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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part V II
Iwillrecover
♀ Member
Member # 22329
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi veritas,

Thanks for this response & PM. I PM'd you again.

You're right. He does have a lot of issues that both he & I need help with. I am seeing a MC tomorrow & am going to S Anon.

He says he will go to SA, that he can't afford a CSAT. He is in a lot of financial trouble. One would wonder why I'm with him right? Well I accepted the money thing because I don't have any either & it is not why I choose a man but now I see it as part of the unmanagability of his life.


Posts: 235 | Registered: Jan 2009
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, April 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be safe, because if he is NPD, he will fight like tooth and nail to keep up his image, and you are uncovering a LOT of stuff. He may even get violent. Take care of YOU first; you can't help him if he really doesn't want to help himself.

Mine right now has a new source of narcissistic supply: PHP chat rooms, of all places. He tells everybody that he has a network of IT buddies that he chats with. Mmm, yeah. One of his "IT buddies" is a twitter community called PHPWomen. This is where he trolls for women to impress with his PHP knowledge. Almost half the people he follows on twitter are female, despite the fact that they are a minority in the community. A SERIOUS minority. So this is something that yet again, he has sexualized to get the narcissistic supply he needs from women.

Why do I give a shit? Because now he wants to publish an article every week, and guess who he wants to edit his bad spelling and scattering of commas like grass seed? Apparently, his first article netted him a lot of oohing and aahing from the females on his list and in the chat room. I refuse to participate in anything that feeds his already monstrous ego. Let them edit his stuff; this ignorant draft horse is going to keep her grammatical knowledge to herself.

And while I'm venting, just yesterday he was bitching about his job and the price of food and how he wants to save money. He wants to eat beans twice a week. Which is a crock of shit, apparently, because he wants to buy a new computer this afternoon. What he wants is to torture his family with his fake paranoia.

[This message edited by veritas at 4:45 PM, April 15th (Wednesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Iwillrecover
♀ Member
Member # 22329
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, April 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks veritas,

Unless he is lying he's never been violent in his life. I don't feel afraid of him. Even when he got up close in my face trying to scare me into stop asking questions I didn't feel afraid at all. I am usually very afraid of people's anger & especially violence because I was beaten & yelled at by an angry mother.

I just see his as a front, posturing.


Posts: 235 | Registered: Jan 2009
Iwillrecover
♀ Member
Member # 22329
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, April 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas,

Oh and I meant to say that I'm sorry your husband is still being inappropriate with women online. I don't know your story. I will take a look at some of your posts.


Posts: 235 | Registered: Jan 2009
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what I have seen the violence of the NPD comes from a huge sense of entitlement and they will act out violently because they feel justified in defending their position with violence if they have to.

I knew with my ex that I had to leave or die trying because I could not bear the idea of spending the next 5 yrs with him. I was unemployed with 2 special needs kids. I knew I just could not live with his constant acting out and abusive behaviours are more even if it meant giving up everything and starting with nothing on welfare. I am lucky it turned out better than that but I was prepared to do that if that was how I I had to get away.

It is worth getting away from these toxic people. The longer you stay the more damage they do and they steal you life and soul. Love yourself enough to say no more.

Iwillrecover my ex is a SA as well as a NPD (or some similar version of a PD). He is totally toxic but is great at making people believe he is a great guy. When you add in his need to have someone 'care' for him and manage his life because he totally can't. It means the person he is with must lose their identity or he is not happy. Without a unique identity can one really be happy? Knowing you are 'love' because of what you do for them, will that be enough when you know deep down they don't really see you at all?

(((((TRIBE)))))


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, April 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IWR: Mine had gone through therapy years earlier and eas supposedly cured. He was the soul of patience -- until I started uncovering all of his secrets. And not only is he trying to hook up with women on a PHP chat site, he's also joined a dating site. Mingle2. I have been tracking all of his activity there and all the women he's been viewing.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Iwillrecover
♀ Member
Member # 22329
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, April 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied2 & veritas,

Thanks for your advice. I will keep my eyes open for any of these behaviors. I still don't know if I will stay with him.

Veritas I'm sorry to hear that your H is up to his old tricks. I think I read that you are only staying until a certain time due to your life circumstances. I hope that time comes soon enough. Until then at least you have SI.


Posts: 235 | Registered: Jan 2009
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, April 20th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, the boys decided to not recognize STBXNPDSOB's birthday. I made the resources available and they made the choice. I respected that.

So, they get a message from him...

"So if my birthday is meaningless to you, I guess your birthdays' should be meaningless to me."

And it progressed (or digressed) from there....

"If your mother had been a better wife to me, I wouldn't have had to do what I did"

"I am engaged to the whore and will be marrying her"

"Whore is a wonderful person if you would just take the chance to get to know her"

"Your boys are being brainwashed"

"You are as crazy as your mother's family"

"Your mother is filing fraudelent police reports but my attorney is filing real ones on her"

"How much of my stuff did you steal?" (talking about us moving and taking things from the house on his "list" which I don't even have a copy of and don't care about anyway)

"How much of my stuff did you break?"

"I am filing criminal charges against your mother for stealing things from the house"

This man is a piece of work. I am amazed at the lengths he will go and the depths of the hurt he will intentionally inflict on his kids. They, of course, jumped to my defense and he told them he wasn't trying to turn them against me but trying to defend himself.

I just took the phone to the Guardian Ad Litem and let him read for himself what crap the kids have been getting.


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, April 20th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed,
How lucky for you and your boys that he puts this rubbish into writing! He is a colossal dumbass and also a manipulative piece of shit.

I'm sorry that your boys have to put up with his crap. What kind of father says things like this to his children? Oh, wait, the NPD Dad does!! Of course.

If they don't desire a relationship with their children, why don't they just go away?

((((((DiD and kiddos)))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, April 20th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's just amazing...

When we got married we just went to the courthouse because he said his family is crazy and he didn't want a wedding. Now he is saying my family is crazy...
But when my oldest shot back at him and said something about his family being crazy, NPD Dad of the Year came back and told him that he'd called son's favorite aunt and told him what he said and that she was very angry with him. What a dick...


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, April 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed,
He is a NUTCASE. Is there any way you can intercept these emails before your poor boys see them. If I were you, I would copy them, forward them to the GAL and your attorney and forget him.

Hopefully once your divorce is over, you can BLOCK him.

What a CREEP!!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, April 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas is right. Never, ever trust them. Any imagined slight will bring out Thing 2.
Thing 2 can easily turn to violence. I'm living proof.
Mine is being way too quiet. When he is quiet is when I worry the most.
It's coming. I just know it.
He has 24 days left to respond to the latest court shit.
24 days and counting. Fingers crossed, after that we can stop running/hiding.
After almost three years I'm not sure if I even remember how.
All I know is, if it's this difficult for me? How excruciating it must be for my daughter. That prick took her childhood. What I wouldn't give to see her living the life of a normal 14 year old.


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Chippie))))))

I know this feeling of things being too quiet. Stay alert and trust your instincts. The last time I had this feeling, the stalking behaviors started ramping up again.

(((((Tribe)))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, April 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed: What a disgusting pig and a poor excuse for a father. But like wounded said, thank goodness he put it in writing.

(((chipmunkie)))


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, April 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Intercept the emails before the kids see them. That kind of crap is just not good for that at their age (or any age).

I know about being worried because the ex is being quiet. My ex has only called once in the last 6 weeks and not seen the kids and no arrangements are made for any future visits. It is almost too quiet.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, April 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chipmunkie,
Trust your gut on what you're feeling. Right now you're so honed in on him and chances are you are right on target. I so remember that horrible pit of my stomach feeling of dread....just knowing that he was out there. Please be careful. I hope this can be over for you soon.

These NPD's can be such dispicable cowards...picking on women and children. I mean have these chicken shits actually been in a real fight with a real MAN who might really kick their sorry ass???

I know in my XNPDH's case the answer is a big FAT NO!!

Grr....


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, April 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, my youngest gets in trouble at school today. Nothing really bad...kissed a girl but had gotten in trouble for the same thing 2 weeks ago so I wasn't very sympathetic. When I didn't immediately jump to fix it for him, he sent STBXNPD a text message saying "I need your help". The SOB didn't even respond to him...nothing...

But, the asshole sent him a message a few hours later asking did son know that I filed another police report on STBX today.

I want my children out of this nightmare! I want out of this nightmare.

(chipmunkie) Be careful, hon...I know that silence is so deafening. You just know they are out there stewing..hating..raging on the inside and trying to figure out how to get to you to hurt you again.

Thank you all for your advice! Thanks for just listening to me!!


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, April 22nd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust your instincts tribe. Always be prepared for the worst with the freaks.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, April 22nd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's exactly what I'm doing. I don't trust him. He's found us too many times already, no matter how well hidden we think we are.
So, as much as it hurts me my daughter is in a safe house 7 hours away. He'll look for me expecting to find her. That is the one thing that can destroy me and he knows it.
It's only for a little while but being apart is about the hardest thing I've ever done.
I miss her constantly. I've never been away from her for more than a day in her whole life.
Damn, this is hard, but it's all about keeping her safe.
yeah, 22 more days. That's all.. just 22 more days.
I can do this, yes?


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, April 22nd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can do it, Chippie!!

Hugs to everyone.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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