Love you guys :)
I am really worried about you. I understand you wanting to protect the OC, she is a precious little baby, but please don't sacrifice your sanity or your own well-being. Right now you feel numbs, but that can change. Just don't let them take advantage of you.
I think you should wash-ur-hands of OW/stbXH. I'm sure if the daycares are so bad around there, maybe you can find another child to provide care for to make-up the income loss. I think it would be too hard on you mentally to deal w/OC & OW....especially if stbx winds up with OW. I don't think I could deal with caring for OC8, if my husband was with OW in a "real" relationship. It just doesn't seem fair that you are responsible for the seed of their affair if you aren't even R w/him. Why put yourself through it all, if not for R & family?
Don't you have enough on your plate with all your sons anyway?
AND, don't feel bad if you have to go on state assistance once you S for good. Nothing you have done put you in this situation & many people just consider state assistance as temporary until they can stabilize their income better.
I'm also bi-polar and really close to be hospitalized so i'm trying to tread carefully with myself If i were to just dump dave and lose Bella at the same time, my heart couldn't take it. I already lost some friends last week that were close to me and I feel like i have nothing anymore... soo yeah. Trying to keep myself out of the depression state :)
Sorry you are here. Besides hoping for miracle that DNA proves WH as not father, you can hang with us. Many of us have similar, not identical stories. Many good ideas about CS & visitation posted here, if OC turns out to be WH's.
Sounds as if OW intends to destroy your marriage, not just ONS & no strings.
Suggest paying for transport to Drs via cab or public transit, but WH has no obligation toward OW (only toward OC). Here, we have a public transport county thing that's only $4.50 each way & schedule in-advance, but also have public busing system. I would suggest fWH NOT pay for Dr visits or anything. If OC isn't his, he's out that $$$. Not sure of financial situation w/OW (including medical insurance). He's actually allowing himself to bond more w/OW & OC, if he's going to Drs. with her. She can give him copy of ultrasounds on VHS, if she has one. He doesn't need 2 be there.
Need more info. Just know that people here will help you through R, if that's what you want. Some of us have NC w/OC, some WS's have full or joint custody. So, any questions you have, feel free to ask. May consider seeking legal advice for COM, as CS may severely impact your ability to financially afford needs for your household (especially if OC has severe physical/mental limitations).
Welcome, sorry you had to be here. OC makes R much more difficult. Especially w/WH playing the part of caring boyfriend.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 11:14 AM, August 10th (Monday)]
Feel free to lean on us, we all have been there and understand what you are going thru.
Beajus, how are you holding up. We are worried about you, let us know that you are ok.
Hey, AuntCis almost time to break out the champagne, diet coke with lime for me.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:40 AM, August 10th (Monday)]
anyways..we picked up OC this past weekend and threw him a little bday party. FWH asked me to drop him off yesterday and i did. when we were going to bed, i checked to see if there were any new text msgs from her and FWH deleted all text msg w/ OW. That pissed me off...cuz there were msg in the morning and he didn't delete anything, so why all of a sudden delete. I got pissed and asked him and he said he had text her to see if OC got home ok, and he didn't want me to get mad so he deleted it. so did he think that i wouldn't get OC home ok? why did he feel the need to follow-up? either he didn't trust me...or he was doing it so that OW would have warm fuzzy feelings that FWH is caring and loving (even though FWH has made it clear to her that it was a mistake and that he would never fight for OC..and that if OW made things difficult FWH would choose to NOT see OC).
anyways..it got bad. he's mad at me b/c i made it such an issue and he says that he was deleting it so that i wouldn't get mad but who knows what the heck was actually written. its not that i think there was anything else going on, but i hate the feeling of not knowing...and for him to go deleting stuff.
i hate this. he's a good father to my sons and i would never want to take that away from them. it got ugly and this just puts us back from any progress we've made. will it ever get better? will it ever feel okay?
JMO, your H was caring more about OW's feelings than yours. He knew that you would get the OC home safe or he would not have trusted you to take him or be around him. And if you made the text a "big issue", he made it an issue first by deleting it. I told my H, if you don't know me by now, you will never know me. It would have been better for him to let you see it, even more better for him not to have sent it. It only takes one little act to set you back to day one. I wrote about this the other day, even when things are good, it is always just below the surface. I would calmy let him know that deleting any kind of communication with OW does not make you feel safe and goes against all of your progress. You both have worked real hard to repair your relationship, and this kind of behavior puts you back into a place you don;t want to be. ((Hugs))
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 1:30 PM, August 10th (Monday)]
Just in lurker status.
I put a profile up on a dating website, just to get at FWH and boy is he ticked LOL. I'm actually enjoying life right now. I'm getting paid for watching OC and i'm really ok with everything that is going on. *shrug* maybe i can just compartmentalize with the best o fthem.. not sure. IF that is the case.. I'll deal with it someday. Just not rightnow. Now i'm enjoying my boys :)
Glad to hear that you doing okay... Keep that strength..
I was wondering on how you were, glad to hear from you..
Dating site, well thats fun, who knows maybe MR. Right will come along, when you least expect it. I think that is how it always works, anyway.
Things are running smooth here as well, The last episode set everyone straight, and finally it is keeping everyones drama out of my home
Today is FWH Birthday, so yesterday made him a cheesecake from scratch, 1st time ever doing that, boy the blueberries in it made it turn out perfect, cant wait to give it to him... Also made him a personal card, from scratch, money tight you know.. But I believe the things from hand made and scratch show more than any purchase done, maybe he might even get that sexy teddy he likes 2nite..
Take care everyone, mostly lurking on other forums for now, but do check this when posting occurs...
Still waiting on that bottle of bubbly Auntics...
I sent OW an email trying to be nice telling her I hope everything goes well tomorrow. I haven't gotten any response, I'm thinking she has finally realized that CS has stopped
[This message edited by auntcis at 6:52 PM, August 12th (Wednesday)]
Beajus, nice that you had a little fun. I am still worried about you though. Please lean on us if you need to, what you are going thru right now is extremely difficult especially with the children and everything, so let us be that extra support if you need it.
AuntCis, I am waiting by the phone with diet coke in hand!
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 10:46 AM, August 13th (Thursday)]
I am so angry I can’t see straight!!!! Why would he keep this?! Was it given for Valentine’s day, has this gone on longer than I thought? WTF?!!!! MC says that I the only thing I can control is my reactions, but how am I supposed to control this?!
I am going to put this on his steering wheel this evening where he will see it tomorrow morning. I wrote on the front “WTF is this and why do you still have it?
The “other Me”
I found some pictures of the OW that my H had kept. I burned them right in front of him and dared him to snatch them. He didn't, I asked him why he kept them and he said he didn't know?
Went into a total rage spiral, texted WH and said we had to talk. WH called and I told him what I found. He sounded honestly confused,he said Valentine? described it and said it was a gag gift. Took a long look, and it matched friend's handwriting. I guess this is what MC meant about controlling reactions and communicating.
Guess that ride on the crazy train was for nothing. Geez!!So relieved, I had to laugh. WH apologized and so did I for jumping to conclusions. WH offered to clean out truck.
Thank you so much for the support, I guess if you can't be allowed to have the crazies here, you can't anywhere.
[This message edited by altered at 3:44 PM, August 13th (Thursday)]