DS9 never moved much during whole pregnancy. I was freaking out. I had to wait to see OB because I was waiting for 90-day trial hire period to expire on my new job (was afraid of them firing me, if they knew I'd need maternity leave soon). We got a Bebe-sounds monitor to put on my stomach. Each night while fWH was @graveyard shift, DS13 & I would listen to DS9's heartbeat. If I could hear him, I was okay if he didn't move much. She's just wanting fWH's attention. It's not his responsibility to take her to ER either. She's probably got friends/family...fWH isn't her family & should not be her friend either. fWH went NC before birth...was much easier on me. BTW: OC's birth in January, ruined all the Oct/Nov/Dec holidays & b-days. I get all triggery & such about remembering the good-ole-days when OW wasn't in our marriage and we didn't have to schedule our holidays around visitation w/OC.
I looked up a conception date calendar online & used the default cycle length to try & calculate conception date (as she had Jan20th due date when I'd called & harassed OW for due date as fWH didn't even know when she was due or what OW was naming her until I told him). I was going crazy in January & had to seek IC...calling OW for due date, helped a little bit w/the holiday season, knowing she wouldn't come @Christmas. The kids & I went to Easter-egg hunt @friends & I couldn't find fWH all afternoon that year...I kept thinking he was w/OW instead of being a family w/us & other families @Easter-egg hunt. He claims no...but, dates kinda are around that time. I still look it up. When OW had BH's toddler, I also used the birthdate to calculate whether toddler might be fWH's (as he was hospitalized most of her 1st trimester)...unfortunately, OW didn't get pregnant while fWH was in hospital..it was a few weeks b4. I still wonder if toddler is his, as OW started working @the tanning salon he went to as a 2nd/3rd job...after she found out he went there. (she got a tongue ring when she saw his too) I'm thinking OW is a fWH-groupie/bunnyboiler?
Want2help, in regards to child support, I filed as soon as I kicked my WH out in 2004. Even when we tried to make it work, I refused to drop my child support. We have lived in different states for two years now and he wants to come back. I'm not sure about that as I have been getting on with my life. But you can be sure that child support stays in place. As a matter of fact, I told him never to call me from jail if he was aressted for non-payment as I would never drop the case. He has been in arrears a couple of times but we worked it out where I let him claim the kids on the taxes and we split the money.
lonely&depressed, I feel the same way about the OC. I don't wish the OC harm but it is not my responsibility. I have been raising my three kids on my own for a long time and am not interested in taking on anyone else's kid. I don't want to have a constant reminder around. My kids don't want to have anything to do with that situation either. I feel that I didn't sign up for any step-children when I got with WH and I shouldn't have to deal with it now.
Scorpio1, good to hear from you. And L&D good to hear from you as well. Hugs to all of us going thru this struggle everyday. Everyone here has to find their own way and what is best for them. There is no right or wrong in our feelings about this. I am so glad that we have each other to get that extra support that we sometimes need.
The other boards are tough on this topic (I posted in just found out about mos recent happenings) and I am glad this is a safe place. Thank you.
filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011
I went to the other thread and read it, and I think both your H need to stop listening to the family and decide what is right for you. While they mean well, they don't understand either. Your d-day is so new, I am 2 1/2 years past mine and we didn't get to the point we are now until after the 2 year mark. Is normal for your H to feel the way he does? Who knows, feeling responsible for the OW is what kept my H in the relationship with her so long.
As I have said before, whether your marriage can survive or not depends on the change in attitude of your H. You can't R by yourself. It does concern me that he is so willing to believe OW without the fool proof. This is a process no matter which way your relationship goes, it is work, everyday all the time. Both of you have to be willing to put that work in to try to rebuild what you had or a new relationship, sometimes you can R and sometimes you have to move on. Go out this weekend with your friends get away from this situation for a little while.
One thing to remember, your H needs to own his own shit, as much as we want to fix it for them, he has to go thru all of the emotions, he caused this and there are consequences, he has to feel those. It is your choice on how supportive you want to be if you even want to be. You are going to have good days and bad days, just know we understand and we are here to support you.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:28 PM, October 29th (Thursday)]
My three kids experienced so much anger towards WH. He now wants to move back to our area. The way that I feel is that he made this commitment first and needs to honor it. It's not my problem as to how many other kids he may have. Had he had a kid(s) before I met him, the dynamics would have been questioned. Sometimes you just don't want to deal with a baby's mama that thinks she deserves it all because she has his child.
WH gets mad because our youngest, who is only four months older than the OC, attaches to other men.
My WH has a weird family history. His fathe, who died when he was young, has a first ex-wife and two kids with her. Then he met my WH's mother but married another women. He had three kids with MIL while having four kids with his second wife. The other kids just found out about my WH and his siblins and have started contact. One of the kids, a girl, wants nothing to do with the situation. Meanwhile, MIL lives with her former FIL (she was married to his son). MIL is not allowed at some of her boyfriend's relatives' house. So they are used to inappropriate relationships.
I didn't have a good step-parent relationship while growing up and that colored my judgment. I'm sure that there are some people out there that can manage that type of relationship, but not me. I don't intend to bust my ass so that someone could tell me that I am not their mother.
My two oldest kids are almost grown and I look forward to that. I have a lot more years with my toddler. But I'm tired. All of this has proven to me that it is time to think about me. WH was selfish during his A's so I am not going to feel bad. Everyone says to do what is best for the child, but I have to do what is best for my children first. And ultimately do what is best for me.
Mostly everyone here wants to be involved with the OC. HELL NO!
I hope I didn't imply that.
Contact with OC is a CHOICE that the married COUPLE should make.
And I'll admit it, any contact with the OW is a ginormous hurdle for anyone to have to deal with.
Anyone who tells you to do what is best for OC doesn't have the sense God gave little green apples and I'll tell you to tell them FROM ME to cheefully stick it in their...um...ear, or lower, use your own discretion.
Also tell them from me to put the pipe down cos crack kills.
While I LOVE my kids, this is MY choice and it's not a one size fits all decision.
We all make choices in life and we have to live with what those choices are. I chose to stay married and build something new and make the OC a part of that. That is not for everyone. I am not everybody and everybody is not me. I can understand everyone's feelings about this. Children are forever, and having a constant reminder of your H's betrayal is a hard pill to swallow. No matter which path we choose, we are all still surviving infidelity.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:28 AM, October 30th (Friday)]
I haven't been on in awhile. Reading some of the posts open up the wounds that I am trying so hard to heal. Today, I need a safe place. I am grateful knowing that if I need you, you all are here. : )
My H called me tonight at 12:30AM!!!! I was in a deep sleep. (We are R but we still have seperate houses. He stays at my house most of the time.) He called to tell me about a nightmare and then proceeded to have a discussion concerning our living situation. I reminded him that the reason that I have my own place is b/c he wouldn't go NC with her. (He is now NC but it took almost 2 years) He asked that I move back to our farm and my constant for 2 years has been a firm NO. They had most of the flings in my buildings, trucks, tractors, etc. Why would I want to look at that everyday and be reminded????? He can so difficult. He tried to be logical in saying that it would save us money if I moved back to the farm. Who would it save money for???? HIM. He is the one that is paying CS for a child he refuses to have paternity tested. I would still have the same bills and then the constant reminders. I am willing to move closer to our farm but I refuse to move into the same county at the tart.
I just needed to vent a bit. People feel that I should be over this but I am not. Halloween is tough b/c that is the day that they first crossed the line. I have said it before - This just sucks!!!
Thanks for listening. : )
"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey
"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu
nO ONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS THE EMOTIONS,AND ROLLERCOASTER THAT WE GO THROUGH AS BS'S.
i AM REALLY HAVING A HARD TIME THINKING ABOUT THE REALITY OF THE oC IN MY LIFE. i REALLY DIDIN'T WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN AND NEITHER DID HE(WS). i HAVE SUCH MIXED CONFLICTING FEELINGS.
wE WENT TO COURT 10 DAYS AGO i HELD ONE OF THE BABIES. iT WAS LIKE HOLDING ANYOTHER BABY. HOWEVER,SINCE DNA SAYS ITS TWINS. WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. OMG, MY HEART JUST ACHES.
SOME DAYS i CAN VISUALIZE MYSELF IN MY HOUSE WITH THE OCS. bUT THEN REALLY HITS ME WHY? nOTHING IN MYLIFE HAS GONE ACCORDING TO PLAN. i KEEP REAJUSTING. mY 18 GOT PREG NEW GRANDCHILD IS DUE 2-7-10. sO THEN WE'LL HAVE 3 BABIES IN HOUSE.
mY ISSUES ARE WITH HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER FORCING (CHILDREN) ON ME. i CAN'T SAYANYTHING BECAUSE SHIT DOES HAPPEN. hELP TODAY IS A CRAZY DAY. WS GOES TO SEE JUDGE WEDSNESDAY FOR HIS CHILD SUPPORT HEARING. oUR COM STILL DON'T KNOW. iKNOW WS DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO TELL THEM.
hE REALLY JUST WANTS IT TO ALL GO AWAY. hE CAN'T SLEEP. wE BOTH HAVE BEEN ONTHE INFIDELITY DIET. 20=30 LBS EACH OF US.
OW IS LOOKING FOR A CHECK AND ANOTHER WAY TO BREAK US UP. sHE DOESN'T WANT WS. SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT HIM WITH HIS FAMILY SINCE a BROKE UP HER MARRIAGE.
i'M JUST VENTING.
i REALLY NEED TO pM ANYONE WHO CAN HELP ME THROUGH THIS ROUGH PATCH. hELP pLEASE
hAVE A BETTER DAY EVERYONE.
I have the OW's number. I want to find out if she is really pregnant. Should I call? I think it would REALLY piss off my H, but I want to be sure. I don't want to yell at her or even let her know who I am, but I just have to find a way to be sure that she is really pregnant. My H is in NC, and thus haven't gotten proof to bring home to me. He saw and ultrasound, but (A) didn't know what he was looking at and (B) didn't know what to look for to see if was truly real.
What do you think? Should I call? Should I have someone call? Any ideas?
We still haven't seen a lawyer yet either. Can I go and information without him? I am in the process of 180 with my H and so I haven't wanted to press any issues with him. Plus, I want him to be the one to begin to pursue these things. I have been doing all the work, no more!
Any suggestions would be great!
Thank you! You all are amazing!
I ask for peace daily. That's all I really want.
keep your head up> Your are a special person.
[This message edited by SAMMYGIRL at 8:22 AM, November 3rd (Tuesday)]
Why would it piss dh off?
Keep this in the back of your mind, "people with nothing to hide, hide nothing."
If he is completely clean now, he shouldn't have a problem with you calling her.
If he does, it usually means he's hiding something.
Remember tho, an OW is a person who WILLINGLY lowered their morals too...that means as much as HE lied to you, she is just as devious and JUST as culpable.
Do not think for a moment that she won't lie to you just to get under your skin.
VD (OW) STILL lies to everyone about everything. It's so bad, I think she believes the falsehoods that drip from her mouth.
Some people are just like that.