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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(( Auntics))

Well everything seems to moving right along, NOW for you, I am sooo happy for you. It will be over soon.

Looking forward to cracking open that bottle of bubbley. Or for me Captain Jack Morgan. LOL Love him after all this. He is my A partner. LMAO.

Who knows maybe OW state will send that CS payment to you, my FWH sent his into early and CS sent him the check back.

Things are smooth for now on my end. Just waiting, I know it won't stop just like that..


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, July 15th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Looking forward to cracking open that bottle of bubbley. Or for me Captain Jack Morgan

You and me both. My H has a little Captain in him


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, July 16th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AUNTICIS........ I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Husband text me today saying he hates me and wants a divorce....... Wow I wasn't shocked. Thinking back over the last 8 months he has always shown me that OW and OC were before me. Going to court was my ideal not his. I thought I was protecting our marriage but h already had it set in his mind how things were going to be. I will be moving to the divorce forum but I wanted to let you guys know every last one of you have touch my heart. Thanks for all the advise. I will stop n time to time to say hi


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, July 16th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AuntCis, we will have to make sure we have the wine classes next week!

Lynne01, I am so sorry that it has come to this, but the good news, you are not living in limbo anymore and not having to deal with his drama. I know that may be od little comfort, but you will see once the smoke as lifted, you will be ok. I am pulling for you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, July 16th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks BMC0415!!!! You always say the nicest stuff. I am going to get thru this and one day look back and be amaze that I made it thru


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, July 16th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lynne)))))

I'm sorry it has come to this

But I am so proud of you for doing what you need to do for YOU


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
Forgive/Forget
♀ Member
Member # 23402
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 17th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lynne01
Good luck to you and I'm praying for you to get the much peace you deserve. Now you can really take your life back!


"Know that the pain will pass, and when it passes, you will be stronger, happier and more sensitive and aware"

Posts: 139 | Registered: Mar 2009
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, July 17th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Lynn01))

Good Luck and stay strong..

Now you know what direction you are going, that has to be some peace..

It is always sad when a marriage does not last, especially if it is truely not your decision, but for me personally, sometimes I wish it would all stop too.

Keep your chin up, and go for your dreams...

Keeping you in my prayers.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, July 18th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No word from OW about the CS being stopped yet, maybe she doesn't realize it yet.

We got a copy of the letter my H CS worker sent to his employer to stop CS payments and to send anything that they may have witheld to our state so it can be returned to H. So I know for sure it is stopping


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, July 18th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Auntics,

YEEPPYYY !!!!

Bomb will be coming...

Have a great weekend everyone....

Question for you, something has got my goat, OW keeps posting "My life has no regrets" This gets me, how? After what damaged she caused another family, and she has twins to raise alone... Just don't get it. Not sure why that comment just gets to me, I want her to suffer maybe, that's it...

I guess it really is not that big of a deal, but it got to me....

On a good note, the other night FWH planned a picnic in our back yard with a blanket, and skinney dipping afterwards in our pool.. Never done anything like that in 24 years, was a surprise.. And nice..


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW keeps posting "My life has no regrets"

dreamer, I would try not to let this get to you too much, cause it sounds to me like she is trying to convince herself that she has no regrets. OW in our case said something like this to me once, about how could she regret her choices when she could never regret having OC I just chalked it up to her being the selfish bitch that she is.

Glad to hear your night ended on a good foot though


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Helpless  Posted: 9:46 PM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lynne01 Sorry to hear my H turned out to be a jerk. If he is going to blame you for his wrongful actions and make this all about you, you don't need him. Someone is out there waiting to treat you with respect and love you the way you deserve.

My FWH is bending over backward doing everything he can to make up for this and constantly tells me he loves me and only me and wants to be with me forever, etc. While all of that is great, right now it doesn't really make a difference. It doesn't really make me feel any better. My anger is really intensifing. Everyday I seem to get angier and angier. I feel like I can't handle this and I don't need to. I can't see myself dealing with the OC. I know I could love this child if it was born before I meet my husband or before I feel in love with him, but because the OC was conceived thru an affair, I really don't know how to deal. My IC is becoming concerned about me as well. I stopped taking my meds (celebra) cuz I don't think they were really helping and I don't like taking pills.

I HATE this!!
I know I'm just hurting myself by not forgiving my H and the OW but I don't know if I can. Even my kids are getting on my nerves. I have always had a lot of patience with them and the last two days it seems if they are fussy or whiny just a little bit I'm ready to scream. I don't like being this way.

I'm really frustrated because I feel like NO ONE understands how I feel. It eithers goes two ways, the person reacts with sympanthy or they look at me like it is no big deal and I need to "get over it." Even my family doesn't ask me anymore how I'm doing or if I'm okay. I guess since the OW is letting us alone for now, there is no drama to talk about.

I'm sooooo uneasy.


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, July 20th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUGS))

The toll this affair crap takes on us is unimaginable... unless they have lived it, people just don't understand.

Last friday i started taking meds for my mental health... It's the first time i felt like i couldn't handle things with out drugs. I have been able to hold it together without meds even though i'm bi-polar and having many issues. Now the meds i'm on are making me sooo damn tired and mopey.. it's horrible My husband fucked me over in so many ways... UGHH and with it being so close still to 1st D-day anniverary.. I was cyling like crazy.. UGHH ya know half the shit i'm posting isn't making any sense.. Thank you OW AND FWH if it wasn't for you i wouldn't need these flippen meds in the first place


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, July 20th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for your prayers and hugs. It means so much....... I truely handling this situration good with the help of lexapro (smile).

My weekend was a crazy weekend. H showed up at my door Friday with OC saying he was very sick. I look at OC and felt so bad for him he was so congested and smelled so bad. Told h OC can stay but he needs to leave. I am not turning a baby away but a grown ass man yes!!! Gave OC a breathing treatment and a bath!!! I realize something this weekend God has blessed me with an amazing family!!! I was nervouse beacause I was having a family gathering on Saturday (to get my mind off the divorce) didn't know how my family would react with OC there but everyone loved him!!! My mom gave me a hug and she proud of how I been handling everything. I realize something this weekend I love OC. He brings me joy with smiles. H pick him up Sunday I told him he needs to hotline OW because shes no mother and he can't make her me. I told him if he loves his son so much why he not trying to change his living situration.


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, July 20th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Hugs to everyone going thru this hard time right now))

Lynne, good for you! Good for sticking to your guns, I am sure that he thought by bringing the baby over that you were just gonna fall right back into the drama and you didn't! Great of your family to be so supportive, not everyone is. I knew that you would love the OC, they are innocent children, and that is how it was for me. When I look at them I don't even see OW. You will be blessed for your compassion and good will you will see.

Proud of you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, July 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Overcoming:

I understand how you feel. WH was on his 2nd affair w/OW when they conceived OC. I had already dealt with A#1 & R (conceived DS9 during HB after A#1).

After D-day#2 (learned of A#2 & OC on-the-way), I progressively got more & more depressed. WH was doing everything right (even went mostly NC w/OW). By the time OC was almost due, I could barely function. WH & I were on opposite shifts & @night, I had two small boys to care for. I would feed them & basically shut down. During suspicions of A#1, I'd cry every night that WH went "out w/boys" because I thought he was w/OW. Prior to OC's birth, I would huddle on the couch & just do nothing but sleep. I couldn't care for myself & barely the kids. I knew it was getting bad, so I called OW and found out due date & she told me OC's soon-2-be name & sex. I lost it. I had to seek IC immediately. During my first session, I just cried & cried. All my friends, family, & coworkers got so sick of hearing about the affairs (they didn't know about A#1 until I revealed A#2 & OC)...I didn't have anyone to talk to that didn't roll their eyes in disgust when I tried to talk to them.

When OC's 1st birthday rolled around, I had to go on antidepressants. I didn't want IC anymore & had refused to go on ADs while IC pre-birth of OC. Maybe you need IC, it gave me somewhere to let-off-steam & go on & on about OC/OW/WH without burdening my family/friends/coworkers (since they seemed indifferent about it after a while).

Anyway. I know where you are...I've been there. If A#3 w/OW hadn't happened, I would have been somewhat okay about OC. Not great, but I had accepted OC as family and was civil w/OW. I am not nice to OW any longer. She does not deserve my respect or good behavior. She continues to try to STEAL my husband & family after 10 years. I am less tolerant of my children & OC now that A#3 happened.


Lynne:

I never really fell in love w/OC, but I saw her need immediately. Always sickly, her momma pawned her off on any relative who'd watch her (and spent CS on her bills while OW's momma was paying for diapers/formula/food). She always smelt of cigarettes (had to bathe her immediately & change her smelly clothes once home), always had severe diaper rash (which went away once we had her @home for a few days), had many-many ear infections (on antibiotics almost all of 1st year), and came home with strange skin rashes which would go away after a nice oatmeal bath @our home. I think I accepted OC more-easily because she NEEDED our home. She got much better care w/us than anywhere else. Weird that you're divorcing & took OC in. Didn't you say that babysitting $$$ would come in-handy for paying your lawyer? Maybe you should send OW a bill for your services? THANKS for being a good STBX-stepmother! I am a little worried that you'll bond w/OC & once divorce happens, STBXH will become mad & you won't see OC anymore. Take care of yourself.

I always saw OW when I look @OC. She used to look very much like DS9 (both had blue eyes & she was bald for so long). NOW, she looks just like OW. It really hurts to look @OC sometimes.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 10:21 AM, July 21st (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that one of the thing's that made it easier for my H and I to go NC is the fact that as big of a bitch she is and as much as I hate her OW has always been a good mother to OC. Other than trying to "test" me and my H in the begining telling us she lost OC and crazy games like that. OC has always been clean and had regular doctor visits(I know cause we got the bills)and has been well taken care of. I don't think I would have been comfortable with going NC if OC wasn't being cared for by her mother.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, July 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always saw OW when I look @OC. She used to look very much like DS9 (both had blue eyes & she was bald for so long). NOW, she looks just like OW. It really hurts to look @OC sometimes

This was always a bit hard for me, cause OC looks just like my DD. But then again OW looks very similar to me


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, July 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Limited-time temporary photos of our family from July09 (DS12,DS9,OC8,fWH,me):

disappearing family photos...didn't wanna leave them on here too long :)

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:19 PM, July 21st (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 21st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC looks like just like OW here too :( :( BUT i can say that i usually just see a tiny helpless baby :)

OW in our case, well i wouldn't say she's neglectful or anything and i know she tries but her living situation SUCKS to put it nicely and so we worry about baby being there.

[This message edited by beajus at 10:17 PM, July 31st (Friday)]


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
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