Why are you going on the trip with him veritas? I seriously would be developing a case of ...... (runs, flu, anything) so I didn't have endure torture.
I had the worst runs/stomach flu for Thanksgiving. I lost 4.5 lbs in four days. And it was worth every retch not to have to endure the trip out there for Thanksgiving. It was so peaceful.
Somehow, I don't think that lightning would strike me so fabulously a second time... nor do I think they would believe it
Sleeping the same bed with him? It sounds like a weekend of pure hell.
Once I gave him the relationship he said he wanted, he all of a sudden decided that we need to sleep in the same bed, and be in lurve. Before, he had the drama of telling me how little I meant to him. Now, he's got the drama of being the one holding things together with the ice maiden. He's such a queen, I swear. He's not content to just let things roll along; everything has to be dramatic and fought over and picked over and analyzed and if he even thinks he's coming out with less than his rightful due, he'll change positions faster than a gymnast at the Olympic tryouts -- and think nothing of it.
I have no idea how you do it. Reading posts like this make me so happy to be free.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
To all of you also dealing with NPD's, don't let your guard slip! Here's to your mental health!
I'm so tired..he got what he wanted. He got his girlfriend...he got me to file for divorce so I'm the bad guy...he let the marital home go into foreclosure...why won't he just leave me alone. Why does he just have to keep on and on? Why can he get away with it and the law can't do anything about it?
I thought about it this week, in a book I read, where one of the characters said that the reason why the stalker could not just let it go was because now that the ex had broken free, she was in a position to expose him. That fear of exposing the True Him to the world instead of the front he tried to put up was something that the stalker would go to extreme and stupid lengths to thwart. I think it is very true for narcissists.
Here? That question almost goes wout saying, no?
The most bizaare things!
I say ladies!
Em talkin!Makin fools of themselves yes.
oops didna mean to shoutcapsloknall
you gurls take me deepest.
Because we have to be punished for rejecting them.
They will rewrite history, blame shift, justify their the affair, rant and rage...etc. They will usually claim that THEY are divorcing us.
I used to say, "Who gives a shit. As long as the end result is the same.... "
But it WAS a big deal to him. See, I had him removed via protection order and I had the money in my car for attorney retainer and the documents all ready to go. He and his mother stole my car the SUnday prior to my lawyer appt. They took the money, the photos of abuse, the docs ect. (I did have copies) But he took my money and retained his own attorney and filed against me. It didn't matter. I still got the protective order and got him out of the house.
My point is that it was a HUGE issue to him that EVERYONE knew that it was HIM divorcing me and that he had good reason to do so. Never mind the numerous affairs, never mind the OC that he had been hiding for almost 3 years, never mind the abuse and the alcoholism.
Suddenly I was a "drug addict" and "incrurably mentally ill." He made up so much crap it was crazy. These were the REAL reasons we were getting a divorce. I don't know how he explained the three year old little girl.
I was at the point where I didn't care. I was like, "okay....divorce me then. Let's get the show on the road!"
Oh no. He had to drag in out forever. He would not settle on ANYTHING but everything. Then he would claim that it was ME who would not settle.
Keep in mind, he is living with OW, in a relationship with the other OW and starting a relationship with OC and claiming that he is "happier that he has ever been."
Yet he's driving by my house, vandalizing, shooting out my windows, throwing lawn furniture in the swimming pool, cutting my phone lines, throwing roofing nails in my driveway and God knows what else.
The bottom line is this; IF you dare to discard an NPD, you must be punished.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 9:48 PM, April 9th (Thursday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
I left him shortly after he had his hands around my neck choking me and I blacked out.
Yet I fear it will never be over. Even after we get divorced...I'm betting he's going to keep dragging me into court. I'm so over this...
HB, I don't know if he'll ever completely leave me alone.
How do you ever get back a sense of security after something like that?
I'm sure I will never feel completely secure ever again. Gone are the days when I work in the yard with the doors unlocked and the garage doors wide open. I have a security system with video surveillance that records. I've got cameras everywhere. In the tress, in the eaves of the house, at the entryway, over the garage...etc. I also have a BIG dog. Most important, I have remained TOTAL NC with him since I threw him out in early 2002. Every time I see him over here, I call the police. If I have any damage, I call the police. If he calls on the phone, I file a police report. The police KNOW that I am dealing with a NUT. Now that I have my video surveillance, I also send his fiance' (OW#2) a still shot of him or him in the vehicle driving by (or both) and let her know where he is and what he's doing and I tell her that I'm calling the police again. Since I've started doing that, things have SLOWED WAY DOWN.
I've also come to realize that the man is a chicken shit. Any man who has to pick on a woman in some sneaky underhanded way is nothing but a chicken shit. If he were any kind of man, he'd act like it. No chance of that.
Veritas and Siamo Uno,
When I threw him out, I was unemployed and and beaten down (emotionally and physically) to the lowest point I have ever been. I had to borrow money from my family to help me out and because I had earned the majority of the $ and we hadn't been married very long I wasn't going to get any support from him.
You are both is much better positions that I was. You would both be awarded support.
You need to quietly plan your escapes. Get to an attorney, determine your rights, find out what money you'll need up front and then prepare. Set a "go" date and then begin to plan. Once you start, you have to realize you cannot go back no matter what.
No matter how long you wait, no matter how much money you have, no matter what type of job, no matter what, it will never be a better time to leave an NPD, but RIGHT NOW.
Let me know if I can help in any way.
Dazed, I'm thinking of you all the time. Hang in there. You're going to make it. I know right now it seems as if it will never be over, but it will. Try to stay positive.
I am just about finishing the book "The Mirror Effect - how celebrity narcissism is seducing America " by Dr. Drew. Has anyone read this? I thought it was interesting how people become narcissitic and the media is feeding them.
This is very interesting and insightful book.
What is the mirror effect?
- A tendency to obsess over those damaging celebrity stories - and mirror them back in our own behaviors. A temptation to solve our problems the way celebrities do - through body image obsession, sexual acting - out, drug use, and diva behavior. A threat to our relationship, our families, our mental health, and our safety.
The way that malignant forms of narcissism, as showcased by the media, can cause vulnerable everyday people to descend into dangeerously narcissistic behaviors. And there is a third factor that significantly amplifies the Mirror Effect's potential influence on all of us: the twenty-first centry media universe has become a potent delivery system with the power to spread those behaviors from celebrity circles to society at large.
What is Narcissism?
- It's not what you think it is: It's not ego. It's not self-love. Its self-loathing. Envy. Insecurity. Self-destruction.
Who's most vulnerable to the dangers of narcissism?
Children - especially those with troubled parents.
Teenagers and young adults - whose brains are fraught with insecurity and hardwired for constant drama.
And celebries - whose psychological dysfunctions drive them to the spotlight and whose persenal traits have become the storylines of our culture.
By the early 2000s, a handful of enterpreneurs recognized the potential to use this technology to create an entirely new form of communication and began creating what became known as social networking sites. First Friendster, then MySpace and Facebook, allowed their members, at that time predominantly young women and men looking for connection, to create Web pages on which they could share personal information, photos, and running commentary about their lives. These unmonitored sites invited users to create new personae whose connection with thier real lives were often tenuous at best, a high-tech version of what psychiatric professional call a pseudo-self, a classic social coping mechanism among narcissists. And the perceived goal of these sites was to connect with others by "friending" them, thus establishing and ambiguous, but alluring, connection with strangers who might be hiding false fronts of their own.
I posted this in the book club forum, too. Let me know if anyone read this book and what you think...
Thanks. Have a good day.
I don't know if he has a healthy ego or need for approval or if it is more.
As to whether your husband is NPD, the biggest measure of that is YOU. Because if you've been with an NPD, you would be feeling the effects of it. NPD is more than a need for attention or an ego; it's about the NPD's rock-solid image of themselves that they will protect at all costs. They will slaughter anyone who gets in the way of their achieving that image. I don't see that kind of aggressiveness in your posts about your husband.
A good website to start at is http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/
the writing is matter of fact and down to earth.
Good luck in your recovery!
I sent you a PM about why I think my WB is SA. I don't want to misdiagnose him. I need to know what I am really dealing with to make informed decisions. Maybe you can take a look when you get a chance.