My ex married a woman who was seriously abused by her first H and her fiance of 6 years was a functional alcoholic ( I worked with him and got to see him at work as well as away from work.) She is older and desparate so they are a perfect fit. She will tolerate him abuse because he offers security (of a sort) and he stays with her because she does most things for him that he needs and tolerates his abuse etc. Win-win
I do think that the test can be valuable tools and one would hope that the profesionals are not biased in their evaluation of the cases. I think they can definitally work in your favour but can also backfire at times. Alot of the time there are really no alternatives.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
STBXP didn't know what he signed up for when he married me. I think he thought he could pull it off. Have the M and family "look" and have dick-poking parties when and where ever he wanted. Nope. I caught on fast...what a dumbass!!!!
I think he and OW might last cuz she's Really desperate from her e-mails, dumb too. As long as she doesn't know he's cheating on her it'll be great...but I still don't think it'll last more than 3 years.
He tried to "con" his way through the tests, but the tests didn't lie. Based on the test results he was "diagnosed" with NPD and she was diagnosed with "Batter Womans Syndome". She was the victim of emotional abuse. The tests they administer did work.
Can you tell me what kind of test this was, or what kind of therapist it was that performed the test?
I can see where two of them could get off on the high of each other, but that would not last. They would eventually need real Narcissistic Supply.
Try not to worry about him fudging the test. He might be able to schmooze this woman, but these tests are designed to see right through his type of crap. I know it's hard, but try to have some faith.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:24 PM, July 18th (Saturday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
I had decided, after being able to pick DS up from STBXP every am. for the last few weeks and being able to drop STBXP off even in the presence of STBXP’s girlfriend last weekend, that I would hand DS off to STBXP myself today, instead of having my girlfriend do it.
However, after receiving the following text messages I asked my girlfriend to take DS out for me.
10:04 am "Sofresh, I can't tell you how sorry i am for what i have done to u, but please understand i do love you and care for you. Even though you have hurt me threw our son. You have accused me of abusing DS and i still care for you. i love DS with every beat of my heart just as you do. Why cant we work something out instead of being nasty like this. Is this gonna be good for DS when he gets older. I know your mad at me but please dont take my son from me. I only see him 2 and a half days a week. What do i need to do Sofresh for this to stop. Please take some time to think about this without your anger being in the way. If i could start over i would change what i did i would. But whats done is done. Im hurting too. I just hope you can open up your heart forgive me for what i have done. Im not a bad person i just made a wrong decision or decisions that now i am paying dearly for. What do u want me to do. How can i make your pain stop."
10:06 am "You know im not a bad person.."
10:30 am "I would like to just talk with you without fighting. Without judging one another. Without all these walls that have been put up. it kills me to see what we have both done to one another. I take my blame in full. Please dont laugh and think here we go again. Time is a nasty thing. It has worked against me in every way. Just please talk to me. Please allow yourself to just listen and not act. Please just think what jobe went through. that makes me think if he can go threw that and still come out with his head held high than this is a walk in the park. I was told by a good friend to never say never until your dead because than unfotunatly you have no choice. But we both have the opportunity now to make some good choices to make a better life or ourselves. There is a lot i want to say to you so please let me talk to you and you take it as you please. Well hope you have a great day."
12:03 pm "Sofresh did you know about ___... Omg what is going on. I have been trying to get ahold of him and now i just found out he tried to kill himself. Im so blown away...Please talk to me."
3:25 pm "I will not go there again u will have to pick him up half way or at my parents house. I do not enjoy being bashed by your friends. I will contact my attorney and advise him of this. I don't instagate anything with your friends i don't believe i need to hear things like that."
I don't see anything wrong with you have a friend do child exchanges. He can bitch all he wants to his lawyer but I seriously doubt he can force you to do all the driving etc. I know I had my friend do exchanges for a while because I was working and things needed to be consistent. She used a public place with video cameras so that if he pulled anything it was documented. Perhaps that would be a possible arrangement.
In reading the emails he sounds like he has some fake remorse "If i could start over i would change what i did i would. But whats done is done. Im hurting too. I just hope you can open up your heart forgive me for what i have done." but the reality is that he should be the one to figure it out. Even so forgiving him still won't change a thing. Forgiving him will be for you and not lead to anything changing in the situation.
The comparison to Job is interesting. Job was a righious man and this guy is far from that. Making the comparison is pretty funny but he clearly thinks of himself on that plain.
If you are not doing NC and having comunication being just email now might be the time to start doing that. I know having the ongoing diatribe through text messages would drive me crazy. Not to mention that fact that the dude can't spell. I have always found the way alot of these people communicate facinating.
The comparison to Job is interesting.
The comparison to Job is ridiculous!!
He faked his belief as we went to church for years, he has never read the bible. I don't know what he thought he was saying. I don't think he knows Job was righteous.
I think he was trying to say that Job stayed strong through everything.
I started thinking he was trying to take back what he said about not being able to face what he did (to me and family).
It's all baloney, but I think that is what he "wanted me to think".
he was also "using" the bible reference to get to me.
[This message edited by sofresh at 9:26 AM, August 2nd (Sunday)]
My ex does the whole religious thing. He plays the part well but how much is real is questionable. My ex lately has spouted crap like "It is my responsiblity to God" but all the while not taking care of his "responsiblity to God" when it comes to the children he was blessed with. Clearly that is not necessary since he dumped it on me.
It is all a front to make them look like they are better than they are.
At some point you get to the place where they don't really matter and their imput means next to nothing and you do the best you can regardless of the crap they pull. Indifference. It does help if you can accept that they are screwed up, won't change and so you have to have as little contact with them as possible, Kind of like the swine flu.
Anyway, begging me to reconcile. IThe whole time I am thinking... "he's a sociopath, this is all part of the game." But, I gave him an ear damn it!! for $ hours of bullshit.
Yeah. I through a lot of mud in his face, asked him a lot of questions.
Even told him I knew about him sleeping with his ex during our engagement, which he denied of course.
I can't believe how much he was crying. And how hard he was crying. He carried on about how much he missed me, how much he wanted the family back.
I said things like, "Yeah, so you can have your family back and continue to cheat on me."
or "Are you sure you aren't doing this to butter me up and get a better settlement."
or "You wouldn't do this if we didn't have Noah"
or "Why don't you stay with OW and have your happy family with her."
He kept saying how much he missed me.
He said he was willing to ask for a reconciliation through the courts. That way the court would see what he was doing and if he want back on it they would see he was lying. He said I could write up all my expectations legally.
(he called his attorney and was informed to no-longer contact me after yesterdays messages. So now he's confused and I am not responding)
ARGH. I need someone to shake me. I am really trying to wake up.
Here are the new text messages.
Jess please call me its important. Its about noah and i. Thankyou.
If you call my phone is broken just say anything and i will call u back. So that way i will know it's you. i dont want to go between lawyers to talk.
Jess please call me. Just for once please put your anger aside and please answer. I dont want to argue with you. I want to see what we can do. I want to restore our marriage and be a family. i will do whatever it takes. I will do it threw the courts. Whatever i need to do i will do it. it just hurts to much to see what ourson and us have to go threw. i am responsable for this. but please i swear anything.
Jess i called my attorney and he stated that he just got a fax from your attorney stating that i have no contact with you unless its about noah. what do u want me to do. we just talked and i want to move forward but how can i when my attorney has that paperwork. Can you please call me and let me know. I didnt want to get in trouble.
Please jess dont hurt me by trying to save our marriage. Please call me and let me know if you want me to stop trying to save our marriage. Please i want this to work i want to stop fighting, Noah is down for his nap.
Jess we just had a great conversation i thought please just tell me if you dont want me talking with u. i don't want you to get me in trouble for talking to u. please tell me what u want me to do. i afraid of getting in trouble please call or text me.
Jess please just let me know what you want me to do. I'm trying to do my part to show u i want this and know i feel like im getting trapped. Please just let me know if you want me not to move forward with saving our marriage. Just let me know that your not telling your attorney something different. please let me know. I will leave you alone just let me know that i'm not gonna get in trouble for talking to you. please answer me.
dan said that there is nothing on his end that he can do if we want to get together and make the marriage work. Please let me know what you want me to do.
Then I found an exchange between him and The Troll where she's stalking him, but has the nerve to giggle about how crazy I am -- and he's agreeing with her. So I bitched at him and told him I didn't want to hear the lovey-dovey bits again.
THEN, he went through my car and found the letter my attorney wrote subpoenaing his medical records, and he went into a narcissistic rage over that! Talk about those true colors showing.
He wants to do anything? He's capable, right? Then why hasn't he done anything except harass you with texts? "It's about Noah and I" is a clear bait-and-switch. You have an obligation to tell the creature not-a-damned-thing. Let him continue to be nervous. Engaging him once -- cool. But so long as you continue to throw him the slightest bone, he will continue to harass you.
*be strong -- you can do it!*
Anyone know if this type of behavior is standard NPD?
ETA: I exposed WH's EA and he's been like this ever since, although he did have a period where he was super nice to me, wanted to reconcile, etc (he left me for OW and divorce had been filed).
I told him reconciliation probably wasn't possible because I had moved on and had a stupid drunken one night stand with a guy. He said it didn't matter, he still wanted to R. Things continued to be okay until he found out that this guy was attractive and he then went absolutely nuts and the open and honest communication shut down and he started telling me he wanted to die, etc. I see the ego damage here and can't help but to think that NPD is behind the severity of his reaction.
[This message edited by mommyblonde at 9:39 AM, July 22nd (Wednesday)]
Call the police, report the threat and let them handle it. You need to stay out of it.
NPD's will go to ANY extreme to regain control over the relationship. Begging, crying, threats of suicide, acts of violence, etc. You must remain UN-baitable. This is why NO-contact is so important when it comes to dealing with an NPD. You cannot have a simple conversation with these individuals. You say something simple like, "How are you?" and they hear, "I love you, I want you."
They are CONTROL FREAKS. They are in a tail-spin early after the relationship has ended and they are trying desperately to regain that control. They are throwing out every promise that they KNOW you have ever wanted to hear in hopes that you might bite. When that doesn't work, they move on to the suicide threats and so on. Don't even listen to it. If he threatens violence or suicide, CALL THE POLICE.
Let the calls go to VM or better yet, change your number.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 1:12 PM, July 22nd (Wednesday)]
I seriously think he fed the duty councel a bunch of lines because I tried to communicat with him after a few words and she turned to me and told me not to talk to him. Clearly he made me out to be a villan and he is the victim of a the greedy ex who just wants to ruin him fiancially. In the few minutes she had with him I am certain she had no time to read the nonsense he filed and the particulars of the case so I am not worried.
I hate dealing with him and all this crap. I definitally would not bother will all of this if it was not a fair chunk of change more that he should be paying. He has been going out of his way to ignore the kids and do try to spite me at every contact (tried to serve him and he won't open the door each of the 3 times I went there), Won't answer emails even though they are about meds he kept after the last visit and I need them back or I have to replace them. etc. Thankfully everything beyond this can be done by mail.
Dealing with this psycho is so draining. He just does what he wants but then whines when he gets slammed for it. I have no idea how I lived with this crap day in and day out for years. I must be getting old because I don't have the patience for this nonsense any more.
I just hope that the courts will get it all figured out and I get the arrears. He may be paying me back for a while.
I must be getting old because I don't have the patience for this nonsense any more.
I don't think you're getting old, I think that is the result of NC and being able to see things from an outside perspective.
Through all the BS my STBXP has put me through lately, I look at him and no-longer recognize him. He doesn't have the charm. I see right through it. I also don't know t his man and the clothes he wears. Seems OW dresses him, and I don't recognize this style.
I don't have any love for this man, other than the kind I have for all human kind.
I don't think you're getting old, I think that is the result of NC and being able to see things from an outside perspective.
Hear, hear! Today is the final day that dipwad gets to file an objection to the recommendation of the court. Instead of signing it and paying his arrearages, he's going to make us sweat until 4:30 pm. At that point my cousin will walk it through to the judge, and send a letter to his attorney demanding payment.
Then this morning he tries to tell me that he's thinking about getting a popup camper on a piece of land because he'll only have $1100 a month. He's such a liar! I know exactly how much money he makes, and how much goes to what. So I asked him who he was giving the rest of his money to; did he have another baby mama finally pursuing support? he logged off of IM real fast!
he logged off of IM real fast!
They don't like it when we figure them out.
Yeah, he probably doesn't have another baby mama, but he hates that you know how much he makes.
Sounds like your NPD/P is as dumb as mine
He was there to cry and put on a show in front of all the family and the neighbors. So she got mad and told him she'd call the cops if he didn't leave.
So his quote from his attorney to mine was...
"Sofresh, I have your dad on the phone and he told me to call the police." Then, "Go fuck another woman you prick. I don't want to hear your fucking sob stories. Get lost you asshole. You're a piece of shit. Get the fuck lost and don't come back here."
[This message edited by sofresh at 10:02 PM, July 24th (Friday)]