Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: z1x2606 (43216)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part V II
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is pretty weird because most of these nuts want to keep the people in their lives separate in case someone was to compare the lies and out the mask.

I think so too. They will usually go to EXTREME lengths to keep the people who DON'T know the truth away from the ones who have seen beneath the mask. In my case XNPDH told others that I was dangerous, crazy, a drug addict, etc. Everyone needed to stay away from me for their safety.

Interesting how they (the male NPD's) usually choose female therapist.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 3:16 PM, March 19th (Thursday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

... nevermind. Maybe I'm not brave enough after all.
Sorry for the edit.


[This message edited by Chipmunkie at 9:31 PM, March 19th (Thursday)]


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2008
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chipmunkie - don't be afraid of saying anything on this thread. Sadly, we have seen the worst and we are not surprised by much.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((chipmunkie))) I saw your post last night, and I just wanted to let you know that whatever you decide, I support you. I know how difficult it is, and how disquieting to let go of the fear. I know you will reach that point one day.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Keepmyheadup
♂ Member
Member # 23157
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure where to begin. I really just found out within the last 2 days that I was married to a N for 11 years. I've spent the last 3 years begging for her to work it out with me...only to be sent on my way. Yet...everytime I met someone new...she's all over me.

WOW...I'm not sure what I'm feeling...but this gives meaning to sooo many things that have been happening with the stbxw.

What a mess she is.


Me (BS)-39
Her (WS)-40
OM (her boss)- 50 something
D-Day Nov 26, 2005

Posts: 156 | Registered: Mar 2009
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I usually try to reserve judgement on whether or not someone is an N, and you write very little about your wife's behavior, so I can't tell. I do see where she has an extensive history of mental illness, so that may account for her strange behavior. At the very least, however, if you want to learn how to detach from someone, this is as good a place as any.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Keepmyheadup
♂ Member
Member # 23157
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here you go Ver!!!!
:-)

I moved out in July 06.

We slept together until May 07.

She accessed my cell phone bill online until July 07...when she knew I was talking to someone...she would sleep with me.

So far I ended 5 possible relationships over 3 years because she:

A)Aug 08 - e-mailed the woman a blank e-mail, it was an old friend who I was JUST FRIENDS with...swear to God.

B)Oct 08 Stalked a woman online for 3+ weeks on another message board until the woman told me to never contact her again because she was afraid of my W.

C)Feb 09 Has hugged, kissed, allowed me to fondle her breasts and rear end and laid with me in front of our children (all except the fondle, that was in private).

D)Threw me out of her apartment on Feb 6th (our 11 year anniversary) because "How dare I hang out with another woman on our anniversary" She made dinner and had sex with her boss the night before on Feb 5....and told me "That's fine, because I have too much respect for you to do it on the 6th". Huh??

E)Feb 09 Bought me a Bob Marley T-shirt for V-Day because it reminded her of our honeymoon.

F) Feb 09 - Told me the ONLY REASON she is with her boss is because I was seeing someone...I told her right then and there to call him and end it and I would do the same....she refused.

Feb 09 - Told me she still loves me, that she plays games with me and that she thinks about me WAY MORE than she wants to.

Between Oct 08 & Nov 08 she e-mailed me over 220 times...That's only to my work address.


Me (BS)-39
Her (WS)-40
OM (her boss)- 50 something
D-Day Nov 26, 2005

Posts: 156 | Registered: Mar 2009
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chipmunkie,
When you're ready, we'll be here. Like Itsa says, there isn't much that will shock us. We've either gone through it ourselves or helped one of the others here through most things regarding NPD's. Not much will shock us.

Keepmyheadup,
Weather your WW is an N or not doesn't really matter. You have a mess on your hands. You're BOTH playing the game and it will continue until one of you STOPS. I agree that she may be stringing you along, but you are right there running back every time she calls. You can't continue to see / date / sleep with / remain married to your wife and date other people at the same time. It doesn't work.

Moved out in July 06.

We slept together until May 07.

Okay....you're not living together, but you're still having sex? She's still having an affair with her boss. See? Actions speak louder than words. What you're saying to her is, "It's okay if you have an affiar with your boss. I still want to have sex with you and still want to be in a relationship with you."

You were foolish to begin ANY new relationship before ending AND divorcing your wife. That was TOTALLY unfair and selfish of you to do to the new person. Do you not see how this has totally complicated your situation further?

I'm not saying what your wife is doing is okay. What I am saying is that you could have handled this situation much better and avoided much of this had you made better decisions.

If you and your wife want to work things out, you need to come up with some ground rules and some boundaries.

1) She ends her relationship with her boss.

2) She quits her job and gets a new one somewhere else.

3) You get into marriage counseling.

4) You both start individual counseling.

If the marriage is over you need to file for divorce and go NO CONTACT. This means no SEX, no phone calls, no nothing. If you need to talk about the children, you may need to do this through a third party for a period of time until things settle down. After that I would do everything through e-mail so you will have a record of the conversation. Keep it only about the children and don't veer into anything personal. If she goes there, ignore it and end the conversation.

I would also advise you NOT to start dating ANYONE until you get the divorce behind you because of the instability your wife has shown. You don't need to put anyone else's safety in jeapardy.

You're also going to need some time to get yourself through the pain and agony she has put you through. Get yourself healthy before you begin dating. If you start dating while you're unhealthy, you'll only attract more unheathy people to be in a relationship. Once you're healthy again, you'll attract someone else who is healthy. That will be a much better recipe.

Good luck.


**edited to add**

I saw in Divorce and Seperation that you were thinking of divorcing without an attorney. If your wife is an NPD, I highly DISCOURAGE this. Even if she's not NPD, she does sound as if she is difficult at best. Also you have children. Please get an attorney.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 5:17 PM, March 20th (Friday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering.
Does anyone have any experience with a malicious stalker ex N?
Hmmph.. I say N. His official diagnosis was N with psychopathic tendencies. Like that was a shock.

He sent me emails about the horrendous deaths of the pets we left behind. He was and is cruel beyond words.
(yes, I blocked him.)

He has done everything possible to extend the final decree. If I don't keep pushing it will never end.

How do you reconcile coming out of hiding to finish the divorce with exposing your children to more damage?

I know I will have to find the courage. I just don't know how.


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2008
WalksOnEggShells
♀ Member
Member # 20104
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering if anyone of you with Xs (NDP W spouse) that left you for OP is seemingly having a functional relationship with OP?

What happens when two NPD people couple up?

Maybe what I'm wondering is if somebody with NPD can have a functional, long-term relationship with anyone and if so what conditions would need to exist?

Would it be a good guess that the OP is even more co-dependent than me?


Me BW 47
Him WH 49, bi-polar NPD
2 children: 14 and 10
married 17 years
Status--divorcing after several false reconciliations and lots 'o therapy for everybody.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2008
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

Would someone please tell me why oh why I still let him get to me? Why do I give him that power??

EVERY email is copied to his attorney and the Guardian Ad Litem. He proceeded to tell me today how everything that's happened is my fault and that he didn't care that the children didn't want to see him, it was time for the standoff to end and he was coming over to see them. He will bring a witness and then they can testify in court that the boys don't want to see him.

Help me, please. The temporary order in force says that visitation is at the boy's discretion and they don't want to see him. What do I do? I don't want him over here...they don't want him over here. He's the only one that wants to be over here.


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Sad  Posted: 2:18 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a bad night y'all.

The meds just ain't working tonight.

And it doesn't help that my x is acting all sorry and sad about everything.
It's too late now.
I don't want to engage him.
I don't have the desire or energy.
Nothing matters about what happened between he and I anymore after losing my DD.
My priorities have changed and he isn't one of them.

So why does it bother me in some ways?
Part of me can't help but wonder "Where was this when I needed it or it could've done some good?"
It's too little, too late now.
After all the hell he's put me through???
All the pain and suffering?
The lies and bullshit?
Not just my own, but the kids' too.

I know he still lies to me about how much contact he has w/ his OW.
It doesn't matter anymore so why does he still bother?
I don't care what he does with them anymore.

He's been pretty decent lately.
Still... I can't help but wonder why.

Is he still trying to have both lives?



Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 4:58 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Tribe)))))

Keepmyheadup, Sadtoo has given you some excellent advice. You must stop feeding the animals! And, I also agree - if you are headed to divorce, you absolutely must have an attorney. You cannot deal with the disordered-types on your own. Many of will attest to this fact. Divorcing the N is a long, rough, and costly process. But, then, so is staying with them!!

(((Chipmunkie))) My N has done stalker crap, but nothing really evil or as sick as those emails you describe. I hope you have provided these to your attorney. I'm praying that you will be able to get this D over without sacrificing too many feelings of security.

Walksoneggshells, (perfect name for this group, btw...love it.) I would say that OW in my sitch has very strong N tendencies too. She is also very controlling. I've heard from the kids that my NPD Freak is doing the grocery shopping and the cooking over in that household. Things he rarely did in our M. I have no idea how long their relationship will last, but I do know that she is a huge codependent enabler - having just finalized her D from her alcoholic exH. So, yeah, I think 2 crazies have bonded over there -- thank God my STBXH had a vasectomy so they won't be able to procreate!

Oh, dear, Dazed, I would say that the simplest solution to his coming-over idea is to simply not be home when he says he is coming over. Of course, that is only a short-term solution. I assume you are keeping your attorney informed. Your L will have to notify his L that he is disregarding the temp orders and is harassing you. Do not allow him into your home. This is your sanctuary, your safe-haven -- he has no place in it. Strength to you, Dazed.

HB, I'm sorry to hear that your freak is ramping up his manipulations. You so need to be no contact with him. Things must not be so perfect in his little fantasy life, eh? Back to basics, HB. Ignore, ignore, ignore. You don't need his lies and bullshit in your life. You've had enough drama. ((((((HB))))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((TRIBE))))
My respect and awe for all of y'all is more than I can say.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

katherine41 posted this link in the S/D forum. This is a great article on NPD...

http://www.slate.com/id/2213740

...even mentions Octomom


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Balancing Act
♀ Member
Member # 19047
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tribe...I haven't posted here much because I have moved (emotionally) so far away from my NPD and his bullshit that my life is 99% calm, quiet and N-free. Of course, we didn't have children together so that his a HUGE part of the battle that I don't have to fight.

Just wanted you to know that I was checking in on you and sending positive thoughts to you all...

HB, my sister, you know the drill...NC, NC, NC...ignore, ignore, ignore as much as humanly possible...take your power and your strength and focus it on your life and your goals.

I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers...be strong!


Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy


Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: in the middle, somewhat elevated
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keepmyheadup, Sadtoo is right on the money. The back and forth is going to destoy you. Her actions seem to be very clear that she wants to play the game as long as you will let her. If she really wanted to be a faithful spouse she would not be doing this crap. It sounds like she may even tow the line for a while to keep you but will betray you again behind your back. It sounds like it is time to cut and RUN. You have children to think about and this kind of back and forth relationship will seriously mess them up. You need to be the stable parent for them and get healthy.

Chipmunkie Can you use the emails to get a RO and finish the divorce? I know my divorce was handled by my lawyer and I didn't have to appear or anything. Emails like that are definitally threatening.

Walksoneggshells

I'm wondering if anyone of you with Xs (NDP W spouse) that left you for OP is seemingly having a functional relationship with OP?

My ex has been with his wifetress for almost 5 yrs officially and they are married and 'seem' to be managing. I know she is really emotionally unstable and my ex has hit her in front of the kids so how functional the relationship is I would question.

What happens when two NPD people couple up?

I would think that some couples with NPD could potentially work if they are able to feed eachothers ego. There is the idea of inverted NPD which would work ok with a full NPD. Sounds like a match made in hell but who am I to judge.

Maybe what I'm wondering is if somebody with NPD can have a functional, long-term relationship with anyone and if so what conditions would need to exist?

The only way to have a long-term relationship with a freak is to bow to their every wish and stroke their ego constantly. They are the 'G-D' and you are the slave. If you can live like that and be happy subliminating all your own needs and desires and accept their table scraps then it could work. It falls apart when you can't take being the giver all the time and want to have something back.

Would it be a good guess that the OP is even more co-dependent than me?

My ex's wifetress is more co-dependent. Her first H was a seriously abusive man and her ex-finance is a functional drunk so my ex may somehow appear to be a better pick. She clearly accepts some abuse and violence in the relationship and from what I understand has some serious meltdowns of her own that my ex must tolerate and placiate. I am happy that my kids don't exposed to the toxic mix often.

thank God my STBXH had a vasectomy so they won't be able to procreate!
Mine too. Never been happier that he did that.

((((((HB)))))) I am sorry sorry life has dealt you so much to handle. I wish I could say or do something to ease you pain. Ignore the freak. He totally is not worth the effort.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's the latest email I got after I reminded him the temporary orders state that visitation is upon mutual consent of the kids.

"I'm really beginning to question your religion. You set up the barrier for me to not freely see the children (unless they want to). You told
the children about the affair, but I am sure that you neglected to tell them what a control freak you are, a nasty, mean, hateful, contol
freak you really are.

I guess the phrase WWJD (what would Jesus do) is one of those thing you 'don't agree with'.

Why do you go to churh? Obviously you are missing the messages. Maybe if you stayed more than to just sing, then leave
you'd learn something.

You are the one that put them in the middle of this. You forced the children into the middle of OUR divorce.

You are patheic."

I'm also the one that forced him to have an affair. I pulled his pants down and shoved his penis inside a whore. Wow...I'm good...

I can tell that things are just going to keep escalating. I called the police and made a report since this seems like harassment and I want to be left alone. We'll see....


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WB2 & Katherine,

That article rocked !!!

BoB

(((Tribe)))

NPD Freaks suck. I'm sorry that some of you are still being terrorized by these arseholes. And I believe that terrorized is not an overstatement:

------

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/terrorized

------

1. To fill or overpower with terror; terrify.
2. To coerce by intimidation or fear.

1. to control or force (someone) to do something by violence, fear, threats, etc.: he was terrorized into withdrawing his accusations
2. to make (someone) very frightened

coerce, force, hale, pressure, squeeze - to cause to do through pressure or necessity, by physical, moral or intellectual means :"She forced him to take a job in the city"; "He squeezed her for information"

affright, fright, frighten, scare - cause fear in; "The stranger who hangs around the building frightens me"; "Ghosts could never affright her"

panic - cause sudden fear in or fill with sudden panic; "The mere thought of an isolation cell panicked the prisoners"

verb 1. bully, menace, intimidate, threaten, oppress, coerce, strong-arm (informal) browbeat
verb 2. terrify, alarm, frighten, scare, intimidate, petrify, scare to death, strike terror into, put the fear of God into, fill with terror, frighten out of your wits, inspire panic in

------

Do your best to disregard, walk away and go NC with them. It works, if for nothing else, your own health.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, March 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed In Dixie His email is pure Blah Blah Blah.

Forcing children to have visitation against the courts instruction is not what Jesus would do since the other premise is that courts are a form of authority set up by God. Of course since that would not follow his desire he would rather ignore that piece.

Forcing chilren to be around him when they don't want to is abuive and not in their best interest. I think it is awesome that the courts have ordered that.

You told the children about the affair, but I am sure that you neglected to tell them what a control freak you are, a nasty, mean, hateful, contol freak you really are.

Funny my ex said basically the same thing to me as well.

If that is all he said in the email there is not reply needed. Just him trying to provoke you. Just file them and keep them for a later date if needed. I respond to my ex with as little as possible and if the email doesn't need a reply I just leave it. They get the message eventually.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.