, even his dandruff – all stress. And there was the little reliable saintly me trying to make it better, often congratulating myself when he fell asleep under my hands. Fucking fuckwit. Geez. I’m in danger of going off on one here, so I’ll shut up now.
*****
Kalamity – Closure. Hmm, that word was bandied about in the early days of FWH and MOW breaking up. He said now I knew, this was closure. She said he had embraced his closure but she couldn’t accept it. She said in order to have closure, she needed to see him face to face and for him to tell her he didn’t love her anymore, he was back with me and it was over. She and I eventually met for her to have closure. I think she romanticised her closure to be some sort of final farewell at some expensive hotel where they would have a wonderful dinner, share a bottle of their favourite wine, have meaningful sex and shed a few tears kissing and saying goodbye in the car park in the morning. Closure for me would be locking her in a trunk and tipping her overboard to the bottom of the deepest, darkest ocean.

And yes, when he suddenly went silent and NC, her texts and calls veered between “poor me, I’m all alone” and “you are a fucking bastard and I hate you” sort.

But ignoring is the best policy. Or curt and off hand treatment if you have to work with them.
*****
Miracle – you are doing everything right, and that is helping you feel strong. There is a lot of help and guidance on this site and, boy, do I wish I had found it in those early days! All the crap and texting and trickle truth and trying to do everything by myself without a book of instructions. You are way ahead of me at this stage. Take no notice of that trollop, she continues to lie to save her own ass and you owe her NOTHING. She has been exposed and she doesn’t like it. The fact is she did have an affair with your H, however she tries to dress it up. WTF did she expect once it was discovered, for you to be all sweetie pie about it? You are further ahead than MOW’s BH and he may want to stay in contact with you until he feels he has all the information he needs. But that is all you are there for – to help him sort fact from fiction. Well done on that score, hon. It’s a hard call, but once you’ve done it, you know it was the right thing to do.
*****
Strong poem, LostH. Sounds native-American. We have to know that we can stand on our own two feet and we are not responsible for the actions and choices of others.

So what are you going to do instead of the Mirena? Is there another long term option for you? I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better once it’s out though and your hormones have sorted themselves out. And when your MIL comes, can you have some reason to be out of the house from time to time? How long’s she coming for this time? Be quietly self assured and leave the room if she gets to you. Mentally put up glass walls against her toxic rhetoric, refuse to engage in negative conversations and draw on the well of inner strength you know you have. You are Warrior Woman – remember that!

[This message edited by UKgirl at 9:02 AM, February 28th (Saturday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, March 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were watching “The Savages” last night (me trying to ignore Laura Linney’s character having an A with MM). There was a scene where the two main characters were joining a dementia support group and being invited in by the counsellor. H said “She’s familiar”. I shot him a look b/c I thought the same thing. Of course the counsellor was “familiar”. She looked like MOW. She was even wearing a boring MOW type outfit. I think H realised it as he said it. Although MOW is heavier and her hair isn’t so nice. And of course I obsessed about it, looked it up on IMBd and found a colour photo that looks like MOW’s prettier sister. UGH.

Just had to get that out.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKG - the she seems familiar comment...

Just had to post before we went to page 2! I hope the fact that everyone is quiet is good news.

We got 10 inches of new snow overnight/this morning so no school today. Normally, that would mean having "I'm bored" kids at home but they are all farmed out at friends houses making messes there. I made a big pot of stew and had a long hot shower. Thought I would check in and then go curl up with a book.

Hope all of you are well.
((((LTA))))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

some days are rollercoasters onto themselves......it sometimes seems like it changes by the minute....i had lots of anger issues today......the things i am wishing on my wh are truly evil.....

we also got socked with snow....having all the kids home when i am raging is so NOT cool.......i was also supposed to go the dr...that was cancelled.....i am so tired......i don't want to do this anymore, whatever the this is.......

question....why are there sometimes several d-days listed....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
jewel123
♀ Member
Member # 22863
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the first Dday was when I found out my WH was having an affair. Each Dday I listed after is when he had sex with OW again....


BS me 44
H 46 (paulie)
married 25 years (hs sweethearts)
dday 8-08
DS19
DS23
New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived love is the tenderest thing known on earth. -Thomas Hardy
Reconciled! :)

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: MO
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Tribe
I've been off on a business trip---glad to be home even though we have a new foot of snow. Just caught up.
HS happy you seem to be doing well. What state do you ski in?
Miracle kudos to you! You have admirable strength.

SL I agree with finding intimacy somehow with your H. The sex is the animal urge and can be satisfied with or without your H
The intimacy is something that you share by choice...that is such a speciial gift for him and you. My FWH and I always had sex but I don't think we were ever truly intimate until the discovery of his LTA and the realization that we were going to lose everything. Now, after true intimacy I prefer it over anything else.........even pizza
Welcome Kalamity, you've found a great group


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years  Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in General but would really appreciate your feedback as well

Last night I found out that my BIL (H's brother) is having an affair. I know I am incredibly sensitive but I would really like to know what I should do. My SIL and I have been friends for many years. The 4 of us took many vacatons together, enjoyed holidays and spoke often. My SIL has always been a heavy drinker and really stopped taking care of herself several years ago. We have been concerned and offered to help many times but were never taken up on the offer. During the summer in a heart to heart with my BIL he informed us he had moved out in hopes to get his point across that she needed to get help. He said he would come home when she did. She has not... My BIL also told me how proud he was that he never stooped so low as to have an affair ( My H had told him about his)and that his wife was the center of his world. My SIL thinks they are in a waiting game and they are very cordial to each other. Last night I found out that my BIL has moved in with a woman that I went to school with and has been living with her for three months now. My SIL is going to be shattered...she has no clue.
Do I talk to my BIL? Do I talk to my SIL? Do I just sit quietly and watch this disaster and help pick up the pieces later? My H does not want to talk to anyone, says it will be taken like "the pot calling the kettle black" He has a point. I understand that my BIL may want to move on from his unhealthy wife BUT finish it first!! I don't want him to cheat like this and trash everyone...including himself!
I'd appreciate any suggestions.


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years  Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all.

Just wanted to quickly pop in.

I've got some big dates tomorrow & the following day. Tomorrow was the last day WH & OW#2 had sex (to my knowledge). It is also DS#1's 4th birthday. The worst part of the day is that I remember exactly what we did that day...Well, I went to work, talked to WH numerous times during the day to plan the evening. Came home & met OW#2 leaving the house....we later all went out to make DS a Build-A-Bear that she purchased, then out to dinner. OW#2 had taken her own vehicle- on the way home DS#1 & the baby, DS#2 were laughing back of forth and it was very memorable, very enjoyable for WH & I. We all got home & played some music before putting the kids to bed. OW#2 then had to go to work for an overnight shift.

Of course, I didn't know about the sex they had had earlier that day...nor, the pictures that took of their sexual adventures until the following morning, 3/4/08. I woke up, got ready for work like any other day. Went downstairs and sat on OW#2's bed to put my shoes on. Noticed her new camera on the nightstand and turned it on to check out if she'd been taking any good pictures lately. This is when I saw the 5 pictures of their sexual encounter the previous day. This is the moment my world crashed down to my feet. It makes me anxious to type this out....I haven't thought about it too much yet. We have MC tomorrow, I have IC on Wednesday.

I wish so many things were different- wish I had handled things much differently, so much has changed, so much has yet to change.

I'll check back in tomorrow evening.

((HUGS))


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to mention that I have 2 D-days as well.


D-day #1 was the day I discovered the pictures- first knowledge of the A

D=day #2 was when OW#2 informed me of the "whole" truth- the true time frame, and I learned of OW#1.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, March 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if i actually listed every d-day, i would need alot of room, between the lta's and the ons....because of trickle truth...its all still coming...and has been ever since "d-day" maybe we shouls rename it to d-"time" and my time would be from 12/19 to present day....i went from its just an ea with ow #1 to phone sex with ow#2, to f--king ow #2 just a couple of times....to a super duper lta with ow #2(of course 12 yers came out over approximately 12 days of trickling), then we came back to ow#1 and sex with her in 99, which supposedly ended, then it didn't end..end, its just had some "down time", to f--king her before he even met me, and of course this trickling took place over and even longer period of time and it included his declaration of love(for her), breaking nc, constant lying, then we come to ow#3, her story is still coming since last week....and of course we have not gone a full day without lying, denying, minimizing, backtracking, some gaslighting, and some good old fashioned i'm gonna get in your face because i want you to believe me......

yep i think we need to rename d-day....because it just doesn't take place in one day.....if only it did...although in my case i don't think there are enough hours in a day to cover all of his indescretions.....oh i forgot to mention, i also found out that he was hiding BIG BIG money from me with his parents (truly evil people)and even more money because he started loan-sharking...and that is where ow#3 comes from...he even gave her a break on how much she has to pay back because she gave great head.......and that took place supposedly only once, he claims he tried for more, she didn't show, of course i still don't believe all this yet and this ons took place 3 days prior to discovery day....even though it wan't her discovery day til last week.....how to keep it all straight......


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning Tribe. I’m still in this odd place, getting over and trying to accept what I’ve done, telling myself it will be an improvement whatever the outcome. FWH says I am not seeing myself as he sees me and that the surgeon did a great job and that I’m expecting too much too soon. I’m still in that state of “why did I do it” flux.

FM, I replied to your post in Gen. A difficult situation for you and I don’t think there is an answer that will give the hoped for outcome.

Miracle, ddays are all to do with major revelations. I had one huge tsunami wave hit, followed by numerous trickle truths. If I found out about another OW or that we were in false R, that would be another dday for me. Did you find out anything new in MC? What was your H’s body language telling you? Did he seem truly remorseful? How was it for him? I have only had odd moments of fury. Sadly, FWH has said he would feel better if I had attacked him, slapped him, kicked, punched and shoved him. He said he deserved it. I think MOW used to rant and I think she slapped him a couple of times. That’s not me. I turn the anger in on myself and that is not healthy. I think it’s one of the things that kept me back for so long and what drags me down into the pit again. I should get angry – I just don’t know how to.

As to stashing money, I listened to the advice of a friend of mine and started an “escape fund”. Something that would keep me going for a few months. I didn’t really need to, H doesn’t even know the log on details of any accounts, he knows I could whip all the money out whenever I choose and he would be none the wiser until he got his cards refused. But the “fund” is still there.

Stay with it hon, you are doing really well.

WN28. Horrible time for you. No words, just big hugs. ((((((((((Whatnow28))))))))))

I’m going to try and book a couple of days break for the Xmas present my parents got for us. It means staying in a hotel. I fucking hate hotels. And this one is just down the road from one of the many Holiday Inns they frequented. Once it's done, I'll try and stop tiggering and just get on with the day.

Hope everyone else has a good day.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.