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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thoase letters represented what i always believed was a truly magical time for he and i.....no he needs to see what he had, and what he's done...

as for unconditional love, my husband was the one who gave ow#1 his unconditional love.....she did not love him in return.....i don't know what she got out of their relationship....

as for my kids, i was born to me a mom....i adore them, i even like them, they a really cool human beings....i am also a sahm by choice...and its something i am grateful for everyday...i had also had the joy of babysitting since my firstborn was 6 months old....so we've always had a house full of kids....still do....if it weren't for those kids i don't believe i would have any sanity left....as hard as it is they keep me grounded...i have to pull myself together everyday for them, eventually it will kick in for me....i am starting my baby steps.....every discovery though puts me back giant steps, and every denial and lie but me even further back.....

i had ic tonite...it was emotional...my counseler actually came close to tears for me....was kinda cool....heartwarming in fact....

thank you all again...i can't say it enough....this site has truly been my salvation.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, March 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

Whatever you find in therapy, just remember: you have already survived it. The work you are doing now will just remove its last, feeble remaining tendrils. By living your life, by laughing, by having and loving your children, you have already moved beyond it in large part. In fact, you have generally kicked its ass.

You are a survivor and a thriver. We all see it. I hope you do, too.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to switch gears here a little. We have agreed that there will be no further contact with MOW and pray that she maintains NC as well. Several SI members have, in various places, posted letters they have written to the OP. I thought that might be theraputic so wrote the following:
Dear MOW,

Your last letter to Mr. K was very interesting. It has compelled me to educate you on a few issues.

Yes, Mr. K has been deliberately cold. He said the only other way he could think of to eliminate you from his life would be to give you a graphic list of the things he hated about you. THAT would have been hurtful, and he did not choose that path.

What is there for him to explain? Did you expect him to leave me for you? He chose me to be his lifelong partner over 25 years ago. A right-minded person would realize that if he hadn't left me in all of those years, he had no intention of doing so.

Mr. K has never made you the "bad guy" or blamed you for anything. He has shared with me the facts of your relationship, sparing neither of you proper responsibility. He does not need to justify any decisions he makes to you. His decisions have been the best decisions for him and for our marriage. Perhaps they are hurtful to you. So be it. Mr. K's heart is not on ice or locked away. It is functioning better than ever and has been driving every decision he has made since d-day. Of course his head has been involved in those decisions as well. If one does not integrate the two, one's life is nothing but chaos, as you well know. He does not use your anger against you, although it would certainly be toward the top of the aforementioned list. Nothing about your relationship has ever made Mr. K feel better, and certainly your anger does not make him feel better now. He has realized that your relationship not only put at risk everything that has been important to him, but has exacted a devastating toll on his personal wellness. So, what makes him feel better is not thinking about you and your relationship, but knowing that he has been given another chance to live the life he has always wanted with me.

Mr. K did not respond to any of your concerns/letters because it would be terribly unhealthy for him to do so. We destroyed your first two letters without reading them. The concerns in this letter are based on pure fantasy, definitely not on target. Your love for Mr. K and enjoyment of time spent with him could never compare to mine. It is just so sad that you think so. I'm glad you wish him the best. He has it. I chose Mr. K to be my lifetime partner, not for fear of being alone, but because he is my best friend and companion, my sweet and passionate lover, my knight in shining armor. He enriches my life beyond my imagination and is the person I most enjoy spending time with. I appreciate him completely, or I would not be here. He is the love of my life. I don't believe I have ever made Mr. K miserable. He did a pretty good job of that himself, with your help. I'm not making him miserable now, but am trying to reassure him that he is not a terrible person just because he made poor choices in the past. That is behind him now. It is behind us.

If you are feeling sad and alone, perhps you should think about putting a little effort into your own marriage. Obviously, it is in need. That could be the new focus in your life.

What I want is for there to be no secrets. And, of course, I want Mr. K. I didn't end up with him. I've always had him.

I don't think Mr. K will be finding any happy thoughts of you to smile over. I don't think he'll be having any thoughts of you at all. Nor will I.

He will be having sweet dreams, as always, in my loving embrace.

Have a good life.

K

I read this letter to Mr. K and promised him that I would not mail it to MOW (much as I'd like to). Feels better just to share it.

Thanks for the audience!


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Cool  Posted: 12:36 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kalamity...that was PURE CLASS.....bravo....i am in awe....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kalamity -

That letter was awesome. I particularly liked this line:

I don't believe I have ever made Mr. K miserable. He did a pretty good job of that himself, with your help.

Now just file it away and share it with us when you feel the need. I know I just met with OW#2 but my circumstances are such that NC had been in place for years as the affairs were "old". I have no worries about these women trying to insert themselves back into the picture especially since, having met me, they are probably trying to get into some kind of witness protection program!!!!

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 1:13 PM, March 25th (Wednesday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shirley: LOVE the witness protection program comment! Thanks for the support. You too, miracle.


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
didnthaveaclue
♀ New Member
Member # 23327
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,

I am new to this and this area was suggested as my husband has in a relationship with the same woman for 13 years.

I found out and confronted him new years day evening.

He works out of the country and left Jan 14th so we onlt had two weeks before he left.

The OW is in the same country as I am.

Now it is out in the open ie my children know, but no friends he seems to think it is time to move on.

The boys and I are obviously angry, hurt, betrayed, well you have all been there you know.

I fly out to meet him in April, along with two of my boys.

My question is that I seem to need to know everything that went on. Did they go places together, what other than sex did they share. It isn't just an affiar,it is a relationship and it lasted 13 years without me knowing. How stupid am I!!

Am I being destructive wanting to know the details?



Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

didnthaveaclue...welcome to si, so sorry that you need to be here.....i've only been here a couple of months myself but the words are wise, the confort is invaluable and feeling unalone is huge.....go the healing library, if u had not already done so. has no contact been established with the ow? get thee into mc and ic.....and most of all don't forget to BREATHE!!

everything you are feeling is normal, there are many of us who feel the same way.

and very important....you are not the stupid one.....none of us were even though we may feel it, we are not stupid just very trusting.......when you give someone unconditional trust you give it because you believe in that person, and you never think that the person you love most in this world is going to hurt you like this....

this site is a godsend, use it as often as u need, i know i do...

(((((HUGS))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome DHC. Yes, we've all been there. Each of us probably has a different opinion about the details. I have asked for all the details, down to "Where did you put your hands when she was on her knees with your penis in her mouth?", "What sounds did she make when she had an orgasm?", "Hold me and tell me you love me exactly the way you did her." I want my vision of their relationship (22+ years) to be as close to hers as possible. Just the idea that she could have some pleasure from harboring any little secret about it drives me insane. Fortunately, after all this time, my WH knows me well enough to understand this and is forthcoming with those details. Sometimes we even share a joke about something (eg. I was stressing over painting the underside of the chair-rail in the room we were redoing [because it is where they had sex]. WH said not to worry about doing such a good job because no one would ever see it except someone like MOW [their sexual activity always occured on the floor]. LOL It is VERY difficult for my WH to share these things with me, and sometimes he has to take a little time to get into an objective frame of mind. If you feel like you need details, I would suggest that you get that all out asap. While it may help you, it will most likely impede his healing.

You are not stupid! You did exactly what you were supposed to do - trusted your H.

You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, March 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to our corner, DHC. Iíve read your post in JFO and just want to say 6yrs, 13yrs, forever. Makes no difference. It all gets minimised and squashed down in the WSís mind and we feel stupid and foolish for not seeing the obvious. Well, actually, it wasnít obvious. It turns out they were just bloody good liars and lying became a way of life.

He says that he never wanted to leave me and he always told her once I knew it was over.

Yup. Had that too. Chances are he has been waiting for years to be found out or for OW to overstep the line so he could confess. He got into a situation and it was easier to just carry on, thinking he had it all under control. He probably thought that it would come to a natural end and fizzle out eventually and that you would never find out.

Please remember none of this is your fault. This was his bad choice and his brokenness. Think about what you want to know and take it a little bit at a time. It must be very hard with him being out of the country, it does not bode well for your reconciliation. He should really be home with you right now. When you go over in April, how long will you be together for?

Read through a few of our profiles. Go back and read some of the postings. You are free to vent in here too. This is quite a prolific forum, as you can see by the number we are up to! There is plenty of help and support here and we tend to be a sympathetic bunch too. We know exactly how it is for you.

Iím sorry you find yourself here. I donít have time to sit with you today, but I guess you are probably the other side of the pond anyway and in bed right now. I will be back later and see how youíre doing. (((DHC)))
********
LostH. As weíre always saying about our FWSís, itís who you are NOW that really matters. The past is part and parcel of your development and has brought you to where you are today. But you are an amazing person, LostH. You have done so much work on yourself that I am truly in awe of you. I donít think I could ever look that deeply into myself. I think Iíd just find a huge empty hole. But you are gathering all those bits of yourself, past and present, and saying ďthis is meĒ and you should be very proud of that.

And you were the one he married, Ukg. And still remains married to. That must count for something, right?

Yeh. I know. Read a posting from March last year that Eranda put up about the process of self delusion. Iíd forgotten about it and found it in a drawer. Iíve not saved it anywhere and donít know how to access the SI history vaults. Basically, it said the four phases of self-delusion are rationalisation, projection, repression and the rewriting of history. In phase one, I reckon WH was telling himself that he owed it to everyone to find out who he wanted to be with, but that he had a duty to stay with me while he found out whether or not MOW and he should be together again. I believe that he was sitting on the fence, cake-eating in his arrogant way, being the KISA for MOW and ďprovidingĒ for his family while he was making up his mind. He was in love with her, it felt right and he really didnít believe what he was doing was wrong. He had to know. Now that, I can understand. A fling, the unfinished dialogue crap. Itís the fucking five years it took that hacks me off. And the projection making it all MY fucking fault. And the only seeing each other a handful of times in the last year (ha-fucking ha) repression. And then the complete rewriting of everything, including his friggin poetry. Fuckwit. (Fot into a little vent there. )
********
Kalamity Ė great letter! And esp the line
I don't believe I have ever made Mr. K miserable. He did a pretty good job of that himself, with your help.

I think I might nick that one!

Okay. Iím done. Got a busy day lined up, Gotta see my surgeon. Then I might, just might, let you see the results.....


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, March 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi DHC
Am I being destructive wanting to know the details?

Getting the details is important. However, it goes without saying that this is hugely distressing,and you need to be mindful of your emotional well being at all times.
Ask only what you can truly handle at this time.

I must admit that I couldnt handle the level of detail like kalamity does.
There are some things I just dont want to know, KWIM?

***
Ukg, all the best with the consultant.

***
Hi Shirley.


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok I am now going to get all mooshy, so bib up:

*****************************

~~~Happy Birthday BT !!!~~~
(yes I know its a little early)

BT, you know already how much you have helped many of the SI'ers over the years, but I want you to know this from me:

In a time when I was feeling very ugly and very very small, you reached out and touched me with your words; you lifted me with your humour and good sense and most of all you gave me hope...that I can survive all of this - you made me feel worthy and real.

With my whole heart, thank you BT...for everything.

I hope all your 3 men make your day really special and know how very fortunate they are to have your love.

((((((((BorrowTrouble))))))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi LH2

Healingtree has a great post in recon...here is the link.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=286089

BTW, if anyone is an outlook expert please see my post in NOT F&G!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, March 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ht: that story was really cool....i needed the slight lift....

my dd told me tonite that she wants to go away to college because she wants to get away from this house....6 months ago she told us that she was never leaving this house because it provided everything and she was happy here......talk about a blow....yet something else stolen from me from my wh....she says that even though things between she and i are better, her dad is more disconnected, and when he connects its weird connecting, they(all my kids) still see the unhappiness between my wh and myself...my youngest says only the volume has improved......meanwhile i told him 3 months ago that the only reason he was still allowed to stay in this house was because he needed to step up as a parent.....my middle child when this whole thing started and his dad did step up with him (my wh had finally stopped verbally abusing him with criticism after criticism) my son said he would rather his dad go back to giving him a hard time if it meant his mom being happy (MY HERO).....

i did tell my kids today that i may be going away next weekend for a workshop and they were cool with it, especially if they didn't have to go to church.....i am 95% sure that i will go....i never have been so indecisive in my entire life.......i wish i knew what was holding me back...i know i never beleived in separated vacations...so i don't know if thats my issue....my counseler said i shouldn't look at it as a vacation i am going to a workshop not a "vacation"...is it because i am making a concrete step to be on my own?? i know i want some "ME" time, so why do i still hesitate...its a workshop that truly thrills me......the only part that bothers me somewhat is the saturday night.....the last part that day ends at 5 ish and then nothing til the following day...what do i do with myself.....i have a million different things running thru my mind....and i am afraid i don't want to do any of them........

omg i just had a lightbulb moment...maybe i don't want to be left alone with my thoughts.......i am so afraid of my thoughts......i know i cannot ever have what i want....because what i want is impossible...i can't go back in time, i can't change the past, i need to live with "WHAT IS" present tense and it seems pretty dismal.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, March 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lh2 fond this thread....mostly from others who did the therapy thing you are in the middle of...don't know if it will be encouraging or not.....but if it si great...if not...sorry...but i did think of you immediately//
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=281591


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
didnthaveaclue
♀ New Member
Member # 23327
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel that all I am doing right now is taking and not contributing to anyone... I hope that I one day will have some pearls of wisdom to share but there is nothing there right now.

I am asking for some help for when I go out to see my H next week.

I am so mixed up about how I feel.

H is excited and looking forward to me coming for a visit. (Two of my sons will be with me).

We have been apart for about 10 weeks and 7 hours time difference. We have talked quite a bit but not alot about A. I have had a couple of very unpleasant phone call when I was very raw and upset. Lack of sleep can bring out a real monster!

I picture the two of them together, and I can't shake it.

Being apart in some ways makes it easier.

One son is with him now for a two week holiday. They were on the phone to me and they were mucking around and my son grabbed my H nipple ( a purple nurple). I said don't do that he hates his nipples being touched and H said only your Mum can do that. All I thought was I wonder if she sucked/touched his nipples.

H makes comments and all I do is think about the OW and what he and she did?

I want this to be a good holiday for both myself and the boys but I also need to get H to answer some questions and start to move on to a better place.

Do you think it would be a good idea to set some ground rules like when we go for our walk along the beach every day that is when we will have our Q & A sessions? Or we declare sanctuary in the bedroom aor no OW questions can be asked in there after 10:00pm at night. As the boys are going to be with us we need somewhere to speak privately so I think the bedroom will be the only place.

I have things I still would like to know. Is this reasonable?


Posts: 21 | Registered: Mar 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dnv....you set the tome, the rules.....you need to decide for yourself what YOU are comfortable with....

as long as your children are not around you converse, YOU make the rules YOU NEED.....right now this needs to be all about YOU....you decide what questions, how many details...etc....

you need to do what YOU feel comfortable doing....my wh is still sleeping on a chair and a half, the bed is off limits...because thats what I feel comfortable with.....

i am so sorry there are no easy answers.....you are on a rollercoaster and its the worst rollercoaster of your life.....

(((HUGS)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dhc:,( the previous post was also for you, got my typing all screwed up..sorry)

and by the way...you have the right to know everything about his infidelity that you are comfortable with knowing.....make sure you a ready for any answer he may give you and that yu can live with it..

i am one of those people that NEEDS EVERY detail, including the sexual ones......thre are othres who can't handle it, only yuo know what you can and cannot handle...but you have the right to know anything you want to know.....read the healing library, especially joseph's letter....it might help you.......


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, March 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

didnthaveaclue- Welcome to our corner. The ladies here are amazing and helped me get through the toughest (I hope) part of my R. As far as details- I wanted to know everything. My WH's A was also a Double Betrayal- I knew both OW although OW#2 was my best friend, living in our home when I discovered the A. It was hard to hear some of the details, but for me it was easier to find something positive out of what I knew the facts to be, instead of allowing my imagination run wild. When I tried to not ask for details, I would get stuck obsessing about "what might have happened". Anyways....i hope you guys find a way to get the information you need in a positive way. My WH struggled with sharing details and took months before we were able to get past his defenses and have more constructive conversations.

I feel that all I am doing right now is taking and not contributing to anyone.

We've all had our turns taking, and still have turns when needed. No worries there. I'm just over a year out from d-day and still feel like I don't have much "expertise" to offer.


UKG- I would LOVE to see the results of your surgery. I'm gonna send you a PM as well.

Well- things continue to go well with WH & I. Few small things have been problematic. The other night after TMI, WH told me that his sex drive seems to be decreasing. I couldn't help but instantly tear up and had all those thoughts of, "why did he maintain strong interest with her? is our sex life getting boring?- he must not be as attracted to me". I don't really believe any of those thoughts....but I'm still stressed about why his interest is decreasing now....when it's always been so strong.

I think the above feelings/thoughts have put me into higher "paranoia" mode- so i checked internet history last night when WH was working. I found that he had visited some sites & used an e-mail address with the name of the person he works with. I went into panic mode & tried figuring out the password. Couldn't so called him & asked why he was using it and told him I wanted the password. he told me and had me look online at exactly what he's using it for- a game online where he gets extra points & stuff for signing up for ads- so he's using the other e-mail account as a junk account. It looked/seemed legit but before I had called him, it was like PTSD. I was sweaty & shaking...I went into instant survival mode & was thinking the worse case scenario. After he showed me everything I cried & cried. Its amazing how it can all come back SO quickly.


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Whatnow)) That must have been very scary, I'm glad he had a good explanation.

Welcome to all the new people, I am truly sorry you are here.

(((LH2))) I just feel your pain in every post. Something is going to give soon, I just hope it is a good breakthrough adn notmore turmoil for you.
UKgirl, how are you??

Having a very terrible morning. Had to call 911 for my H.His blood sugar dropped and I couldn't wake him up. He stopped breathing briefly (his tongue fell back in his throat). I haven't had to do this in 2 years. I have called about 30 times in our marriage, the bulk of which started with the affair and ended with the affair. He fell off the bad and tore about a foot long area of his back that they had to bandage. And he will feel pretty bad the whole day now that his sugar jumped back up after the IV.

It was so hard. I did it so many times, but this one just hit me. I think partly b/c I had not had to do it for so long. The paramedics kept asking if we knew why it dropped and he had no idea. I kept thinking, is the affair starting again adn that stress did it? He apparently read my mind adn as soon as they left he held me and said he was sorry (even though it was not his fault) and then said no, I am not doing anything I shouldn't. He went through exactly what he did and was very reassuring that he was not having an affair. During the affair, he never woudl tell me that. He woudl just say no and not talk anymore.

Anyway, I am rambling. My kids seem okay. A bit shaken that it happened as 2 years seems like a lifetime ago to them adn I think they thought it wouldn't happen anymore. The paramedics were very nice, and after dragging him on the floor to get him in good position and getting blood all over my rug, they helped clean it up. They had a rough day...their previous call was a 3 month old that ended up dying...and I think they just wanted to be where they could fix someone like my H.

I am still rambling. If you pray, please pray that I can calm down. It's been 3 hours and I can't yet. I think I may take a xanax.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

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