I am so sorry.....I don't know what to say. I am still trying to figure out my path.
Hope you feel you can share with us....
Hugs, thoughts, and prayers to you.
filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011
We're all fighting right now over holidays and shit and i'm just flat out plain pissed off at everyone and everything.
I have A LOT on my plate right now. OW being a stupid bitch is just icing on the crap cake!
I'm trying to smile and be nice.. but my patience is wearing VERY thin. We're building a case against OW but no one is in a position to "move" yet. We have a couple friends that are CPS workers telling us that nothing she's done YET will result in removal. So we are just sitting back and waiting for her to screw up. At this point the most they would do is give her mandatory parenting classes. Which will just piss her off and she'll make our lives more hell then ahs already does. So all this time i've been putting on a smile etc... but i finally flipped the other night on her. PLUS she took some pics of OC off my facebook page and put them up on hers and were passing them off as though she took the pics and as though she bought the costume OC was wearing! Plus there was pics of OC with my kids she took as well *puke* i don't want my kids on her FB! SO i blocked her so she can't view pics or status updates or anything and she flipped about that, then she flipped because we will not do what she wants us to do for Thanksgiving as far as visitation, so STBXFWH told her "FINE You can have OC for ALL FOUR DAYS, i'd rather do that than have you bouncing her back and fucking forth half a day for each of the 4 days" Well OW didn't like that.. because well we all know she can't handle OC for more than 24 hrs.. so now OW is backpeddling.. and we're NOT letting her! She wants to fucking bitch and moan... FINE she's got what she wants AND MORE! Muwahahahaha I give it 36 hrs before she calls us to take her!
We did, and it went a long way when the courts sat down and decided who got custody.
Document everything OW says and does in regards to OC, too.
If you do decide to go for custody, make sure there is a home study done of each house. When the social worker comes to your home, show him/her your handy, dandy notebook.
That's how we got custody of the children. CPS couldn't take the kids just because of the chronic lice, but once the social worker saw that, compared the homes and spoke to all the adults that cared for the kids there was NO question who the children would be better off with.
Praying for you.
Patience. I know that's hard when you've been at it so long, but the only way you'll get there is with patience.
((anobligation)), I have been wondering how you are doing. I assume from your post that you were finally able to get OW to take DNA and it came back positive. I am so sorry. I know that you had hope. Just know that we are here for you to support you and feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
((Beajus)), you know I went thru this. It took over 5 months for CPS to remove OC from OW and it may not have happened at all if not for the fact that she had no electricity, food, decent sleeping arrangements, hot water, and dirty house. They too had OW go to parenting classes the first time I sent them in there in May. When I had a social worker call them again, they finally removed them in October. It is sad that we had to wait and watch and it was very hard on me to continue to have to send them back to that. But I had a mission and I knew once we could get them out of the mess that things would be better. The fact that you keep the OC 75% of the time should be an important factor. My concern is that you said that you and h are broken up but living in the same house. How would this play out in a custody situation? I pray for you, that you have the strength to hold on and keep fighting for the rights of an innocent baby.
Hang in there.
Well, after all that hoopla about me sucking-it-up & calling OW to tell her about OC's homework folder (so NC w/fWH could stay intact).... DS9 had medcheck that morning, so I ran over to school (got up early since I could've slept in until DS's appt.), OC not in gym, OC not in lunchroom, had to get visitor's pass to go past main lobby, OC not in classroom???? huh. Turns out, OW decided to take OC to get H1N1 vaccine mist & seasonal flu shot. I wasted all that time running & OC didn't even check-in until after I took DS9 back 2 school. OC said "momma saw your name on sign-in list, where DS9 was tardy for Dr. appt." WTF? Why didn't she tell me she was doing that? OC didn't even get there until almost lunch. I don't have a clue where she took her (maybe health dept?) for the flu stuff, but it kinda pissed me off that she was so stinkin' polite on the phone, but didn't tell me OC wasn't going to school that morning. I could've just waited to take folder in, when I checked DS in @9:15ish. Thank GOD it wasn't a regular day & I'd have sent the folder in w/DS9. He would have freaked out & been tardy, looking for his sister all-over.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 3:03 PM, November 11th (Wednesday)]
If anyone any either family can't treat OC equal with the boys, then that person will be cut out. We made a decision as a family to bring Oc into our lives and if people cannot accept that and do what needs done, then they aren't family. Family should support one another if at all possible. OC is innocent in all this ya know?
Yes I've kept a notebook since OW was 4 months pregnant. It's 97 typed single spaced pages long LOL and that is NOT any commentary or feelings from me, just facts!
As far as FWH and I and our relationship and it figuring into custody.. we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Just a little while ago he called me honey on the phone.. and i know we miss each other..... he's pretty repentant for what he did (the not infidelity related thing that broke us up), so we'll see where things go. I'm MOre than willing to play happy family to the custody evaluator to see OW lose OC! Not just for the sake of OW losing her, but because i KNOW OC is better off with one of us even though we're a "broken" family, I sure as shit don't forget to feed OC, I don't drag her all over creation all hours of the night, i don't have a gambling problem etc etc.. and i sure as shit wouldn't be exposing OC to a string of strange men constantly. trust.. she'd be better off in this broken home than in OW's screwed up life LOL Plus OW has no clue what FWH's and I's status is (neither do any of the kids either). So if push came to shove... we can give all appearances of being a happy family :)
I have read a couple of times to keep a journal/log of interactions with OW and OC...so...
I thought I would start one of my own. Mine includes my WH first encounter of the PA with the OW up till the last. Then when OW first emailed (yes, emailed) WH about being pregnant, some lies told to me about OW, OW's second doctor's appointment, and such like that. I have kept my feeling out of it, just a log.
Is there anything I am missing? Anything I should definiately keep track of? Should I bring this with me to my appointment with my lawyer on Friday?
ANY suggestions would be appreciated and welcomed! Still trying to figure everything out and what I want to do.
I am SO THANKFUL for this thread!
The first few days I was actually doing okay. I thought maybe I'm just able to move forward with the truth. I should have known--rollercoaster time.
I feel like I'm walking around with a neon sign on my forehead blaring that my husband committed adultery and it produced a child.
I actually feel like blurting it all out when people ask me how I am. I don't feel like acting normal when there's nothing normal in my life right now.
I am right there with you. I am SICK of lying to everyone. My mask is starting to crack...but then I lie again! I am not ready (may never be) to tell anyone the events of my life. I don't want others to "feel sorry or pitt" for me. UGH! I am just a mess. I still don't know what I am doing or what I want to do. There are days when I look at my H and I HATE him. I hate what he did, the consequences he brought to us, and it makes my physically ill. Then there are other moments where I am completely supportive, and love him, and want to be with him. I HATE THIS ROLLERCOASTER!
I am so very sorry for the mess our H's committed.
Hang in there....you are certainly not alone (that is probably one of the ONLY comforts I have right now).
OC in our situation is going on 2 and I am just now beginning to tell people. Don't rush yourself.
Ugh, I just got done emailing my SIL. A little back story- she has known me since H and I got together, she stayed with us on and off in the early years (like, 7 years ago), we used to get along great (despite her on and off again drug use). Then in 2003 she informs me in front of many oh H's family members that H "does not need anymore kids" and he "already has HIS family" (his daughters from a previous marriage). Since this our relationship has been rocky at best. After Dday, H's exwife introduced her to OW, since OW was pregnant with OC. SIL was at the birth and baptism of OC, despite her view on H having more kids- we have not spoken to her since Dday.
Well, a friend of my H and my SIL from high school passed away, so she got ahold of me on myspace. Created a fake account in the friend's name (weird, I know) and gave me her email so that I didn't have to unblock. We have sent several emails back and forth. I sent her a few pics of our daughter, and asked her to pass them on to FIL as well(who lives in another state, and knows about OC, and therefore H is to ashamed to speak to him).
She wrote me back an entire page long email. The ONLY mention our DD got was "Your daughter is pretty. I hope you cherish every moment with her". Written as though it was just to me, and the rest of the letter was to both of us.
Are you fucking kidding me?!
MY daughter is ALSO your brothers daughter! Otherwise known as YOUR NIECE!
Oh, but let me guess- there is no fun in being involved with our daughter. Our daughter was planned. A intentional child conceived by two married, committed people. She was not an accident. No families were potentially destroyed by the birth of MY daughter, no hearts broken. No one was betrayed by her conception.
I am so hurt. I am beyond pissed. She goes on and on and on in her email to update us on the lives of everyone H and her went to school with. H doesn't give a fuck. They're from a small, poor town, and most of the old high school buddies are meth heads now (hence the friend passing away). He refused to even go to the funeral, says that isn't his life.
Ugh, I cannot believe this. My MIL (who we- H, SIL, and me- can't stand anyways), and SIL and my stepDs were all at the birth of OC, and now they don't even give our D the time of day.
My daughter not having a family. Just another casualty of the A.
[This message edited by Want2help at 5:08 PM, November 15th (Sunday)]
If it helps at all, my SIL is a bitch too!
Although she did introduce H and me. she also knew VERY early on (before the PA) that H was "seeing" someone. They went to the movies together!!!! And all this time I had been going to her, talking to her, confiding in her, begging her to tell me anything, but nothing. She, too, is an alcholic and a cheater....I should have known better. And now she is MAD at me?!?! Calling me delusional, and stupid for loving my H!? F you! Just because I believe in my vows and have the upmost repect for him and his family!?!? Just because I didn't walk away when things got difficult?! No, that is what SIL does. NOT me.
I am sorry that you feel your daughter doesn't have a family. But she does. The one you give her and the people she chooses to hold close. I was an only child and adopted by my granddparents. I never had anyone other than them. But it was great because I KNEW without a doubt that I was loved by them, unconditionally. They gave me the best life they could, and that was more than enough.
I FINALLY had a freak out on the entire situation at the end of last week. OW decides she wants to do yet ANOTHER schedule change.. and this time wants to pick up OC at 6 pm at night from us.. and i fliped saying that I'd HAD it!! Told her no she will NOT pick OC up from us in the middle of dinner time! And if she persists with changing her schedule from full time down to less than 20 hr s aweek that is fine but she better find her ass another sitter because i was NOT having it!!
THEN.. froday night i start getting msgs from one of OW's friends on FB threatening my life and my children's lives (nice friends she has huh?). I really went ballistic then! I went to the police they were like "So you want us to look into the situation of you fighting with someone on facebook" I was like UMMM i don't know this guy.. the bitch that slept with my husband is friends with the psycho! To have a fight, you have to have two people going back and forth and i haven't said a word to his psycho ass.. sooo NOOO i'm not "fighting" with someone on face book! They did ntohing except take a complaint. They refused to follow up with OW or the guy either! OW came to get OC from us on Saturday night and I let her have it (yep in front of God, all the kids and everyone and I don't care). So she's breen very very quiet on her end... Till NOW she is obviously refusing to go through me anymore as far as contact with FWH so she texted him directly tonight and asked him if he'd take OC tomorrow.. I told him I dont' think we should.. i say we need to let her squirm as a REAL single mom for a while.. what do you all think??????
Bravo on standing up for yourself!! OW needs to realize she and FWH are responsible for OC, they brought OC into this world that's their baby to rock (so to speak). If OW were using a child care center, OW would have to take their hours of operation into account, not just use childcare when she feels like it, IMHO. Take care of you and yours, let OW take care of hers, and if FWH has a problem with it, he can finally choose a side. You rock beajus!
I so agree with what you did, neither of the two have really felt the struggle with the decisions they have put upon everyone elase, including themselves, so yes handle the mess you made for a bit, and maybe just maybe next time you will think before opening your legs so willingly to get nocked up.
I believe most of BS on here have tried so hard, to make sure the OC never feel or treated badly like the innocent victims they are as well, that we loose sight of the consiquences and punishment those who caused the mess should feel. Maybe it is our motherly nature to nuture, and love, but to what extent. To feel used and taken advantage, to accomodate the needs of OW and FWH. OH hell, NO!!!
Make her suffer at least just a bit, and del with what she dished out..
Great job for voicing your feelings, but sorry that OW is now texting FWH, that there has to be the hard part.. Good luck, and keep up the strength, you have shown all us here.
Yeah, she is pregnant and alone (she also texted this last night) but she chose to have A with MM, who made commitments long before he ever met her. He is trying to repair broken promises he made to me, he is not free to make any to her. Sucks to be her, but they chose to use no protection, she chose to have the baby, said she could "do it on her own". Well put on your big-girl panties, cowgirl up and do it on your own then! Stop crying to my H about it!
Just had to put this out there. I will be so glad when P is over.
That is how i felt too!!!
Best Wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving!