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User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fleury

I am sorry you are here. Even before we were sure (well based on new info, he knew, but allowed me to think it might not be his) that OW was indeed carrying WH's child (did DNA 1 week after birth), I sought out IC. I was a basket case & basically shut down about 1 month before her due date. I had even called her to find out due date, because WH said he didn't know. She told me due date & sex of child & what OC's name would be. All month long, I frantically searched the public site for the local hospital that has nursery photos. They're by child's first name. I couldn't take care of me or my kids. I don't know how I even survived it. My IC told me once I was done that she thought when I first came in, that I was going to have a nervous breakdown & I was crying so much that she was very surprised that I only needed a few months of weekly sessions.

Please seek IC. In my case, everyone around me got tired of hearing me complain & worry. At some point, I felt like everyone just didn't want to talk to me anymore about it. Having a really nice IC that could just listen to my daily/weekly agony over potential OC, gave me the strength to get through it. WH wasn't my rock, but he was very good to me after D-day#2, when he revealed her pregnancy. He supported my going to IC, but now acts like I was going crazy & teases me that I'm insane. I'm not insane or never have been...just extremely depressed about whole OW/OC thing. Even after 1 year after her birth (and still today), OC's b-day sent me back into depression & I had to go onto antidepressants right before OC's first b-day.

This year, OC's b-day was hard again because of A#3 w/OW.

Please, seek some IC. I also went to see lawyer for free consult after D-day#2. He did a workup of all our joint stuff & talked to me about custody options. It's very hard to limit custody for either parent here, as long as both parents are willing to be involved w/child(ren). I didn't look @your profile yet, but if you have children w/WH, you need to seek legal advice for their sake. Some states don't have such good laws to protect the in-house children financial responsibility as Tennessee does. Some states almost make it impossible for BW to NOT file for legal separation (even if R & co-habitating)...because if BW files first, then OW can't get such a large portion. In our state, it used to be based on who filed first (no matter what order the children were born in or how many lived w/WS) and was a strict % basis (first kid to file got 22%, then varying % down to max of 50% of parent's total income for all kids). Before the new laws, our state didn't even care if there was any $$$ left in the household to care for in-house children, now they do a formula & each parent of OC can get credit for time spent w/OC & also for other in-house children that each parent is providing for...they also CAN'T include BS income here....some states (I think) include the total household income in the mix (so if a deadbeat dad/mom won't get a job, then their spouse pays CS). My mom used to pay CS for her XH's OC (OC lived in Virginia & that state sued him for CS) when they were still married, because he was alcoholic & rarely wanted to work (would hock stuff or steal from people to get $$$ for booze & drugs). I used to think my mom was such a pushover for staying w/her husband...then, stupid me...I got the shaft from WH & now have stayed around for 8+ years after OC's birth. My mom was so strong. They didn't do DNA then...bloodwork (blood types) and eye color played a big part of determining OC was his - I don't really know how it worked back then actually.

Don't people having affairs use BC (condoms or pill) anymore? So many innocent children out there having to live w/2 families, or single-parent homes because of infidelity.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found this link, if it'll help anyone have peace-of-mind.

http://www.baby2see.com/conception_calculator.html#ConceptionCalculator


Fleury
Don't trust WH/OW to be really 100% truthful about when PA started. OW may have been with BH & WH all around the same times & have no real clue who the daddy is. Does her BH know of PA & that baby may not be his?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In this case the OW is convinced that the baby is her BH's. She gets a little peeved when my H asks for updates on the due date and conception date after she has had doctor's appointments. She basically said she KNOWS it is not his, NO WAY it could be his and he needs to stop asking. She knows when she got pregnant and she was with her H and she and my WH had not yet had intercourse and didn't have intercourse until after she had already popped a positive pregnancy test.

My WH is convinced it is not his. OW is convinced it is not his and I am the one on the island that is hestitant to believe it.

It would be so easy to just drop it and let it go.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
SurvivingInCA
♀ Member
Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 4th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in general but I would love the OC groups opinion of this since you are familiar with my situation and may have similar experiences.

My H met with the OW to sign declaration of parentage documents at the notary. H discussed next steps with her and she confirmed that she wants financial assistance from H.

Here’s where things get dicey…

OW is willing NOT to file custody paperwork if we provide her monthly financial assistance. This would mean that she would not be able to request CS nor would she be able to collect back CS. However, it should be noted that she can choose to file those papers anytime at which point H becomes liable for CS moving forward and he would also be liable for back CS from the date which she filed (if he didn't pay or he paid less than what was court ordered).

For us this could be advantageous because it would allow us to negotiate with OW about what would be an appropriate monthly amount (and this would likely be less than what CA would order H to pay in CS). For her, she will have total C of OW forever – and we will not contest it. The agreement would be drawn up by attorneys though we recognize that this agreement may not be legally binding in the eyes of the state of CA.

She threw $1500/month out as a starting figure which seems really, really high. For context, my H makes about $115K/year, and out best guess is that the OW probably makes about $65-70K/yr. (Though my H's income is good, we have substantial student loans, a mortgage and H provides some support to his mom. None of this would be considered by CA CS)

Does anyone out there in a similar situation pay CA CS? And does this seem like a lot?

Also, does anyone out there have a similar arrangement with OW/OC?

WOuld love your expertise


BW – me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday – 4/10/09
PA – 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC – 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)
R'ing

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, June 5th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We aren't in CA, but were talking of a similar arrangement with OW at one point to keep the state out of everything. In our situation it didn't work out and now H has chosen to have his wages garnished for CS until adoption is final.

My only bit of advice if you can work something out with OW is do have it written up by an attorney and keep receipts for EVERY penny you give her. Like you said she could change her mind at any time and decide to go for CS if she feels like you aren't paying enough. Also even though she may agree to a certain amount and you may have proof of payments you made to her she could go for CS, and if the state deems that you haven't paid her what they would have given her they may make your H pay the difference in what you have already paid and what she would have gotten KWIM. I know it can be financially tough, but in my book I think it is always best to go by the book and do thing's through the state. That way you aren't constantly worrying that OW will change her mind and go for more money, she won't have the power to play games etc. Good luck with whatever you choose.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 5th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We did that no-court thing for 8 years. It was okay, but we didn't realize OW actually owed WH CS instead of vice-versa when his income dropped dramatically (they would have probably been $0 support awarded when WH & OW made similar amounts annually).

The one thing we did was to scan copies of the payment (initially used postal money orders) then last (before CS was dropped when WH got "real" CS papers drawn up & joint custody) I was paying via our banks bill-paying system. With the bill-paying system, I always knew when it was mailed out from the bank (this is a free service BTW) and if I made sure it sent out 10 days in advance, it was always there before 1st of month. I didn't have to have OW knowing our checking acct # or anything (that shows up on our checks). I have paid her by check on occassion, but don't like to (making sure I had scanned a copy also).

WH & OW's agreement was $400/month which he paid even when he was paralyzed & was in hospital on short-term disability. But, OW also agreed to every weekend overnights w/WH for OC (basically since DNA+) and he could get or see her anytime he wanted.

It gave OW very much control over our lives, in my opinion (we had OC a lot as an infant & OW was courting her BH). Plus, WH felt obligated to be friends w/OW so he could keep visitation. Wish he'd gone to court. He did sign a declaration of paternity & officially had his name on birth certificate & her last name changed to his, once the DNA was positive, but it wasn't through child support services & he paid for DNA out-of-pocket in cash w/out courts involved.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 5th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was always this fear that some day, OW might seek CS & if it was calculated (we didn't know her income then), WH might owe back CS on the difference.

It cost WH about $2700 to do the right stuff (finalized this year, but started last year)...because OW backed out of the agreed forms @first (until she got the subpoena & then agreed to avoid court & attorney costs). Since WH initiated it, he was able to get his attorney to draw up papers & joint custody stuff in a way that he decided was best. It was basically up to her to agree or go to mediation. WH got exactly everything he wanted, plus he waived OW's CS obligation (said she would pay for extracurriculars & clothes - a lie)...he just wanted it done & to have legal joint custody. (I think it was a relief to WH after A#3 to have the papers in place, because OW was somewhat angry @me & him both after D-day#3 in Sept08, plus she was hurt that WH didn't continue the 3rd affair or leave me this time).


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, June 5th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For right now we're doing everything unofficially. We've got OC a lot anyway. We've never given OW a penny because I do daycare for OC at no cost and we have her over 50% of the time on top of that. We do carry all insurance on OC (state would order us to anyway), and we'd legally be required to pay for half of daycare too so with my being a SAHM anyway this makes much more sense for all of us. IF OW did decide to go for child support though, since there is already a CSO in place for the 5 COM, she'd be entitled to about $35/mo, half of daycare, and health insurance. sooooo it's not really worth it for her to persue because free daycre i'm doing actually puts more money in her pocket then getting it all done legally.
Sorry if i'm repeating myself it was the last day of school for the kids today and i told them they could stay up as late as they wanted.. WTH was i thinking LOL!!!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
DOH!  Posted: 7:25 AM, June 9th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I shouldn't be whinning, but could someone hit fastforward on time so the adoption will be over already. The waiting around for stuff from OW lawyer is killing me!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 9th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUG)) auntcis!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, June 9th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{hugs to all}}}}

OK, I had to do it. I emailed OW. I asked if she was planning to do DNA testing in December. Her reply?
"Absolutely not. I know who the father is, it's my husband. There is absolutely no way possible it couldn't be."

I so want to blast back at her and ask her about the fact that she was with two guys in the same 7 weeks and the ONE week 'off' is the week that she conceived?

And the other part of me says that she isn't going anywhere with this and i need to drop it.

I think she is too stupid to know she could do a paternity test with my WH and her BH would never have to know...

Arghhhhhhhhhhh.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, June 9th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She doesn't want to accept there is a chance it could be your FWH's. Does her husband know of her actions??? If not.. TELL HIM!

If something would happen later down the road, and her husband does a DNA test himself and finds out.. well she could come after your husband for support. It sucks big time.

IF it were us, and it almost was, and OW didn't consent to DNA testing we were prepared to take it to court and legally put it to rest one way or the other. We were prepared as was our attorney to try to get a judge to legally compel her to have the kid tested. It's unusual, usally men are running from paternity, but it can be done.

[This message edited by beajus at 7:10 PM, June 9th (Tuesday)]


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Fleury
♀ Member
Member # 24185
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, June 9th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

beajus,

Hell, I just want to run from it.

Her H does not know. I have addressed this in another thread, but this is a f'ing house of cards.

If her H finds out, he leaves her, she then sues my H for sexual harrassment and since he is self employed, we could stand to lose everything. I am not in a strong enough place to do that right now. But I am strong enough to hold it over her head....

I really, really don't know how you do it. The mere thought of it makes me puke. I wish I had your shoulders, mine are just not strong enough.


What have I done to deserve this life?

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2009
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, June 9th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUG)) Just my opinion ok??

If your gut, and your husbands gut tell you to run, Well then PUT IT BEHIND YOU! Live in the moment, this moment, she wants the baby to be her husbands and for all intents and purposes and knowledge, it's her husbands. Then let it go. In the mean time, I'd try to get your hubby as far away from the viper as possible. Change your numbers, your email address, your jobs etc... Ther HAS to be a statute of limitations for sexual harassment. Try to outlast it.
That is my opinion.
I'm fairly young so i might not be thinking totally realistically but well i'm trying LOL.

I do it because i have to. When I was pregnant with my twins and had just found out on my other childs first birthday... i was SOOOO scared, so worried, a wreck basically, but when they were born, I had no choice but to put one foot in front of the other and just do what needed done. I applied and do apply that same attitude to OC. But not everyone can and that is fine. Both ways are right :)
Thank you for the compliment, I needed it tonight, they were sleeping together one year ago tonight... and here i sit cuddling OC on my lap sobbing my eyes out.. *sigh*


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
SFC80
♀ New Member
Member # 24347
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, June 10th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Contact - How on earth do you make it work?

Basically, me and my partner have 2 children. One 3 months younger than the OC. The OC is now almost 2 and we have had NC up until now for multiple reasons ... main one being the OW decided she wanted him to have NC.

It looks like C might be hapenning in the near future. How do you make it work? I don't particularly like the thought of my partner visiting the OC in her mother's home alone. I trust my husband. We have recovered as well as can be at the moment. But I don't trust her.

I'm wondering how people established contact and make it work, to limit the hurt it causes you and the affect it has on your own children.

How do you deal with the OW? How is contact made with her? Have you, the BS, been involved in visitation from the beginning?

I can understand, being a mother myself, that the OW may not want to let my partner have contact with the OC on their own from the start as the OC doesn't know my partner.

I'm really grateful for any replies or advice. x


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2009
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 10th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your gut, and your husbands gut tell you to run, Well then PUT IT BEHIND YOU! Live in the moment, this moment, she wants the baby to be her husbands and for all intents and purposes and knowledge, it's her husbands. Then let it go. In the mean time, I'd try to get your hubby as far away from the viper as possible. Change your numbers, your email address, your jobs etc... Ther HAS to be a statute of limitations for sexual harassment. Try to outlast it.

I agree with this. And her H doesn't even have to sign the birth certificate, in most states if you are married your spouse is auotmatically listed as the father unless you tell them otherwise. So if thier marriage were to fall apart and he wants DNA test done and child is proven not to be her H then he is the one who is still responsible for CS cause he didn't ask for DNA before. That's kind of a crappy deal for her BH, but if he wants to turn a blind eye to her actions and she wants him to be the father let them have what they want and you and your h move on with your life. JMHO


(((((SFC80)))))

I don't really have any advice as we are NC and plan to stay that way since OC is being adopted. I just wanted to welcome you to the forum although I am sorry you find youself here. I'm sure that some of the other ladies who do have contact will have some advice for you shortly


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, June 10th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First thing I'd do is iron out custody child support etc.. with the court system. Then you all have a good guideline to go by. Since the child is almost 2 or is 2, this could be traumatic for them.

I also would not let my partner over to the OW's house without me there. I haven't yet to date except for drop off or pick up and i make him have his cell on at the time.

You guys ALL together (except COM) need to meet at like a burger king playland and start introductions that way. He should never go to her home unless YOU are comfortable with it and it sounds like you're not :)

At first i took over most of the contact with OW. Setting up vistation etc.. but when real parenting issues came up, I make FWH deal with them.
Our situation is differant in that, in exchange for CS I do daycare for OC So i see OW a lot! We've had OC a lot since she was 4 days old.

OC is just 10 wks old or so, but we've made it work so far. The best advice i have if you guys are gonna go for C. make darn sure you can hide your feelings about the A. and about the OW from yourself and your body language etc.. while OC is around. Make sure the contact is ONLY in the best interests of any involved kids, They are the most important ones. If any of you are being forced into contact if you don't want to do it etc... the kid will pick up on that and it won't be good for them in the long run.

Contact can be done over the phone or i personally suggest email since that leaves a paper trail if it's ever needed for court later.

Always always keep a journal of what is going on. Started from the beginning if you can. It could help at some point later on.

How old are the COM? That affects how i would handle the situation with OC :)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
SFC80
♀ New Member
Member # 24347
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, June 10th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dOUBLE POSTED.

[This message edited by SFC80 at 9:25 AM, June 10th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2009
SFC80
♀ New Member
Member # 24347
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, June 10th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your replies and advice x

Our COM are 4 and 17 months. In your experience, or anyone elses, how was the OW at the prospect of you being with your husband when he started visiting the child?


Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2009
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, June 10th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i guess it depends on if you're sure contact will continue and you're going to get everything ironed out legally. If you are, then I'd probably tell the 4 yr old this is your half sister and leave it at that. It will be a couple years before that child has too many questions.
If your'e not sure about going to court and such, then keep in mind OW could decide to stop contact at any time, and in that case, I'd just introduce OC as a family friend for the time being. They really don't ask too many questions at this age :)

OW and I talked a bit in the 2 months leading up to her due date and her and I met once alone at mcDonalds to get to kinda know each other. She told me she needed to know who her child would be with and wanted to know I wasn't some psycho. I could respect that :) WHich is why I agreed to meet her to put her mind at ease. We talked about the affair very little. I brought my youngest child with me as a bit of a distraction so i could fuss over him if i didn't want to be looking at her She did want to come see our home to see where her child be at while here, I put that off for as long as I could... i had felt like she invided our lives enough i didn't want her invading my home, but when OC was about 6 weeks old, she came over and into the house. It wasn't as bad as i'd imagined.
My older children know who she is and that she's Bellas mommy. They know she's their half sister. They know her and daddy did something naughty. They know there is some tension at times between all of us even though it's never ever been spoken about in front of them. They refer to her, by her first name and just say Hey OW, or HIya OW.

She's always been very nice and polite to my children.

As for her attitude about my being present that was just non negotiable from the beginning. FWH and I BOTh made it very clear, that I would ALWAYS be prsent around OC. I think you and FWH should always present a united front. If you go to court. a court isn't going to say you can't be around the child (unless youv'e got a criminal record or something), so i don't think OW should be allowed to call the shots. This is when you get to take back some power and start to make a new future. One that includes a little person :)

I promised OW i would never ever take out my anger at her on her child, and that i would treat OC just like my own, and i recently told her I love OC very much as much as my own :) She was worried i had so much hatred for her, I would take it out on the baby, after we had our mtg, she realized I wasnt' like that at all.

My experience over all has been fairly good with OW.
that does NOT always happen. There are quite a few ladies on this thread who fight and fight with OW, I hope they will share their stories with you.
I hope your OW will do what is best for the child (act like an adult), so that everyone can at least somewhat get along and make this as painless as possible for everyone :)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
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