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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

auntcis..........
I am so so sorry it's taken so long!!!!


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H and I just found out for sure two days ago the OW is 6 months preg. This is SO devasting for me! My husband is very remorseful and upset. He can't stand the OW and wants nothing to do with her. She is psycho! Her mother and her showed up at our home after they found out that we were R. She even tried to attack me when I was 9 months preg! What kind of woman tries to attack a preg woman, especially when she is preg herself. The OW told my IL's that she was going to do everything possible to make sure my H & I are not together. She won't leave us alone, she is constantly leaving notes and cards in my H's truck at work. The A lasted 5 months and now myself and our children have to suffer a lifetime.


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to send her a NC letter and state that if further contact is made, legal action will follow. If she does continue to do crazy stuff after that, then he needs to get a restraining order, you may need to file for one as well on behalf of you and your children. sorry she turned out to be a bunny boiler :(


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to what Beajus said. Also I would hae my H keep all the cards and notes as evidence especially depending on what is said in them. They may be helpful in the future to show her character.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, losts happening on here lately.

I now feel better, at least I am not alone, I am not the only one with a psycho, stalker OW. She has called my FWH 4 times last week, and he has ingnored all but one call. Cause he got tricked, she called his work number and they paged him. He did not know it was her. But he did keep it short.

I finally had my big realization: That from now on I am gona say it how it is, and speak my mind. I f I want something to change or be different, I need to state it. In the past I was always worried he would get upset, or leave. But now I want what I want; and if he does not like it or change, then I really don't want all this.. I don't have any baggage that would come with me. So I am going to put me first and above all, my happiness is due.,,

So far for the last 4 days, it has gona pretty damn good. And boy do I feel impowered.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally had my big realization: That from now on I am gona say it how it is, and speak my mind. I f I want something to change or be different, I need to state it. In the past I was always worried he would get upset, or leave. But now I want what I want; and if he does not like it or change, then I really don't want all this.. I don't have any baggage that would come with me. So I am going to put me first and above all, my happiness is due.,,


Good for you!!!!!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((overcoming)))))

beajus and BMC gave you some good advice. The only thing I would add is your H needs to NOT feed into her craziness by responding to it. Also don't play games and say you will file charges against her and then don't, cause it will just make her push her limits further in the future. There is no reason what so ever for your H or you to have contact with her until the child is born and a DNA test can be done. Good luck


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, June 18th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is another thing (thanks auntcis LOL) no judge hardly ever will allow prenatal paternity testing. She'd be having to get an amnioscentisis for another reason and then a judge MIGHT let them use that sample for a DNA test, but it's much better and a wiser use of resources to just wait it out till the child is born.
It might not seem like it now, but she's already 6 months along.. only a few more weeks to go till you can DNA test! We found out when OW was 5 wks along and it was a loooooong wait LOL


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well suprise, suprise!!!! No sooner I tell OW that my H is filing papers to be reimbursed for any CS he has paid since terminating his rights I get an email from her telling me that her lawyer's legal secretary said he filed the papers this week and they should have a court date by today! Also she wanted to reassure me that they are not dragging thier feet, they want the adoption over as much as we do Funny then how until she thought there was a possability that they would owe US money we hadn't heard anything. My H is still going to file the papers so she will still owe us at least one month


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AuntCis, here's to when that OW is out of your life! I knew she would all of a sudden come up with the lawyer filed the papers, and probably could have taken care of that over a week ago.

Dreamer1, I m proud of you girl! Let me tell you it does feel good to take the power back. Some of us spend so much time walking around on eggshells not tryng to upset our H or say anything out of line, that we forget ourselves. So here's to you for taking control of your life back!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAAAY AUNTCIS!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for responding. One of my concerns was the fact that if we didn't communicate with her about the baby, it could be used against in court later. I would think that the court would go by the contact after the child is born and not during the pregnancy. So we are going to follow thru with no contact until the baby is born.

My H had to change his cell number so now she started calling his work. Unfortunely his boss doesn't tell her to stop calling (it's a small business) in a way he thinks all this drama is funny.

Does anyone feel resentment towards the OC? I'm afraid that everytime I look at the OC all I will feel is pain and see how my husband betrayed me.
Plus for my H he stated that everytime he looks at the OC it will be a constant reminder to him of how much he hurt me and our children.

Does it get easier as the child grows? The OW hates me so much cuz I'm the W and I never did anything to her. She loves to cause trouble for no reason. Once the OC is born, our lives are going to be hell.

Any suggestions on how to handle custody? We want joint, but we don't want to make the baby go back and forth to early.

Anyone feel angry about having to pay CS? I'm very angry about that. We wanted to build a house and we will never be able to do that now cuz she will take my H for every penny she can. I feel like he has ruined our lives.


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

overcomingthepai

OC came back & forth once DNA was positive. She actually really loved to come home w/WH & would scream w/joy when her Daddy picked her up.

Seeing & being around OC is difficult. I do it, but some days are worse than others. Because I was lied to about her conception, it was easier to think that OC was an unwanted pregnancy by WH. Turns out, OC was planned by both parties. Also, WH has had 3 affairs w/OW now, so OC issues remain problems for me.

OW in our case, has done everything she can to break us up. She even got job @place he tanned, got a tongue ring shortly after he did, almost like a WH groupie.

WH finally got "legal" joint custody & CS determination in place. It was actually a relief that WH initiated the CS paperwork & had his lawyer draw up the stuff w/exactly what visition (co-parenting time) he wanted. It was up to OW to agree or go to mediation or let it go to court. She finally signed (after extra expense to have her subpoena'd)...she didn't wanna go b4 a judge (I think). Wouldn't it be embarrassing to be OW & have to explain to judge about affair etc w/BW sitting right there glaring @u?

Anyway, I'm so sorry that you were preggers when OW got preggers (that could have easily been our situation, since I found out OW/WH were trying to conceive before & probably during my pregnancy). OW got pregnant 4 months after DS9 was born, so OC is 13 months younger than my son.

Gosh, is there any hope that OC isn't WH? WH seemed remorseful in our situation, but I still don't know whole story (since trickle truth & new revelations about A#1/A#2 after D-day#3/A#3). What I'm most afraid of is what OW's mother said...that WH continued A#2 after OW got pregnant for several months...I'd be so upset to learn that WH was overjoyed about learning of her pregnancy. When, all along until recently, I thought it was a moment of insanity & only going to see OW to "talk" and she seduced him into ONS. It was a full-blown A#2.

Keep on your toes....OW can be quite hard to keep away from WHs, if they are still in-fog about them.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
anobligation
♀ Member
Member # 21445
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok... I have posted here before. OW had a child over 2 yrs ago. She claimed it was H's. H blindly believed child to be his in the beginning. I kept pushing for dna. I kept questioning paternity. H was reluctant to persue it. I think out of guilt at the time. As H and I began R process he started to wake up to the idea that oc may not be his. He started questioning OW and asking for a dna test.

OW would agree to test but never go through with it. H finally contacted OW at my urging and asked her some questions. She told H that she was having sex with another man (also married--what a gem)and the oc may be his.

Due to the dates that OW told my H and the way she told about the other man he was convinced that the oc was not his. He immediately stopped any contact. He swore to me that according to the dates that he could not possibly be the father.

It was a year this month since we had any contact with the OW. (Oh, I forgot, she did try to contact him on MySpace about a month ago.) H got a civil summons in the mail at the beginning of this month. She is suing for paternity, child support, lawyer fees, etc.

I confronted H over this and told him he owed me the dignity and respect of telling me and not someone else. He admitted that according to the dates that he could be the father. (I could post a whole other thread about this). He told me that he really believed that the other man was the father by the way she admitted to the other relationship. He said that he just wanted it to go away. He also took her lack of willingness to do a dna as confirmation.

So, here I am again. We are trying to get our ducks in a row. We're getting the dna set up. We live in different states now so it's a bit more of a hurdle. I'm really standing on faith that the child is not going to be my H's. I'm taking this one day at a time.

[This message edited by anobligation at 11:53 AM, June 19th (Friday)]


Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2008
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a text from my h today.

Sorry for everything I don't know whatelse to say. I hope one day you can truely forgive me. I will never bother u again. I hope you have a nice life.

I don't know what to take from that message but it sound like that it is truely over...................


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, June 19th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((lynne01)), maybe he will see the light, and may be not. You had to do what was right for you and that was not living in limbo or having 3 people in a marriage. I know it is hard, and I am so sorry that he could not or would not make the extra effort to save your marriage.

Hugs to you.

Anobligation, hi I remember you. I am so sorry that you fnid yourself here again. Please be prepared in this situation. Go back and read the "OC Handbook" on PG. 5 of this thread that I repost. It has some really good suggestions on how to handle this. For me, I went on the assumption that all 3 OC were my h's so it was quite a shock to find out the twins were not. Hugs to ou as well because it is going to be a difficult road.

Overcominthepai, it was hard for me at first with hearing the OC call my H daddy, but time heals the pain. Best advice, do everything legally it will save you alot of heartache in the future. Hugs to you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
anobligation
♀ Member
Member # 21445
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the info BMC. I appreciate everything!!

Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2008
anobligation
♀ Member
Member # 21445
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW has already filed a suit. Dna is yet to be established. My question being is it not too late for me to file for child support? Wouldn't she be considered first in filing?

Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2008
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I being unreasonable?

See today FWH called to let me know that OW came by his work with the OC and gave him a boquet of ballons, a shirt, and a starbucks. For Fathers Day. He told me threw the coffee in the trash, she might be trying to poison him. LOL ya, and loose her CS, not a chance.

Here is my thing, I don't want him to ever wear the shirt, he says he likes it, and it is something he would wear. But the OC are not even 1 year yet, so the gift really did not come from them. It was all OW idea, thought, and choice. So to me the gift is from her, just using the special day as an excuse.

Would it be wrong for me to ask him to dispose of it?

I just do not like the idea of her choosing a shirt for me to see my husband in. I know it is suppose to be from the boys OC, but they had no say, Really in what he got.

Need advise, am I just being selfish, or stupid, for thinking this way.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
anobligation
♀ Member
Member # 21445
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, June 20th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dreamer1,
I am totally with you. It would make me furious. I think it's way out of line for her to do it. If the OC's are old enought to get something on their own or want to do it, I think that is acceptable. Hard but acceptable.

I would burn the shirt and if H wanted to be mad at me so be it. Or I might take it and burn it on the ow's lawn. I'm feeling pretty grumpy today.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2008
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