Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: northeasternarea (43214)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, December 17th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well ill be damned!!

I just looked at the place we got ours from

http://www.betagenetics.com/paternity_test_fees.html

and they now offer 3 days testing and marked down the price too!!!!! They only offer $100 towards a court admissible one now though!

Good luck hon


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, December 18th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fWH's cost $500 cash & child support services had actually recommended the hospital to us. They may be much quicker now though. They even took a photo of all 3 parties, for paternity evidence, copied his driver's license & of course took his SSN.

You know, when fWH went to file for disability, OW had not given SS the revised Birth Certificate w/OC's new last name or her father listed. He had to take the original BC over to SS dept, before he could file for extra $$$ on his disability for having OC 50/50. Even then, they warned us if OW counter-filed, she would most likely get the $266/month instead of fWH (even though she's w/us same amount of time). They said, if we wanted to, we could fight OW in court for it...but, they wouldn't get involved.

I'm actually a little worried about CS situation. fWH no longer pays (after everything was official), but OW is SAHM now & except for the Avon sales & the small amount of $$$ made cleaning Ford Dealership (before BH#2's dealership closed), she didn't have any income last year. I think fWH needs to call his lawyer & see if he needs the CS stuff recalculated (even though she's quite capable of holding down a very lucrative job - which was proof before of her potential income & why CS was supposed to be paid to fWH). fWH was laid off in March & on unemployment for ~6 months, then started drawing disability. Somebody told me that disability doesn't figure into CS $$$, but I'm not sure. I kinda feel sorry for OC's other family, but then I don't because OW could make $70,000 annually easy...if she'd just go back to managing restaurants. They got their car & truck repo'd & bought a cheaper one (probably cash from a relative). I don't know if I could let my family struggle so, if I was fully-capable of working & there are so many jobs out there available (even her old one @LC Pizza was advertized in paper for months).


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, December 18th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, something else:

we verified w/OC that her sister (OW & BH#2's 4-year-old) was in a Christmas play @church last Sunday. They never even asked if fWH would let her come back early to see her sister in play. fWH would have let her too. I just cannot understand. Why would they do a family thing w/out OC...when it's something important for her sister? Almost like they don't want people to know OC exists. We never do family stuff w/out her. I resent sometimes that fWH has her, but I try my damned best to include her in things. I was the red-headed stepchild (literally), but I don't want her feeling like that. She goes to church there on Wed nights...wouldn't everyone ask why she wasn't @the play?

AND, we figured since last Thurs night was OW's, but we got her (per court agreement) because it was DS10's b-day, that OW would want her this Thurs night. Nope. AND, we'll have her again next Thurs night (Christmas Eve usually @6pm, but we're getting her early)....plus OW said not 10am Christmas morning, but 11am. What gives? Are they slowly phasing her out of their family or something? It kinda hurts my feelings...for OC. That's 4 Thursday nights in a row for fWH (supposed to alternate).

I knew that "I'm a good Mommy" act...was just that. She cannot even keep it up for 1 whole year. OC had a thing @school yesterday (craft making & such). OC asked fWH to go. He verified w/OW...that she could go instead...but she said she wasn't going. fWH was @school for about 2 hours...helping w/wrapping glass jars filled w/rocks & some sort of flower bulbs they'd been growing in-class. It broke last night (cats knocked it off counter)...but, I'm not sure if she intended it for me or OW as-a-gift. Today is Christmas closet...let's see if she buys OW & toddler gifts (like last year) and doesn't spend any on DS13/DS10. fWH was angry w/her last year for spending it all on her mother & sister, because he'd told her to spend on 2 brothers & sister. He had ended up giving her extra $$$ last year, to use next day on brothers. DS10 had been upset, because he'd gotten her a gift & she hadn't gotten him any.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:35 AM, December 18th (Friday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Chandler
♀ Member
Member # 23038
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, December 18th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat and Beajus
As far as I know his name is not on the birth certificate and we have not had a DNA test done. I think she did apply for help but here is something that I don't get. She has another child from her marriage which ended because her X cheated but that's not the point. She was receiving aid for that child fron the state and was NOT getting CS for that child. So I don't understand why she forgot the name of her husband but remembered the name of mine.

We are meeting with a lawyer on Monday. My H did not want to be a part of the OC's life. He had made that decision for us as a family. We want to move out of state in the next year or so. We want to make a fresh start together. At least I think we want to. I am having thoughts of D pop into my head a lot. I just don't know.

[This message edited by Chandler at 7:45 AM, December 18th (Friday)]


ME:BS Him:WS
D-Day: Too many I lost count
OC born Jan 09
"If happy ever did exist, I would still be holding you like this, all those fairy tales are full of shit, one more fucking love song I'll be sick" -Maroon 5

Posts: 1335 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Somewhere I never wanted to be
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, December 18th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The DNA center said the test is court-admissable in 50 states. They had home test kits, but we paid extra for the court admissable one $460. They have to go to the hospital and the samples are taken and sent off.

Even if they have to repeat the test for CSED, at least we will know. If it is negative, FWH does not have to pay for the CSED test. If it is positive, then he can put the results with his CS application and they can get it done faster, so he won't owe back CS.

This really is what's best for us, I think. At least we won't be in suspense for 6-8 weeks. We are over the 1st 2 hurdles, I am ready to move to the next one.


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really sucks to see that so many other people have to deal with a situation as horrible as the one I am in. I am thankful that there are others that can relate to me and know the feelings that I am having, but at the same time, it is just horrible to know that this happens to other people too. The situation that I am in, only my family and close friends know about, and I just dont really like talking about it anymore. I find myslef keeping everything in. Thats why it is nice to have all of you to "talk" to. Is anyone else finding that with Christmas just a few days away that the feelings are becoming stronger? I also didnt have my father around (he never wanted to be my father) so I deal with this wierd feeling of something similar to guilt because my husband doesnt spend time with the OC. I asked him if he had made plans with the OW to see the OC on xmas at all and he said no. She is very manipulative and says that he can only see the OC at her house and can not take her anywhere, etc. I usually do not get into it because it is just too painful for me and I cant handle it, so I ignore the situation completely. I do however tell him that he can not go to her house, that I wont stand for that, but I am not even sure if he does that behind my back or not. We only live about 20 min. away so it wouldnt be that hard. He said that she texts him all the time asking him to come over and see the baby and he ignores her. There are just so many things that are wrong with this situation that I could write a book about it!


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGHH what a mess.

I have never met my father, so yes I feel like you do. Guilt if he's not contacting OC. I hate to see ANY child raised without their father.

Sounds like this entire situation is causing some mistrust (i mean obviously LOL) But it sounds like OW is calling the shots and that is NOT cool.

YOu guys need to get to an attorney like yesterday and get something in writing set up, even if it's for NC or for visitation.

If she and he have something in writing then she cannot dictate what he does with the child. Even if YOU don't want contact, but are ok with him having contact he could get OC and take to McDOnalds play land and stuff. NO need for him to be around HER. The fact that you don't know if he's seeing OC behind your back raises red flags hon.
Has here been DNA done? Has there been child support set up?


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, nothing is set up as of yet. They had a home DNA test done over the summer (which was also when he decided to cheat on me with her again)and that came back positive. I was not involved in that and didnt even know about it until after the fact. She is living off of the system and the only reason that they have not come after my H is because when she had the baby, she did not put anyone on the birth certificate and then told social services that she did not know who the father was. I guess he does not know how to deal with it and just dont want to deal with court and all of that drama, so he just lets everything be on her terms. There is no amount of money set up. I know that he paid $200 to throw her bday party last year and Im not really sure about what else. She doesnt need the money, she only has to work part time and everything gets paid for her. (Daycare, food, etc.)The only reason that she has not taken him to court is that she does not want him to have any kind of visitation that is not in her control. She wants to be able to dictate the where and when and if he got taken to court for CS he would prob also get a set visitation as well. So, I guess it works out for both parties right now (not including myself)it allows both sides to be equally manipulative of eachother.I really just stay out of it. I have not seen the child since she was a couple months old and she is now 2yrs. I will not allow myself to let that situation affect me and ignorance is the only way that I know how to deal. It works out for him I guess, because I dont sit there and question things on a regular basis(once in a while I will). When I found out that he had cheated on me again with her over the summer, I told him to leave and he did for about 2 1/2 weeks and I started going out with friends and living a little and I actually started to feel alive again. It hurt me that not once in those 2 1/2 wks did he see his kids or even call for them and they got upset. I let him come back and then turned numb again. He admits to me that OW texts him asking him to come over to see OC etc. and I just stay out of it. I dont believe him so why bother asking questions? He killed whatever trust I had in him a long time ago.
I only work part time and can not afford to care for my children on my own. He is a good father. He works hard to support us. After everything, somehow I still love him. Its just easier. Those are the reasons that I am still with him.


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUGS))

back on page 38 there is a couple posts you should read.. This is one of them

Yesterday my H got a notice to appear in court because the OW that had his OC is suing him for child support. During our seperation they had some issues and had come to the agreement that she really didn't want him in OC's life and he said fine then Im done dont call me. She said I will be fine on my own. He asked her point blank are you going to come after me for child support? She said no I wouldnt do that to you. Effin LIAR!!!

Those wenches can't tell the truth if their life depended on it!

IF you do ever decide to leave.. you can get state assistance with daycare costs.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, December 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Howstrong, Beajus is right about this. All it takes it for things not to go her way and she decides to file or I use to be a social worker and at times people had the benefits taken away if they could not name the father. When they are going to lose the benefits, you be surprised how all of a sudden they remember who father their child.

Whether you know it or not you are living your life based on what the OW will or will not do. You must protect your children at all costs. Find out the laws in your state about filing for CS yourself before she does, because if a court order comes thru for her first, your kids will get the leftovers.

I have heard so many sad stories hear about how the children of the marriage don't have enough money to get a pair of shoes while the OW is getting as much as $1500-$2000 a month for CS! (an example)

I know the how hard it is to deal with this, but it will not go away. Please protect yourself. (Hugs)


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, December 20th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, I think about that on a regular basis. I wanted to call her and talk to her about all of this, but anytime I have ever talked to her it has not gone well. Im just so sick of all of this being such a stupid mess. The situation already sucks and it makes it worse that they have their heads up their asses like it will just fix itself one day! Doesnt she know that when you have a kid with MARRIED man who already has a family that the same rules will not apply to you? Does she really think that if she were in my shoes that she would be like "oh sure, go to her house and visit with your other family, thats totally fine"! There is no sense of what is right or wrong with these people, I really just dont get it. She did an aweful thing by even having a child with him, not thinking about the other people involved, MY children who now have a sister that they dont know anything about. (I still dont know what to do about that)I agree that something should just be set up as far as payment and visitation, but at the same time, I dont want to decide to leave and not get anything for my kids for CS because she is getting it already when I would deserve it before her! Ugh! this whole thing just really sucks. I have a question for all of you: When and how did you tell your other children about the OC? Or did you decide not to tell them at all?


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, December 20th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They heard me say something to FWH about impending OC.
My kids are still pretty little so it was fairly easy.
I told them that someone was saying that their daddy was the daddy of another baby and that once that baby was born, we'd do a blood test to see if DNA cells matched and if they did, they would have a sister, if they didn't, then we wouldn't see that child.
I would have rather just waiteds till after DNA was confirmed but it didn't happen that way.
OW called us when OC was 4 days old and said to come get here. We did. DNA tests weren't back yet, but she looked like my boys. We knew....

The boys fell in love with OC immediatly. They are heartbroken and crying several times a week since OW took off with OC. It's times like these i wish I hadn't told them and we'd went no contact. I love OC too just as much as I love my boys. OW is a crappy mother though. If she'd been a good mom we all might have felt more comfortable with things going the other way (no contact).
HTH


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
LiveYourTruth
♀ New Member
Member # 26270
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HowStrong - I would talk to a lawyer about any potential options for setting up child support for your kids. Hopefully before OW gets hers. I was able to get an CS Order in place in my state. Of course my H and I had to live separately, which I was ok with. You may not be at this point, but definitely check into your options.

I had the same concern as you - that if I stayed and tried to work things out, but then decided that I wanted to leave, her CS order would be so much that I couldn't afford to leave - or more accurately, he couldn't afford the child support that I would need to live alone. I am just so sick of him making all these horrible decisions for me, that I felt I needed to protect myself and my children first. Reconciliation, if possible, can happen later.

Best of luck to you...this is living hell.


a man can fake you
take your soul and make you
never be yourself again.
-Sinead O'Connor, "No man's woman"

Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
LiveYourTruth
♀ New Member
Member # 26270
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to everyone who shared their stories about how and when they found out about OC. Just as I suspected, most found out while OW was still pregnant. Everyday I am constantly floored that my WH thought he could keep OC a secret for the rest of his life. It is one thing to explain away your time for a few hours every week so you can indulge yourself in your affair, but when you create another person because of it, the jig is up!

Of course these days the part of my situation that makes me the most angry is that he didn't tell me about the affair and the OC before we decided to have another baby. Really I should say "he decided" not "we" since he was the only one with all of the relevant information, and was therefore making life-changing decisions for me. I am so pissed about that.

Last week I was really angry about his lack of condom use with OW and potentially exposing me life threatening STDs. Given the timeline of everything he also put both of our children at risk which makes me a million times more angry.

That brings me to my next question:

How did you emotionally deal with or get over with your WS having unprotected sex with someone else? I'm assuming that most of us are here either because our WS didn't use a condom or it broke.

I keep thinking - it is one thing to have no consideration for my feelings or our wedding vows, but how dare he risk my life just to have sex with a practical stranger? Especially when he easily could have had sex with her and not risked my life. Just one of his many behaviors that makes me sick.


a man can fake you
take your soul and make you
never be yourself again.
-Sinead O'Connor, "No man's woman"

Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've let it go by now. I've yelled and screeched and told him what he did was paramount to attempted murder because of HIV.
But my STD panel and HIV testS have come back fine.

I did however find out OW contracted Chlamydia after FWH broke it off with her. After OC was born they were putting a bunch of stuff in her eyes (more than what a reg. newborn gets) and FWH asked in front of OW and OW's mom what was with the goo they were putting in the babies eyes and nurse said you'll have to talk to OW. So dave asked her and in front of her mother admitted after FWH broke up with her she had a ONS with some random guy and contraced the chlamydia and had refused treatment while pregnant so they wanted to make sure OC's eyes and such weren't affected.

WHen he told me I said, "GEEZ WE ALL dodged a bullet didn't we"???

After a few months i let it drop. Before that anytime he'd say I love you or I love the kids I'd say.. yeah love us enough to expose us all to nasty skanky diseases. The pain eventually fades somewhat.


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
LiveYourTruth
♀ New Member
Member # 26270
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm right with you with the attempted murder thing. By the grace of God or pure dumb luck our tests came back negative too.

What kind of rationale can you have for not getting treated for Chlamydia while pregnant?!?


a man can fake you
take your soul and make you
never be yourself again.
-Sinead O'Connor, "No man's woman"

Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It look my quite a while to let it go, considering I did contract HPV and cervical cancer from this and Trich. If anything it brought us closer together, I know that sounds crazy, but it made my H realize that he almost lost me completely over some trampy whore who he thought was only sleeping with him.

That situation combined with the twins not being his, sealed her fate, he can't even stand to say her name less enough think about her. Sometimes I trigger when I see a pregnancy test commerical about determing when you are ovaluating. I really beleive that OW did that to keep my H by have the OC. It is crazy how sometimes it just pops up in my mind, I was cleaning the stove the other day and it just popped up out of nowhere. I don't think it will ever completely go away.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 12:32 PM, December 21st (Monday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ballgame wasn't too bad. OW & BH#2 (plus the whole posse of OW's sister & kids/stepkid) were there. Sat too close 2 us.

Had to speak 2 her after game OC had been feeling ill & I had to tell her what meds I'd given her & hand her OC's earrings.

NOW, OC has strep (I'd told OW she could take OC to Walgreens Clinic 'cause we'd already had her signed in there b4 when she & DS13 got swimmer's ear from the hot tub on vacation in May). I was just hoping OC's throat was sore from the cold OC had (runny nose etc). TODAY, while she knows I'm @work, OW calls fWH @home to tell him (gets OC to call, then talks to him about the "paperwork" from Walgreens). Can't she just text me? She is starting CRAP again, I just know it!!!!

fWH got me a really nice Christmas gift, but I feel like I need to rant/rave about OW again. When we rolled up to them after ballgame, BH#2 didn't even look @fWH (doesn't he deserve to be cussed or something?) I told fWH that I just hated talking 2 her like we were civil! fWH said "I guess BH#2 thought the same thing about us." From all the lies OW told BH#2, he probably thinks I'm a big liar, instead of his wife (like I'd thought about OW's lies about planned conception w/fWH being in-on-it).

Uggghhhh! I so refuse to let OW ruin yet ANOTHER Christmas for me & my kids!!!! Can't she just quietly disappear????? I was actually feeling a little holiday spirit, until fWH called & told me. Now, I hope DS10 doesn't get sick...he is so susceptible to strep (I accuse him of licking tables & kissing girls everytime he gets strep). He HATES girls right now, they're gross.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat,I know exactly how you feel. I found out about the OC right before Christmas 2 years ago and now every Christmas since, I feel like I have to fight to not let the situation ruin christmas for me and my children. I know that if I am upset then that will take away from my kids, and that is just not fair to them. I have been feeling especially badly about the situation lately but just decided today that OW and OC will NOT ruin this Christmas for us. It makes me sick how much my children have had to miss out on because of the hell that OW and H put me through. I love them more than anything and will do whatever I have to in order to push these feelings aside until after the holidays. After that...there are no gaurantees. Has any one else felt like they have been on the fence about whether to stay or go for a really long time and still to this day can not decide which is the right decision? When do you know what you should do?


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, December 22nd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We went and saw OC at OW's house. I had a talk with OW. Said we'll have to see each other for the next 18 yrs, let's get this out. I asked her what kind of person looks a man's wife and 2 y/o child and then sleeps with that man. OW said she didn't know, she was a different person then, that she apologized to God, to FWH, to her children. I said you did not apologize to me. OW said that is what she was doing now. She regrets what she did but not OC. I asked what her plans were, if when I turned my back, would she be after FWH. She said she had no interest in him, she was in a bad place, he was there, but she is is different person now. I called her on her manipulative stuff, saying she would leave with the baby, again, she was a different person . OW said that it happened, it can't be changed and we just all have to do the best we can. I said it was going to take me some time, that they had 3 more months than I did to deal with this mess. It really felt good to stand up for me and COM.

I held OC, he was pretty cute. It hurt for FWH to hold him. It hurt when FWH's parents sent presents for OC.


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.