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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Concerned  Posted: 8:11 PM, June 29th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm constantly going back and forth on how we want custody. We want 50/50 cuz I feel the OC needs a stable home (her's is anything BUT stable-she's 28 & still lives w/her parents & has no money) but that means my FWH will have to see OW at least once a week and we will constanly have to deal with her drama. Every other weekend would be nice, but then we wouldn't have as much of a impact on the OC and still have to put up with her drama.

I wish I wasn't in this situation.....


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, June 29th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((overcoming))

I am right there with you, tomorrow we go to see the attorney, and we want joint physical custody, but he also has a mediation appt. scheduled for July 13th, and I believe he wants to wait before retaining this attorney, and see if OW gives him what he wants.

My thing is I am not really all that sure what he really wants, and I don't believe that OW will share custody like that.

I have been sitting here all day, trying to figure out what kind of questions to ask the attorney, so that my FWH will know what he could get if he takes it to court. And what he can ask her for, and know that he will be able to get it, if he does pursue the attorney, and not give in to her.

I also like you, wish I was not in this mess.. I guess one thing is obvious is that these OW, will be part of our lives for the rest of our days.

I tooo soooo hate this drama, I wish they would get on with their pathetic sorry ass life, and leave these taken married men alone, my OW is on #5 WS.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, June 30th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Overcoming:

Read my post about the joint custody agreement (think it's on PG 2 of this thread) & visitation WH designed w/his lawyer. I think it was pretty fair & it may give you some ideas.

Don't forget:

Visitation, holidays, dropoff/pickup arrangements including standard location (ask for 3rd party pickup/dropoff if U want), child support calculations, extracurriculars, family vacations, medical/dental/vision coverage for OC, excessive medical costs being split, etc. Anything WH wants in the papers can be added. Also note, WH's HR told him that once OC was added to his health ins., they could go back & pay any birth expenses for OC (only cost of nursery & Dr. expenses for OC, not for OW) as they made the coverage effective date her DOB.

You can seek FREE first consult w/attorney to determine if want to put retainer w/that one. At least, that's the way attorneys in our area are.

Good luck, both DREAMER & OVERCOMING.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, June 30th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,

Well the attorney appointment went well. He told FWH that if he did not feel comfortable with the what OW gave him in their next mediation meeting, that he will represent FWH. He also pointed out that most cases the judge will grant sole custody to the person who is more likely to grant court ordered parenting time. They also look more at the married couple as a favorable condition for children to be raised in. The attorney also mentioned about the judge will look down on a person who is trying to break a marriage up, with her actions: like jabbing at me, only letting my FWH see the children on her terms in her home etc, no matter the effects on the marriage, and her persistance in trying to seperate us.

This all sounds promising, as I truely believe OW will not give FWH all that he request in the meeting. SO I guess now all I can do is wait tell the 13th of July for their meeting to take place.

Hanging in there...Day by Day.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New update:

OC told WH that her momma (OW) sat down with OC & BH and said she wants to start having more children w/BH until she can have a son.

This would impact us, as CS calculation in Tennessee includes a credit for in-house biological children. So many kids were doing w/out in TN, because their father was paying over 50% of his income to a previous child that lawmakers changed the calculation so in-house kids wouldn't suffer. This is a good thing, but is also a 2-edged sword for WH, if OW decides to get the income recalculated & CS adjusted.

We'll see how this plays out. I'm just hoping that she doesn't ask WH to be a direct-deposit sperm donor again.

NOTE: this is yet another case of WH knowing way 2 much about OW's life. OW has crept into casual conversation way too much.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:22 AM, July 1st (Wednesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to do...
I have a secret login, that I use to see pictures of the twins on OW myspace page, and I looked today to see pictures of OW B-day party, and guess what. There is my freaken husband with her arms around him, and him helping open presents, along with a nephew and his fiance, an aunt, my step son, and the in laws. WTF, just WTF.

He went to her B-day party, and he has the nerve to tell me today, that it would not look good for court if he did not attend OC B-day party.

So I replied with how the hell am I suppose to heal like this, tell me that, and from now on you decide contact with her or with me, not both anymore. And no wonder I am not aloud to go to pick up boys, secret has to stay safe, right!!!

I just don't what the f@%k to do, I seriously think he is this damn stupid. But after everything that I talk to him about, and still this shit.

And finding out this way, of all things. He knows I spy on myspace. I can not tell if his wedding ring is on in any of the pictures. But does that really freaken matter.

Need to vent, sorry... Why don't they get it, we stay with them through this shit, and they do not see what they keep doing.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our attorney told us, that it wouldn't look better or worse whether we chose to attend B-day parties, holiday celebrations etc.. as long as we could show that we did something to celebrate with OC. I know hardly any Divorced couples that celebrate as one big happy family. It just doesnt' happen that often. 'm sorry hon your husband is full of crap. I hav ea strong suspicion his attorney did NOT say that. He's gaslighting
Time to 180 his ass IMHO

(HUG)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry dreamer. I agree completely with beajus.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer,

I think you know the situation here in your heart. I seriously doubt his attorney told him that. In our custody and guardianship hearings, the judge just asked us what we did with the OC as a family, how we spent our time when they were visiting. It is not expected for you to be big happy family with OC and he knows that. The judge just told us to be civil for the sake of the children, he did expect kumbaya. The arm around him, oh if it was me she wouldn't have an arm to put around anyone else. I caught my H hugging OW at the courthouse during one of the hearings and I swear my kids had to stop me from whipping both their asses!

This is why he does not want you involved in the contact with the OC. He can not please both of you. And if he wants you to stay his wife, you are suppose to come first. It is like I said before, my h said " I know how to stop being her lover, but not her friend", and I told him "You know how to stop being my husband, because you don't get both."

This is fence sitting at its finest. It is trying to not rock the boat with either of you and it is not fair to you. Time to take a stand whatever you decide that is going to be for you. Hugs hon.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 2:44 PM, July 1st (Wednesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was no real reason for WH to attend b-day party for twins, since you planned on having one for them @home. He chose to do the party thing w/OW. WH can have b-day memories w/OCs w/out being w/OW. He's still acting as-if he has 2 families.

I'm so sorry. This isn't fair to you & he knows it.

NONE of his family should have been @OW's party for OC. If they had wanted to send a gift, they should have waited for your party. It almost seems like ILs have adopted OW as a DIL and are betraying you. I always felt like ILs being nice to OW & her family was betraying my marriage. It almost seems like they've written you off as the stbxW.

(((HUG)))


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are right..

He never did say the attorney told him to do this, he couldn't I was there the whole time. He just thinks it will look bad to the courts that he does not attend their first B-day party.

I did trick him, and said you even took your ring off. His comment was" you know my fingers swell up all the time, and I take it off all the time because of that" So I said," How convienent to go to a party with the whole family at OW's house and not wear it" He replied"They all know I am married to you" So just because they know this does not mean they believe we are still together, and not staying in seperate rooms, or whatever.

He just does not get it, it's not just about the relationship with the boys, or this B-day party. He says that their will probably be more pictures of them together they have children together after all. What kind of bullshit is that crap.

I told him not to call me until he can stand his ground in regards to us, and then maybe if it is not to late, and I feel I want this then I will talk to him. He said after court he will be able to stand up to her, so I will talk to him amybe after that, in a couple more years probably, the rate everything is going.

I could not tell in the picture if his arm was around her, but she was hugging him very closely and had her arm wraped around his belly. Stupid slut. I also informed him that I appreciated having another picture of them together in my head again. That sucks...

So now I guess I will have all those wonderful luxuries of being single, don't have to cook, clean, watch what he wants, or any wifey duties. LOL

I told him I threw the cakes away. Now maybe I should go cut up that stupid purple shirt she bought him for Father's Day. LMFAO


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, July 1st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((dreamer))))))

Just hugs hon, the other ladies already said what I would have said.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, July 2nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone,

it's me, just to let you know how I am doing. Well as well as can be expected for now.

Last night I told WH to get the F*&k out, and he refused, said it is just as much his house as mine, so I made it clear that the masteroom was mine, and he asked why that it is, so I stated that because I did not disrespect it in any way, I had more rights to it. He ended up on my couch. How do the hell do I get him to leave, really do not want to see his face every night, and I will not leave my house, I did not choose to step out of it, he did.

He started texting me late at night for hours, and started in with the pitty party, so I texted him oh, lets have a pitty party for WH, I can help, after all I do plan parties.

He is still very adamit about not wanting to rock any boats, so the court will see him as a good daddy. I told him they will not change the situation now, why should they, he can see them when ever he wants, she is not keeping him from that, and now the judge will see that they have a great relationship, by the picture, and will see no reason for custody to change, the judge will just see this as a confused man, playing two women against eachother.

So I believe I have hit the end of my road, and I will be moving to another thread for support in divorce and seperation, I wont guarantee I wont be back, but from where I am at now, it is highly unlikly. best of luck to you all. I will still be a lurker on this sight though, thanks all for sooo much support. And bless each an everyone of you.

This is a very sad day, and will remember the 1st of July forever..


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, July 2nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do the hell do I get him to leave

Go through formal eviction, but you should talk to your attorney before doing that!

I"ll check in on you down in D/S from time to time (HUG)
You're a strong woman!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 2:08 AM, July 3rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beajus, thank you, you have given me some great advice and direction. I so appreciate that.

Someone already leaked the news to OW, that I know this information about her party, tomorrow is the journey for investigating the facts, who, where, how, when.

What a way to occupay some time, and learn whole new thing, I love knowledge, as I require more and more. Getting int my monster bitch costume. Affair's can cause some serious side effects.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
realgood2u
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, July 4th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope I am asking this in the right place.

How can I find out if WH has been sued for child support? I believe it would be a matter of public record, but is it state or county? What do I need to know besides his info?

Significant amounts of cash being withdrawn from accounts. He is either supporting a new OW or paying CS.

Thanks in advance for replies.


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/187640237.html

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you're not wor


Posts: 368 | Registered: Sep 2008
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, July 4th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In our state (iowa) it's handled by the state, NOT each individual county. However as far as it being a matter of public record, I don't think so. I can barely get any info out of those people about MY OWN acct. Same goes for FWH (he's paying me support from when we S.) Even with us both standing there in the CS office they won't give us any information. It's really weird. LOL.
I would try investigative tips! I bet they could tell you how to figure it out

(HUGS) Sorry you're here, but if it is OC we'll try to help in any way we can :)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, July 5th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just really frustrated today. We are just over a month from the adoption being final and we get news from my H father today that my H grandmother is planning some big BBQ when my H and our COM are going to be in H home state visiting and they have invited OW and her new family! My FIL already told his mother and my H and he will not be attending and he doesn't expect my H and our COM to attend, which is a good thing cause my H already told his father that there was no way that he was going. I'm extra glad I won't be going cause I would tell my H grandmother right to her face that I refuse to breath the same air as that whore! What makes me even more angry is that my H and I both agree that the reason the OW is being welcomed with open arms where I wasn't is the fact that OW is the same religion as my H family and I am not


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, July 6th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, this is a littl off-topic, but:

When I read about Matthew Broderick's affair a while back, I was very saddened. I love him in Ferris Bueller's Day off in the 80s & almost felt like I knew him from all his teen/preteen movies.

But, when I read they had a surrogate bearing his & SJP's twins, did anyone think the twins might be OCs? I wondered if an OW bore his children & SJP was adopting them (because it was an accidental pregnancy).

I know, it's that weird to think. I think I read too much into celeb headlines about affairs.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 6th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone!!!!

Everything been going good I guess my H keeps calling crying wanting to come home but just don't understand that the issue is OW not OC. Don't understand why I have a problem with him talking to her on the phone??? (Dumb ass you cheated with this women on me!!!!) I told him the reason we got the 50/50 custody so you don't have to have a lot of contact with her. If h can't understand that we getting a divorce because I realize I love been drama free these past 8 months just been full of drama.....


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
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