Perimenopause, ADs and anti-anxiety drugs really kill a libido.
Tho I think we're both interested...we're just skeered...
ADs are a sex life killer, no doubt about it. It's finding the lesser of the evils, since depression can be a killer or just simply suck all the light and air out of a home. Uggh!
I'll toss out something we're going to try on the advice of FWH's shrink. First, let me preface by saying FWH has tried every medication out there. I mean EVERYTHING. So that's where we are at; no choices left until the pharmaceutical companies crank out something new. Second, I'll add that this new shrink (he's had several) has been described as "the smartest doctor I've ever known" by two mental health professionals who've been in it a long time and whose opinion I really take to heart. The shrink is really into Eastern healing traditions and in other words isn't bound to the Merck Manual.
Now comes the crazy "as seen on TV!" part...which is to say that if I heard this from came from anyone other than this brilliant doctor, I'd immediately discard: He told FWH that he might try this product called Zenorx in combination with ginseng.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, folks: I ordered some off eBay the other day, a 30 day supply I think it is. We'll see. I figured I'd mention it, either as a hot tip or if it doesn't work at all, I can maybe save someone a few bucks. But obviously I'm really (reeeeeeeeeally) hoping for the former!
Remember that STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
considering the last post I started about this subject was titled something like "he's not that into me, is he?" I'm thinking this thread is the place for me.
what I really can't figure out is if it's sex with me or just sex in general that WH isn't interested in now.
[This message edited by trahi at 8:56 PM, April 27th (Monday)]
So why? In my eyes I assume he may still be in contact with OW, but haven't seen any signs of it. When asked, he says why does him being in contact with OW have to be the only reason?
Well... because if not then you are just down right rejecting me and that is even more traumatic. He says he doesn't know why he isn't interested in sex with me. Last MC he said maybe it was because it would make him vulnerable and I am like okay...but I am the BS...how vulnerable do you think I am?
I am just at a loss...I'm feeling pretty down.
I posted in the R forum and someone told me about this thread. So I am glad I have some place to go.
It has been two years for me. The first year I didn't even notice because I was under so much stress dealing with a family member. The second year was after the A...you bet I notice now. When I told H we needed to have sex he was pissed and said, "Now, you want to have sex?" As in why didn't I want to have it before.
I'm just lost. If we can't get the sexual intimacy in line how do we expect to have full intimacy.
I guess it's time to try to talk to WH about it, again. But last time I did most of the talking, and while we did end up having some good sex that night, it didn't take long to realize that nothing has really changed.
You might not want to discount the "too vulnerable" factor your WH shared.
My spouse is a sex addict, but I have only known that for 6 months.
Most of our marriage my WH would give me every reason in the world for the lack of sex. Work stress, kids, money, sick....
I had no idea there was porn usage. NO idea he took care of his own business EVER.
Regardless what your WH's reasons for no interest, sex is intimate. If someone is afraid of being vulnerable, they are expressing a fear of intimacy. Why? FOO issues?
I asked my WH many time "what is so wrong with me that you wouldn't even USE me?!!"
Your WH actually admitted it. Go with it.
Whatever the "reason" in the big picture; He is afraid.
I know it sounds so contradictory, but think about it:
Affair sex is NOT intimate, they can have sex without being vulnerable. It isn't as real as a wife will be, especially a wife that cares enough to try to R!
[This message edited by too trusting BW at 3:07 PM, April 28th (Tuesday)]
Soooo many familiar names.
Well, we're still No Sex, nine months after the A (at least she didn't get preggers!), and I'm dealing with it by NOT TAKING IT PERSONALLY. I'm living anyway.
If she is not into a great catch like me, something is amiss!
It doesn't suck less this way, but we have a pretty good thing otherwise since her BiPolar is being taken care of a bit and we actually talk and communicate about stuff.
Except the sex issue, which makes her wierd. She has SA issues she won't deal with, so that's probably it!
Best to all of you, and take care of yourselves.
I want sex so bad I can taste it sometimes, but it is not air, food, or water, so I can live for now.
But what's comical is that the seller noted that there'd be a "special bonus". Yay! Yay! right??
Oh my goodness: the package arrives and the bonus turns out to be this totally gnarly deck of nudie girl playing cards featuring --well-- you know... With kids in the house and a FWH who couldn't even benefit from them w/o reaching for his reading glasses, I decided to run 'em through the shredder (not exactly a Goodwill donation item, after all).
I did save out one, though, to share for laughs w/FWH: this photo of this woman who was like a circus freak by choice with these giant deflated soccer balls implanted on her chest. Grrrrrross! I mean, really: who finds that attractive??? It looked bizarre and I don't mean b/c of the size, I mean because of the freaky way her tatas were all huge in the midsection and then narrowed quite notably when attaching to the the body. And someone thought that was attractive and 'hot' enough to photograph and paste on a playing card???
Anyway, just a diversion and/or warning post (in case anyone decides to order Zenorx off eBay like me!).
[This message edited by sad12008 at 9:33 PM, April 28th (Tuesday)]
Anyone getting no sex at all? If so, reasons?
I just don't know whether I should back off or push with WH on this subject. I don't understand where his mind is right now and in past conversations, he hasn't been able to really explain it either.
I think a part of WH wants (needs?) to be pursued like the OW did, but in my mind that makes it all about him again. And I'm past tired of it being all about him.
I just post this in response to Top Jimmy's thread in Recon.
I became asexual over 1 year.
He has a sense of humor and he even made a joke during summer in front of the kids saying "Oh it's hot, open your legs honey, because it is cold like fridge"
After I He-toxed xOM from my system, and I had to cut off all sexual contents Tvs, movies, because they triggered me and send me to the opposit direction and didn't help. I stopped wearing clothes that makes me look attractive, too. I felt like I was having a celibacy from those dark days.
Emotional connection(doing things together) helped me becoming more physical connection, too. Also not feeling being pressured also helped. At the same time, I read those sexual healing books, and get my physical checked.
After 1.5 years out, I finally feel like I am a virgin for my H again.
We never had HB. As you saw my other thread in Recon, it was a big deal for us that I initiated it.
I will keep reading healthy intimacy and sexuality for our sexual well-being.
Good luck and hang in there.
Anyone else want to chime in on this subject? Anyone getting no sex at all? If so, reasons?
Well, let's see...
"because I need a shower and I don't feel like taking one now." (And he didn't until 15 minutes before he had to leave for an appt)
"maybe later, I ate too much dinner" (Later he's throwing up in the bathroom because "he ate too much dinner")
"I just got sick, not really in the mood"
And these were all this week.
[This message edited by weepy at 10:55 AM, May 2nd (Saturday)]
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda