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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lynne01

This is the arrangement between OW/WH & courts about OC's joint custody.

Since WH was getting OC every weekend anyway (and whenever OW didn't want to bother taking care of OC), judge left arrangement as-is.

OW comes up w/22 more days per year than WH.

As ONLY where they spend nights counts as "having that day."

During summer:
Sun-Thurs nights w/OW, Fri/Sat nights w/WH

During schoolyear:
M-W night w/OW
Thurs night alternate
Fri/Sat/Sun night w/WH

WH has OC aftershool, returns 2 OW on her nights @6pm.

Most the holidays go by summer/schoolyear schedule except Christmas & Thanksgiving.

We have OC Christmas Eve from 6pm (unless it's WH's day all day) until 10am Christmas morning.

Thanksgiving Eve is WH's, but she has 2 be returned around 2pm on Turkey Day (we eat turkey early anyway).

Mother's Day w/OW
Father's Day w/WH
sibling's birthdays go to whichever sibling is celebrating (if OW's toddler, then OW gets her...if DS12 or DS9's b-day, WH gets her).

We try 2 spit OC's time on her b-day....even if only seeing her a few hours. We can always celebrate on weekend, if she isn't home @night.

WH had a co-worker who lived in same city (or close by) w/xW. They actually split the week something like Sat-Tues/Wed-Fri. Divorce decree/joint custody stuff is a little different, but very similar to custody of non-married parents.

Splitting depends on how close UR.

Some are great distances, so some get kids all holidays & all summer. Some poor daddy's only get alternating weekends. Others do one week on/one off & alternate spring/fall break & split summers.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:09 PM, April 30th (Thursday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

repeatBS326

Thanks alot!!! Did you guys have to pay CS?


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Turned out that the calculation based on days w/OC & their incomes made OW pay (even though WH had been paying $400/month since OC's birth on a VERBAL agreement w/OW). OW actually owed WH around $100/month, but he had lawyer write-it-out saying she would pay for clothes & extracurricular fees (we still pay @our house - it was just wording as WH said he didn't want OW's $$$, just his kid).

The papers for legal "joint" custody weren't in-place until around February 09, once WH had her subpoena sent by detective, she finally signed.

WH also added a clause about OW's mother had to be supervised by OW, OW's sister, or OW's husband when OC visited her...lawyer knew, but judge didn't know that OW's momma is addicted to marijuana and had-been smoking around OC until WH found out about it.

Also put in that OW has to pay for fees for any afterschool activity that she signs OC up for w/out WH's permission/agreement AND provide transportation to & from event.

Also added wording as to who could dropoff OC (only OW unless 24-hour notice about other person) and a default location for dropoffs...we used to run all over heck & back to get OC....but, we each only live about 5 min in opposite directions from a local park next to elem school.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and WH covers cost of medical coverage, but whoever takes her to Dr. covers the copay...emergency care (ER copay/labs/xrays) costs are split between both parents. (this added a credit on his monthly CS calculation, because 1/5 of our whole family's medical insurance cost is provided for OC). WH is actually laid off not long after papers were final (OW got fired from job & still barely employed since shortly after D-day), so OC is now on my health (which is only possible because a parenting plan/joint custody stuff stated he HAD TO cover her and has joint physical custody).

An additional clause also states OC will be covered by WH on dental & vision only if available through work. We didn't want 2 pay for COBRA on his dental/vision, so I opted for dental/vision for all of us through my work also.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How old is th OC? do you live in the same area as OW? The only reason I ask is because it can effect their schooling in the long run.


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Happy  Posted: 3:25 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying not to get too excited here, but.........got an email from OW today saying we should expect paperwork from her lawyer for the adoption!!!!!!!!!! She also said that once my H gets the paperwork signed by a judge in our state and mail's it back to her lawyer and it is taken in front of a judge in thier state my H rights will be terminated and he is no longer obligated to pay CS!!!! I'm trying not to get to excited since she has dangled adoption in front of us before, but being's as we are actually looking for papers in the mail it seems like the real deal this time! Wish us luck


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AuntCis,

Here is to hoping that this time she follows thru! I will be rooting for you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
Forgive/Forget
♀ Member
Member # 23402
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, May 1st (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AuntCis, Crossing my fingers for you!!


"Know that the pain will pass, and when it passes, you will be stronger, happier and more sensitive and aware"

Posts: 139 | Registered: Mar 2009
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, May 1st (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That would be great AuntCis!

((HUGS)) to all of the new "faces"


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, May 2nd (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crossing my fingers for you Auntcis ((HUGGS))

Well FWH had mediation yesterday, did not go well. He excersised his right to get up and leave and did after OW would not agree to the OC coming to our home, she only wanted him to visit them with her, because she believes I am Pycho, suicidal, and a stalker. LOL. FWH pointed out that he is not a bad father and would never let anything happen to his boys, and he would never leave them with a child so he could go out drinking like she does, she leaves them with her now 10 yr old to watch why she goes out, and he also brought up about her pycho mother in law wo got pissed and kicked them all out and she was living in a Motel.

So he walked out after just 14 min. OW followed him got behind his car, and then he rolled down his passenger window and told you need to know that I love my boys and would never let any harm come to them. He also put her in her place in regards to me (he says) that I love children and has raised his son and our grandchildren.

Not even 15 min. later she calls FWH and changes her tune, now we will have them every sunday for 8 weeks, get into the transistion, then they will go back to mediation and reevaluate the parenting time, She gave him joint custody . She the mediation center and told them worked an arangement, and they called him to verify. So we will wait and see, if papers come in the mail to show that fact. I went ahead a scheduled a consultation with an attorney to see if this is all for our best intrest, or if OW his just playing the game well.

OW says she is having a hard time, cause it feels like she is giving her babies up, and she will have seperation anxiety. OH PLEASE !!

After the 8 weeks, she will agree to having them on sat. night thru mon. morning, then tues. night thru wed. morning.

She requested my husband to tell me not to post pictures of the twins on myspace, and no intising comments left on my page. I say if you don't want to see it, you don't have to look at my page that simple. But I will do what is necessary to makes things easier for FWH,

So wish me luck get to meet the twins for the first time tomorrow . What a day this is gona be.

Oh also he is to pick up & drop off without me. She lives over 45 min. away. Told FWH he could drop me off at a store while he goes to her and then pick me up.

Time will change all this, I know, but she just needs to get over it, she is the one that asked for a situation like this. NOW DEAL WITH IT.

Well got to go. But wanted to keep you all updated. Sorry been really busy with just starting my degree and working part time again, so not much time, plus have been trying to stay away for awhile, so I don't keep having feeling reaccure.

The one post from repeatBS326 scares the hell out of me, that he might just go back to OW if he becomes unhappy again, what to do. I'm not always happy either. Damn him for all this, and also thank you for what you have established as parenting time, this helps with getting an idea of what we can ask for inregards to joint custody. I'm just not sure at this point if I am willing to be a (babysitter) when he is not here for twins, maybe after a bit I will see things different, but now your mess you take care of it, them. I will help when he is here but, if he is not, not sure I want the obligation at this point. Hope that does not sound bad of me, but just fresh stuff in my mind now, that I will be seeing them tomorrow.

Was it hard the first time you meant OC ? I have pictures and watched them grow via myspace OW's page, but physically seeing them, was it hard. They will be a year next month, FWH also asked me if I think I will be able to tell them apart. LOL I think women have a nack for detail and I will be able to, maybe not apart but next to eachother.

Bless you all you are in my prayers.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, May 3rd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So wish me luck get to meet the twins for the first time tomorrow

(((((dreamer)))))

Good luck


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, May 3rd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I shook on the way up the elevator to see the baby. I cried all the way home aftwards, but i Held it together while I was in the baby's presence.

Our visitation agreement right now is
Baby is with us Tues-Wed morning. Thurs-friday morning. and Saturday-Sun.

As soon as OW goes back to work, baby will be here 11:30- am till 9:30 pm M-F plus the reg. visitation time. So we'll have her A LOT. FWH carries all Medical, dental and vision insurance on the baby. None of us pays the other child support. It's working well for now.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((beajus)))))


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

beajus

Sounds like you really need a big hug. (((HUG)))

Looks as though your hands were full to begin with, now OC to add to all your little ones.

You know, I got my tubes tied so I wouldn't have any other kids to be responsible for (hard enough taking care of 1 or 2 when WH and I were on opposite shifts), but then I somehow ended up with another child to care for. It really put a lot of extra stress on me. Dealing w/2 As, then having 2 in diapers/bottles and one in pullups and working full-time was really hard. I honestly don't know how I didn't go crazy.

I wish you well. Being a major caregiver for OC, is awkward & hard. Just keep telling yourself....OC needs someone around & GOD loves all little children...this one needs me no matter who the parents are.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was weird seeing WH's child by OW. MIL/FIL had not wanted to see OC, but when they found out OC was starting visitation in our home, they asked for WH to bring her 2 them first (they are next-door neighbors).

At first, WH was always home w/OC...she came for a few hours the first time. But, then WH had to start working on the days OC was home (he worked graveyard)...so, if he got her Thurs night-Monday mid-day & dropped off w/OW's mother, then I usually had OC Thurs night & Sun night w/DS9 & DS12 (then 1 & 4). For a very long time, WH bathed OC & took on a big majority of her care, but @some point, got to where he would even expect me to care for OC when he was home. I resented that for a very long time & still do (when she's being a smarty-pants like DS9). When OC was very little, OW was dating current BH. They had plans & WH would get OC sometimes 4 nights/week. That really bothered me, that WH & I couldn't go on dates because nobody in family wanted to watch 3 kids (2 of which were in diapers/bottlefed)...yet, OW got to hit-the-town every weekend & go to dinner etc...while I sat @home diapering, bathing, rocking OC. How did I get tied down w/another child & she get to act like a single childless woman? YES...I still have issues after 8 years.

I think I resent it even more, since A#3. OW having me register OC for school is a very SORE point for me. OW/WH were in midst of A#3 & I had to leave work to register OC for school (just left the school registering DS9). She claimed she had audit @work, but now I wonder if OW & WH were @motel & couldn't leave 2 do it.

AND, on the day WH broke up w/OW A#3, we had P/T meeting @DS9's school for individual education plan (EAP). WH said he had plans w/boys for 4-wheeling & couldn't go. It really pisses me off that he was going 2 motel w/OW to break-it-off, but couldn't go to school for DS. WHY did he have to break-it-off in person, except to get in one last kiss & see her cry over him & whatever else was done or said. WH came by my work that day b4 4-wheeling & then called a few hours after saying he was headed home. WHY did it take a few hours to breakup? I saw from cell records, that he called OW multiple times that night b4 I got home. WH made-up w/me for 2 hours that night (MIL made dinner like takeout & encouraged him to fix things between us because she knew we were having issues). He was checking in on OW...even while planning a night of lovemaking w/me! AND, we had OC all night!!!!

Things like that just really burn-my-britches...so to speak.

Sorry...so long.

You know, on Sunday...OW/BH/toddler picked up OC @park. You know what bothered me most...was to see OW smiling @OC...grinning from ear-2-ear. OW isn't allowed to look happy, is she???? So soon after A#3!!! While I'm still torn up & still caring for OC...like nothing happened.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 12:54 PM, June 30th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need som advise? We go to court this month about visitation and CS. OW thinks we are trying to take OC from her and not willing to negotate on anything. Attorney keeps asking my H to talk to her but she never wants to discuss the matter. Everytime my H talks to OW "she always saying my friend Bridget told me to do this or said this" so she really looks up to this friend of hers. I looked her friend up on the internet. My question is should I contact the friend and see if she can talk some sense into OW. Reason I want to contact her friend because OW told H that this friend told her should give the baby to my H. I been praying about which direction to go with this. If OW in your situration just lies all time,never have a place to live, and your h know nothing about her. Would you contact her friend?


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also We are not trying to take OC from OW. H just wants his right and visitation privilages. OW always moving from one place to another so H never know when he will get the OC. Just want to point out that our mission is not take a child from his mother. Just want whats best for OC.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could possibly have attorney draw up a draft parenting plan to either give to her lawyer or send to judge about visitation & rights. If OW saw you only wanted certain things & you'd gone through court system, you must be serious about not taking OC.

WH got his attorney to draw up papers the way he wanted them...it was up to OW to agree or wait until court to change it. She finally gave in, after WH having to spend extra $2000 to have her subpoena delivered...she was initially supposed to just sign & attorney would only cost $750 plus court cost of about $120.

If you think OW isn't truly caring for OC correctly, you can anonymously contact the dept of child services & have her investigated. She can get welfare, food stamps, & WIC for OC, if she is truly in bad shape, but wants to do the right thing. IN our state, if a woman signs up for govt assistance, the Child Support Enforcement is next door & they mandate you sign up for their services to find baby's father & have DNA testing (father pays if positive)...so welfare can help OW get child support & relieve some of the cost on them.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH was actually able to avoid court altogther by setting up a Parening Plan & conditions of joint custody. Once OW agreed to sign, judge didn't require a court date (as previous expected). Judge got papers signed by both parents & just signed them. One weird statement his attorney added after A#3 was revealed 2 attorney (D-day was in midst of trying to get legal joint custody)...

The mother and father will behave with each other and each child so as to provide
a loving, stable, consistent and nurturing relationship with the child. They will not speak
badly of each other or the members of the family of the other parent. They will encourage
each child to continue to love the other parent and be comfortable in both families.

WH told his lawyer that OW wasn't agreeing to everything anymore, basically to get back at him. That they had gotten "close" again, that I knew about it, and that OW no longer agreed about whole parenting plan thing & was refusing to get lawyer to look @it.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We going to court this month to set up arrangement. Attorney and mediation has sent her countless request she just don't responded. They reschedule the first court date because didn't show. So now we got to go court for a default hearing against her. I just thought I would talk to friend as a go between(mediation). As for as hotlining her for neglect. OW never stays in the same place for to long we have no ideal were she lives. We have pick OC up at four different places and he is only 5 months old. Ask our Attorney about it and he said in our state that being homeless is not consider neglect. Just praying when we go to court that we get this settle.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
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