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User Topic: Long Term Affairs X I V
hurt789
♀ Member
Member # 20937
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hbh,

know the past is in the past and cannot be changed. Still trying to figure out how to let go. I still have so much anger. Wish I could let it go, but I think it is a protective defense for me. If I let it go and try to move forward, I might get hurt again.

ditto.. (((hugs))


BS 40
WS 43
MARRIED 20
TOGATHER 22
1 PERFECT DAUGHTER
DDAY7/13/08
LTA - ALWAYS


Posts: 240 | Registered: Sep 2008
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

know the past is in the past and cannot be changed. Still trying to figure out how to let go. I still have so much anger. Wish I could let it go, but I think it is a protective defense for me. If I let it go and try to move forward, I might get hurt again.

I think this is a big part of my mental state despite FWH doing his best to make me feel loved and special again. If I could not tell he was cheating then when things seemed fine between us how would I know now or be secure in believing him when I'm feeling less of myself than ever?

Major trigger happening for me as FWH's busy season is here and he'll be going out of town next week. Again I found out that OW was in the building from someone else, not FWH! Even if she's only there a couple of days I think I should be prepared not blind-sided (IMHO) but apparently not his.

The stress is just so great that my health situation is in a 'flare up' state. Life just sucks when you can't get yourself out of the black hole of depression. I'm seeing my Dr. tomorrow to review meds. Wish me strength...


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

not having a good day, but i wanted to wish ((((HUGS))) to all, hopefully tomorrow my brain will be less fried and i will be able to read everyones posts and catch up, there were lots of long posts....

thanks for your support as always....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning Tribe.

((((Lostsuol))))
What was his reason for not telling you? I can imagine it not being a big deal for him, but for crying out loud, its a HUGE deal for you so I cant possibly imagine a good enough reason from him.

LostS, has your IC given you any techniques with handling anxiety? BT has spoken about Advance Integrative therapy and the more I read about it, the more it makes total sense. Its about treating ourselves holistically.

Starting from the premise that all upsetting events are types of trauma, and that they are housed within the body, mind and spirit, Advanced Integrative Therapy quickly removes the after-effects of such traumatic events. Advanced Integrative Therapy clears the traumatic residue such as disturbing emotions, negative beliefs and attitudes, destructive desire and fantasies, addictions, compulsions, obsessions, dissociation, spiritual blockage, physical abreaction, sensitivities and disease.

***
Miracle, HBH, hurt789 and whoever else is going through a low spot:
((((((((())))))))))))))

***
Hey Tribe,
If you have a second, please think of me. I am going through a low period myself, think its ptsd stuff. I have been feeling so low, that I have been having S thoughts, but am actively fighting them. Even managed to find a nice site before getting on here about S. A phrase jumped out at me:

ďSuicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.Ē

That phrase actually brought on a sense of calm in me. I am not weak, crazy of flawed. Right now my pain outweighs my coping resources, which I need to address.

H said something pretty dumb about me wanting to S this morning in youngest DD's hearing, and it cut right through. And it took everything I had to continue getting ready for work. I tapped, deep breathing and logged on here. I wish I could have called someone or drove somewhere - isnt it sad that apart from my IC, there is absolutely no-one IRL to turn to. So I logged on, and just knowing I have this oasis makes a huge diff for me. I am already feeling a little better.

If anyone is feeling a bit low, and wants some light relief,hope this makes on a little smile.

COURTHOUSE BLOOPERS

Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court. From Mrs. Gilmanís two volumes, here are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by Americaís keepers of the word:

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.

Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?

Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marital status?
A. Fair.

Q. Are you married?
A. No, Iím divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didnít know about.

Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
A. My ex-widow said it.

Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good.

Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many times have you committed suicide?
A. Four times.

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?

Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldnít pronunciate his words.

Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.

Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.

Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dogís ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.

Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

Q. And lastly, Jimmy, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.

Q. What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A. She is my daughter.
Q. Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Q. Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

Q. ...and what did he do then?
A. He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q. So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

Q. Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A. He didnít offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

Q. So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
A. I didnít see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q. It was covered?
A. Yes, bandaged.
Q. Then, later on.. what did you see?
A. I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.

Q. Could you see him from where you were standing?
A. I could see his head.
Q. And where was his head?
A. Just above his shoulders.

Q. What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
A. Oh, she will tell the truth. She said sheíd kill that sonofabitch - and she did!

Q. Do you drink when youíre on duty?
A. I donít drink when Iím on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.

Q. ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A. The victim lived.

Q. Are you sexually active?
A. No, I just lie there.

Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Q. The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isnít it. You too were shot in the fracas?
A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

Q. What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A. It indicates intercourse.
Q. Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.

Q. (Showing man picture.) Thatís you?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. And you were present when the picture was taken, right?

Wishing everyone a peaceful day.

LH


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH - sending you hugs and wishing you were closer so that I could give you that hug IRL.
I promise when I get over to your side of the pond, I am coming with open arms and a box of tissues and we are going to have a great visit. PM me or just post anytime and always know we are here for you.
Btw, those quips were hilarious!!!!!!!!
((((((((LH))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I HAVE LEARNED FROM THIS AND WILL NEVER HURT YOU LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN.

It's interesting how many of our FWH's make similar statements but in fact it is this statement that my H says over and over again that made me come to the decision that should he ever cheat again I will be ready to leave and be at peace with that choice. The hurt is so deep and so life-altering and anyone of them who is capable of repeating something so painful after witnessing our devastation, IMHO, is not safe to remain in a relationship with. For me, if my H should ever cheat again, it would be proof-positive that he is incapable of genuine, selfless love and not worth another minute of my life.

and my favorite line:
I DO NOT NOR DID I GET FEELINGS OF ANXIETY FOR ANYONE BUT YOU. THIS IS HOW I FEEL.
"i do not know how to answer that"

I think I would have to ask him to define "feelings of anxiety" before attempting to answer that. Butterflies in his tummy , warm fuzzies, what is he talking about? One thing I am convinced of is that these men are so handicapped in communication skills and as a result the process of healing takes so much longer. It's like they have to learn something so basic as the skill of communication before even attempting to work on R.
I will repeat though what I have applied in my own recovery that ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I know I say this often on here but we have to remember that these men are skilled manipulators and have lied for years so without following these pretty words with loving actions, their words mean NOTHING!
Again, just my humble opinion. (((Miracle)))
HBH, hurt789, LS I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Please keep posting and never forget we are all in this together.
Hugs to all.
UKG and HS - checking in to see if you're lurking and just wanting to make sure you're both ok. UKG - Don't forget I'm scheduled to arrive the first week of July and plan to meet up with LH. It would be great if we could all get together. HS - I know you mentioned that London is one of your favorite cities. Any chance of you joining us?????

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:38 AM, May 5th (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lostheart2: i sent u a pm


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

o.k. what a read....i caught up.

fnf: i agree you are one awesome woman....you views, outlooks and words speak to me on a very personal level...

i must also add that i think we are ALL awesome women....to be still be here when those men have commited such hurt upon us....if onyl they would get with the program, and just "GET IT"....they all had unconditional love from each and every one of us and not a one of them returned that love before their lta's....after...still remains to be seen by most of us...the precious few of you who have recieved it are blessed......

in reading everyone's stories, out lta stories in paticular...in as much as the when it started, how long it lasted and who it was all of our husband sound virutally the same with few differences...i wonder then if long term affair men have certain issues in common that give them the ability to do this......it is amazing at how many of these issues they have in common.....i wonder if there was a way to narrow it down to specific causes so that warnings can be issued to future wives of these types of men......

i saw my husband in every single post, i also saw that there are things that he is not guilty of.....which could be personality type or even unrelated.....

my wh has changed since d-day, but the most important change has yet to happen, he still lies......

i am also having a hard time with the memories popping in like the other day with realizing that i was the hole many many times over......how can i ever get past something like that......it just shows me that there was nothing and i mean NOTHING between he and i that she wasn't there......he keeps going on and on about he did love me, we he loved her too, how sorry he is about everything he put me through, he put her through nothing......

alot of you play the "what if" game....that was a game he and she used to play all the time.....and i've told him from the beginning to go, go persue her and find out what you really want...but he says no, its me he really wants but EVERYTHING he's done up to, including and a little while after has shown me that she is the one he's always wanted.....so why the fuck is he still here....his actions for our entire realtionship show that she was the one, not me....and i will never know that he didn't just settle for me because she wouldn't leave her husband, he never even tried to persue that kind of relationship with her....fear of rejection, i think.......and she didn't persue the same with him.....and i beleive for the same reasoning.....

i am envious of some of you getting together, i wish i could join you for a group hug, cry laugh fest...i feel so blessed knowing all of you, even in this short time, its special kinship i think that we share.....i hope you all enjoy your time together and make a toast to the rest of us who will be with you in spirit if not in body.....

((((((TRIBE))))))

we will ALL be o.k. someday!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

here lurking...afraid to post for what karma or bad luck it may rain down on me.

I need to suck it up to help the newbies and not stick in general and F&G. Can I make that a resolution to myself? I will try.

I think I am stuck in the POLF of SI. Easier to lurk than post. Easier to read than reply. Easier to watch than contribute. Sorry to all of you. I will try to do better.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

here lurking...afraid to post for what karma or bad luck it may rain down on me.

I need to suck it up to help the newbies and not stick in general and F&G. Can I make that a resolution to myself? I will try.

I think I am stuck in the POLF of SI. Easier to lurk than post. Easier to read than reply. Easier to watch than contribute. Sorry to all of you. I will try to do better.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((hurtshirley))))))

i'm so sorry that you are in so much pain......


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS - you okay? Don't worry about not posting - just let us know what you need and we're there for you.
Lots of hugs, FNF
Btw, what is POLF? I know I'll feel like a dunce once you tell me, but I haven't seen this one before.
((((((((((HS))))))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

POLF + Plain of Lethal Flatness.

It's in the Healing Library.

{{HS}} you and me both!


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Lost Heart2
♀ Member
Member # 21793
Default  Posted: 2:39 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning Tribe.

I am trying hard not to start crying (hey, it takes this tomboy a long time to do passable makeup, ok? Sheesh. )...
Thank you to all of you who reached out to me, and who send me hugs. It def worked cos despite having a rather crappy day at work, I am still here, still smiling and fighting.

I think I owe an explanation for my behaviour:
I think what it is is that I have been feeling increasingly overwhelmed since my bday (begin of april). I think that it set off a chain of flashblacks from my childhood till now. I was doing EMDR with my IC last week,and some stuff came out that had me sobbing. She was even quite taken back as she thought I was past that incident(s).
Then it was my dd's and ds's bdays after and that brought back flashbacks of those times (not happy ones with H).

All these memories are sort of colliding into one and I am finding it hard to separate the past from the present. Of course my job is high level stress as well, which adds to this. Last week I had to see a client and it comes out she is a LTA OW - Fuck. I have known her for over a year now and it would never have crossed my mind. She just happ to have their picture out this time (amongst those of her kids) and I asked who's that. She refuses to call him her partner (he's her boyfriend - thats the term what H and OW#2 used).
Argh. So I had to carry on like normal even tho' I wanted to smack this woman upside down.

Anyway, thats just one incident.
Then H. 2 weeks ago, had some health issues which could be caused by STDs. I was shocked and disgusted and didnt want him any where near me. It took a week for him to get an appt, the GP thinks its something simple but is sending for a scan at the end of May. h thinks he has cancer and is going to die.

Anyway, enough of me.

Thank you again, My Tribe.
Miracle, hop on that plane with Fnf and Shirley!

Anybody else wants to join??

***

Fnf, thank you for holding up the fort.

***
((((Shirley))))

You do whats best for you. ALWAYS. You have been a broad shoulder for many of us in our times of need - you are allowed some time off, you know.

Hang in there, Sweetie.

***

(((((((((TRIBE))))))))


LTA BS

Dday#1 02.06.06
Dday#2 28.11.06


Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.


Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: London, UK
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning Tribe,

Hugs and good thoughts to all...

I am so overwhelmed by the pain found here. It breaks my heart.... I want to help, but all I have to offer is listening. I am so not very good with words. I use to be, but seem to have lost the ability...

I am finding it hard to separate the past from the present.

I am still here, still smiling and fighting.

((((((LH))))))

I am so sorry that life is such a struggle for you, and everyone... I wish that everyone could see and feel their worth in this world. Yes... we have all felt the pain of infidelity and our worlds collapsing, but we are still here... that means something! We need you LH, and so do your children! Heck, you need you!!

So I am sending you some sunshine, warmth and luv!!! I have wide-strong shoulders! I promise to return later and finish, but I am at work and have alot to get done.

Keeping each and everyone in my thoughts and prayers!

UKG... where are ya?!

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i think we are ALL awesome women

We are all awesome women and it's so comforting to know that we are all looking out for each other. It's just too bad we can't get together sometime and finally meet IRL. Thanks, Miracle and LH for your kind words.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Geez, LH, no wonder you're going through a rough patch. That's a lot to deal with. Does your IC think that this is a good thing that it's all coming together? Is there some point when you might need to back off of the EMDR?
And that woman at work! I wish I could deck her for you. Boyfriend my ass. He's nothing but a fuckbuddy - get real bitch! (Oops - mini rant )
Those OW are infuriating. I don't know how you kept your cool. You are a true professional.
As to your H - I hope you find out soon. Why do they think it could be STD related? That would really suck big time.
I'm glad you're well enough to be posting. You are such a strong, strong woman and I hope you know that I am proud too to count you as my friend.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he keeps going on and on about he did love me, we he loved her too, how sorry he is about everything he put me through, he put her through nothing......

iwam - You are right, we all have alot in common and our WS's also. This is something we go through frequently. My WH loved OW (or at least he thought he did) and it took him quite awhile to come out of that fog.

Now realizes they were two very lonely people who sought each others company for an escape from the reality of their lives. The pain and depression they both felt. Something I probably will never understand and I don't really want to be in the position to understand this thinking.

He also tells me he always loved me and never wanted to hurt me. Don't think he thought I would ever find out.

It took him about a year to really see their relationship for what it was. Still says it was a "friendship" not about the sex, but he also sees how she manipulated him and he let her. I assume he was blinded by the sex.

I take some comfort in knowing after she kicked her H out, my WH still made no promises of leaving me. And boy did she try to get him to. Some Karma working there I guess.

FNF - I really look forward to your posts filled with wisdom, and disdain for OW. They are indeed "fuckbuddy's"!!!


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((LH2)))))
That is soooo much to be dealing with I don't even know where to start.

First, I admire your restraint in dealing your client. I think I would have bitch slapped her on the spot! The fucking nerve to not only DO something like that but to share it with some sick sense of pride. My god it is just sick.

You said that you thought something your H was going through seemed like an STD but it is confirmed it is not, correct? Have you seen the results of tests? Are you making sure you are keeping yourself safe? Do you think you need to get tested?

As painful as the dredging up of memories is, you know it is really good for you to bring these things to your conscious level and address them right? That is what is making you stronger. It is too bad your H won't do that.

Thanks all for your kind words. I am actually doing okay. I guess I am approaching that two year mark when you start to realize that you will survive this, maybe even your marriage will survive this but that it is ALWAYS going to be there and it sucks.

I don't check up on H at all. I mean, why bother? He was so good at hiding it before how would I ever know. However, yesterday I was cleaning out the gym over the garage and I went into a drawer and there sat a cell phone. Instant knife in the heart, pulse racing, feeling sick. When I looked closer I realized it was a two year old phone of Hs but I had to charge it up and turn it on to make sure it wasn't active. He is out of town and when I spoke to him later he told me he had kept it because it has the last video and pics of his dad before he passed away. I understand but, shit, it fucking triggered the crap out of me.

I guess this incident made me realize that this whole thing is like a giant ball and chain that we just yank along behind us through life. Can we move forward, yes but think about how much easier it would be with an iron ball attached to our foot.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LH2))) I am so sorry you are delaing with all those thoughts. I have to say though, I remember the last time you talked about S adn I am so impressed with you right now. You sound strong and in control. As in, I am feeling his but I am not going to let it control me. Amazing. be sure those around you know your thoughts though...let them bne your security net.

(((HS)))) That must have been hard to see the cell phone. MC said today, it just sucks doesn't it? I said, yup, that woudl describe it. Purely sucks and alwasy will. Hopefully it will just not always be so sharp.

We had a good session today. Talked mostly about sex. H brought it up to his Ic, so his IC brought it up with both counselors there today. It was a good talk. I need to stop comparing how easy it was with ow beacuse she was a meaningless fantasy and he didn't have to care what she thought or what happened after. We have put so much more work in to it all that I need to see us as totally different, more. H seems to want to try, ED is very hard for him (pardon the unintentional pun), so he has issues with that. They want us to work on it, and we will come up with a more specific plan next time and talk more about it when I go to IC on Friday. It was a good open talk, and made me see some of my barriers as well. I have a wall up and am protecting myself, but that gets in the way of intimacy.

Anyway, good thoughts for us all as we struggle through this terrible journey!


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

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