They can't change who they are. For therapy to worj they would first have to admit there is something wrong, believe the therapist can actually help them in therapy and then take and apply the therapy to their lives and make real lasting changes.
These people are never wrong so how can that happen?
I am sure some do make some small changes that make them easier to tolerate. But like is sais over and over the sacrifices on those around them are far more. They basically train you to be their puppets.
Not much of a free life IMHO
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
About the only thing I think that counceling does for these people is make them more skilled and fooling others. councelors tend to inately try and lead those they councel towards 'normal functioning' expecially in interpersonal relationship and it just gives the NPD more ways to hide their disorder by coaching them to act better while not changing a darn thing about their thinking, believes and abuse.
My ex just became better at appearing normal for slightly longer periods of time but when he did take a nosedive it was very obvious that nothing had changed (or really that he was even further away because all the hard work did nothing at all)
Just wantedt to say hi.
About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.
BTW -- I'm happy to report that my D was final earlier this month!
However, I am realizing that I don't think I will EVER be free of his toxic grasp. He has started ramping up some of his NPD behaviors again, and I am working hard at trying to shore up my boundaries. But I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
He has started calling me repeatedly about things that are not urgent at all. He just calls and calls, without leaving a message. He refuses to answer my emails, he instead will do his calling exercise.
He's behind on reimbursements for daycare, but he has had his attorney contact mine demanding a refund for overpayment on CS. He has actually made several ridiculous demands through his attorney, which in turn, have cost me attorney fees too. These after our divorce was final! I suppose I am going to need to formally discharge my attorney so that I do not incur these fees for his lunacies.
He is still demanding items from the house, even though I have a decree saying what's here is mine, except for his junker '57 chevy in my yard - which he wants to be allowed to "work on" in my yard!! (Oh, hell no.)
What's sent me back here though, posting to all of you who understand, is this morning's drama:
I had called him (mistake) to inform him that DS is not going to school today. DS has had major issues with school refusal in the last several months. However, the reason he is home today is that we lost our cat in a coyote attack, and DS is the one who discovered pieces of the cat in our lawn yesterday...(another story there - posted in O/T).
So DS is traumatized. I feel awful that he had to be the one to find that. So, understandably, he didn't want to go to school today.
Well, Assclown began cussing at me and belittling me and DS over the phone. He was blaming me for all sorts of things not related to my call at all (of course).
And his response to the death of the cat (which had been OUR family pet) was this chilling line, "well, you knew this would happen. You know you're not supposed to have cats outside." WTF? The cat was indoor/outdoor for how many years when you lived here, asshole?? Not one ounce of sympathy or sorrow. No compassion or caring. Just cold, callous blame for me, and an attitude of "well, he's got to get over it" for my son.
I remember saying to him, after listening to insult after insult, "well, thank you very much for your support in the loss of our children's pet..." And his response was, "fuck you and fuck your support. blah, blah, blah." After another F-bomb, I just hung up on him.
He proceeded to call me back twice, and I ignored him. He then actually left me quite the voice mail. It is full of swearing, projection, lies, blaming, threats and insults. I really can't believe he actually left this knowing it's a recording. He also was calling me non-stop while I was listening to his message, and while I was talking to my mother and playing the message for her.
I also dialed OW's house number and played it into her machine. I have never done anything like this before, but I cannot believe the level of venomous hatred that was spewing from his mouth in response to my call about the details of the death of a family pet and his child's subsequent suffering.
He is such a moronic, mother-fucking ass. Why can't these freaks summon up one ounce of normal human emotion when others are obviously suffering?
I don't know how much of that message was recorded at OW's house, and I don't know who might have heard it or who may hear it later. I wonder if she was at home though, because the machine cut off, and his calls stopped immediately afterward.
Struggling today, ladies. Praying for a bolt of lightning to strike his pathetic, rotten-to-the-core ass.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Fucktard has apparently found us once again.
The fun just never ends.
Fuck him.. I'm not running again.
Four different states in as many years.
I'm not doing it again.
This time it's different.
I have a divorce decree giving me complete and total custody of my daughter.
This is where it ends.
I'm almost 45 years old and I'm tired.
So very, very tired.
It's funny almost. I made a determined, conscious, decision to start living a real open life again and he pops back up.
He's not worth the effort I'm expending in typing this.
What is with their obessions? Seriously. Why can't they just leave us alone??
I had the police out to my work today because assclown was making harassing phone calls. He even called one of my coworkers and pretended to be a cop in order to get transferred to me. WTF?
Just be vigilant. If he starts ramping up the NPD stalking or obsessive phone calls, do what you have to do to protect yourself and your DD.
Stick to your guns and get the RO. There was on in place for the first yr here. It is time for him to learn that you will not take his abuse any more.
Mine has be totally quiet for now but he does this every year. He 'disappears' in the winter and goes for months without contacting the kids. I expect that in march or april he will appear again and will carry on like nothing happened. It is really hard on the kids but they are getting used to it.
It took me 8 years (knocking on wood) to get to the point where mine has let up.
I understand the intense need to run or move away as I wanted to do the same. But I stayed put and fought Not physically, but through the courts.
1) The first thing you need to do is establish and maintain NC. You CANNOT have any communication with these nuts. They will use anythin you say against you. Don't think you can outsmart them by taping their calls or anythin like that, they are pros at baiting and they will trip you up somehow and you will end up saying or doing something that could end up working against you.
If you have children (I feel so bad for you) I would suggest exchanging through a third party. If you need to, do it through a police department and do all communication exchanges through a third person or through emails. If the emails head in a different direction other than the children, IGNORE it. File it away, but ignore it. By addressing it, you are only going to engage this loon into a no-win verbal exchange that will escallate into horrible argument before you know it.
2) Secure your home. Install deadbolts and locks on your windows. If you have a fence, install locks on your gates. Install an alarm system. They are afordable today. Also, have a video surveillance system that records installed. If he is stalking you, you will need this evidence to have him prosecuted.
3) Tell EVERYONE you know the problems you are having with him and give them photos of him and any vehicle you know he has access to. Tell your neighbors to call the police if they see him or that vehicle at or near your home.
4) Visit your local police department/precinct and introduce yourself to the chief/sgt or whoever is in charge of domestic violence. Tell them your situation and ask them to watch your home.
5) If you are in immediate danger, go to your local court house and request a personal protection order. Still tell your neighbors and your local police department what is going on.
6) Buy a big dog.
7) Start a log of activities and keep it current. This will hold up in court.
8) Call the police if you see him, or even if you think you see him on or near your property. DO NOT confront him on your own, EVER.
9) Do not worry about him lying about anything. Get over it. He WILL lie. That is why you have your neighbors, your video and the other things. Let him lie. It only makes him look worse.
10) Change your telephone number to a non-listed and non-published number.
11) Have your mail sent to a post office box, not to your mail box.
12) Put a password on all of your accounts. (electric bill, gas bill, bank accounts, etc)
In my situation I had 5 or 6 seperate PPO's. Once one would run out, he would re-offend and I would have to get another one. He would always lie about being here, etc. After I did all the things listed above, he started going to jail. He got tired of that very fast.
The other thing I did was to report him to his employer. He was stalking me in a company vehicle. He was charged for a lesser offense, but since the vehicle was equipped with GPS (sucks to be him ) the owner of his company had to come to trial too. He wasn't fired, (I couldn't believe it) but I guess he was in really big trouble and horribly embarassed.
I used to be so so afraid of this asshole, thinking that by calling the police etc would only make him more angry. But I have found that like most NPD's, he's a major chicken shit. And the one thing that he is most afraid of is EXPOSURE. (jail probably runs a close second.)
[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:57 PM, March 3rd (Wednesday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
As much as I do NOT want to go back into court and rack up more attorney's fees, I know I must try to get my temporary r/o made permanent.
I just wish I could keep my children free from his toxic bull shit.