I just talked to AuntCis this morning and she is doing great! I spoke with Lynne01 last week, she is still on her own, but she is strong and doing what she needs to.
We need to talk to her about new health insurance for 2/1/10. fWH said "I'll call her later." I reminded him that I didn't think they needed to talk. So, he said "you call her then." OC had a small rash on her leg last night, thought it might be just mild case of hives or something. This morning, it's much worse. Now, we've got to figure out if OW can take OC to Dr. today/tomorrow sometime (even though she has no pediatrician - she quit liking him so now takes OC to Family Practicioner instead, isn't that mainly for teens & older?) Or, fWH will have to try & take her to Take-Care Clinic @Walgreens, like before (she's been there twice now).
Did you guys wonder why OW couldn't keep OC last night? OW is sick. But, when OC got home from school, she called her mom per request. She wasn't home. The only good excuse for not being home, when you're TOO sick to care for OC is 1) you had to drag yourself to Drs. office, or 2) you had to take OC's sister to an overnight babysitter. TOO sick to care for OC last night, but wasn't home when she called....really burns me up.
I dread speaking w/her today, but it HAS to be done & I have got to get a handle on OW breaking NC. I even overheard fWH telling MIL on-the-phone that "Repeatbs326 is getting aggravated about OW calling. She could have texted Repeat about us keeping OC, but she called me instead. Then she wasn't even home when OC called her. Plus, she didn't go to OC's ballgame Saturday, but wasn't home either when OC called to tell her about the game."
Did Lynne01 say if she still had OC since Aug & if court let her keep child, since the mother abandoned OC @her house & her stbXH isn't around? I was afraid child services might put him into foster care.
Unfortunately that doesn't give you any legal standing. All you can do is pray that they are being taken care of when they are away from you.
OW #2 told my H that OC did not look like him but it looked like another man that both of them knew.
I NEVER thought I'd say this but I hope OW #2 is right.
I will let everone know first thing Friday. My laptop is in the repair shop so no computer at home right now,
[This message edited by Chandler at 8:55 AM, January 20th (Wednesday)]
I am hoping that the DNA turns out that he is not the father. How are they getting results so quickly? It normally takes 6-8 weeks even thru the court. We had our done on 12/20 and did not get results until 1/29.
If you can get the results so quickly great, because the wait is really hard. I am sending you good thoughts.
As for the question about forgivness... I have forgiving my H for the affiar. It was easy for me, since I had an affiar too and know how bad I feel, such guilt and shame and I know he feels the same.
As for him getting her pregnant, thats a little harder...He is NC with both OW and OC, but It's still hard and I dont know if that is the right choice but only he can decide that.
I had alot of angry towards the OW for the last year but even that has lessened lately. Probably cause me and H have been doing so good lately and I choose for her not to take up space in my head. She meant nothing to him and she shouldnt matter to me.
I do feel bad for the OC but wonder how I would feel if he was really a part of our lives.
Called OW to discuss:
new health ins (I cover OC on my insurance)
OC's rash (OW knew - she switched dryer sheets & has had rash since - why didn't she tell us?)
offered to change OC's pediatrician to our NEW pediatrician's office (old one retired) - boys see a male Dr, but OC would see her Sunday-school teacher who works there too
Plus, inform OW of additional game added Friday night in-town (she said she'd go)
Maybe OW won't call fWH today, since we took-care of everything.
I volunteered to keep OC another day, since OW said she was staying close-2-home, due to illness (not going to church). YES, I actually volunteered. We've had OC almost every night this week (except Tues), but OC will just have2 get over it. That solved another problem...we have work meeting @4pm about new health ins & I wasn't sure I could get OC back to park by 5:45pm since I must attend the meeting (so OW could go to church).
(((Chandler))) I am praying that OC isn't your fWH's too!
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 11:45 AM, January 20th (Wednesday)]
I told her what I use for FS...but didn't want to. We use white vinegar, instead of fabric softener. DS10 is highly allergic to many things. 1/2 to 1 cup in rinse cycle (use my front-loader dispenser, but Downy ball could be filled w/vinegar instead, or just added during rinse cycle). Hate giving away my household secrets to OW. But, fWH does most my laundry now that he's SAHD (I just have to fold & put away).
I helped OW with breastfeeding as much as I could and post partum care as much as i could.
It means we're GOOD PEOPLE with huge hearts!!!
I'm not that chummy w/OW as to help her breastfeed (which she didn't wanna do anyway). It would have made it more difficult to pawn-off OC for 4 days/week, if she was nursing. fWH had suggested that I attempt nursing OC, if my Dr. could give me something to start milk production again...I'd just stopped nursing 7 months prior (we'd read that nonlactating adoptive mothers could nurse w/great effort to get milk started). She should've given OC to me @birth....she would've surely been much healthier.
Anyway, if I hadn't given her my laundry secret...she'd have bought some God-awful fabric softener (that stinks like a french whore). I hated her previous fabric softener anyway...I had to smell it on OC & stuff didn't even wash out, after we launder her take-home clothes. I am very sensitive to perfume smells (sidenote: that's why OW quit wearing perfume during A#3 - as I smelled it on fWH & he claimed "new handsoap @work"). Her fabric softener or letting OC wear her perfume triggers me sometimes. Maybe OC won't stink like Gardenias & whatever else now.
Welcome. Sorry you have to be here but glad you found us.
Chandler-praying for you. Having just gotten DNA 12/29, I know it is a huge blow to see that positive, hope you don't have to see that.
Beajus-I am not very far out, but people seem to make forgiveness out to be this magical, one time shift, where suddenly you're "over it", kind of like closure. On the practical side, maybe your FWH is not speaking your apology language. Gary Chapman, who wrote the 5 love languages wrote the 5 apology languages. Mine is making ammends, FWH could say he was sorry, remorseful, but he had to do the work it to make any difference to me. It took me almost 3 months to forgive FWH, I still feel the pain, still feel the anger sometimes, but a lot of the blame is gone. Gary Chapman said that forgiveness is a commitment, where you chose to not let the betrayal come between you. I have to remind myself that FWH actions and mindset are not the same as they were in A and pre D day. Hope this helps.
I may never forgive OW, I may chose to not let the pain and anger control me and give her power, but forgiveness? probably not. I think it is harder because if you see OW, there is no distance to put the A into perspective, plus, we love our SO but have no emotional ties to OW or get any gain from forgiving them?
OC has an upper respiratory infection, almost pneumonia. OW sent FWH a pic of OC getting a chest X ray, strapped in. She said something to the effect that she did not want to be the only one to see their son in agony. She was just mad he did not go to the Dr appt and she had to be the "bad guy". He gets little shitty comments like that often.
I have held down COM to get a CAT Scan when she was 18 mos old. I feel no sympathy for her. I do hope OC gets better, he was sent home with meds. Please send thoughts and prayers for him.
Also, I am going to CS hearing, even though I cannot go in, OW did not like that FWH and I are taking off work and are going to spend the rest of the day together.
She's testing boundaries... NOW is when you need to show you're a united front..
The OC isn't here yet, but WH and I have ready established that! OW cannot keep you from OC. She cannot! My WH and I will pick up OC in a public place...never (if we can help it) at either if our homes. And I will be with him. If I can't another family member will be.
OW can't dictate everything. You are a mother too.
Just my thoughts!
Best wishes Chandler!!
filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011
I don't give 2 craps what OW wants.. you go with every single time he picks up and drops off OC!!
I completely agree.
OWs need to be shown that the consequence of having a child with a married man is an automatic stepmother for their child.
No offense, but by us not going to pick ups/drop offs, and not presenting a "united front" 100% we may as well wave a white flag and show our bellies.
Should H ever decide he wants visitation with OC I will be at EVERY pick up/drop off, and I will get out and open the door for H and OC so she has to see ME. The doting stepmom. Devoted wife. EVERY TIME.
[This message edited by Want2help at 9:13 PM, January 20th (Wednesday)]