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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
lynne01
♀ Member
Member # 21856
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, November 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone... I truely missed you guys... Alot has happen since my last post.. First I am now I single mom.. H had the nerve to cheat again with a total different woman. Love myself told him to get to steping... I have the OC.. OW called in August and ask if I could babysit and I haven't seen her since.. I have gotten close with one of her family member and learn she's out of town... Good rettens... Guess she never got her picture perfect family so she left him. One more court date and if she don't show up she loses her right!!! I know she not showing she still homeless with no money and I don't feel sorry for her. Lawyer trying to get divorce done H fighting me every way but tired of being his fool.. Good rettens to him. I started a new job that I love. I love OC so does my family. Really can't believe that I have so much love for him when it caused me so much pain but God is good. He turned 1 on Nov 18th.. He melt my heart a week ago when I pick him up from daycare and said mommie... Well just wanted to update everyone...


I am taking my life back!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: twilight zone
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, November 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Lynne01! I have been thinking about you and wondering how things were going. I am sorry about the new betrayal, but I am so glad that you are no longer in the dark and now your sbtx can be someone else's problem.

You really have shown the strength that I always knew you had and I am so proud for you. Great news on the job, feels great to take your life back doesn't it. You know it doesn't matter how a child comes in your life, the relationship and love that you build with that child is what is important and even he knows it, mommie.

So I hope that everything goes well in court and you can move on to your new life.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, November 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUGS)) Lynne
YOu're doing a wonderful thing!!!


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, November 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question for everyone....


How did you tell your family about OC? This has been weighing on my heart and mind and just don't know what to think about it. My ILs know and I best friend knows, but other than that....how did people react (if you don't mind sharing)? I know I should care, especially if WH and I R, but that has been in the back of my mind for quite some time.

Thank you....you guys are amazing individuals!


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, November 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My only family is my mother.
I told her about the affair and then the next week as soon as i found out OW was pregnant, I told my mom as well. She babysat the kids while we went to the hospital to see OW and OC.. she's been a pretty good support person.

As for other people... at the store and such I'd run into people and they would be like OMG you had another baby! Or OMG you got your baby girl etc.. and it was very hard to say ohh it's not my baby when the boys were with me and saying HI this is my sister LOL
I had a lot of differant answers depending upon the situation as far as how well I knew the person.. would i ever likely see them again, were the other kids with me to be able to run their mouths etc etc LOL

Last year was rough with school with the kids. After OW called us when OC was 4 days and old and told us to come get her... My boys could do nothing except talk about their baby sister... and of course the teachers were like.. OMG we didn' tknow you were pregnant... Aye yi yi... so i "came clean" to them about where OC came from. SOme of the other moms of my kids' classmates I just said.. "This is my stepdaughter" i got some quizzacle looks but no one said HUH???? LOL

Good luck :)


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, November 28th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the insight Beajus....I was just curious on how to handle such a situation. WH and work in a small town....but we don't live there. I am hoping the the whore (sorry) will also want to give the OC up and I can adopt it. But WH thinks that is very unlikely. I am beginning to think so too. OW is determine to guilt my WH into some kind of relationship, but WH is not having that. HA! At least I have that going for us. So, I don't know what is going to happen.

Thanks again! You guys are truly amazing!


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, November 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My nobody except my best friend new about A#1, so A#2 & OC were a shock to both my mom & his parents. Didn't tell anyone else except IC until OC was born. Didn't bring OC home until DNA+. Then, for Easter photos, we got them all photographed. Sent out to my grandma & other relatives as DS13, DS9, & "fWH's daughter OC." What's really weird is, my Nana was angry @him...but, she was OW for mOM for 25+ years....she didn't have room to talk.

@stores, fWH says "here are our kids." Only a few know she isn't mine. If we see someone who OC knows from school or other family contacts, she introduces me as my StepMom REPEATBS326 & my stepbrothers (which I usually correct her & say HALF brothers). I don't want people thinking I'm the tramp who stole the daddy right out from under his xW (she was never an XW!)....they need to know that I've ALWAYS been the wife. I just usually say "half brothers" and leave it @that. I introduce OC as "my son's sister" or "fWH's daughter." I don't think she's really a stepdaughter...what do you call an OC if they weren't ever married???? not really a STEP, are they?


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, November 30th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I need a pick-me-up. fWH has been ill (bedridden for a week now). Took him to Urgent Care center Friday & then to outpatient for x-rays. Not a cracked hip, but maybe kidney stones (Dr. was too busy & past closing time for real diagnosis).

Anyway....my beef is w/OW. She sends a note w/OC Wednesday evening when I got OC @park. Wait, get out your kleenexes b4 your read her sob story:

fWH, as you know, we are down to 1 vehicle. BH#2 works from 5:30pm-9pm every night. We will need to either pick up OC @5pm daily @park, or REPEATBS326 will have to bring her to my house @6pm.

Well, that really set me off. I was kinda like 5pm, okay. But, fWH was like "I don't want OW taking my time w/OC away from me. You'll have to take her to OW's house, or I'll have to once I get better." WHAT???? I'd have to drive 20 min to get to OW's house & 20 min back (I drive slower than OW & fWH). Not-to-mention how uncomfortable I'd be @their home daily....he just couldn't see it.

So, being the bad guy I said "what is OW going to do about OC's basketball practices Mon&Tues 8-9pm, if she doesn't have a car? Is she going to miss them all & not play???? And, what about those pesky Wednesday church services which have caused her to need OC back 15min early each week, how's she getting to church, if she doesn't have a car?"

Here was fWH's reponse to OW (partly lies about me working past 5pm daily - I only work past 5 sometimes when absolute necessity).

OW,

RepeatBS works past 5pm many days. We will have to work something else out (he said nothing about the 6pm @her house).

How will OC be getting to practices on Monday & Tuesday, if you have no vehicle from 5:30pm-9pm?

Her response:

Nevermind. 6pm @park will be fine. OC will get to practices.

Here's my theory. She didn't want to wait around after dropping off BH#2 @work. She either wanted to go home & sit on the couch some more or she cannot afford to cook anymore so was planning on going 2 her momma's for dinner nightly...or run the roads with the couple of hours she had & a vehicle (as she's stuck @home during the days while BH#2 goes to truck-driver school).

EWWW! I'm so steamed.

AND, fWH is all depressed since March & isn't interested in sex w/me @all. Here I go & lose 35 lbs, get a tan (cause he wanted me to), and start wearing makeup & dressing nicer. NOW, he won't hardly even kiss me. he wouldn't even put-out on our anniversary in October. I begged for sex about 2 weeks ago & he said he had no sex drive & maybe I needed to find someone else who could take care of me. We go from having sex 3-4 times/week during HB phase, to me begging for it. The whole reason he had A#3 was because I was not wanting sex very often....NOW, he's acting the same way (these double-standards).

Lynne01, won't CSS just take OC from you, or is he just invisible on-the-books right now since you're not on govt assistance? Isn't your stbXH even taking care of OC? I so don't want you getting hurt like Beajus is about OC right now. I am glad you feel like OC is yours, but what are your chances of getting him permanently?

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 8:49 AM, November 30th (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, December 4th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, just wanted to pop in and say hello and let you know that I think of you all often

Thing's are going GREAT since OC was adopted For a short while OW tried to stay in contact like we should be the best of friends now but she has dropped off the radar again which is fine with us.

Wishing you all the best and reminding you that there is hope and there is true R after all this horror. My thoughts and prayers are with you all


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, December 4th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AuntCis,

I knew you could stay away. Glad things are going better for you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Helpless  Posted: 10:27 AM, December 4th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Send me some good wishes & happy thoughts. OC's basketball games start 12/5 & first one is out-of-town (about 30-45 minute drive).

I just keep hoping OW & her posse will stay away from us this year. And, I'm certainly not her friend...no matter how Christian she is now. She needs to pretend that everyone in our family is a complete stranger (except OC of course).


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, December 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This hurts sooooooo much......

FIrst of all FWH and I are trying things again.. I TIHNK.. neither of us is being very clear to the other.. but we slept together the other night... *le sigh*. andit fel tlike it was supposed to... i mean emotionally


OW has refused contact etc etc the past 3 weeks. Finally today i texted her but got no response... so i sent her a FB msg. Then i finally got an email in response to the text. refusing to tell us where OC is and saying she has NO PHONE.. but that she's taking OC to get pics done with santa... ummm i would say her priorities are REALLY fucked up!!!

Whatever I sent her back and forth 2 more emails, then she emails FWH and says i'm harassing her??? Ummm asking why the hell she hasn't added FWH to the Birth certificate is NOT harrassment! She says that we can have whatever kind of visitation we want as soon as FWH asks for it.. so HE DID and she writes back 10 minutes later saying she changed her mind and we need to go through her attorney and dave said that's fine can i haev their name and address and she compltely cuts contact again! Seroiusly WTF???

I'm tired of putting off my kids of crying when they ask will i ever see my sister again.. what the fuck am i supposed to do here?????


GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Happy  Posted: 2:52 PM, December 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't think I would make it to this point, but I have and I feel strong. Hang in there ladies who are waiting out the arrival of the OC's, you can make it thru.

H agreed to 4 weeks of 2 visits a week of supervised visits because he wanted to show the court he is willing to work with OW for custody. We want to start with a couple of overnights and days with OC and increase up to 50/50 when OC is 9 months.

Needless to say the visits have been HORRIBLE!!! OW and her mother have done nothing but belittle my H in front of OC and our/his entire family. She wants him to have supervised visits until OC is 18. Please like that is going to happen!

12/08 we go to our 2nd conciliation. We are sure she won't agree to anything so we are expecting it to go before the judge. My SIL works for the DA's office so she called down to our judge's secertary and asked how far out our judge is scheduled and she said into February.

There is no evidence to support H having supervised visits, she just doesn't want me around OC. She orginally said that I wasn't allowed to be at the visits but H fought her on that. She did finally agree that I could be there, but I can't touch OC or interact with him. If I even so much as look at OC then she is packing up her stuff and leaving. Needless to say she didn't do that because she would be violating the court order and we could have her arrested.

Hope things go well tomorrow!


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, December 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Beajus)), you may not like what I have to say, but you have to disengage here for a while. You have to let your H handle this legally. I know how attach you have become to OC, but unfortunately you do not have any rights where she is concerned and now that you are not bowing down to OW she sees you as harrassing her.

Unfortunately this is what happens sometimes when we make the OC a part of our lives. Your H needs to consult with an attorney preferably one who specializes in father's rights. He needs to keep any communication that he is having with OW concerning OC in writing and keep records. Did he sign an affidavit of paternity? I don't remember, did he have a DNA test? He is going to have to do this the hard way and unfortunately the only thing that you can do is support him from the sidelines. Right now, I would suggest that you personally do not communicate with her any longer, but make sure that your h's comunications are in writing. I am so sorry that she doesn't have the best interest of her child involved but rather is using her as some kind of leverage. She has taken advantage of your kind heart for too long now, try not to let her continue.

((Overcoming)) I hope everything goes well in your court proceeding. What these OW fail to understand is that they lose some of the control and rights here. Unless she can legally prove that you are a danger to her child, she can't stop you from being around OC during the visits. I hope things work out the way you want.

((repeatbs)), as always, sending you mojo, maybe since OW has been born again she would show her ass at the games? One can only hope.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, December 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks BMC

Did he sign an affidavit of paternity?

Yes
I don't remember, did he have a DNA test?
Yes

He even paid for the birth certificate and everything and the original notorization and was the one who sent it off, but apparently the notary didn't sign in the right place on the paternity affidavit and instead of sending it back to us?? The vital records place sent it back to OW with instructions to have it renotorized at no cost and to send it back in for it to be valid.. guess what she didn't do?? So we requested a copy of the BC and there is now no father listed! They said they had to have a court order to add FWH on as the father.

We just don't have the money for lawyers :( :( We're still paying off a $15,000 legal fee from something else...

I don't know what else to do other than to cry and pull my hair out :( :(

We have records and every single email starting from Aug. of 2008. Pics of OC being dirty.... i mean we've got a good shot.. but we've already been looking for an attorney around here for weeks that wants less than $5,000 for a retainer or would take payments or our vehicle titles in leiu of money in case we didn't pay... and no one will.

Our attorney we're making payments too right now is the best family law attorney in our area.... but she wants us to get her bill half paid before she'll do more work for us.... UGHHHHH.

We're not rich people.... just average people with mostly good hearts and 5 kids and some rescued pets and UGHHH now i'm bawling again... :( :(

This is eating me up.... I won't email OW again because of hte harrassment thing.... but UGHHH WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I EVER DONE TO HER?

She has some scary man email me and threaten to kill my kids because i told her she couldn't pick up OC everyday during dinner time and I"M THE ONE HARASSING HER???? Of all the things i COULD have done to that wench.. but didn't and yet it's MY LIFE and my children's lives being threatened.... if anyone should have feared for their life it should have been her!!!

I wish i'd never ever been vaguely tolerant of her.. EVER.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, December 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Beajus, I am so sorry. It looks like you have done everything that you could to handle this legally. Check your state, I don't think he will need a lawyer to have his name put on the birth certificate. Maybe he can file that on his own. You know I know what you are going thru, because I waited several months for the OC to be taken away from OW and at one point I was fighting her so we had no contact with them for about 2 months. I was worried to death about them, but I knew I could do anything about it but pray for them that they would be safe. When OW saw what it felt like to not have my H helping the OC, she called hi and visitation started again. I don't know how your situatin will play out, but I will continue to sende you positive thoughts and hope that things get better.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
LiveYourTruth
♀ New Member
Member # 26270
Question  Posted: 9:06 AM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All -

I am new to SI, and sad I have to be here. Also sad that I belong in this thread (and about 3 others) in "I can relate".

I have a question - How and when did your WS tell you about the OC?

My WH only told me about the affairs and OC when a letter arrived in the mail from the county child support office. That was 2+ years after he learned that OW was pregnant. One of the things that makes me so hurt and angry is that he has only been honest with me when forced to by an outside party. He would have lied to me forever if that letter hadn't arrived...


a man can fake you
take your soul and make you
never be yourself again.
-Sinead O'Connor, "No man's woman"

Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
overcomingthepai
♀ New Member
Member # 24449
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, December 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well the last visit went well, OW refused to speak to any of us (there were 13 of us from our family) Her mother only said one or two words. When we left H said C U later to OW's mother and she said the same thing but OW was already out the door and in her car waiting for her mother. She doesn't waste any time getting in her car and leaving.

I got a good look at OW when she was walking out and she is ugly!! Her ears are pointy like Elves ears and her face is covered with acne. I just don't understand what H ever saw in her. He said he can't stand to look at her either and he doesn't understand what he was ever thinking. That must be why when they did have sex it was always in the dark!

I've done so good with the visits up until this point. I think she got to me today because I knew it was the last visit and I could let my guard down. I just wanted to go up to her and punch her in the mouth. She has such a cocky attitude. Well, guess what witch, I'm going to be raising your child with MY husband!!

We meet with the lawyer tomorrow at 4pm to go over our stragedy for the concilitaiton.

Live Your Truth - My H told me right away when he wanted to try to work things out and get back together with me - we were seperated at the time. What made it really hard for me was I was 7 months pregnant with our second child at the time. Our youngest and OC are only 5 months apart. That bothered me for a long time, but I'll just tell people the boys (we have 2 boys and the OC is a boya also) are twins. Well, that might not work because OC looks like OW and needless to say is not cute at all. Poor kid.

If your H wants to work on your marriage then he needs to be completely honest with you about everything, not just what he thinks he is forced to tell you.

I would suggest getting into MC and even IC. I did both and they helped greatly.


BS 28 FWH 28
M 4 Years
DD # 1 10/08/08
DD # 2 03/01/09 (Found out OW is pregnant)
DD # 3 09/28/09 OC was born

Posts: 34 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: PA
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, December 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Overcoming,

Everyone thought OC (girl) and DS9 were twins for a long time (which was kinda easier in-public), even though 13 months apart. They were similar in size until OC got a huge growth spurt @around 4 or 5. She's now almost as tall as me @8. Now, everyone thinks DS9 is the baby.

Beajus,
I'm pulling for you. fWH & OW filed the name-change thing in the welfare dept, I think. If you only had the original paperwork, you could've sent it in yourselves. For fWH, it was no cost to get BC changed to have fWH's name added & OC's name changed to fWH's last name (it was w/in their FREE limit of 1 year after birth). I know you miss OC. He needs to make sure OC knows she's loved (gifts etc @Christmas if you can find her) and talk to her on phone (if you can reach her @relatives or anything). I don't believe that they will take OC from OW, but if your fWH is wanting visitation, I don't think they will deny him that either. In terms of you or the boys, you really don't have many rights probably. I think, for now, you will have to settle for whatever visitation she allows. I know, letting him back into your heart is difficult, but since the S wasn't OC or OW-related, I hope things will go better w/R. It's good that the boys are still young, as they will probably forget that OC was ever away from them shortly after he gets visitation back. I do think, that U had taken on too much responsibility for OC (especially having so many of your own children to care for)...hopefully, OW taking care of OC some on-her-own, will help her gain respect for you more.


ABOUT US & OUR WEEKEND
Oh, BTW. OW didn't show for ballgame, so that's a relief. Wish me luck....OC has music thingy @school Thursday (DS9's bday same day)....we get OC because it's DS's b-day, but I'm sure OW will be at school w/her family for the Christmas choir thing. Then, possibly another ballgame Saturday (no schedule yet). We had a great time @ballgame & even fWH was his old self. I even got him to pounce me last night, voluntarily :) Yea, I'm smiling today. We even let DS13 babysit for about 1 hour, so we could go & raincheck our big Christmas gift from us (not the Santa gifts, the gift from us).

Remember the trouble fWH's had w/his mother, well she made up (came down & chatted now calls daily). Anyway, she'd asked if he got her e-mail, which he doesn't read his often & I log him in. If, he'd have read it before MIL's visit, he'd have never R with her @all. He says, he doesn't want to read the e-mail, as it'll just make him angry w/her again. Here's what it said:

Son, I just wanted to let you know that I love you, & I miss you. I am truly sorry you got your feelings hurt.
We have had arguments in the past, but we always got over it! I think this has gone on long enough, ( DON"T YOU ? )
You told me you would call sometime to just " see how we were doing" . I'm still waiting. I would like to hear from you, just to see how you are doing. I do worry about you. Call sometime, but not to argue, please.
Love Always,
Mom

She's the one who started the last fight last time...we just called to tell her that we'd returned the 4-wheeler & left the keys in garage. They haven't called for 2 months now, to ask to visit w/kids (since their other granddaughter's b-day on Oct3)...shows u how much they really like our kids, huh? They haven't even spoken to them on phone & we live down-the-hill (next door) to them!!!! I bet MIL has called & talked to OW or OW's mothers about OC...probably to piss-me-off.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 8:31 AM, December 7th (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, December 7th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((LiveYourTruth))))

Sorry you're on this board w/us, but sounds like your fWH has been basically NC (which is good).

How I found out:

Of course, I knew about EA/PA#1 w/OW, but not how involved they were (attempting to get her pregnant during the affair). OW kept calling during my pregnancy & we fought a lot about her. Blocked her cell (she'd call from pay phone & change it next day) then got new home & cell #s, but fWH gave them back to her. I never suspected PA#2, but knew they were probably still in-love & maintainting EA (which I hoped wasn't true)..."you cannot choose my friends & she has no other friends."

Anyway. 7 months after I gave birth to DS9 (somewhere around 4th-of-July), DS13 (who was then 3), broke his collarbone @daycare. We'd spent time in ER together & had a rough weekend w/DS on meds for pain (codeine caused him to have terrible stomach cramps - cried for an hour after taking pain meds). While in bed, he said something like "we need to talk. OW is pregnant & I'm pretty sure it's mine."

What is odd is, I'd had a nightmare months before that OW was pregnant by him & even told him about the nightmare because it was so horrible...he'd kinda laughed it off. I just wonder, if the nightmare was b4 or after she got pregnant.

I didn't learn until after A#3, that her saying "we've been trying to get pregnant for a while" was true. I didn't want to believe it years ago, but now know that OC was a planned pregnancy. Because he knew OC would make her HAPPY.

fWH had been having severe stomach issues (had to have upper GI) right before he told me...now I know the stress of keeping the secret was killing him.

OW was about 3-4 months pregnant when I found out & our newborn was 7 months old. It was completely devastating. I can see the infidelity rearing it's ugly head again, but not so soon after me giving birth to a perfect baby boy. It totally ruined the rest of DS9's first year (which should have been joyful) & especially his 1st birthday & that Christmas.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
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