This is the arrangement between OW/WH & courts about OC's joint custody.
Since WH was getting OC every weekend anyway (and whenever OW didn't want to bother taking care of OC), judge left arrangement as-is.
OW comes up w/22 more days per year than WH.
As ONLY where they spend nights counts as "having that day."
Sun-Thurs nights w/OW, Fri/Sat nights w/WH
M-W night w/OW
Thurs night alternate
Fri/Sat/Sun night w/WH
WH has OC aftershool, returns 2 OW on her nights @6pm.
Most the holidays go by summer/schoolyear schedule except Christmas & Thanksgiving.
We have OC Christmas Eve from 6pm (unless it's WH's day all day) until 10am Christmas morning.
Thanksgiving Eve is WH's, but she has 2 be returned around 2pm on Turkey Day (we eat turkey early anyway).
Mother's Day w/OW
Father's Day w/WH
sibling's birthdays go to whichever sibling is celebrating (if OW's toddler, then OW gets her...if DS12 or DS9's b-day, WH gets her).
We try 2 spit OC's time on her b-day....even if only seeing her a few hours. We can always celebrate on weekend, if she isn't home @night.
WH had a co-worker who lived in same city (or close by) w/xW. They actually split the week something like Sat-Tues/Wed-Fri. Divorce decree/joint custody stuff is a little different, but very similar to custody of non-married parents.
Splitting depends on how close UR.
Some are great distances, so some get kids all holidays & all summer. Some poor daddy's only get alternating weekends. Others do one week on/one off & alternate spring/fall break & split summers.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:09 PM, April 30th (Thursday)]
Thanks alot!!! Did you guys have to pay CS?
The papers for legal "joint" custody weren't in-place until around February 09, once WH had her subpoena sent by detective, she finally signed.
WH also added a clause about OW's mother had to be supervised by OW, OW's sister, or OW's husband when OC visited her...lawyer knew, but judge didn't know that OW's momma is addicted to marijuana and had-been smoking around OC until WH found out about it.
Also put in that OW has to pay for fees for any afterschool activity that she signs OC up for w/out WH's permission/agreement AND provide transportation to & from event.
Also added wording as to who could dropoff OC (only OW unless 24-hour notice about other person) and a default location for dropoffs...we used to run all over heck & back to get OC....but, we each only live about 5 min in opposite directions from a local park next to elem school.
An additional clause also states OC will be covered by WH on dental & vision only if available through work. We didn't want 2 pay for COBRA on his dental/vision, so I opted for dental/vision for all of us through my work also.
Here is to hoping that this time she follows thru! I will be rooting for you.
((HUGS)) to all of the new "faces"
Well FWH had mediation yesterday, did not go well. He excersised his right to get up and leave and did after OW would not agree to the OC coming to our home, she only wanted him to visit them with her, because she believes I am Pycho, suicidal, and a stalker. LOL. FWH pointed out that he is not a bad father and would never let anything happen to his boys, and he would never leave them with a child so he could go out drinking like she does, she leaves them with her now 10 yr old to watch why she goes out, and he also brought up about her pycho mother in law wo got pissed and kicked them all out and she was living in a Motel.
So he walked out after just 14 min. OW followed him got behind his car, and then he rolled down his passenger window and told you need to know that I love my boys and would never let any harm come to them. He also put her in her place in regards to me (he says) that I love children and has raised his son and our grandchildren.
Not even 15 min. later she calls FWH and changes her tune, now we will have them every sunday for 8 weeks, get into the transistion, then they will go back to mediation and reevaluate the parenting time, She gave him joint custody . She the mediation center and told them worked an arangement, and they called him to verify. So we will wait and see, if papers come in the mail to show that fact. I went ahead a scheduled a consultation with an attorney to see if this is all for our best intrest, or if OW his just playing the game well.
OW says she is having a hard time, cause it feels like she is giving her babies up, and she will have seperation anxiety. OH PLEASE !!
After the 8 weeks, she will agree to having them on sat. night thru mon. morning, then tues. night thru wed. morning.
She requested my husband to tell me not to post pictures of the twins on myspace, and no intising comments left on my page. I say if you don't want to see it, you don't have to look at my page that simple. But I will do what is necessary to makes things easier for FWH,
So wish me luck get to meet the twins for the first time tomorrow . What a day this is gona be.
Oh also he is to pick up & drop off without me. She lives over 45 min. away. Told FWH he could drop me off at a store while he goes to her and then pick me up.
Time will change all this, I know, but she just needs to get over it, she is the one that asked for a situation like this. NOW DEAL WITH IT.
Well got to go. But wanted to keep you all updated. Sorry been really busy with just starting my degree and working part time again, so not much time, plus have been trying to stay away for awhile, so I don't keep having feeling reaccure.
The one post from repeatBS326 scares the hell out of me, that he might just go back to OW if he becomes unhappy again, what to do. I'm not always happy either. Damn him for all this, and also thank you for what you have established as parenting time, this helps with getting an idea of what we can ask for inregards to joint custody. I'm just not sure at this point if I am willing to be a (babysitter) when he is not here for twins, maybe after a bit I will see things different, but now your mess you take care of it, them. I will help when he is here but, if he is not, not sure I want the obligation at this point. Hope that does not sound bad of me, but just fresh stuff in my mind now, that I will be seeing them tomorrow.
Was it hard the first time you meant OC ? I have pictures and watched them grow via myspace OW's page, but physically seeing them, was it hard. They will be a year next month, FWH also asked me if I think I will be able to tell them apart. LOL I think women have a nack for detail and I will be able to, maybe not apart but next to eachother.
Bless you all you are in my prayers.
So wish me luck get to meet the twins for the first time tomorrow
Our visitation agreement right now is
Baby is with us Tues-Wed morning. Thurs-friday morning. and Saturday-Sun.
As soon as OW goes back to work, baby will be here 11:30- am till 9:30 pm M-F plus the reg. visitation time. So we'll have her A LOT. FWH carries all Medical, dental and vision insurance on the baby. None of us pays the other child support. It's working well for now.
Sounds like you really need a big hug. (((HUG)))
Looks as though your hands were full to begin with, now OC to add to all your little ones.
You know, I got my tubes tied so I wouldn't have any other kids to be responsible for (hard enough taking care of 1 or 2 when WH and I were on opposite shifts), but then I somehow ended up with another child to care for. It really put a lot of extra stress on me. Dealing w/2 As, then having 2 in diapers/bottles and one in pullups and working full-time was really hard. I honestly don't know how I didn't go crazy.
I wish you well. Being a major caregiver for OC, is awkward & hard. Just keep telling yourself....OC needs someone around & GOD loves all little children...this one needs me no matter who the parents are.
At first, WH was always home w/OC...she came for a few hours the first time. But, then WH had to start working on the days OC was home (he worked graveyard)...so, if he got her Thurs night-Monday mid-day & dropped off w/OW's mother, then I usually had OC Thurs night & Sun night w/DS9 & DS12 (then 1 & 4). For a very long time, WH bathed OC & took on a big majority of her care, but @some point, got to where he would even expect me to care for OC when he was home. I resented that for a very long time & still do (when she's being a smarty-pants like DS9). When OC was very little, OW was dating current BH. They had plans & WH would get OC sometimes 4 nights/week. That really bothered me, that WH & I couldn't go on dates because nobody in family wanted to watch 3 kids (2 of which were in diapers/bottlefed)...yet, OW got to hit-the-town every weekend & go to dinner etc...while I sat @home diapering, bathing, rocking OC. How did I get tied down w/another child & she get to act like a single childless woman? YES...I still have issues after 8 years.
I think I resent it even more, since A#3. OW having me register OC for school is a very SORE point for me. OW/WH were in midst of A#3 & I had to leave work to register OC for school (just left the school registering DS9). She claimed she had audit @work, but now I wonder if OW & WH were @motel & couldn't leave 2 do it.
AND, on the day WH broke up w/OW A#3, we had P/T meeting @DS9's school for individual education plan (EAP). WH said he had plans w/boys for 4-wheeling & couldn't go. It really pisses me off that he was going 2 motel w/OW to break-it-off, but couldn't go to school for DS. WHY did he have to break-it-off in person, except to get in one last kiss & see her cry over him & whatever else was done or said. WH came by my work that day b4 4-wheeling & then called a few hours after saying he was headed home. WHY did it take a few hours to breakup? I saw from cell records, that he called OW multiple times that night b4 I got home. WH made-up w/me for 2 hours that night (MIL made dinner like takeout & encouraged him to fix things between us because she knew we were having issues). He was checking in on OW...even while planning a night of lovemaking w/me! AND, we had OC all night!!!!
Things like that just really burn-my-britches...so to speak.
You know, on Sunday...OW/BH/toddler picked up OC @park. You know what bothered me most...was to see OW smiling @OC...grinning from ear-2-ear. OW isn't allowed to look happy, is she???? So soon after A#3!!! While I'm still torn up & still caring for OC...like nothing happened.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 12:54 PM, June 30th (Tuesday)]
WH got his attorney to draw up papers the way he wanted them...it was up to OW to agree or wait until court to change it. She finally gave in, after WH having to spend extra $2000 to have her subpoena delivered...she was initially supposed to just sign & attorney would only cost $750 plus court cost of about $120.
If you think OW isn't truly caring for OC correctly, you can anonymously contact the dept of child services & have her investigated. She can get welfare, food stamps, & WIC for OC, if she is truly in bad shape, but wants to do the right thing. IN our state, if a woman signs up for govt assistance, the Child Support Enforcement is next door & they mandate you sign up for their services to find baby's father & have DNA testing (father pays if positive)...so welfare can help OW get child support & relieve some of the cost on them.
The mother and father will behave with each other and each child so as to provide
a loving, stable, consistent and nurturing relationship with the child. They will not speak
badly of each other or the members of the family of the other parent. They will encourage
each child to continue to love the other parent and be comfortable in both families.
WH told his lawyer that OW wasn't agreeing to everything anymore, basically to get back at him. That they had gotten "close" again, that I knew about it, and that OW no longer agreed about whole parenting plan thing & was refusing to get lawyer to look @it.