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User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 19th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWH and OW found out amnio test was negative. Which is good I guess. Having an OC with special needs would probably be harder and means more C with OC and by extension, OW. I still can't help thinking, come on you've had a miscarriage once, why not one time when it would do everyone good. I know that's awful, but this is SO hard. I just want this all to go away. WH is trying and I want this to work, but how can I put this pending OC out of my mind and work on R?


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, August 19th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Altered, Don't feel bad, it all goes through our heads, I had even had a big indian woman offer to push her down a flight of steps, while she was pregnant for only $50 not bad costs. LOL. I just could never do anything like that intentionally, but yes things would be so much simplier if we were not faced with the OW being apart of our future, and we were able to move along with our lives, like most other A couples, but we are exceptions to the rules in the case of OC.

With moving on with R, it does make it much more difficult, but very do-able, it really does help if all C does stop for a period until the OC is born, if NC is possible do it, it can make such a difference, not in just R, but also when OC arrives, OW will try to see if the presence of the OC will change FWH opinion and come back to her, so NC can help with that boundary as well.

Good luck, and I will keep you all in my prayers.

Lynne01- WOW sounds like your OW is a pretty good catch for anyone. LOL Sorry for the situation she has been putting you through, but thank goodness your attorney is on top of things, I found out through my sons D, that if one of the parties moves further away from the original location, than that party has to pay for transportation of the child(children) to the other parent. Well hopefully for you welfare will step in and see that she is not providing a stable inviorment for children to be raised in, and you can get full custody. Good luck...


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lynne01, have you and your H discussed getting an emergency custody hearing for temporary custody? I have seen people go get one for less than what is happening in your situation. No CPS cannot take child away from her just because she is living in a hotel, but if she has all them chidlren living in one little room and they are not eating properly (some hotels have kitchens most don't), you may have a case. I still would call them anyway and let them know this is not new this has beeen going on for months. Have you noticed anything about the OC when you have visitation? Like poor hygiene, rashes, poor nutrition? My thing is take care of you first. It took me having a social worker calling CPS to finally get OC removed. If you feel that the OC is not being taken care of, then I would push it. As far as your H finding somewhere for her to live, it is not his responsibility all he is suppose to do is whatever the court said for him to do and whatever you too agree on. Good luck hon, I know this has been a long hard struggle for you.

Altered, I understand your feelings and they are natural, it would be so much easier it this all went away. But you have to deal with the reality of this. For you to start working on R, NC has to be established. Now that the test has come back negative, more than likley she will not have any problems so there is no more need for direct contact. If you have to get a 3rd to act as a liason if you feel you must have contact, that maybe a good option. The main thing is to prepare yourself that this may be your H's child, and come up with a plan together to handle this. Be proactive instead of reactive. But I would focus more on your marriage until the OC arrives. I had the luxury of not knowing about OC until after they were grown, but I tell you it doesn't make the pain hurt any less. Good luck sweetie.

Dreamer1, how you doing hon? And Beajus, I am worried about you, let us know how things are, I know that you are going thru alot right now.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:56 AM, August 20th (Thursday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Happy  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Ladies!!

Sorry I haven't been on for a while, but I needed a break cuz I was finding I was becoming more upset and depressed when reading everythings postings. I'm doing fantastic and ready to take on OW for OC.

My faith in God has brought me to this place of healing. I still have days where I cry and the pain is bleeding out of me, but I have come to accept the OC (I think) and I have come to the conclusion that he is/will be MY child with MY H and she is just the egg donor! When we have the OC he will be OUR child together.

It will just eat her up that I will be raising the child how WE want to and she doesn't have a say what-so-ever. I'm getting my revenage on her and I don't even have to do anything...her own pain will be punishment enough.

Pregnancy definitely does not agree with OW. Her face totally broke out with acne and her butt and thighs are getting HUGH!! My MIL thinks its harlious that she is sprouting out and becoming ugly as sin! HAHAHA!

Well, when you become pregnant for all the wrong reasons, your body is going to react to that. She's ugly because she has a ugly heart.

I have soooo much to say, but not enough time. Basically our R is going awesome cuz we are putting God first in our marriage and he is restoring it and our hearts. My H has become the husband I have always wanted and never thought I would have. We are closer now than EVER before. I know his heart is truly with me.

R is possible, its rough and hard it the pain will lessen but always be there, but remember that there is a season for everything and "This to will pass."

[This message edited by overcomingthepai at 1:23 PM, August 20th (Thursday)]


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lynne:

check the child custody order, if fWH has one in-place. fWH's order has a mandatory clause @very end about MOVING child away. They have to notify in writing if moving out-of-state or ># miles in our state.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 22nd (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMCO415- I am doing really good, Have been going with FWH to pick up's and drop off's. Ever since he put his foot down on July 4th, things have been smooth, the drama is now staying out of my life, OW has stopped with her comments, and the in-laws, well I just don't keep tabs on them, so things are good.. Thanks for asking..

I just go through some of my own moments, but they are getting easier... They are most of those, what if I did this.. Why's, How comes, and so on. But they will pass..

Won't see the OC for 3 weeks, because it's hunting time for my honey, and I am gona take a trip to visit my cousin on her B-day, out to the ocean front..

Beajus- I'm concerned for you too, hope things are okay..

sending big bear ((HUGGS)) out to ya all.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, August 24th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OC is being a real pain lately. Won't do what she's told concerning bedtimes. Ends up getting spanked every night, because she literally stands in our room when DH tells her to go to bed & won't budge, won't answer him, just looks @him. Sometimes even says "I don't want to!" OMG. You just don't say that to DH. Then, last night, before going to bed, OC & DS12/DS9 were warned NO TV & lights out. Bedtime is 9:30pm on school nights. I go into DS's room & their light is on, but fortunately not busted for playing again....BUT, I open OC's door & she's sitting up cross-legged watching TV...doesn't even try & sneak to turn off TV. SO, DH spanks her & her TV is coming out for a few days (or at least her cable & VCR/DVD).

BUT, here's something else. I was fixing fried bologna sandwiches for lunch yesterday. OC says she loves them, that her aunt makes them for her. I asked, do you eat them @home too. She says "yea, but I've gotta cook it myself. Momma lets me fry the bologna & make my own sandwiches." Okay, I make my kids do sandwiches sometimes themselves, but I don't let any of them use the stove (maybe DS12 if he's supervised). I even let DS12 use microwave. Frequently, OC has mentioned she cooks TV dinners for lunch (summer) and dinner for her & toddler sister, because Momma SLEEPS a lot. So, OC could burn herself, burn down the house, or give her sister food which is too hot or undercooked because OW is too LAZY or DEPRESSED to get off her unemployed (well, I don't think you can count 2-3 hours 2xweekly a job) butt & take care of OC & her baby sister. This is the woman who declared to BH & OC that she wants another baby (but a boy this time)!!!! I guess OC isn't too keen on diapering & bottlefeeding another baby (oh yes, she ratted out her momma that she slept a lot when toddler was born & she diapered her baby sister a lot - she was ONLY 5 then). CAN U BELIEVE IT????

I'm a messy housekeeper...sometimes right-down filthy, but I feed, bathe, diaper, & have clean clothes for the kids always! OC even said last week that she didn't have any undergarments to wear because "momma hasn't washed clothes." Come ON, she only works a few hours 2 nights/week cleaning a Ford showroom @her husband's 1st job, doesn't she have time to do laundry during the day. OC says she stays up cleaning & such @night & sleeps all day....can't she squeeze in some laundry? OC even said that once her stepdad is home, he takes care of toddler & gets them all ready 4 bed.

When we heard that she didn't turn in homework one day (they were @church & OW sent OC straight to bed), DH decided that @least on Wed, all her homework would be done @our house afterschool. OW sent word that OC was to do most her homework @our house before she gets her @6pm from me @park.

What do u guys think? Am I overreacting about OW, or is she lacking some basic parenting skills?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 24th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

repeatBS326 sounds like OW is too self absorbed and lazy to take care of business. it's so sad that people need a license to drive, but not to have children. OW in our case has 2 other children, 2 daddies, one on the the way. She is risking her life to have this baby, maybe leaving her 2 other children without a monther. It's crazy! Maybe I am biased bc my mother died when I was young, but that just seems selfish. I can't help think she is having OC to try to keep a hold on WH. Who knows? I hope that OW takes care of OC, becaus if not, I will jump in the middle of her life like a monkey jacked up on Mt Dew


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 24th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't figure out if OC's behavior is for attention or some power struggle between the 2 houses.

I also would think that OC feel fortunate to have people cooking for her & making sure she has a bath & is rested well.

OC is only 8 and brushes her teeth as-much as the boys @our house. We carry dental on her & she's had 5 cavities in past 2 years. DS12 & DS9 haven't ever had any (& DS9 is the sneaky boy who brushes w/out toothpaste or an imaginary toothbrush!) We have to do a breath-check on DS9, to make sure he's brushed. I don't think OW makes her brush her teeth or something...we even sent an electric toothbrush & fluoride rinse recommended by dentist to OW's house.

fWH broke NC last Wednesday also. He's filing for disabilitiy (I think u guys remember that he's been paraplegic since accident in 2005)...anyway, if he files for the 3 kids, he can also get about $200 extra per child monthly. fWH had been working (same job as pre-accident w/change in dept to one that's more wheelchair friendly) from 6months after accident until March when he got laid off. I'm so glad he got the CS papers in-order in February...so he no longer pays CS (would be nice if OW paid him, but he had it written out w/crazy wording about her covering extracurricular fees etc). Do you know, even though they have joint custody (50/50) - OW only has her 20 more days/year & she actually let DH keep OC 1 extra day on weekends this summer since he wasn't working anyway (that took the difference down to about only 10 days). Even though it's joint custody, OW can file a claim on DH's social security for OC & get the $$$$. We have OC 50% of the time & SSD said they had to mail OW a letter & took her phone # also....they have to inform her that it's being filed on OC & that she can appeal & file her own claim. HOW can OW (who isn't entitled to CS anymore) get disability benefits off of DH. They were NEVER married or anything. I just don't get it. fWH broke contact to call OW & let her know that he was filing & she'd be getting paperwork. I fully expect her to file on OC now. She might even be so pissed @fWH that she try to tell SSD that he's not handicapped or something (since he was able to BANG her in Aug/Sept09 several times). I wouldn't put it past her, really.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:16 PM, August 24th (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, August 24th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm around everyone :)

Things are just their normal batshit crazy around here LOL.

I still have OC a BUNCH. However the time has come for me to put my feet down. Yep not just a foot but FEET! The other night, OC was crying in her exersaucer not outright screaming but fussing, and FWH stopped OVER his crying child to get a snack without even looking at her, I was like OHH HELL NO! So yeah.. Some things need to change. He still hasn't moved to the basement yet. It still needs a lot of work. But we're sleeping seperately etc.. now. So that is my update. My older 3 are starting school Wed. Number 4 starts preschool, and my last one number 5 starts a 2's program as well. I SHOULD probably start looking for a job, but i still have OC for right now although i'm charging OW as well as FWSTBXH LOL But it's not enough to live on for the boys and I. I won't just leave them High and dry... but they BOTH need to start taking responsibility for OC.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, August 25th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((everyone))))))))

Hi all, I'm still hanging around but feel a bit wierd posting sometimes since OW/OC are really a non-issue for us anymore. Just one small update....OW/OC did attend the family BBQ that my H and our COM skipped because they were going to be there. And my H niece, who my DD really bonded with while they were visiting, took a picture of OC at the BBQ and showed it to my DD and she was very suprised at how much alike she and OC look . I'm not upset with my H niece cause my DD knows about OC, but I think it bothered DD that she and OC look so much alike. I explained to her that they both look just like thier father so there were bound to be some similarities. Then she says "yeah, but you are so much better looking than OW so that must be where my extra beauty comes from" I told her comments like that are why she is my favorite daughter(she is my only daughter )!

Sorry to all of you who are having a rough time as of late If anyone has a question that they think I might be able to help them out with please feel free to PM me cause I will probably see that sooner than I may see something here in the forum

Wishing you all the best


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Sad  Posted: 4:01 PM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please advise. I am at the end of my rope and do not know what to do. FWH has been doing prenatal visits with OW and said last night he wants to be in the delivery room. The pain was so horrific, I couldn't breathe. I told him this afternoon I wanted to separate. He was so upset and said he is only doing C with OW that is OC related and following my list. I can't help think that there are fathers who do not do prenatal visits and they are good fathers, I said that he just wants to prove to OW that he did not just knock her up and abandon her, meanwhile I am sitting at home waiting for my life to start. What do I do? I don't know if I can have 3 more months of this!!


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((altered)))))

I'm so sorry your H isn't taking you into consideration. My H came to maybe 5 prenatal visits and that was for all 3 COM, cause he was working and couldn't come. Me and all 3 of our kids survived just fine without him. There isn't anything that the man needs to be there for other than wanting to be. IMHO you need to tell him that there is no reason for him to go to prenatal visits and there is no reason to have any contact with OW until OC is born and DNA testing is done. Good luck


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Altered)),

I am so sorry sweetie, your H is picking OW's feelings over yours. If you don't get off the fence now, this is how it is going to be once OC is born. Only you can decide if you can live this way. Look inside yourself, can you live with your H having two families and making hers first?

If you can't, it is time to put the boundaries down, if he can not live up to those boundaries, than you have to decide what is best for you. It has been determined the amnio came out ok, there is no need for him to continue to attend these visits. He is acting like the supportive father and you are left home to recieve the scraps that are left over. Not fair. Some of us have FWH that are doing everything to mend their family and putting the OW in her place. Some of us have FWH that are having contact and disregard our feelings while we are sitting around wondering why we continue to live this way. None of us can advise you to leave or not leave, all we can do is support you and please lean on us. You have to decide what you can live with. What is right for you?


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
LiveLuvLaph
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, August 28th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Altered))))

Did the amnio show that he is the father? Paternity testing can be done from amniocentesis. It's genetic testing after all.


BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
Wincing_at_light
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."
Aesir

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, August 29th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know what to tell you do to altered. Only you know that.
FWSTBX did not go to any prenatal appts with OW. He and I both felt the baby was probably his, but he still did not go. He never missed a prenatal with our COM though.

He was however in the delivery room with OW when she had OC. That was a joint decision. OW and I were on pretty good terms by then. (I know it's hard to imagine now though for you). He did NOT go to support OW and didn't go into the delivery room till the midwife said the baby is about to crown. He got to cut her cord and be the first to hold her. LIke i said though.. we were fairly certain it was his baby. If it hadn't of been... well then he lost out on 2 hrs of pay from work and well he was an old hat at the delivery room and cutting trhe cord thing LOL. But once she was born we knew she was his :)
I actually went up later that day to see OW and the baby but a bunch of her and FW"s co workers were there so left and went back up the next day to see OC. It was hard... one of the hardest things i've ever done. BUT...all i saw was a newborn baby, my boys' sister. That is what she's been ever since. I still love her very very much and intend to always have a relationship with her (OC) because I want my boys to know her :) Long after FWH and I and OW are gone. They will all have each other and it hopefully won't matter to them at that time who slept with who who's parents are who etc etc....
That is just my thoughts on it! I"m quite tolerant of a lot of things.

If you cannot tolerate his attending appts. and the birth (nothinhg wrong with that), you and he both need to lay it out right now and get things in order.
FW, never did anything I wasn't OK with. It was I who brought up his attending the birth. He never did more than i was comfortable with. He still hasn't. :) Although we're seperated now, it had nothing to do with OW, or OC or infidelity :)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, August 31st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Altered)))

I don't think I could have handled fWH attending OB appts w/OW. He wanted to be there for birth, which I had been dreading, but OW was really pissed @him, so she didn't even tell him about OC's birth until they got home. OW had her new boyfriend (current BH) with her for delivery, so she had someone w/her at least.

I almost lost-it before OC's birth & had to seek IC for severe depression. I don't know what would my state-of-mind would have been, if he'd gone to hospital with her. I am glad I never had to find out.

First meeting w/OC was very difficult, but I'm glad it was in our home & fWH hadn't sat in delivery holding OW's hand....cheering her on & coaching her. He was in-room during my attempted vaginal birth, but didn't hold my hand during contractions or anything....he didn't really act concerned @all until they said Emergency C-section. It would have hurt, to think he did that for her. Whew! Can't thank GOD enough for not making fWH chose OC over my feelings on her birthday. He absolutely knew how I felt.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 31st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone its been a while, but i needed a break. I don't know if any of you read my other post in the general forum, so I will fill u in:

I left this summer. I told WH that I needed some spsce and I was leaving I also told him that he had some decisions to make abhout his life.

I went and stayed with my family. He continued to have contact with both OW's only one has an OC wiith WH. I talked to him on a regulsr basis and was starting to move on with my life. I think it scared him. When i got home he had broke off all contact with both OW's. The mother of OC contributed to this by not letting WH spend time with OC when he wanted to. I truly think this is for real which will make our m that much better because I just could not stomach ANY kind of contact with the OC, and I think that would have been the end of our M.


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, September 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. FWH and I talked, cried etc on Friday. I finally got out of him that the reason he is not backing down off these visits is he is afraid OC will not survive and all heíll have is the prenatal memories. Just knowing his motivations helped me, knowing that he was not being supportive boyfriend or KISA. I decided I did not want the S. I slept in the other room Friday night, giving myself some space and decided that I still wanted to be with him. He did tell OW Sat that he could not go Monday and she got very upset. She texted him about 10 that night and told him that she would back off so he could concentrate on his M since he did not want any Dr appt (FWH never said none, just Monday's), and OW would let him know about DNA test. FWH said if thatís your choice, OW told him that was his choice, not hers. FWH eyes got opened, I think. He realized that she was not just wanting a ride to the Dr or a supportive daddy he said he never thought about what she was reading into these visits, and I believe him because he looked clueless. He was worried about something happening to the baby and him never knowing. I said OW was pregnant and hormonal and would most likely change her mind. (I would never get that lucky anyway)

Sure enough, Monday OW found FWH at lunch at said that she did not want him taking her to the Dr as much, if he wanted to know about the baby to text and she would let him know. OW told him that she was in love with him and it would be better for her and for our M if there was less contact. duh!

I told FWH that the fact OW was having his baby hurt and I would never be totally comfortable with the Dr visits, but I realized that none of this was about OW or her needs, and that helped my peace of mind. The pain hasn't stopped, but I can deal with it. FWH called OW and incubator I am just ready for the due date and DNA!! P.S. Checked on amio DNA, and was told sample would not be enough.

[This message edited by altered at 11:18 AM, September 1st (Tuesday)]


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, September 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Altered,

I am glad that you and your h sat down and talked about this. Understanding his motives was good because it was different than what you were suspecting. As far as the OW, don't be surprised if her attitude changes fromt he concentrate on your marriage to I need you attitude again, especially as she gets closer to the due date.

The main thing is that you and your H have to be prepared and set those boundaries so that you have some idea how to handle it if it gets to that point. Do you best to focus on what is best for both of you until the dna can be done.

Hugs to you.

Chandler,

I answered you on your other thread, remember "cautiously optimistic".
Good luck Sweetie.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:47 AM, September 1st (Tuesday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

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