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User Topic: OC support thread BS Only (next thread)
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello ladies,

It has been some time since I have posted anything in regard to my situation.

My FWH left for over a month, and went to OW, to see if it was possible for the sake of OC(twins). Guess it was not what he wanted after all. WTF!!!

Well now we are trying to make a go of R, true R...

Had another terrible christmas. On the 23 I run across pictures, yes they are not real recent, but new to me however. My stepson posted them for anyone to see of OW, WH, and my two grandkids all at OW's sons football game sitting all together. WTF!!! I was pissed that my grandchildren have been introduced to this women, and that they saw her with their grandpa.

Then on Christmas day we drove 2hours to see FIL in a long term care facility for christmas, and in front of his TV was 4 individual pictures in each of their own frames, two of them were the twin OC, that is fine, but then in the other two was pictures of OW children from her first marriage. What the hell, WHY?

Nothing but really feeling like the family has just pushed me out and moved OW right into my place..

So the final straw to my fantastic holiday, we did not get OC for the holidays, as she will not let them be around me, like Im the bad person here. LOL So FWH dropped off presents on the 26th for the boys, and she gave him presents from the boys, now remind you they are just 18 months now. OW gave him a dress shirt and shorts, a watch, and a coffee cup with the twins on it with XOXO and 2009 Merry Christmas. The coffee cup I am ok with, I feel that is appropriate, but the wearable personal items, Im not happy about.

Today i told FWH the personal items needed to be returned by me or us, as I want to know they were returned and tell her not to waste her money on such personal items. SO his reply is "I will NEVER except another gift from my boys!"

Am I wrong with these thoughts, she still texts honey this and I love you, xoxo. I have told her to stop on several occassions that to leave us alone, those things are inapppropriate. but it does no good. Last time she texted FWH asking him to grab diapers as she had no money. WTF!!! With 2000.00 a month in CS, stop parting bi*&h. So I politely texted her back from FWH phone F*&K U B*&ch..

Have not seen a text since... Yeppy for that, for now.

So how do I handle this gift thing, and getting boundaries in place as for OW/OC senario.

Please help, I told FWH that being alone is starting to sound pretty good, because having this shit thrown in my face almost every other day is not healthy for me, him, or us.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DREAMER1)))

You knew the holidays wouldn't be great, so @least you weren't disappointed in that.

What I'm trying right now, is to get fWH to reinforce the NC situation. He thinks its funny to walk up to OW in ballgames & give her info about OC...it's not. He wants to do it to get @BH#2. Why? He's not threatened by him & he knows OW doesn't love BH#2 like she loves him. It just makes OW retaliate against me, by stupid stuff.

Okay, the gift situation. OW never gave fWH anything that I could really determine was from OC (she never really celebrated Christmas much until toddler w/BH#2 was born). Probably because DS10 was born around Christmas & OC8 was born after Christmas (w/out fWH holding her hand or being there w/her). Politely send the items back in new condition, tell her they are not appropriate gifts from OC, thank you anyway....or, return them to the store (if they still have tags) and buy diapers for OC.

Texting: with his agreement, change his cell # after sending her a text saying that all contact about OC goes through you now. For emergencies about OC, call your cell or your home # (or another appropriate adult). Worst-case, you can have all texting blocked (as a friend had to do that for her kids cells even though they didn't have a plan w/texting, it was charging). I currently have all #s from OW, BH#2, OW's mother, OC's old cell#, OW's other cells all blocked on fWH's phone. Sprint will allow texting from only specific #s, but I really hate to do that...incase OC's coach needs him or something (or I need to text from somewhere else like my work e-mail addy or Sprint online).

I don't recommend texting nasty texts from fWH's cell, as she may use it against him in court as being hostile or also that you are aggressive toward her & dangerous to OCs. I used to text from an anonymous site to OW, if necessary.

Did he write a NC letter?

I asked fWH to tell her that the preferred method of trading info was by note in OC's backpack daily.

Right now, things about NC are breaking down for us, but I am going to ask fWH to resend another letter, to emphasize the importance for NC.

If I'd have made fWH set boundaries about OW long ago, she might have gone away eventually....maybe even before OC was conceived. I know, there's no turning back & changing past, but I could have lived w/out all the misery of D-day#3 & what EA/PA#3 has done.

I had initially said MC was condition of R#3, but due to fWH's layoff & $$$ issues (insurance won't cover MC)...that I let that one slide.

Is there anything in-place w/courts that says fWH gets visitation in his home overnight? Anything that says you are restricted person (fWH added no unsupervised visits w/OW's mother - OW knew this was because of granny's drug habits & did not try to fight that paragraph in CS/custody order).

Let fWH support you! If you need to scream, have him take you in an open area & scream until your voice is gone. If you need to hurt things, go to a batting cage, tennis court, racketball court, etc. Keep your sanity about you!

Are you really disappointed that you aren't in the inner circle w/ILs anymore? Honestly, when I was NC w/ILs & then fWH went NC w/them for different reasons, I was much happier! They never even asked to see my kids in months until their cousin had a b-day, then didn't seen the for 1 month more (they are next door)! My kids quit asking about them, OC still asks some though.

Are you missing stepson? Doesn't sound like he misses you much. Sounds like he's very immature (whatever the age) and you need to focus on your little love next, M, & possible R...more than them!

((((HUG))))

And, for-the-record, putting XXXOOO on a cup from boy kids, seems somewhat gayish...the hugs & kisses are from OW & you know it.

OW texting him @all, is highly inappropriate. Nothing substantial (emergency) should be relayed via text unless someone is in a conference room & cannot be reached otherwise.

Be alone, if you so choose...nobody has to live in a way that they can afford to leave...I've never been strong enough to give fWH up myself though...I'm a big wussy.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are right, those XOXO are from her, but the pictures of the boys under them on the cup, seems to make that more digestable, if you know what I mean.

I was very close to the whole family for over 20 years, before the A, so it hurts, but in a way see their true colors now, was shadded before, I guess.

stepson is 27, and I raised him from 3 on, it just is very painful to feel like the outsider, when I did nothing wrong in all this, and they know it.

FWH has agreed to return the personal items back, before New years, and start setting boundaries that I need.

I just can not make him understand that contact should go through me, says she wont go for it. WTF

I do have proof she texted that statement to me prior to me sending it to her. She texted the statement to me on Thanksgiving, to my phone.

He did get overnight visitation, but has not inforced it as of returning home yet. He is allowed to pick them up Saturday after work, and return them Monday before work, she lives in the same town he works in. And they split every other holiday. This agreement came into play while he was moved out, maybe that is why he moved out so he could get what visitation he did. I got papers from courts to prove it, so there was no questions on my part.

We can not change his cell plan, as it is issued through his work, so I can not control the cell bills, or texting plan.

I understand about the boundaries long ago, If I had only done things different in the beginning as well. But we can not change the past, only work on future outcomes with the wisdom we have aquired.

Thank you for the advice, I am diligently working on getting him to agree, on making her contact me or our home for any contact. And trying to get set through the courts that her contact with family members has to end. But not sure if that can be inforced. FWH states he can not enforce a decision for someone elses contact, so not sure on the handling of this one.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamer1,

I have to commend you for even trying again after all the shit that went down, because if my H had left to give it a go with the OW, his ass would not have came back. That being said, he has to be on board with any boundaries set or they don't mean anything.

If he is really working towards R, than there is no reason why he should not agree to the boundaries. First a NC letter along with a return of the personal gifts. How I would approach it is CS should be used to support the OC, please take these items back and purchase items that the OC need. And while I appreciate gifts from the boys, I will no longer accept items of a personal nature. And I agree with repeat, change his cell number and have her contact go thru you. But he has to comply, no contacting her behind your back. And I don't remember don't you have a legal visitation set up? Enforce it, if not get it set up so that she is not controlling the situation.

Your H has been letting her control your lives. Either he gets with the program or you go it on your own. But mean what you say. He has had a lot of chances already.

Good luck hon.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
mamabear3
♀ New Member
Member # 26951
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 29 year old woman with 3 kids ranging 12,4, and 3. My husband cheated on me with his coworker. Now she they have a 1 year old little girl. The OW now filed for child support after a year battling to get DNA done. I dont know what to expect I am furious. I am worried what will happen with my kids if they will take alot of money. THe OW wants back pay from a year ago when we tried to get DNA she gaves us the run around for a year and now she decides to get state assistance. They are the ones that will found my husband.HElp I just want to crawl under my blankets and die.. my husband is the father..what do i tell my teenager and my toddlers?? my family?? that i was a failure!!


Posts: 7 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: arizona
HowStrong3
♀ New Member
Member # 26721
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, December 28th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mamabear,
As you can see, there are a lot of us going through similar situations. Although I am not an expert and do not even have my own life figured out, I just wanted to say that you are NOT a failure! Marriage does not come with an instuction manual. We do the best that we can and really thats all that we can do. Wisdom is unfortunately something that is earned, usually the hard way. WE can not go back and change anything, no matter how much we may want to. We can only move forward and try to take things one day at a time. My marriage is a mess too, but the rest of my life is pretty good, if that makes sense. I have a pretty good job, 3 great kids, amazing friends and family and that is what I focus on mostly. I am not sure if that is the right thing, but it gets me through life. I am the forever optimist, always have been. My friends and family say that I am the strongest person that they know to have gone through everything that I have and still seem to be ok. Sometimes I think it may be the opposite, maybe I am the weakest perosn that they know for not having the strength to stand up for myself. I am doing better with that now. I am starting to stand up for myself in all aspects of life, not just with my husband. I am new to this site and it is already helping me, I am sure you will find it just as helpful :)


Me: BS
Him: WH
3 Beautiful Daughters
Ages 8,5 and 3
OC:Age 2

Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: NY
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Angry  Posted: 7:08 AM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know she does this to piss-me-off. OC got into car @5pm (my earlier pickup time that OW had called & asked for yesterday)....OC said "Momma said to tell you thanks for getting me early." Apparently, OC had been home all day w/OW & BH#2. OW is sick and her mother had OC's sister (4-year-old). I'm sorry, I didn't know that moms get breaks when they're sick. I know I never get a break from OC, even if I'm puking my guts up & explosive everything else. When I'd spoken to OW, she sounded like she had a cold.

BTW: remember, OC cannot stay w/OW's mother w/out supervision of BH#2, OW, or OW's sister...guess that's why OC actually stayed home. BUT, I asked her if she was hungry & she said "yes, I haven't had anything to eat today except a Pop-Tart." Okay, sometimes I'm a bumm, but if the kids get up @10-11am, they've usually had lunch (or I'm working on something) by 3-4pm. OC can feed herself though, so unless they cannot afford food, I would suppose that there was sandwich stuff she could have made herself (as she took care of herself & toddler sister by using the microwave for TV dinners all summer - per OC).

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:10 AM, December 29th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mamabear,

We were worried that OW's lawyer would get her back child support, until we found out how much she really made once fWH decided to do custody papers through courts last year (finalized spring09).

I know it will be hard, but OC is actually due the support. If you guys could have afforded it, you should have gone through the courts to have paternity testing etc. I wish fWH would've done this sooner. Maybe making it all legal, made it less of a "shared" love child & more of a business deal. She didn't even want to go 2 court (even though fWH paid) - judge didn't require court, since she finally agreed to everything (after fWH had to pay extra to have her served when she wouldn't sign/notarize them like she'd said she would). I guess it'd be awful to have to stand b4 a judge & a whole courtroom declaring you F*CKED a married man & got knocked up on-purpose (well, that probably wouldn't have come out in court though). She ended up agreeing to everything (saying she couldn't afford lawyer). She even agreed to supervised visitation w/OW's mother...fWH was going to ask for drug testing, if it'd gone to court & she protested that part. He has never liked OW's mother watching OC, after he found out she used marijuana while OC was there (OC told him that granny goes & smokes "funny" cigarettes in her sewing room sometimes when she's there). OW had made the mistake of telling fWH (during one of their affairs) that her mom was addicted to marijuana & that her xStepdad (who was a cop) and her current stepdad (who's only 2 years older than fWH) always provided drugs for their wife because she's a good housewife & take good care of their needs.

It will be hard to tell your kids & family about OC, but nobody will consider you a failure for being a BS. Unless he meant to get her pregnant (like mine did), OC is an unfortunate accident during a bad time. They are innocent, but still a hard situation all-the-way around.

As for restricting access to OCs from other family members. Unless they have mental problems, drug problems, are sex offenders, etc., it would be hard to restrict who OCs see while not w/you guys. The only way fWH had it happen so easily, was that OW agreed to it when it was put into the papers. If you have some proof as these people being a threat to OC, then that's another story all together. fWH almost got BH#2 added to a bad list, when he found out that both he & his xW had domestic violence/assault arrests for a big knock-down drag-out fight they had @ both got carted-off to the slammer for it. I told fWH to not push it, because he had domestic violence charges that were dropped on him (when he went to get carry permit, FBI found them...even though dropped). If he'd been stupid enough to tell OW his whole life story (pretty sure he did), then she knew he had issues also. I was afraid she'd ask that I have limited visitation w/OC @first, but she didn't. She liked having a FREE babysitter too much. When fWH was paralyzed, she even told fWH that she preferred that I be @home, when OC was home for weekends. I don't think she believed @the-time, he was capable of caring for OC.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:33 AM, December 29th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Dealan-de
♀ Member
Member # 13166
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, I didn't know that moms get breaks when they're sick.

Wait just a g-d minute!

I'm supposed to get BREAKS when I'm ill???

Shit.

I've been doing it all wrong for over 20 years. Why didn't someone tell me sooner?

VD does the same thing. She won't come get the kids at all if it inconveinences (sp?) her.

Ptooey on assmoms.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

RECOVERED


Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Texas
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whores attorney is a fricken drunk..

That is all LOL


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beajus

Are you serious? Have you spoken w/OW's attorney? Is she paying the attorney fees in cash or "favors" or Jack Daniels?

Maybe this could work in your favor?

Have you seen OC yet, since b4 Christmas? I didn't see any Christmas photos of her, so assumed OW was still hiding out. Didn't OW work with fWH or something? If so, has she quit there now?

Honestly, I don't see how it could've been fair anyway, making you care for OC all-the-time (him not being OC's sole caregiver when he wasn't @work)...instead of paying CS.

Is there any way to get an emergency CS order in-place for the boys, since you guys aren't legally married? Or, is common-law recognized in your state? Are you guys still separated, but cohabitating? I remembered you said you "might" R, since S it wasn't really A-related.

If yours went b4 judge first, would the boys get the highest % of CS in your state? Our state added in-home children deductions/calculations a while back, so COM would still have enough in-home support to live on. Many dads here had so much coming out of minimum wage checks, that their COM were living in poverty & on welfare/WIC just because of child support.

I guess your husband will have to take-on a 2nd job, to support his 6 kids. That man needs a vasectomy 4-sure, if he hadn't had one yet after OC was born. Can u imagine how much FOOD 5 teenage boys will eat in 8-10 years????

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 10:03 AM, December 29th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is already a CS order in place for my 5 boys LOL Got that taken care of the DAY we found out OW was pregnant.

We haven't seen OC since 2nd week of Nov.

And nope haven't gotten her attorney to call us back (He's probably on a bender LOL) but he's gotten 3 OWI's in the past 2 yrs according to wikipedia LOL

Since he hasn't called us back, either he's incompetant, or he has no clue who OW is LOL.

IF he is her attorney she's gotta be paying in favors!

Yes OW works/worked with FWH... she has only shown up for 1 4 hr shift though in 3 weeks now (happened to be day FWH's tires were slashed)... so we dont' even know if she still has a job there... hope so... her "gift" (see general) was sent to her at work since we dont' know where she's now living!

We don't know what we are (FWH and I). A couple weeks ago I asked him and he said we're better off friends and that stung but i accepted it, but then right before christmas he started saying I love you a lot.. so yeah.. you got me LOL. I'm content the way things are for now.

It's not the food that scares me about the boys, it's the fact they are all gonna be on our car insurance at one time!!!! THAT IS GONNA HURT LOL


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((mamabear3))))))

This is NOT your fault, this is NOT your failure. Repeat this to yourself over and over. This was the selfish actions of 2 people who did not come up for air long enough to think about the consequences their families would have to deal with for the rest of their lives.

Take care of you. Try to sleep, eat, take vitamins, drink water. Is FWH supporting you? Is he remorseful? Is he on your side?

There is so much about these situations we can't control. What we can control is ourselves. Take one day at a time, try to start budgeting for child support payments, put back whatever you can for back child support. If you and FWH file taxes and it is intercepted, most CS have an appeal process for you to get your part from it.

I struggle with how my COM3 is going to deal with a baby brother. FWH will field all the questions, this is his mess to explain.

Just know that we are here for you. Keep posting, read the manual, it is a few pages back. Take care of you.


We still waiting for DNA results, I guess the lab was closed Christmas Eve too. Pray for me you guys!


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUGE HUGS)) altered


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWH found me at lunch. The DNA center called him. He is the OC's father.

I checked the email, and the results are there is black and white.

This sucks! What is the point of all this? Why do we have to be chained to this idiotic, slutty OW for the rest of our lives?!

I do not want a D, I want this M to work, I just have to let go of all the dreams I had for my COM, my family and make way for new ones.

I know God has a plan, and I am trying to surrender to his will, but I can't help ask why me? I did not cheat! Why should I have to suffer the consequences?


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
beajus
♀ Member
Member # 21386
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SOo sorry altered :( :(


me BS 29 him WH 30
Together for 10 yrs
5 little boys 8,7,7,4,2
Dday 7-09-08
OC born 3-30-09
R- 8-1-08
Have OC 75% or more of the time
H works with OW
S. 7-30-09 NOT A related.
12-09 OW absconded with OC
1-2010 we filed for custody

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: NE iowa
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((ALTERED)) So sorry.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ALTERED)) Sooo sorry, however now you know... Sad as it is.

BMC

You are right,

I have to commend you for even trying again after all the shit that went down, because if my H had left to give it a go with the OW, his ass would not have came back. That being said, he has to be on board with any boundaries set or they don't mean anything.

I really can not say why I did even take him back after all the shit that hit, I am still a work in process on trying to determine WHY!!! With no kids to have to stay for, I really don't know at this point. MAYBE some day I will understand why I'm still with him..

He is returning the personal items to OW, and I worte out what you suggested to say, I believe that is perfect, however I would, if it was me, probably add a lot more vocabulary in there, but that me and my bitterness. LOL

Things have been good since FWH returned home, outside her stupid little texts, but I know they are her game, and evil ways for him choosing me after all this time, she thought she had won. ROFLMAO.

There on things that just will take time to heal, and work through, he is coming around slowly, maybe a little to slowly for me (Not a very patient person, never have been) So I want to see the changes immediate, which is what I have to learn to patient with. We are both doing IC and MC, which is tuff at first, as progression is slow in the areas I want immediate results, but I will survive no matter how the cards end up falling. I have grown so much, and realise what people mean by you will become stronger, I finally understand what they all meant NOW... Cause I used to be timmed, but now I speak up And will not let a fight or argument hold me back, I like this new me, actually I love it...

Thanks for your support through this bulls&%t, how any of us would have survived this, without the support of othes in the same situation would be amazing. It is always nice to know that you are not alone. (((Huggs))) to you all.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, December 29th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Altered)))


I ask God the same question everyday....why me? Why us? It just isn't fair. But it is what it is. I want to be the bigger person....and I love my WH. LOVE HIM....so, if I want to be with him, this will be apart of it. We are still sorting it out.


Dreamer....I am in your position. WH and I DO NOT have children either. I don't know what I am doing...but see above...the love I have may be blinding. But if WH is willing to do what I and we need, then at least there is a chance. Feel free to PM anytime...


Was anyone's WH excited about the OC???????


All I know is that this situation sucks for everyone. I do appreciate everyone's support and advice. It has truly been invaluable.

[This message edited by Finesse026 at 12:54 AM, December 30th (Wednesday)]


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, December 30th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Day 2.
I went home early from work yesterday, cried a good while, called MC, my dad and my best friend.

I thought a lot about everything and what I want. I want to stay in my M. I love my husband and I believe our love can survive this. I think he is committed to changing, he is finally reading "Not Just Friends", doing MC and IC, trying to set boundaries. I married him 10 years ago because I wanted to, I had COM because I wanted her. I choose my M.

I will learn from everything that has happened. I will protect myself more, I will stand up for myself, I will voice my concerns and not bottle things up. I will never stop doing the work on my M or myself.

A poster on General (I think) told about his WW getting P and he had a vasectomy, so he knew OC was OM's. She lost the baby, but he was wondering if he could have raised OC. A person replied that if life brought a child into her life, no matter what road it took to get there, she would love it like her own. That has stuck with me.

I have choices, stay or go. I want to stay. I can stay and be angry, resentful and sad or I can stay, accept things, make plans and welcome OC into our family. I can make my happiness a priority and make myself responsible for it. I choose to accept things. It will still be sad sometimes, it will be extremely complicated, but FWH and I both say this will only break us if we let it. I don't want to let it.


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
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